The money, status, and attention gave him permission to reveal his true colors. That guy was always there.
He may regret hurting you but if he's only going after shallow things. He will only have superficial relationships.
I'd suggest not trying to see his perspective because it's pointless. Always a younger blah blah blah.
He ain't all that and a bag of a potato chips. If those girls are only giving him their time because of his money and clout, only a matter of time before a bigger, better, deal comes along.
You think they won't jump ship? When he's feeling low and down. That nobody truly cares for him. Guess who will come back to you with the realization that you were a real one?
This is a very common scam. Do not trust this company – they just want your $.
If you want to model, find emerging photographers to work with (who also want to build their portfolio), build your portfolio yourself, and then apply for modelling jobs if you so choose.
Oh, it's definitely happened before. There are numerous posts from women on reddit whose doctors gave them one. There was also a very similar post in this same sub a few months (weeks?) ago and multiple women in the comments had been given one. It may not be super common, but it definitely does – atrociously – happen.
I spent a ton of time in the gym and in sports after I got betrayed as a way to control my rage.
You attacked him in a very personal way and ad hominem way, He's probably trying to manage his emotions and avoid you until he is ready to have a productive conversation about whats next.
I hope that you have already apologized profusely. If not, and he won't engage then write him a heartfelt letter. Maybe he'll read it, maybe he'll burn it without opening it.
I think you are right. Thank you for you thoughtful and compassionate reply. I genuinely appreciate your advice, and I think another about this and our relationship would be best. I think I am going to once the holidays pass.
Well it seems while nothing has happened Rahul is set on taking care of her. She can't really be angry on him for ensuring she was safe. The correct answer is for her to abstain from alcohol from now on (at the very least severely limit it, but abstaining is better). This way she will have clear judgement regarding boundaries, she will be safer around unsavoury people who would try to exploit her and she won't need Rahul help. This is what she can do. This is what she should have done in the first place, if there is potential danger involved and this is what you should have discussed with her beforehand.
She is going to be unwilling to completely ignored Rahul, because she owes him for his help. You need to tell her you understand it and you won't ask of her the impossible, but should Rahul flirt with her or made a move on you would like to know she is willing to be as rude as it is necessary in such case.
There is no point in asking more of her, if you ask for too much you just increase the risk of her lying to you. You can't verify anything in the first place so you need to trust her. Even if she will be alone with Rahul at this point it changes nothing. It doesn;t need you should explicitly condone it of course. However if you feel like doing something about heir contact then just ask her what I have already mentioned. That you just want her to assure you if Rahul acts towards her she will shut him down as harsh as it will be necessary despite his earlier help.
You should more worry about things you can check and influence. Like her contact with Rahul after she is back. This is however conversation to have when it comes to that not right now.
You take the ball and keep it in the air, often between a group of people facing each other in a little circle. People bounce the ball on top of their feet, or with their ankles or knees, elbows, head. Basically anything but your hands. He's saying he feels like he has observed that girls frequently tend to bounce the ball with their knees.
Tell her the truth; if you do want to propose, do it on your own time. Let her know that it won't change the status or the feelings that you have. Just say now is not a good time for me to propose because insert reason here
They are co parenting, wife likely has them summer vacation as well. They care with dad school year and holidays is what he said. And if helping raise other people's kids too much of a hassle for step mother and she does not or is i capable of seeing them as hers too then she should not have gotten involved with a man with kids. Whether or not she was taken advantage of is a different matter all together and is no excuse for wanting to reign hell, drama and hostility into her home just because she's jealous and insecure.
This is very creepy and unacceptable behavior by your FIL IMO, and it will continue and get worse if your families do nothing to stop it. It sounds like he has a pregnant woman fetish. If you do get pregnant, I can foresee him constantly trying to touch your belly, commenting about your breasts getting bigger, and all kinds of inappropriate things. I personally would never be alone with FIL because I wouldn't be surprised if he starts talking about impregnanting you himself. You need to make it clear to both your families including FIL that you won't tolerate his behavior and then follow through. Leave whatever location he's in if necessary. As for the wedding, do you have any trustworthy friends to call him out if he gets creepy?
I forgot to mention that a couple of days earlier I broke up with him but then convinced myself by myself that I was being stupid. I’m now thinking it was a bad idea convincing myself I want to get back together because I thought I’ll feel lonely and said. I talked to my friends about it and they said I’ll find someone else. Would it be mean if I broke up with him right now?
