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Date: December 6, 2022
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Yeah it’s very creepy . I hate how it’s Fine because she’s an adult like how can it be legal for a grown ass man to go for someone so young. Like I just watch the relationship and yea he is nice but fuck … why couldn’t you be with someone your own age
Mental manipulation that leads to taking back people like this is a hallmark of abuse, and based on the husband's willingness to gaslight and shift blame, I imagine that OP isn't a stranger to being emotionally and potentially physically abused – based on the restraining order.
It would be fantastic if it was easy to simply leave after spouts of cheating or physical violence, but the reality is that victims of abuse often feel trapped or emotionally beaten down to the point that they believe they deserve it.
He’ll regret it. Good looks and sexual attraction only get you so far. Once the honeymoon period is over you typically have an entitled, needy, selfish very hot chick with more issues than a magazine. I avoid very hot chicks. They look good and it’s a dopamine rush in the beginning but they can’t help but be full of issues. Often are rude and demanding. Like they’re are owed something for being nude. In the end that’s a major turnoff and they sex is terrible or non existent. This has happened to me multiple times.
I think that your gut instinct is the correct one. If you feel trapped, controlled even, I can speak from experience that those feelings don't get easier. They fester. Do what your body says.
Noooo! Forget what others do. Y’all do you! You said it didn’t bother either of y’all, so let it be! Y’all don’t have to be like others, cause you’re unique and it should be normalized. If more is needed, then shiiii, add a session. Easy fix lol
You need marriage counseling from this description. Specifically a professional to navigate this situation. You need training on how to argue in a way that the both of you can accept. A therapist can mediate this as well as model it.
Thanks for sharing your outlook. I do try to be honest but it does sound a little weird or creepy ig. I think being honest is the best policy and I like the idea of just trying to sleep in different rooms or something for a while. Thanks again!
No but some of the comments are telling him to move on i think she was just really upset by his choice of words and that needs to be communicated.
She was gossiping about her ex
This is a troll
Exactly. Imagine what it would be like for him when she does it while they’re married with kids.
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No dude, too close. Best to do this far away from home.
The sarcastic male Friend I think? Not the biggest one or the handsome one.
Clearly the wrong one
See a therapist. You are wrecking sex and this is going to eventually cost you this relationship. Your partner accepts your face and wants to date you regardless. They have no problem with your face. If he wanted to just look at random body parts, he would watch porn. Your face and the intimate bond between you is key to a healthy sexual relationship. You will never have a normal relationship until you get over your insecurities.
Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my girlfriend was laying on her friends stomach but that doesn’t mean your doing anything wrong it’s just a difference of perspective and you shouldn’t have to change being naturally affectionate for your boyfriend you are just incompatible in that way and if this is a very hot boundary for him with no room to compromise then your just going to have to break up
He begs you to come back because he doesn't like being alone. He wants to feel loved. Having you around helps with that. But since he doesn't really care about you and doesn't see you as his equal, but more of a side character in his own life, he does what HE wants even if it means disrespecting you.
And since you always cave, he learns that he can always beg his way back. Ghe fact that you broke up and then were upset with him going to a strip club says a lot. You hoped breaking up would make him do a grand gesture of love so that you would feel valued and thus things would get better
Honestly it can be both.
Your husband might be really defensive because he is cheating or because he is accused of something he didn’t do. I know I would get pretty mad if my partner accused me of cheating.
So yeah, keep an eye open. But don’t make accusation you are not sure of
Let me say again; I also said;
I’ll go against the grain here. If she values being drunk out of her mind and unable to walk, you could have saved her from being raped, getting behind the wheel of a drunk driver or anything. So I think you had intent to be controlling? No. You just wanted her safe.
But in a real world hive mind, you are perceived as controlling because you laid a hand on her. Therefore, i’d say if her values don’t align with yours, aka drinking to get pissed to the point she can’t remember the night before, then perhaps find somebody different.
It could have been approached better. Learn from it. But don’t let these people call you abusive or that you assaulted her. Trivialising real victims of assault helps nobody.
But here you are, not educating him at all. Raising your pitch forks and implying this dude gets no second chances. How is it that me, a man, which you for some reason loathe, can tell him that what he did was wrong without villainising him, yet you, with your self proclaimed hierarchy of emotional intelligence is the one kicking him whilst he’s down?
Amazes me, man.
None of you even asked him how his girlfriend feels about the situation, just jurisdiction this, man bad!
don’t waste your time on a girl that obviously doesn’t care about you like that. see if the other girl can make a genuinely good FRIEND. if you find that she’s s great friend who you can see taking it further with, then do so. if not, then you know the answer.
It sounds like you only see your gf when she “pressures” you to see her. I feel bad for her. She shouldn’t pressure you not to go to the school you want tho, I’ll give you that one.
Ok I'm a city guy so I can tell you 99.999% of us will think this is gross. Put it in a box or frame or something.. wtf lady…
I would just leave him
He can also add you to the chat can't he?
