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Date: November 6, 2022
really?
You know him best. But based off what you have said, it sounds like you are close enough that you can tell him how you feel. Even if he does not feel the same way to you, this does not mean your friendship needs to be over. You clearly care a lot for him, and if nothing romantic is going to come of your relationship I am sure you will continue to be great friends.
Oh no, never plan these kinds of trips with someone you barely know
That’s true thanks
this is one of the fakest stories i’ve read in a while
this is one of the fakest stories i’ve read in a while
This is so concerning. There is a dr jeckyl mr hyde vibe I’m getting from him and everyone on this post is picking up on it too.
It could be a few things. Maybe it's exactly as he said, and he felt like he was leading you on. It's possible you were one of a few other girls, and you didn't make the finals. Could be he is looking for more of a fwb situation and realized that wouldn't be a good fit if you already had feelings. It's also possible that he is an overly friendly complimentary guy that just lacks experience in telling people he isn't into them romantically and tried to spare your feelings. In all cases, you should move on.
Except the whole being uncomfortable with people downstairs and not wanting people to hear them is something they’ve felt before but would STILL end up having sex. So it was very blurry area
A healthy sex life solely boils down to what you both enjoy and has nothing to do with other people 🙂
Is your boyfriend a virgin waiting for marriage? Or do the two of you have a sexual relationship? I gotta be honest and say this situation isn't healthy, for one thing your sexual past is none of his parents business. But is clear they don't think highly of you because of it and that's not going to change anytime soon. I don't think there's anything you can do to make them like you and in terms of your boyfriend, I don't think he'll get over it since it's so heavily engrained into his background. You haven't mentioned if he's stuck up for you at all to his family but it's clear his family and him would rather he'd be with another virgin.
There's really no solution here, time may make things easier but this might be something that they'll always hold against you and not accept you for. It seems more trouble than what it's worth honestly.
Your husband feels betrayed because you betrayed him.
How is this shocking?
Don’t be surprised when he shares less with you, is guarded emotionally , or won’t open up and be vulnerable with you anymore.
If your marriage doesn’t survive, and you’re looking for a root cause – maybe by then you will “understand” that it’s this destruction of trust.
Trust is a jar that, once emptied, is very difficult to refill.
Even if you manage to put more in it, it will never be the same.
What’s I’m saying is: If y’all are communicating about a game, not talking one on one, and not trying to be friends with a literal child? That’s fine. Anything past that is fucked.
Why are u trying to be equal to him. Men don't want to date women that act like men.
Honestly hes an asshole. You writing an essay for him while he is out getting drunk is insanely shitty of him. And you need to tell him that straight up.
… I mean, unless she has absolutely no sense of humour I don't think a line was crossed.
Personally I think if a person couldn't take this small tease/joke they're not somebody I'd want to be with.
It does not make sense
Well, for background, exactly how many children have you fathered?
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Crossroads? Get a grip. You are cheating on your girlfriend. Have the common decency to at least acknowledge it rather than speaking in riddles about it. It irks me to see the ounce of feigning humanity in this post. No matter how distant you two have become, you have no excuse to pretend you are in a dilemma.
Go to your partner, come to terms with the lost of “spark” you have gathered to absorb over the last 12 months as an excuse to cheat on her for the last 6 months over the convenience of having someone who has more things in common with you. I really hope for all things good in this world she has the courage enough to leave the doors without thinking twice even before you have to deliver the decision yourself.
Honestly? You're right. People need to stop being offended by words so much when there's words that actually hurt people. I'm not being racist or homophobic or anything like that. I'm asking a simple question.
He can't take the day off? What about rescheduling your scans?
Partnerships are about compromises. Your partner has been compromising for a while on this issue. You are doing no compromising, declaring it your house, your bed, and creating a laundry list of reasons to make it sound like a reasonable request. It is not. And though it seems like a small ask, demanding a shower at a certain time makes you either high maintenance for her to deal with your trauma, or highly controlling using your reasons as your excuse. If you truly have issues sit her down, talk to her, and compromise. Tell her to give you three months while you go to therapy and work on your issues. Then follow through. Make progress. You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself and even about what the typical medical advise is on showering.
