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My first day here @goal10 get hard and rub my clit [3 tokens remaining]
Date: October 13, 2022
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It's not about playing the game less, it's about spending more time with you. And if he can't do that then maybe you need a more mature person in your life.
Great advice, thank you! Yeah I mean we don't talk every day, but we usually don't go more than 2 days without him reaching out. He mostly initiates. But I thought sending him a good morning hope you feel better text was a nice gesture if he is sick, and granted it wasn't a question warranting a response but I feel like he could've at least acknowledged and responded
It's always a good idea to be respectful of other people's boundaries and feelings. If the guy you met recently told you that he is seeing someone, it may not be a good idea to ask him to introduce you to his friends. It's possible that he may not be comfortable with that, especially if he just started seeing someone and doesn't want to introduce you to his friends at this time. Additionally, even if he is okay with introducing you to his friends, it's possible that they may not be interested in being set up with you. It's important to consider these potential outcomes before making the ask.
If someone bit my cat they’d no longer be welcome in my life.
???? gross
The real question is why are you staying when you know you're being abused ..AGAIN.. LEAVE HIM ALONE
You make him stop by dumping the asshole
Here's a really easy way to get a girlfriend, most guys my age are still scared to do this and it's the one thing that guarantees I always have a date. You'll be scared to do it at first, but you don't let your fears rule you, if you don't conquer rhem they'll dictate what you can achieve in life.
You go to the gym every single day, lift weights even if you don't want to everyday without fail. Eat a high protein diet. And whenever you see a girl you're interested in, approach her, be polite, hey I thought you were cute. And Id like to get to know you more, there's a starbucks up the road, if you're free how about we grab a coffee together? . You're now in the top 5% of men.
He's making a lot of this about him. Your trauma is awkward for him so he has the right to joke it away despite your discomfort? Sex is meaningless but priority enough that he cheats because he needs it? He understood your situation before hand but not enough when he needed to confirm that your relationship is based on an emotional connection as well? When confronted with a partners confusion and obvious discomfort he decides it's time to take a moral high ground “I wasn't getting what I wanted so I got it elsewhere without your input because, need. You're overreacting.”?
I can't tell you what to do but consider how much your words, feelings and wishes are actually valued in that persons eyes.
Keep healing yourself, that's top priority. Don't hurry or push progress. It will all come in due time. Those who value will wait ?
Agree. I’m so lucky that my partner is supportive. I sometimes have days where I have no energy & barely get off the couch (some days I have more energy). My daughter is well looked after, but I might need to turn something on for her and zone out. My partner works from home as well. Yes, he is working.. but he gets time here and there to be on his phone or watch a YouTube video.. I’m here on call all day everyday (and like you said, no pay.. my daughters laughter comes close though). Hell, even just attempting to plan all the meals/snacks trying to be healthy takes a lot of mental space.
I started working 2 days a week. I realized just getting back a little bit helps a lot. Doesn’t have to be work, could be hobby maybe.
Do not engage with Captain Vaguebook
To some people, it is totally fine if their partner is close friends with someone of the opposite sex. To others, it's absolutely not okay.
Neither point of view is wrong, it's fine to have whatever dealbreaker you want. But there are two things which are wrong.
The first one is trying to change a partner to suit you if their stance doesn't align with yours. This is something you, OP, are guilty of. You trying to change your partner into someone who isn't close friends with women to suit you is not okay – if you want a partner who doesn't spend much time with the opposite gender, you need to find such a partner. You and your boyfriend are hugely incompatible in this regard.
The second thing which is wrong is lying and that's what the boyfriend has done here. He said he cut his friend off to get OP to literally move countries for him when in fact he hasn't done anything like that. He banked on the good old strategy of “Okay, she'll be mad, but then she'll be here and it is what it is and she'll just live! with it.” And so far, that shitty strategy has worked just fine.
So honestly, this relationship should have ended long ago. Is his behavior shady? Yeah, because of all the lies, it is. And that one text message is also pretty concerning. But that doesn't mean that he and she have cheated on you and her boyfriend. They may, yeah, but it's not certain and you will likely never know.
What you need to decide is what you want. Do you want to stay with a partner with whom you have a big incompatibility and who has lied to you? If yes, you will have to accept this coworker in his life and probably other women down the line as well because his actions have made it clear that his relationship (whatever type of relationship it may be) trumps your wellbeing and happiness for him.