I am a 69 year old with a 50 year faithful relationship with my beautiful wife. Even knowing each other so well for so long, if she did this, I would be extremely pissed at her. You should never accept a ride alone with anybody you just met, let alone the opposite sex, not matter the age. But you did. Then you do not think enough about him to call him immediately upon arriving safely nor during the lengthy stretch of time you were with your friends. That sens a very negative message. He was first probably worried sick that something may have happened to you and then with no response may have let his mind go to it may have been sexual. Blocking you was a poor reaction on his part to a series of very poor decisions on your part. You should have called him before accepting the ride to explain it to him to see if he was OK with it. If not, then you don't do it and understand his concern for your safety. If he said OK, then provide him with the guys name, a snap shot of the license plate and car, and tell him the estimated travel time and that you will call him the minute you arrive. That is for your safety and his peace of mind. Can you imagine his anxiety over the next few hours as his contact attempts were futile. You both need some maturity.
Older people can be manipulated by younger people. His wife was manipulated by someone she felt had more knowledge than her, because he’s a professional.
Girl just no. Here is a better approach: “I saw your pictures on Tinder. This is over, don't ever contact me again”. Then you block him and get tested.
Why exactly does he want her to attend this sleepover? Is he just looking for an excuse to argue and be mean? He is creating an argument out of thin air because he wants to.
The sleepover is not more important than visiting her grandparents in another state. It doesn't matter how often she sees them, they live! far away and you already had the trip scheduled. The obvious decision is that she cannot go to the sleepover since (a) you'll be far away and if something happens, you cannot come back immediately, (b) there was already a family trip planned.
Once my sister was at a friend's house and they were running, she fell and opened her skin right below her eye; my dad had to run to get her and take her to a hospital with a well known plastics department with on-call doctors, otherwise she would have been left with a scar on her face. It was not life or death, but she could have a scar if some random ER person had done the stitches. My dad is a doctor so he knows about this stuff.
Honestly if divorce is illegal in their country, then getting married in a situation like this also feels risky; i totally agree.
I wonder what the culture around her would be like if she wasnt married and still had the child.
I truly feel for OP and her friend though. What an awful situation to be in and to have your boyfriend making jokes about it is really disturbing (esp considering OP said he made the same jokes when she had a pregnancy scare). Like pushing a pregnant woman down the stairs can’t also kill the mother like an underground abortion could. The whole situation is fucked
You aren’t required to follow rules of a religion that you don’t believe in. If he’s so upset about a drag show, it’s time for a talk about his beliefs and what he wants from a partner. If he insists on you following his rules, I’d have him find somewhere else to live!. You sound fundamentally incompatible.
Yeah, she’s acting like an absolute child. A child with a personality disorder. Don’t reward it.
I’ve been able to redirect my thoughts to other things. Sometimes it takes a minute to get it out of my head tho. Do you think this is something that will get easier with time? I would assume so, but this is all new to me.
if the guys cheating he’s rather shite at it!
How so? If he’s cheating, he hasn’t been caught by you yet because his stories are very hot to verify (except for that one time you showed up).
I will tell you the same thing I’ve told people for decades.
Only rarely do childhood friends remain friends once high school starts. High school sweethearts is nice in theory, but few and far between in practice.
Your goal in life is to become the person you’re meant to be, not the person you’ve always been. It’s called growth, and try as you may, it’s largely unavoidable.
Is it possible for you to part amicably and remain as friends? Absolutely. Mature people do it every day. And in the future, once you have both become the persons you’re meant to become, maybe you will find you still care enough for one another, and have enough in common that you are both willing to give it another shot. If you’re meant to be together, the universe has a funny way of making it happen.
You’re both missing out on experiences that will shape your future selves. You may not be actively looking for new partners, but right now you’re not even allowing for the opportunity should it present itself.
Just remember, both of you need to understand “It’s not a competition.” and set concrete boundaries about what will and won’t be discussed about your personal lives should you remain friends. And if you start a new relationship, make sure that regardless of when you start dating, the narrative is “You started dating a month later than you did.
First, thank you for taking the time to respond to me on here.
I was not aware that he mostly got along with women and yes, he is feminine in energy just as I am masculine.
Whether I comprehend it or not, I’ve communicated it with him and he seemed to understand where the issue is… just as I’ve communicated earlier that I do not want a relationship and he insisted I give him a chance and reassured me.
I might not be understanding enough and especially when it comes to bisexuality due to my lack of knowledge and although he befriends my gay friend, he does not be friend other gay or bisexual people we’ve met. Most of the people are the live! folk.
I want this relationship to work since I always focus on other things in my life but the relationship aspect, and through our 7month relationship I learned that he does not intend on giving himself the care and attention and wants me to go along with that.
What worries me isn’t him befriending women and spending time texting them instead of catching up on courses he’s failing but the fact that he’s looking for keeping himself distracted and depriving me of a good partner that does good for himself first.
I choose whom I give my energy and time to, whether a male or female, while he, humorously tells the people he just met that he is fatherless – and pushes people away by acting like this.