It's 100% ok to tell him “the financial burden of the destination wedding is out of you budget.”
If you would go if he pays, tell him that. If not, don't suggest it.
My good friend had a destination wedding in Panama for 5 days. About $1200 per person, all inclusive. Less than half his friends and family could make it. People know this unless they are upper middle class or higher.
Texting her boss to have her take the day off is a bit of a boundary step to me. It’s her job and you need to work with her before getting her to take time off beyond their back. I’m not sure how involved her boss is in your social life, maybe you all are friends and it’s not as big of a deal as I’m imagining, but it’s her responsibility to manage the work relationship with her boss and you overstepped there. I would feel overwhelmed as well, having to deal with my partner getting into the middle of that relationship with my manager. That, and the change from being in work mode and having a mental plan for the day and having that disrupted. I like nice surprises, but I’m also a creature of habit, and changing expectations is more overwhelming especially if I’ve invested in the day going one way, even if it’s work. Life isn’t a romcom, it’s really okay to hint or set expectations and not disrupt someone’s day.
Second, it seems like you want a big cookie for doing this, or for it to solve some problem, and she’s more concerned with the actual issues she brought up in the relationship. Like, yes, the intention is good, but it sounds like she would have rather used the time to have your undivided and active listening attention than a spa day where it sounds like you two were busy doing things and didn’t really have the privacy to talk and that spa activities are probably not the best place for an emotionally heavy conversation about the relationship. I would focus less on rehashing how this wasn’t the gesture she wanted and rather on what issues she has with the relationship.
What’s her love language? You mentioned acts of service and gift giving are your love language, but if you’re not speaking hers, you just drug her along for a nice day at the spa gift for yourself.
I don't know, I'd say that many people who do the majority of house chores have resentment over it and feel that everyone else isn't pulling their weight/being grateful enough (which, to be fair, is often true, but sometimes can be attributed to high standards/unwillingness to accept things being done in different ways)
I think it starts with honesty and telling him how you feel acknowledging how wrong you were. You need to show home the steps you are taking to better yourself and how you would plan to be better.
I honestly don’t know how he could trust you again, not only did you divorce him you took his child away, even though you let him see him that’s a tough thing to get over.
Yes!! It’s always about getting a reaction! I always tell my husband it would make her year to see me or him finally “pop off” after her ridiculous comments. I’ll try this thank you!
I am not taking my partner’s last name, because I’m the only child of the only boy in the family. If I change my last name, it completely dies out. I want my kids to take my name so my family continues. My partner has brothers and sisters, his family name is not in danger.
It's actually not funny that you are practically raising and pampering a grown man who doesn't put effort into his relationships. He's probably the one laughing while you do everything for him.
It’s embarrassing sure, you might feel bad about it now but you’ll likely laugh about it in the future. His reaction is over the top for sure. Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve done far more embarrassing things than that. Most people have.
A quick google could have prevented you from posting this nonsense.
I don't know what your friendships are like, but I don't flirt with my friends nor do my friends flirt with me. My friends aren't actively trying to fuck me.
Stop trying to make this about her not being able to have male friends when it wasn't a friendship to begin with
You didn't touch at all on the family situation he has as a first-generation immigrant. He may be getting pressures to distance from you as you will never measure up to their expectations and demands. Since there is nothing wrong with your character, he focuses on this rather spurious issue of his partner needing to be high-achieving and high-earning.
I think you should tell him you saw his posts, and felt blind-sided to learn that way about how he feels about you. It will be an uncomfortable conversation, but I don't see how you can remain in this relationship without addressing it.
I don’t mean that as belittling and I apologize for this being insulting if you find it that way, but there’s something going on here where you are deliberately maintaining an abusive relationship and slowly damaging yourself. I understand you care about your gf, but you need to make yourself your own priority before something bad happens. Be careful.
I will at one point for sure, but since I have time for now I kinda wanna make sure she likes me too before I do anything because if she rejects me it would make things really awkward
if the confrontation turns sour, you will have a proof he cannot deleted. and if you chosse to warn the other girls, you can show us what exactly he had on her.
Ethical non monogamy is not a cure for a relationship that is already in trouble. In many—if not most cases, it’s the final nail in the coffin. People could get with a new partner a bird’s eye view of what a successful relationship should/could be and decide to jump ship.