FFS talk to your mom! Out of all of this i didnt see you say you talked to your mom about it! Sure you sent her a text asking what was wrong, but you need to sit her down and have a face to face talk about this!
He is showing classic signs of being abusive and is clearly trying to isolate your mom from you so he can have her be a quiet obedient wife.
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He didn't say anything because he knows I know he's full of shit.
Get it over with.
She'll be even more difficult to break up with after the shared trauma bond you develop as he dies. It will only become worse and harder the longer you wait.
Man I’m sorry. I also dated a narcissist, I was stuck to them like glue but finally blocked early last year. Better late than never!
So all of this is a huge red flag. Under stress, people revert to their “true selves”, i.e. the base personality of their inner 3-year-old. Her reaction to stress is to blame it on you and rehash her grief and feelings for her ex.
IMHO, that’s completely unacceptable. It’s a behavior she can control and it’s not worth your time to help her figure it out.
If you were older and had more invested in the relationship or expressed a desire to find a way to be with this person, I might suggest otherwise. But since you aren’t and you don’t, just chalk it up to dating experiences and move on.
Do not contact everyone and her family.
Just break up with her and move on with your life
Still need to end the relationship if she can’t stop it and puts you at risk for problems with law enforcement or work.
She’s a grown adult, he didn’t ‘allow’ anything… her choice to do this is her own. His only fault was not reporting it earlier
But lives aren’t currently in danger. The time to act would have been in the past when she did it
You don’t know for 100% she is doing it in future
And this is of malicious intent what u are doing, and karma will get you back. Either leave it alone unless u see her in the actual act, moment of. Cause this isn’t a situation of u doing it for greater good. So while whatever will happen to her, ur negative and petty energy u putting out there to this will come back to u lmao.
You’re 30 years old, you’re fully aware when you’re getting loud. You could’ve taken a beat to think that your sister’s girlfriend’s identity is actually not your business and not get in a screaming fight over it at the home of your bigoted parents. I would be amazed if your sister forgives you tbh
Yeah I think I’ll do that. Because like I said, the idea of being stuck with a bunch of drunk people until 1 AM (or later) isn’t appealing to me
If she felt so uncomfortable, why did she spend the whole night with him?
What happens when the next guy wants to sleep with her?
She knew what she was doing and wanted to alleviate her guilt by asking for a free pass from you.
You deserve better.
So you don't let the issue just stay unresolved, you need to bring this issue back up and discuss it. Now first off, if 95% of you doesn't want to do it, then my question to you is why state that particular one? You could've gone with a standard threesome, sex in public, giving her a facial but you went extreme and it's a fantasy that, according to you, aren't really wanting but a small part does. So for future reference, if you're asked again make sure you list one that is more towards the extreme end of kinks. I don't kink shame, but in my experience within kinky sex, only a small percentage are into blood play.
As for your situation, next time you have sex, use that as your way to bring it up. You know it's off, she probably senses it too, so when you two finish, bring it back up. Reassurance is needed for her to let her know that she isn't inferior and that she can still satisfy you. Even directly tell her that in that moment you just went with an extreme one but it is really just a curiosity more than a desire and then state a more common desirable one. Transition it into saying that she offers more than just fulfilling any fantasy, it's her personality and the way she is that makes you feel fulfilled. Yes, may sound cliche but believe me it's what's needed to get her to see past that kink.
Bro. Grow up.
I work 12 hour shifts at a factory job just to add and I enjoy gaming, metal music which is where we met was at a concert in September
Why are you surprised that some advice is avoid putting yourself in a position to be accused again or made to feel like you are an abuser! He is first responsible for keeping himself safe if that means not dating a person whose past represents a major potential issue to him, his reputation, livelihood or freedom! Why is that a surprise?
Do you think they will be civil to your fiance should regain custody over his child? By the way I hope he is going through courts to regain his rights.
Am i right in understanding that you're the only woman in this story?
What part of the story made you think that?
You might need less therapy if you get rid of the abusive, shitty husband.
lol burn.
That being said, as many other commenters have said, Bulgaria is well known (even to me in the US) for being an unsafe place for these exact kind of scenarios, and there is a lot going on there right now.
I realize you can't forced your partner to do things, but she should absolutely not go there.
