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Date: October 6, 2022
Well I've seen this before and the best way I heard it handled was once the guy acknowledged the female, he said he wanted nothing to do with the child and she proceeded with a paternity and child support was set up.
The mother then put the child support and a money market for her daughter's future. ( remember the child support is for the benefit of the child so you shouldn't dismiss that just because you may not need it you should put it away for your child if you don't need it for normal expenses)
And whenever the father was brought up by the daughter she just said sometimes adults make decisions and sometimes those decisions hurt children. Your father made a decision and he wasn't grown up enough to be the father that you need.
She said she later explained when she was seven that she didn't want her father to make more bad decisions that would hurt her. That when she was old enough she could contact her father herself but until she was older that it's mommy's job to protect her from Pain even if that comes from her daddy.
My wife asked me while we were still in the dating phase why I would want anything to do with her after she Facebook stalked a few of my ex's…
She (my now wife) was and still is insecure about her body; and is far from the girls I dated before her. My ex's were all 5ft 5 inches to 5ft 9 inches and weighed 98-115 pounds. In contrast, my wife is 5ft 11 inches and is north of 240 pounds.
My honest answer was… all of my ex's became an ex for very similar reasons. Considering I started dating them for the same reason, it only made sense to me that if I continued to date the same kind of person, I would continue to experience the same end to the relationship.
With my wife (married 12 years now, btw). I found someone who has physical attributes I am attracted to but relied heavily on the emotional attraction in deciding if we were compatible.
In short, just because you don't look like their ex doesn't make you any less attractive to him… it is possible you are his slight adjustment in what he finds attractive in hopes of eventually finding his forever person (might be you, might not be… only time can answer that question).
Good luck in your relationship, and hopefully, you can find the beauty in yourself that your forever person will/does see.
THIS!!
It mainly creates a tension between us. My bro's gf's family is also like they don't like how she acts and behaves. They only invited me to a bday party and told me not to bring my gf
Especially when shes over at my place, it just creates tension in the house
Look she didn’t need the money from these people. She just wanted to feel loved, you go through life of trying to learn and navigate through this shitty world. and she may be going through something at the time. You don’t know. It’s her past. Life is a one big lessons book. Give her a chance. You may one day realise that it’s very hot to find nice genuine people
process correctly seems to be at the heart of this post. What's fair is that people are replying based on what you've posted. If you haven't figured out how to even articulate your feelings, this isn't the best place to sprawl your immediate thoughts.
It's unclear what your issue even is if it's not how you presented it in your post, and you're wasting everyone's time here
i dated a 33 year old man when i was 16, and believe me, nothing gave me more trauma than that son of a bitch. most of which im still trying to resolve now, 4 years later. please find someone around your age.
I'm not sure why the first port of call wasn't to…knock on the neighbors' door and mention the problem? If I knew that late-night showers were keeping my neighbor awake, I'd adjust my shower time slightly earlier and be happy to discuss other reasonable compromises. Why did they wait until they both reached their breaking point?
I truly appreciate your perspective. Meeting her outside the house is a great idea. Yes, I totally screwed up when i told she could come over without confirming with my husband. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her she isn’t welcome here. But I was only thinking of myself and my wishes for Xmas. Yikes
Got it, then yea I’d say my statement stands. Really it’s just a questions of how important sexual compatibility is for you. If it’s really important then you might want to think about ending the relationship. But for the same token, she’s really young still. I’m not exactly surprised that someone who is still getting used to adulthood may still have some apprehensions and hang ups around sex. It’s not like you both have years of experience on the matter. Once you guys get a bit older I’d be surprised if she didn’t open up more. But that is a total and complete gamble. It’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth it or not.
Call the police tell them you can’t leave because he’s outside and there’s a history of violence
I'm the same way. You may not realize this, but cooking is a love language for you. It's also customary to give food to grieving families, a custom that seems to be going the way of the dodo these days. Sounds like your bf is insecure about something.
And I haven’t seen it mentioned in way too many comments, but a tubal does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases!. You say your husband is showing multiple signs of cheating. All of this would absolutely make me divorce my husband!
P.S. Was it a tubal or bilateral salpingectomy? The first has risk of reversal and ectopic pregnancy, but the second is 100% effective and lowers your risk of ovarian cancer by 50%!. Find a better gynecologist!
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Are you sure his coworker is a “he” and not a “she”? Just because he thought of the name Kevin doesn't mean there is one
Then dump him. You're covering your share.
What's the difference between this and being retired first? You covered your side.