Your concern came from a place of love and the very best of intentions but I’m not sure how you can go forward but she’s needs to process what’s going on in her head. It’s better to have a GF that now knows what guys can be capable of instead of a dead GF.
When I see stories about people getting scammed, I wonder, “How in the hell could they fall for that? It was obviously a scam.” Then I read something like this and it makes sense to me.
You wouldn't be a jerk for ghosting/blocking, because at the end of the day you're just a customer. It'd be no different than you never returning to Sports Clips. You most likely won't (hopefully) get a chargeback because you willingly gave up money. There's no fraud or anything at play here.
I don't want to lose my mom and I don't want my daughter to grow up without her grandma.
Your mother is taking Chris's role of unstable and dangerous(if in a different fashion) family member and if you keep thinking like that you are going to step into her place as the enabler whose inability to see her behavior for what it is means you can never be trusted to protect your daughter or put her welfare first.
I hope that I am wrong and you are able to do what is needed, but more than that I hope your wife has the strength to take your daughter and leave to protect her from both of you if you cannot.
The money, status, and attention gave him permission to reveal his true colors. That guy was always there.
He may regret hurting you but if he's only going after shallow things. He will only have superficial relationships.
I'd suggest not trying to see his perspective because it's pointless. Always a younger blah blah blah.
He ain't all that and a bag of a potato chips. If those girls are only giving him their time because of his money and clout, only a matter of time before a bigger, better, deal comes along.
You think they won't jump ship? When he's feeling low and down. That nobody truly cares for him. Guess who will come back to you with the realization that you were a real one?
I think he wasn’t trained well.
I mean… If my wife approached me for sex idk that I would say no.
You’re currently knocked up with your affair partners kid so I’m guessing a while, if ever.
Your ex is a saint for staying married to you so he can keep you on the insurance for the duration.
I wouldn’t push your luck.
Just takes time and sometimes someone new to dream about.
Ok… am a man… and I know that collectively we are not always the most forward thinking… This smacks of lack of empathy.
She is financially dependent thats why she wants to stay.
She sounds exhausting. Pregnancy hormones or not, it's not an excuse to behave like this. Not worth it, in my opinion.
Dump him. Girl you’re not married to him count that as a blessing
This is a very common scam. Do not trust this company – they just want your $.
If you want to model, find emerging photographers to work with (who also want to build their portfolio), build your portfolio yourself, and then apply for modelling jobs if you so choose.
Oh, it's definitely happened before. There are numerous posts from women on reddit whose doctors gave them one. There was also a very similar post in this same sub a few months (weeks?) ago and multiple women in the comments had been given one. It may not be super common, but it definitely does – atrociously – happen.
I spent a ton of time in the gym and in sports after I got betrayed as a way to control my rage.
You attacked him in a very personal way and ad hominem way, He's probably trying to manage his emotions and avoid you until he is ready to have a productive conversation about whats next.
I hope that you have already apologized profusely. If not, and he won't engage then write him a heartfelt letter. Maybe he'll read it, maybe he'll burn it without opening it.
u/Own_Instruction9298, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I think you are right. Thank you for you thoughtful and compassionate reply. I genuinely appreciate your advice, and I think another about this and our relationship would be best. I think I am going to once the holidays pass.
Have you tried directly asking him for more of whatever specific things you want in the bedroom?
My mother used to do that. Now she doesn't know who anyone is or who she is because of dementia.
Well it seems while nothing has happened Rahul is set on taking care of her. She can't really be angry on him for ensuring she was safe. The correct answer is for her to abstain from alcohol from now on (at the very least severely limit it, but abstaining is better). This way she will have clear judgement regarding boundaries, she will be safer around unsavoury people who would try to exploit her and she won't need Rahul help. This is what she can do. This is what she should have done in the first place, if there is potential danger involved and this is what you should have discussed with her beforehand.
She is going to be unwilling to completely ignored Rahul, because she owes him for his help. You need to tell her you understand it and you won't ask of her the impossible, but should Rahul flirt with her or made a move on you would like to know she is willing to be as rude as it is necessary in such case.
There is no point in asking more of her, if you ask for too much you just increase the risk of her lying to you. You can't verify anything in the first place so you need to trust her. Even if she will be alone with Rahul at this point it changes nothing. It doesn;t need you should explicitly condone it of course. However if you feel like doing something about heir contact then just ask her what I have already mentioned. That you just want her to assure you if Rahul acts towards her she will shut him down as harsh as it will be necessary despite his earlier help.
