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Date: October 14, 2022
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I always considered myself laid back. I never want to be labeled as a “nagging woman.” But you are exactly right. Wanting quality time with your partner is not unreasonable.
Tell your current wife that if the jealousy keeps up you’ll have a far less cordial relationship with her when you are divorced
But in all seriousness having a good relationship with an ex, with whom you have children, is a really great thing and it’s a very good example for your children. Try to find out where the jealousy is coming from in your current wife and work to address that issue, rather than changing around a bunch of good things to cater to her insecurities.
Most guys aren’t interested in dating-versaries.
You can tell him you’d prefer he be around for the anniversary (though why you’re not interested in being with him on his bday is a mystery), but don’t be upset if the trip happens over that day. You can celebrate another day.
Write down how you feel, what you imagined she'd look like, who she would grow up to be, … Burn this paper carefully, collect the ashes, mix them with soil and pick a plant that's not too high maintenance and will on-line a long time. For example, a spider plant. If you repot it, don't forget to take a little bit of the original soil mix. Or you can write something new every year.
It's not the same as having her with you, but you'll have a physical reminder to look at and take care of.