You’re choosing drugs over your family c’mon man commit to quitting life is so much more (I am a stoner too btw)
I guarantee he would still be in your bed if you didn’t get preggers. He’s only there to fuck not to fall in love like you. Now hes trying to run because he fell in too deep. Also I think he would get in trouble with the military if he got someone pregnant and didn’t do anything for the child. Saying he will co parent is just a way to protect his career.
I think the larger issue here is you basically said that you had slept with guys who had bigger dicks than he does, and that hurt his ego. I would not like to hear that from my partner either, it has nothing to do with him upset because he isn’t hurting you. That is honestly ridiculous, not sure why so many comments are saying that.
My ex boyfriend was like that, for example when I first got my drivers permit at 16 I never ended up practicing to drive or getting my license until 18 because when I mentioned wanting to try he responded in a way that made me fear for my safety. I didn’t learn Japanese, go vegan, or do a lot of other things until I left him because he hated anything that made me feel good about myself/was an achievement and belittled me.
I always did poorly at anything I tried, always lost every game in front of him because that was the only time he was in a good mood. It was the only time I wasn’t scared of him. He used me as an object to take out his frustrations on life and to cope with his own shortcomings. But it was never enough for him to feel better about himself so he grew to hurt me more, to choke me as soon as my parents left the room.
Your boyfriend is a very specific type of person and it’s not a good one.
You're not going to get an unbiased opinion about something like this on Reddit, but bring on the downvotes – your boyfriend is wholly incapable of reading the room / assessing the current situation and is in the wrong. He's entitled to his opinion, but what kind of moron gets into an argument with his girlfriend's father, himself a cop, about this kind of thing?
You can't trust his judgement.
A few questions…Has he been married, if so how long? How long has he lived with his parents? If he doesn't live with his parents…what is the condition of his home? Is he living with you? Does he have children?
Some people are genuinely quite clueless. In a relationship, you should learn to communicate your thoughts and feelings. There is a big difference between commiting a wrong because you don't understand why it was wrong, to ignoring a wrongdoing because you simply don't care (or disagree). Figure out your BF's angle and work from there (and then make a call on whether you still want to continue this relationship or not)
I genuinely don't understand this. You need a man to tell someone else to cut it out being rude? Are you a child? Because this is the only time id step in between people unless it got aggressive and the person looked unable to cope.
Your replies about him also are odd. You show him no respect in how you talk about him but are demanding his? Definitely a child.
I’m white Hispanic (but very VERY white Texan lol) and my boyfriend is Indian. The only race jokes we make are about our own races. He’ll definitely shit on Britain but really just the country leaders and I’m definitely not grouped in when he does that.
To me, it sounds like this goes a lot deeper than just jokes and y’all just need to have a serious conversation about boundaries when it comes to these things, and an open discussion about how you felt about the comment, and how she felt and what made her make it.
I think she just wants him to be all possessive and obsess over her. She's mentioned elsewhere that he didn't actually propose this idea. He just said he won't feel jealous if they posted such pics of her live and that's not the reaction she was expecting lol..
Iz mad
The weeks start counting when the egg is released from the follicle, not the date of fertilization.
I was you when I was 24! I'm 3rd gen, college educated, upper middle class, white. Ex was Latino, smuggled into the country, dropped out of an associates program. He's crazy smart, a self taught programer but his family (who were nothing but wonderful to me) said islamaphobic things in front of me that really shocked me. We definitely had limited things to talk about but i always thought “well i have friends to have deep conversations with, he's the one i like to be around.” He really wasn't that capable of expressing his feelings (machismo culture contributed to that I'm sure.) He dumped me while we were in the process of buying an apartment together, without any real explanation for why. At the time i was devastated but now I'm glad because the thought of just not having a deeper connection on an emotional and philosophical level with my partner does bother me. I wouldn't have chosen that for myself at the time cause i was very happy. If we stayed together I don't think i would have done all the things independently that i did since we broke up. Dunno if that helps but, long story short, I think it's for the better I'm not with my ex.
Which is great for her but in the meantime her bf, who she supposedly cares for, is going out of his mind worrying about this so her entire premise is kinda ruined. This has already been going on for weeks with no end in sight, at this point she's dragging things out.
Update. We talked about it and she says she has been seeing someone for 2 years. Why does she go to lunch me or give me her number or make out with me on breaks. I like this girl a lot but I think she is trouble
And OP has posted two huge posts and not responded to a single comment? This makes me think rage bait troll..
Or maybe they're paying him to stay away and not try for custody of the kids, as a way of helping you. As others have said, it sounds like you might benefit from some mental health help so you can be sure you're seeing things clearly.