You should more worry about things you can check and influence. Like her contact with Rahul after she is back. This is however conversation to have when it comes to that not right now.
You take the ball and keep it in the air, often between a group of people facing each other in a little circle. People bounce the ball on top of their feet, or with their ankles or knees, elbows, head. Basically anything but your hands. He's saying he feels like he has observed that girls frequently tend to bounce the ball with their knees.
Tell her the truth; if you do want to propose, do it on your own time. Let her know that it won't change the status or the feelings that you have. Just say now is not a good time for me to propose because insert reason here
They are co parenting, wife likely has them summer vacation as well. They care with dad school year and holidays is what he said. And if helping raise other people's kids too much of a hassle for step mother and she does not or is i capable of seeing them as hers too then she should not have gotten involved with a man with kids. Whether or not she was taken advantage of is a different matter all together and is no excuse for wanting to reign hell, drama and hostility into her home just because she's jealous and insecure.
This is very creepy and unacceptable behavior by your FIL IMO, and it will continue and get worse if your families do nothing to stop it. It sounds like he has a pregnant woman fetish. If you do get pregnant, I can foresee him constantly trying to touch your belly, commenting about your breasts getting bigger, and all kinds of inappropriate things. I personally would never be alone with FIL because I wouldn't be surprised if he starts talking about impregnanting you himself. You need to make it clear to both your families including FIL that you won't tolerate his behavior and then follow through. Leave whatever location he's in if necessary. As for the wedding, do you have any trustworthy friends to call him out if he gets creepy?
I forgot to mention that a couple of days earlier I broke up with him but then convinced myself by myself that I was being stupid. I’m now thinking it was a bad idea convincing myself I want to get back together because I thought I’ll feel lonely and said. I talked to my friends about it and they said I’ll find someone else. Would it be mean if I broke up with him right now?
It's 100% ok to tell him “the financial burden of the destination wedding is out of you budget.”
If you would go if he pays, tell him that. If not, don't suggest it.
My good friend had a destination wedding in Panama for 5 days. About $1200 per person, all inclusive. Less than half his friends and family could make it. People know this unless they are upper middle class or higher.
Texting her boss to have her take the day off is a bit of a boundary step to me. It’s her job and you need to work with her before getting her to take time off beyond their back. I’m not sure how involved her boss is in your social life, maybe you all are friends and it’s not as big of a deal as I’m imagining, but it’s her responsibility to manage the work relationship with her boss and you overstepped there. I would feel overwhelmed as well, having to deal with my partner getting into the middle of that relationship with my manager. That, and the change from being in work mode and having a mental plan for the day and having that disrupted. I like nice surprises, but I’m also a creature of habit, and changing expectations is more overwhelming especially if I’ve invested in the day going one way, even if it’s work. Life isn’t a romcom, it’s really okay to hint or set expectations and not disrupt someone’s day.
Second, it seems like you want a big cookie for doing this, or for it to solve some problem, and she’s more concerned with the actual issues she brought up in the relationship. Like, yes, the intention is good, but it sounds like she would have rather used the time to have your undivided and active listening attention than a spa day where it sounds like you two were busy doing things and didn’t really have the privacy to talk and that spa activities are probably not the best place for an emotionally heavy conversation about the relationship. I would focus less on rehashing how this wasn’t the gesture she wanted and rather on what issues she has with the relationship.
What’s her love language? You mentioned acts of service and gift giving are your love language, but if you’re not speaking hers, you just drug her along for a nice day at the spa gift for yourself.
He already told her what's up. She just ignored him.
I don't know, I'd say that many people who do the majority of house chores have resentment over it and feel that everyone else isn't pulling their weight/being grateful enough (which, to be fair, is often true, but sometimes can be attributed to high standards/unwillingness to accept things being done in different ways)
I think it starts with honesty and telling him how you feel acknowledging how wrong you were. You need to show home the steps you are taking to better yourself and how you would plan to be better.
I honestly don’t know how he could trust you again, not only did you divorce him you took his child away, even though you let him see him that’s a tough thing to get over.
Yes!! It’s always about getting a reaction! I always tell my husband it would make her year to see me or him finally “pop off” after her ridiculous comments. I’ll try this thank you!