And, again, that is not necessarily wrong – most people wouldn't ditch a close friend for a partner. But the lie was horrible and if you stay, you need to understand that you will never truly know if you can trust him or not. But you cannot change him. No matter how often you argue with him, tell him that it's unacceptable or whatever you do. You can't change him to suit you. Either you accept him how he is – as he made it clear that he won't change – or you leave.
I would leave because I wouldn't be able to trust him. But you should also make sure that a new partner is on the same page as you when it comes to opposite-sex-friendships, as you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with someone you are so incompatible with in the first place.
Continue the cycle of cheating. Eventually you will have mastered the cheating cycle and it will be the healthiest relationship ever.
Not to shame you or anything but I think its important you dont give the sex up like that, “fuck me if you want” after not feeling understood should never be something that happens to you especially since you have been taken advantage of before, you dictate what happens to your body from now on and if you don't want it, it doesnt happen!
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It’s perfectly fine for him to decide he doesn’t want a gf who is a fitness and lifestyle model. Since that’s what you are he has two choices: 1. He accepts you as you are and trusts you. 2. He breaks up with you so you can both find new partners.
He went for option 3, manipulating you and accusing you of cheating.
If he had simply come to you with his concerns and asked for an honest talk about your work and to see if some boundaries would be neccessary, then would probably be fine since you could give him reassurance. But repeatedly accusing you of cheating just because you’re a model is not OK and in my opinion, that’s a deal breaker.
I agree it’s very much so not ideal
You had a solid foundation until YOU tore it down. He didn’t want an open relationship, you pressured him into one, and now you’re reaping what you’ve sown.
She says he is really very hot to get to open up… but they are SO close… but he freaks out over this? So weird. He isn't “hard to open up” he's just not very emotionally mature, knows that, and is trying to hide it because he wants to keep sponging of you and your mom. He doesn't have personal space because he hasn't taken personal responsibility for himself. People like that don't have great self esteem and he took it out on you for no reason.
I’m sorry. That is a lot. It kind of sounds like he is making an honest effort with the damage control.
But I think the other important thing to note is that she sounds like she has true unsolved trauma from when he was a baby that has now manifested into an unhealthy relationship with him with touches of extreme anxiety. He needs to talk with her about attending therapy (or additional therapy if she already has) for not only herself but for the relationship with him, because it is possible that at some point, he may cut her off. So if she tries (makes a true effort) to improve with therapy, that could be greatly beneficial for all parties involved.
Something he should break up over, maybe.
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You have a much bigger problem than your realize, that will only grow as time goes on. It's weird to say it, but the racism of his family is actually a symptom.
I spoke with my boyfriend about the above points and he agrees, but he didn't offer any action since he doesn't have the kind of relationship with his family where he could voice this concern – it would be too awkward.
Your boyfriend would rather you be uncomfortable, mocked and insulted than deal with any discomfort or awkwardness himself. He is literally saying that if he has to choose between you suffering or himself or his family suffering, he will choose to let you suffer.
Dwell on that for a good while. Ask yourself if you want to be with someone whose first concern is other people's comfort, not your own.
What if, in her drunken state, she really thought she was being assaulted and was fighting back?
This started with OP trying repeatedly over and over trying to put items of clothing on her. What if she really did think he was taking them off her and assaulting her? If she did think it was her own blood the of her behaviour makes sense.
Having said that, Oh dear, the trouble alcohol can cause….
Dude she got lip filler in 2019 everyone saying she has to disclose lip filler she got 3-4yrs ago is ridiculous. Shes been with this guy less than a year, it’s irrelevant. He never said i need you to disclose every cosmetic procedure: he said i don’t like the fake look. Good cosmetic procedure don’t look fake. Do Blake lively, Katy Perry, Cindy Crawford, gwyneth Paltrow, Kaley Cuoco, Lisa Kudrow, etc etc etc all look fake or amazing? Yes there is kardashian level cosmetic surgery where everyone knows you’ve had it done but thats obviously not OP’s goals. All these comments remind of when guys compliment me like “i love that you don’t wear make up” i am wearing make up you just have no idea what you are talking about.