I sort of thing OP is a shallow asshole, but as I say to every guy who is upset that his girlfriend gained weight: it's better to break up with a partner that you're no longer attracted to than to try to nag/manipulate them into meeting your standards. I would be totally devastated to learn that my partner wasn't attracted to me and was just staying with me because of guilt.
I sort of thing OP is a shallow asshole, but as I say to every guy who is upset that his girlfriend gained weight: it's better to break up with a partner that you're no longer attracted to than to try to nag/manipulate them into meeting your standards. I would be totally devastated to learn that my partner wasn't attracted to me and was just staying with me because of guilt.
These ethnicities weren’t considered white in very recent history.
Some babies don't take bottles
He sat on the curb and cried because he knew there was a good chance you'd look back, because you're a decent person.
It's pure manipulation. He's realised that you did a hell of a lot for him, and now he's stuck needing to do it for himself. Why would he want to handle his own life, if he can guilt you into it?
So according your girlfriend anyone who watches tv/movies is a pedophile.
She was 29 when she started dating you she is projecting so very hot
I'm 42 nearly and some of the favourite shows are YA shows
So the way to solve a problem of men pestering us fully clothed is to post ourselves very hot? Damn, that's genius. I never thought giving men exactly what they want and labeling it “empowerment” would work.
What you just said.. “It's a big deal to many women”.
Lots of women has this idea of fairytail.
And you kept having children with this person??? Jesus.
I’m going answer the question you actually asked. You know your own boundaries and that is good.
NEVER date potential. Pick the one you can be happy with as they are. I think you already know that he is wrong for you right now. Don’t try to change him. Don’t let yourself fall in love hoping he’ll change.
Honor yourself and your boundaries and keep looking.
You have to realise being a stay at home parent is very important for your daughter development. You are not being useless. You are very important to your daughter and your partner. He wouldn't do that for someone he doesn't care about. Is there any chance on weekend your parents look after your daughter and both of you could go for a drive and just unwind?
No
OPs wife does not need to go to the gym to get activity. Even just short walks or sitting exercises in bed would help.
Do you two have any braincells?
If there is no real proof to use so far… Trying to make 'proof' will back fire big time in the court.
You're telling me that there is NOTHING she can use against him in court that has been evidence of real historic cheating? Like none? And you two have to fabricate something to use against him?
Please tell me that this is not case of 'maybe not a cheater and need to make him look as bad as possible in court'.
This will backfire.
Hell, even this post can be used as evidence.
Congrats.
I'll give that a shot. I've been working a lot on understanding why and how I became emotionally abusive so I can let her know how I'm progressing. There is a book that was recommended to me called the emotionally abusive relationship and I'll be honest. There is a lot of information that correlates with why I've become emotionally abusive.
Thank you for your honesty. I'm going to try to find a therapist for myself.
Honestly, it's only going to get worse from here. You're already unhappy. Engagement and marriage isn't going to cure that.
And the car thing? Suuuuper weird and concerning. Literally an hour of him *forcing* you to park *your* car where he wants you to? Yeah, nah…
Ok, let's start with “I know all the excuses: they are happy there, they like it there, they want to stay. No matter what I say, he won't listen.” They aren't *excuses* they are *reasons*. Just because it's not what you want to hear doesn't make it not true.
Secondly, your therapist is right and you're refusing to admit it. “I don't want to control him. I want him to think about me. I want him to take me into consideration.” HE DOES NOT HAVE TO BASE HIS LIFE DECISIONS ON YOU. Expecting/wanting/demanding that *IS* being controlling. The only person he needs to consult on where he lives is his wife.
Of course your son loves you and yes, you are 100000% being irrational thinking he should be putting you and your husband into his thoughts when making decisions. If living close to him and any future grandchildren is *SO* important to you, then maybe you should be thinking about moving to be closer to him, rather than demanding him to change his life goals for you.
If you can't handle one moment of annoyance, yes, you need to work on your perseverance. The world hasn't been sanitized for your emotional protection and there will be obnoxious people everywhere you go. Your boyfriend didn't do anything wrong here. You two just ran into someone you perceive as a pain in the A. It's not a big deal.
He said in another comment(s) that she did.
This is pretty odd. You have been dating far too long to not have met all of his friends and to not go to a wedding with him. Honestly, it seems like your relationship is not progressing at all, and is more of a convenience. Do you see marriage or moving in together in your future? Is that something you want?
I sincerely thought this was gonna end in some gotcha moment because it’s so over the top. I have pretty bad anxiety and I get overthinking, but all this effort starts to make it feel like OP did something wrong and they didn’t. At the most I might make a semi-joke when they come over like “Recognize the rug? I grabbed it from your sidewalk!” But I think they can easily get away with just not doing anything whatsoever
The right is ignorant because they are stronger then you. Violence is power not words.
Yup, I agree.
Go to a marriage counselling . It is not an admission of failure but a commitment to working together. Scheduling time to discuss important matters and having time to think about them first is a key step to healthy communication.