Just trying to make light of the situation for OP. But wouldn't it be nice if it all turned out innocent. I hope that's the situation.
Hang in there and good luck!
Yeah, OK, stop calling him “baby daddy” and “ex”,that's not what he is.
Honestly grief is rough and 3 years isn't that long. That's not to day she isn't ready to date, she probably is, but you have to bear in mind she will be affected by this for the rest of her life.
She still loves him and that's OK.
She will grieve him in one way or another for the rest of her life. That's OK too.
Whether you're old enough and mature enough to da with it is another matter.
Lord. It’s a throwaway comment. One that I’m sure people would just laugh and move along. I also find people I work with attractive. I have eyes. Doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with them.
Your gf is insecure and clearly will fly off the handle over something small. Not a relationship I would stay in personally
Do you think he’s keeping tabs on me?
She is already in therapy
They've been married a year an a half and he's got half a dozen posts about his wife threatening to kill herself if he leaves and how he's scared how obsessed with him she is.
OP I don't want to blame you, I just honestly want to know what the fuck you think the future with this person is.
Separated is not the same as divorced. I've been separated for almost 4 years… We still talk through that whole time. Just like 2 weeks ago I got a huge apology. He still sends me gifts and tries to fix his mistakes… He's not over me. Dudes rebound. Read about make psychology in a breakup/divorce. He's doing exactly textbook. He separated. He rebounded. He spent some time realizing his mistakes and that he misses her… Now he puts her before you.
It's his wife. They have a kid. They are a family. He hasn't let her go but won't work to be better for either of you. He needs to be alone just like my husband. He just doesn't want to be in order to do the work he needs to do. This is all you will get from him.
Then if that's the case why did you make the post? Not to be rude but are you sure you are not lying to yourself? Ask him if he finds you attractive or not.
That text speak lol
Standards are low. ???? that’s the bare minimum ???
Do you get very hot for your friends when you go out for coffee?
Wife’s the one that went with it. I’d ditch both their asses.
She’d prob be pissed if the roles were swapped.
You make six figures in a year and she thinks she’s settling? Dump her ass. Shallow bitch and it will only get worse over time.
You make six figures in a year and she thinks she’s settling? Dump her ass. Shallow bitch and it will only get worse over time.
I would bring it up with the counselor as a mediator. Because there’s gonna be big feelings that the counselor can help you both navigate
Honestly? It sounds like a response you give after someone's texted you way to many times when you're busy. I could be way off here.
It sounds slightly irritated at first, but with that nervous 'lol' as to make sure he doesn't over do it.
After that, just explaining he doesn't like that much communication throughout the workweek. Not sure if he actually works that much or just is driving the point home.
End of the day, it doesn't sound like a 'fuck off' message.
Point is I’m not just ignoring you once my work days start up. It’s just the grind.
meaning, he wants to continue talking, just far to busy during the workweek for back and forth chit-chat. Once he's off, assalamualaikum.
That's what it reads to me. There's not a lot of 'interest' in that text for future conversations, but I'm not sure I would be that forward anyways with someone I talk to 'her and there'.
He should see a doctor and be upfront with them on how much he was using
im prop going to get downvoted but she’s 26 and still lives with her dad? I recommend telling her to get out asap. that’s really all you can do
It seems as if he think, he can do everything because it isn't cheating. But lying is betraying just as cheating. He destroyed your trust. When is he telling the truth? He is slso teaching your children that lying is no problem and as long as you no cheat, it doesn't matter.
You are unhappy in your marriage. And he doesn't want to change. Don't stay with him just for the children. You don't do a favor to them.
You want to leave him. You post here because you want out but his “i didn't cheat, so what do you want” over all the years manipulated you, you doubt yourself. But ask yourself why cheating is actually so bad. Not because the do something with another woman/man, no, because they destroy the trust. You don't know if what they say is the truth. So the same think with lying.
This is your life. Your children will always have the father, co-parenting is a thing. But growing up with an unhappy mother and parents who fight won't do them a favor.
I wish you the best ❤️
I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
If he won’t do anything to help himself then I can appreciate why you’re feeling resentful.
I think you need to sit him down and have a serious discussion. “Babe, I love you and want you to be happy. I’m concerned though about the day to day. I really need you to be taking responsibility for your mental health and get help and be making progress or I need to reevaluate things.
it did turn sexual, but I had to stop in the middle because I wasn't feeling it. I explained the sexuality stuff to him, which he took well and was very nice about. … I'd like to know what he might be thinking before I follow-up on this thing. … I'm honestly not that physically attractive/good in bed, and he's a conventionally attractive dude/popular with women. I know guys will fuck anything, but he's plenty lucky, and given said info I feel like I should be just a friend. Do guys ever want to hook-up with female friends just because of personality/convenience lol?