Kind of yeah lol. I'm obviously not saying I think it's bad that he doesn't see me as a sexual object…but I just always believed that's how nearly all men saw women and reacted to them, so it's confusing. Sounds ridiculous I know but I'm just being honest
'Good game' is a great way to put it, its not like she is running around in a bikini. Hes just happy we're all having dinner and having a good time and does a little pat. Like a celebration.
This actually means he’s a good guy and please don’t pursue this anymore. Because he’s right.
It won’t work.
It sucks. But your different reactions to this situation show exactly the difference in thinking between you two based on age and experience.
He would be embarrassed to take you out and introduce you to friends and family. Not because there’s anything wrong with you. But because it’s inappropriate. You’re so young. It’s nothing personal. I’m 34 and already I’m where he’s at. At 40, no way. Just use this experience for the pros. That it taught you something about yourself. About what you like and what you’re looking for. Find someone closer in your age that embodies these.
You’re gonna be ok.
Villain arc?
What kind of a twisted thing this is?
You're begging for a restraining order and mental evaluation.
You see, that's something that makes me think my sister is right. You say it isn't weird because he's my boyfriend but he's not. I know it might sound like it but we made it quite clear from the beginning we are just banging without labels.
Thank you for your empathy. It’s overall very draining.. I was afraid something like that would come up as an answer. But I really needed to read that. After four years I am just feeling empty and exhausted all the time because I am a very conversational type who likes to philosophise about the world, talk about movies or books or whatever. The world is changing and I really like to explore it. I guess some people aren’t meant to be. Characterwise. Thank you again.
The good thing is that you and your fiance clearly have great communication with each other. For that reason alone, you two may very well have a future together. Postponing the wedding sure is a lot easier said than done what with deposits and cancellation fees, but it may be for the best in this situation in order to give both of you actual time to process this situation and think.
In the meantime, you'll also want to look into child support laws and talk with the mother of your child about how she would like to proceed. Not going to tell you how you should live! your life, but most people would agree that attempting to coparent would be far better than being another absentee father. You also may want to get another DNA test done just to be sure– depending on the method used/individuals involved, they can be faulty.
Did he tell you that he started to talk to her because of her physical similarity to you, or is that a conclusion you reached on your own?
There’s no 100% guarantee that something will or won’t work out based on starting parameters. There are, however, best practices and trends it’s sensible for you to be aware of.
In this particular case you two are out of sync with what you need and you are the one that will take the fall if it doesn’t work out, which is the most likely outcome – which will also likely negatively impact your self esteem.
All that said, often times the best way to know where someone stands is to set your own boundaries based on your needs.
No worries ?
You should definitely marry her. You guys deserve each other! I sincerely hope your ex wife has more of an impact on the moral standards for your son than you do.
Time to grieve and learn to live! without my best friend
First things first, I feel you on being a chill girlfriend, sometimes you gotta trust your man and let him do his thing. But it sounds like this chick might be a little different. From what you're saying, it sounds like she's not really down for the team if you know what I mean. And dude, going to dinner with someone is a pretty big deal. I mean, that's like a date.
But at the same time, you gotta remember that G is your man and he's not gonna do anything to mess that up. He probably just sees this as hanging out with a friend, and honestly, as long as they're just friends, there's not really anything wrong with that. But it's totally understandable that you would have some concerns, especially since you're in a long distance relationship.
My advice to you would be to talk to G about how you're feeling. Be real with him and let him know that you're a little uneasy about this whole dinner thing. Ask him what his intentions are and see what he says. If he's just trying to be a good friend, then there's not really much to worry about. But if he's thinking something more, then that's something you need to address. But remember to keep it civil and don't accuse him of anything. Just approach the conversation with a calm mind and be open to listen to what he has to say and don't let it escalate.
At the end of the day, you gotta trust your gut, but you also gotta trust your man. And if you really feel like something's up, don't be afraid to ask. Trust is a big part of any relationship and it's important that you and G have that. But in any case, just remember that you got this, you're a chill and level headed girlfriend and you'll be able to handle whatever comes your way.
Is it ironic that him and I have done a brilliant job at doing exactly that? Except for one huge white elephant, we’ve cultivated an excellent understanding on each other and always expressed ourselves to one another, without judgement or resentment, and we’ve grown to appreciate how strong our communications are amongst us. It’s just this one BIG problem that he claims “has been eating him alive “ and he “doesn’t want to lose me over.” I think by now I’m struggling to accept/understand if Love is powerful enough to get me thru this one, no matter which way it goes. You’re absolutely right though.