If you cant trust her move on. Either you have issues, or she has given you reason, doesnt matter, this relationship isnt healthy.
I understand having anxiety over this, but what's done is done and what he thinks about it is out of your control.
I am not taking my partner’s last name, because I’m the only child of the only boy in the family. If I change my last name, it completely dies out. I want my kids to take my name so my family continues. My partner has brothers and sisters, his family name is not in danger.
What?! She doesn't do drugs I never said anything like that
It's actually not funny that you are practically raising and pampering a grown man who doesn't put effort into his relationships. He's probably the one laughing while you do everything for him.
It’s embarrassing sure, you might feel bad about it now but you’ll likely laugh about it in the future. His reaction is over the top for sure. Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve done far more embarrassing things than that. Most people have.
oh babe. break up.
A quick google could have prevented you from posting this nonsense.
I don't know what your friendships are like, but I don't flirt with my friends nor do my friends flirt with me. My friends aren't actively trying to fuck me.
Stop trying to make this about her not being able to have male friends when it wasn't a friendship to begin with
You didn't touch at all on the family situation he has as a first-generation immigrant. He may be getting pressures to distance from you as you will never measure up to their expectations and demands. Since there is nothing wrong with your character, he focuses on this rather spurious issue of his partner needing to be high-achieving and high-earning.
I think you should tell him you saw his posts, and felt blind-sided to learn that way about how he feels about you. It will be an uncomfortable conversation, but I don't see how you can remain in this relationship without addressing it.
Good definitions for emotional labour are googlable mate. Stop expecting women to explain our oppression to you. Do the least, at least.
You must get yourself in to therapy, also.
I don’t mean that as belittling and I apologize for this being insulting if you find it that way, but there’s something going on here where you are deliberately maintaining an abusive relationship and slowly damaging yourself. I understand you care about your gf, but you need to make yourself your own priority before something bad happens. Be careful.
I will at one point for sure, but since I have time for now I kinda wanna make sure she likes me too before I do anything because if she rejects me it would make things really awkward
copy all.
if the confrontation turns sour, you will have a proof he cannot deleted. and if you chosse to warn the other girls, you can show us what exactly he had on her.
Ethical non monogamy is not a cure for a relationship that is already in trouble. In many—if not most cases, it’s the final nail in the coffin. People could get with a new partner a bird’s eye view of what a successful relationship should/could be and decide to jump ship.
Hire a divorce lawyer and make it real. Her reaction to that will tell you if your marriage can be salvaged.
You can change your mind, now that the full set of facts are more clear.
Put in under the mat at his best friend’s house
Your concern came from a place of love and the very best of intentions but I’m not sure how you can go forward but she’s needs to process what’s going on in her head. It’s better to have a GF that now knows what guys can be capable of instead of a dead GF.
When I see stories about people getting scammed, I wonder, “How in the hell could they fall for that? It was obviously a scam.” Then I read something like this and it makes sense to me.
You wouldn't be a jerk for ghosting/blocking, because at the end of the day you're just a customer. It'd be no different than you never returning to Sports Clips. You most likely won't (hopefully) get a chargeback because you willingly gave up money. There's no fraud or anything at play here.
You're very young and you moved in together way too early in the relationship. His priority is his parents.
I don't know why exactly, but this made me laugh out loud. “Suck a cock” as a farewell just cannot end in happily ever after, imo.
Idk why I didn’t think of flavored lube ??♀️? thanks
I don't want to lose my mom and I don't want my daughter to grow up without her grandma.
Your mother is taking Chris's role of unstable and dangerous(if in a different fashion) family member and if you keep thinking like that you are going to step into her place as the enabler whose inability to see her behavior for what it is means you can never be trusted to protect your daughter or put her welfare first.
I hope that I am wrong and you are able to do what is needed, but more than that I hope your wife has the strength to take your daughter and leave to protect her from both of you if you cannot.
You are his partner, not his mother.
And at this point, it appears you are his emotional punching bag and caregiver.
I get the man may be depressed or some shit, but you gotta leave. You deserve so much better, I hope you see that and wise up and leave him.
There is no changing this, it will come down to him having a “coming to reality” moment.
No amount of hand holding or pushing them in the right direction will cause this.
Look up the song The Lonely Island / Justin Timberlake song “3-Way (The Golden Rule)”
That should sm it up…