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Sophie_and_David, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 24, 2022
Reddit isn't a safe place at all to explore your sexuality in a healthy way just so you know! When it comes to the rest, it sounds like you are staying with your boyfriend only by sympathy. You don't owe him anything and you just cheated on him so I think you should break up with him, it will set both of you free.
Jeez, this might be the most rational, insightful, passionate, and appropriate comment I've seen this month. You did a great job here. Seriously. Have a great day.
The days just before and around giving birth are absolutely a roller coaster for the person who’s pregnant. Her hormones are running wild, she’s probably incredibly anxious, and giving birth is really often a traumatic experience both physically and mentally. Receiving horrible, life-ruiningly traumatic news when you’re about to go into labor is unthinkable. I probably would have done the same thing she did—she was already at her mental limit, trying really nude just to keep it together anyway, and blocked you out because she had to focus on surviving the birth.
Your anger is misplaced. Your girlfriend had a pretty reasonable reaction to the news that she heard when she heard it given the circumstances. You should be mad at the other girl you slept with for so successfully ruining your life; she dropped this bomb strategically when it would cause maximum chaos, and she was 100% correct.
You haven’t been able to get over this in six months by yourself, so it’s time to call in a professional and go to therapy. Whether or not you stay together, this is now your family, and your child and his mother will be in your life for the next couple of decades. If you don’t want to let this ruin your relationship with your son forever, you need to work out how to be able to have a functional relationship with her (whether it stays romantic or not) and right now this is not a functional relationship.
A lot of well said points
It’s tough for me to respond in a positive way.
Thanks tho.
Hmmm that’s a tough one. I really don’t know what you can do and there’s no guaranteed fix for this because your mom is her own person and you can’t predict or control how she acts. All you can do is decide how you’re going to tolerate being treated. There’s nothing wrong with asking to be treated right. If something hurts you, you can tell her and even offer a suggestion on how you would prefer for her to treat going forward so that you feel hurt. She may realize and accept your boundaries and requests or she may get defensive, take what you’re saying as criticism and double down on her behavior. If it’s the latter then it’s up to you to decide how much time you’re willing to spend with someone who refuses to treat you with love and respect.
I really hope if you end up talking to her about this that she takes your words to heart and works on better herself and being a kinder mother to you because you deserve unconditional love and support. But if she doesn’t react well I hope you realize that it is not a reflection of you or your worth. I hope you then find other things in your life that bring you joy and comfort and surround yourself with kind people who treat you with the same compassion you treat them.
So. Look. I'm not someone who ever condones cheating. If my wife cheated, I'd divorce her. Period. That kind of thing.
But this story, is … it's just like the perfect time to be able to brush it off right? The relationship was SUPER new. Alcohol involved. Possible LOTS of alcohol involved. You ended up kissing the girl too. Girlfriend didn't remember or mention. It hasn't been mentioned for months?
This is the time to ignore cheating, right? I can't believe I wrote that.