I supposed I phrased it wrong. We were talking but not together. It’s hard to keep up with all the labels nowadays. And I was having casual sex also. So I don’t know if it’s cheating but it’s certainly not a good indicator.
He’s never cheated (other that what I spoke about) and he is a little private about his phone I know he doesn’t like it. But I’ve grown up with infidelity in every way possible, so it’s a huge trigger for me.
that means no tv or lights on in the room, please
I would’ve rolled my eyes too. She’s not your daughter, she’s your wife. She’s a grown adult, not a child. She doesn’t need to be disrespected by you. And if you do that, I’d say an eye roll is an appropriate response.
How would you feel if the baby lived full time with you, and your gf went home to her own place every night?
There goes Reddit again. “everything in divorce worthy” lmao
In my view as an avid traveler it is a bit limited to base your argument on the fact that she will go to a country she has never been to before. That’s normal for adults and the very point of traveling to places you have never visited. It’s called wanderlust.
Your wife is 33 and an adult, sane and accountable and she can decide which country she can travel or not. And she can also choose the people she travels with.
I don’t think that she is stupid, falls prey to a well programmed marketing strategy and will travel with the first best influencer she meets on social media. If so you should leave immediately.
Talk to her about the influencer and the topic he covers. Because it is possible that this trip contributes to a hobby or a project she is having at work or she seeks personal growth and inspiration she is not getting at home which should lead to self reflection in yourself.
I know many influencers who influence online but then also offer online in person courses. That’s normal.
Bulgaria might be a bit shady in respect to certain social aspects but it’s a beautiful country with rich culture just like yours – no need to be xenophobic about it. And I guess that’s what makes your wife go.
You’ve been together for 11 years. It takes a lot to cheat after such a long time – if things between you guys are good. But if you forgot to mention heavy problems in your relationship while writing your post; that’s of course another story.
He's a 30 year old man, dating an 18 year old girl, and pressuring her about sexual acts that she's clearly stated she's not ready for.
He's a shitbag.
Please, please, please see this and stop this now.
Get a kids hair and send it for testing along with your husband’s.
You could also look at this from a completely different angle. These people wanted you to be their friends , and we're sensitive enough around you to not flaunt money , and not to attempt charity. These people want a real relationship with you not based on finances or social standing . Bud you gave them what money can't buy , a real friend .
Remember not to let money and grandeur ruin real love for your friends . You're the most real friend they have or will ever have .
This is pathetic. Dump this girl
“Well established behaviour patterns” isn't fooling anyone…
It's too fast. It's said you need about half the length of a relationship to recover. You just got out of an abusive relationship, there's no way you've processed it and figured out all the red flags you missed.
A rush to commitment is a red flag for an abusive relationship, you barely know each other. Maybe you lucked out and find a perfect match on tinder (??) but if he's right for you, he'll still be right if you still take a few months to heal.
Take time to connect with friends, take some time for yourself, reconnect with things you enjoyed before your last relationship. Find yourself again before lose it with another person.
Or pawn it for some money to buy something else
I’m impressed with your strength of character. You did the exact right thing. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
Tell her , if he’s cheated once, he’ll do it again.
Your brother didn’t care enough about your accomplishments to check the date why would you care about his wedding?
If my bf made fun of my vagina he'd definitely never have access to it again.
Oh, he plays with his son? Wow! Except when he’s treating him like he doesn’t exist and scarring him for life. Great stuff.
No, it is not offensive, you are not a racist and your bf is overreacting. It sounds like he is trying to and for some reason needs to maintain a false politically correct narrative and does not care about facts. Definitely not offensive and his reactions are as bad as right wing nutters. Tell him not to insult you. That is merely verbal abuse and not an argument. The Smithsonian is a reputable institution and does not promote misinformation. Also thanks for the information. I never knew that about the first slave owner.
Here's a fact for you, in case you do not know it: the first documented protest against slavery in the US was in a town meeting of Germantown Mennonites in 1688. Found it in Documents of American History ed.: Henry Steele Commager. Hope you can recover from this.
Last time I heard sth like that she was already fucking somebody else. Soon after we were broken up.