It very much depends on the guy. But, other things being equal, the basic question for a lot of guys would be whether mutual orgasms would be more likely to happen hooking up with a female friend than by watching movies with her, playing cards with her, or whatever.
Seems kind of clear to me. ?♀️ He told you why. He doesn’t want to share a bed and be tempted.
I think you’re really doing yourself a disservice waiting til marriage btw. Life is too short for mediocre to bad to no sex. Would you buy a car without a test drive? A house without seeing it?
I’m sure you have your reasons but sex is important to many people and if it’s not good, relationships don’t tend to last.
Just peruse this sub and see how many people are ready to end relationships because their libidos don’t match or the sex just sucks.
You’re the one that put this rule on the relationship so I don’t think you can expect to be invited until you’re married.
Okay, I'm sorry, but if that happened to my Wang every time I had sex, I'd get the damn surgery. That's got to be awful. I feel so bad for him.
But, it's his willy. Just as he can't force any issues with your body, you can't do much about his. Maybe get him a consult with a urologist so he can hear the full story and get an unbiased view on how the surgery works?
I more meant that there are things that females prefer to only discuss with their female friends and things that I personally wouldn’t share with male friends. I know I overthink a lot of things and I’m not going to deny that. I have no issue with men and women being friends. I have platonic male friends also, and I should have added that he does have a few female friends that I have no qualms about, their conversations are casual and they catch each other up with their lives here and there. But there are several girls that have been romantically involved with him in the past, that will message him almost daily, complaining about their relationships or lack of, bringing up old memories, sharing information that’s very personal and private. He has said that he thinks he is the only friend that these several girls have (suggesting that none of them have close female friends) and that’s why they tell him these things and I feel that in itself it’s kind of alarming ..
I don't think you know what it's like to be an immigrant with parents in another country. Sometimes these decisions have to be made last minute. It's still not selfish. Couples don't have to be permanently sewn at the waist. They can take vacations separately every now and then.
Also OP can perfectly manage without his SO, it's not like he's going to struggle. Not much will change for him. He just has fomo and some anxiety. Which is understandable but it doesn't mean his partner is selfish.
You girls need to chill bless you. If you’re doing it for a man I promise you it ain’t worth it. We definitely don’t appreciate it enough to justify bleeding and swelling.
Oh, okay, then I take it back – I thought they were far younger, I missed the HS implication. Then it should absolutely be left to them to decide.
Tell your fiance to tell his mom not to wear a white dress to a wedding. He should handle his mom. If she says she already bought it then he can say that everyone will wonder why she is trying to upstage the bride and that she won't be in photos then.
I asked her and we did talk about it. She said she wants to get back to how she looked before and doesn’t know how to. So I still need advice if anyone has it!
Men and women love in different ways
Also sorry forgot to talk about a few things. So what makes me remind myself of my ex is how every now and then in the right light. She looks exactly like her and she would give a look exactly like how she does and then she would laugh exactly like how she would laugh and I go silent when this happens.
I feel terrible for thinking these things. I want to be the best boyfriend I can be and knowing what I’ve been thinking I feel like the worst. I just want the best for my girlfriend. And I think that you’re right about wanting to see my ex to get some closure partly. It’s mostly because she is a close family friend of ours. My dads best friend in highschool was her dad. They grew up close and even when my dad had me and her dad had her they would put us together and we would have play dates and everything. I still have vivid memories playing with her going to their house and everything. And her dad still runs into me every now and then. We live close that’s why. And he invites me over but what do I do. I do eventually say no but I love her family. If anything I would rather just be family friends with her family over even seeing her.
I had issues in my past with my family and they helped me get through it and I got close to them too. So they were just super nice and I kinda miss that support. Idk. I also have no one to talk to other than my gf so I guess I’m just saying my thoughts here. I don’t even have friends at All who I can talk to so yeahh.
I need the hugs! And the helpful suggestions, thanks.
wives are not fleshlights !
that's a wilfully obstuse view – it's about him ignoring her needs even when explicitly asked.
He’s also disclosed to me that he’s talked with her about things that he was uncomfortable talking to me about
Honey, that's what therapy is for.
Look, if he's weaponizing his therapy and his therapist (and I would take anything he quotes them as saying with a gigantic grain of salt), then you may very well be wasting your time if you think his therapy is going to fix your relationship.
If you've fallen out of love with him as you say, cut your losses and move on with your life.