They asked if her clothes were laid out neatly and you put your wet towel on them or if they were in a pile.
Pedophilia isn’t a matter of difference of opinions.
Maybe insinuate that you’ll be hiring a private detective? If you both don’t believe in polygraphs(me either) then something else that will make him worry and confess?
You wouldn’t be the first one to suggest it. Don’t get me wrong, there are some foods I love but even my favorites I’d give up forever if they pass a certain price point where I can’t justify the value to myself.
On some level I hope others are getting more pleasure out of eating than I do because if they do experience food the same way as me then it makes it even crazier to me that they’d spend that kind of money on food lol
You don't “owe” friendship fo anyone. Just block her if you don't want to receive her messages. Also you are 25 and shouldn't take social media that serious.
I say give it a try, why not. It could turn into something great.
So essentially he’s confessing that he had feelings for you back then. He wasn’t necessarily so in love with you that he wanted to be with you forever, but really liked you and saw a ring as a way to get to date you. Basically.
You need to ask him if he still has feelings before going any further with this. He very well might just see you as his friend now that it’s been 10 years and you’re adults and everything.
You never dated this guy and he was just going to propose to you? Just like that? Lol OK.
Also, he was (hopefully) what… 19/20 back then? You were 18?
You’re going to throw away what seems like a good relationship, over something that may or may not have happened 10 years ago, with someone you weren’t even in love with, but just had a crush on?
Also, how is he someone you consider a friend and he drops a bomb like this on you, knowing that you’re engaged and happy? How unfair is it of him to do that to you when he never expressed interest in you?
You’d be stupid to even give this a thought.
Hey so I'm not a very jealous person at all and could genuinely platonically sleep with people no worries. In fact my bf probably wouldn't even be mad about it, we're very chill like that. But I would NEVER do that without discussing it with him, and if he was even the slightest bit uncomfortable with it I would take the couch or find another option before he'd even finished his sentence.
To me, it's not the actual sleeping that's the issue. It's the fact that she didn't tell you (a lie) and then when you dug a bit deeper she completely blew off your feelings. Cheating or not, that's not okay at all. Is she usually inconsiderate of your emotions?
Seems pretty familiar, like I’ve heard this before… Let me just tell you she is probably sleeping with all if not most of those guys. I understand loving someone but you gotta think about what you want. Good luck to you
I’m autistic and adhd. This is not ok. And kind of sounds like on purpose and a bit abusive.
I will admit I’m super forgetful and I can’t take meds because of a heart condition. But once or twice is enough for me to know not to do something again – especially if it’s something that hurt my feelings because I felt rejected.
He knows you have trauma surrounding food and does this? What a complete asshole. He’s hiding behind his ADHD 100%
Do not tolerate this behavior anymore. It would be worth it for me to leave if I were in your position.
You’re both adults. Approach this in an adult way.
Firstly work out what this means for you. Is it a deal breaker? If it is then there’s not much else to talk about. Just tell her what you learned and that it’s over.
If you’re on the fence then talk to her about it. Some things to ask; Why did she lie to you? Why did she still go out with you if she wasn’t that into you? Does she still think the same way about you? When did she break it off with him? Or was it him that broke it off with her? Is she still in touch with this guy? Is there anyone else?
Based on her answers then you can decide what you want. Take a few days to process things. Maybe spend a few days apart so you can process things calmly.
Oh and don’t let her deflect this into an argument about you snooping. You can deal with the issue of privacy when you’ve worked out whether you’re staying a couple.
Good luck.
Yeah he’s playing you – also ew, it’s quite telling that he’s going for someone half his age.
Call it quits
I think I'd ask why she reacted that way to get a better understanding of her perspective.
The second thing is I would have the same reaction as her if my partner said to feel free to comment on my relationships with people of the opposite sex. It is a little controlling just because it seems to be more like a lack of trust / place of insecurity if someone feels threatened or just comments on a friendship of the opposite sex. So from your perspective you might have honest, good intentions, most of the time it's actually inviting someone to project their insecurities on you.
I'm someone who likes both men and women, so I tell my partner if they take issue with me being friends with anyone. This is just illustrate the point of being with someone of the opposite sex or having platonic closeness doesn't mean it's romantic.