I think you were very clear. I'm a teen dating violence prevention advocate and I've worked with Love Is Respect many, many times. I've also seen your advice before and you are nothing but supportive. Some people choose to argue and be angry at people who are only offering resources, love and support. I wish we could show every one of them the love they clearly need, too. But as they say, you can't help someone who doesn't want the help.
Carry on being your awesome self!
who gives a shit how she is doing?
do your own thing and forget about her
a cheater doesn’t cheat only on one test or one subject just saying
Girl. You’re gonna let a whole ass man tell you what you can and can’t do? It’s 2023 we are not doing that. Tell him bye.
It’s his hair.
If that is how he wants to wear it, tough shit for you.
If you are repulsed by it, then tough shit for him, he won’t be getting any attention from you while he has it.
You are 21 and he is 33… I hope you understand how wrong that is.
I’m not the one deceiving him right ? Am I ?
Join us over on r/MedSpouse, where many have experienced similar situations
this is the exact comment i was about to write. this post is so annoying to read. the whole situation is….just a non issue. this is just harder than it should be. you don’t like the way she’s acting? move on. she’s sending mixed signals and you’re tired of it? move on. the whole running around in circles and over analyzing stuff gets really tiring to just read, i can’t imagine being stuck in that mindset again. relationships aren’t this very hot especially in the beginning.
I definitely she wanted to get your reaction before telling you. Now she is trying to cover her track by making you believe she told you is just plain out lying to you. That I would have a problem with.. Is this how she is always going to handle things she has done.. hint around until sees how you react before deciding to tell you or not.. you deserve someone honest in a relationship not make you think you’re nuts for not remembering.. talk with her and let he know this is not ok… either be straight up from now on or you don’t see this relationship as working..
People process emotions differently. Just because the commenter did or didn't cry doesn't mean your gf shouldn't or should've cried. I honestly think she cried because of reasons above.
I'm in the process of a divorce. My STBX always made me feel less than, always put himself above me, despite paying all his bills and birthing his child–he had the audacity to say that I could never be 1/3 of his cheating ex. Do you know how painful it was to hear that? And he claimed he'd never get married again. Let's say in 2 yrs, I find out he gets married. Despite being less emotional than the average person, I would still probably cry. Not in public because I don't cry in front of people, but still, the tears would be there. I would mourn for the lies and the ego filled version of him, and mourn for that poor girl he'd marry because it wouldn't be worth it.
Tears are tears. As long as your girlfriend apologized, then it's possible to move on. I think you're lacking empathy because in itself is a red flag.
No.
He has you blocked for a reason.
The latter.
Share your concerns. And see what she thinks.
I would think that she actually also has developped feelings for you. But is eyeing them as carefully as you eye yours.
This is what happens when people meet that are one the same wave length.
It mirrors. Your reaction mirrors hers. She withdrew. You withdrew.
I would suggest you just give it time. And see, where it leads you to.
Worst case it leads to a wonderful deeply trusting platonic relationship.
Best case … she is your one. And you are hers.
You knew this person for 60 days before this happened to him. It's unfortunate, but no sane person would expect someone they'd barely just started seeing to go too far out of their way under the circumstances. His situation was totally unpredictable (probably, as you're not real clear on how it happened). But you not wanting to hold out for someone who could be incarcerated in a foreign country for years was absolutely the “normal” response to this abnormal situation. So go see him and see if the spark is still there. This whole thing would make a great story to tell at your wedding (if you get that far). Good luck
But also. Thank you for this calming response!
Listen to your husband.
Stand your ground.
I know it is a lot easier said than done, but if you keep allowing it, it’ll just keep happening.
Tell your father that you’ll be doing the party the way that you want to, and that you’d love to have him and step mom there. If he/they choose not to attend you understand. I wouldn’t really engage much beyond that.
He’ll probably be very upset since he’s gotten his way each and every time before, and there might be some trauma around this particular relationship that you might want to work through with a therapist at some point, but the scenario you’ve described is bonkers.
I can only ? that any of my three sons or two stepsons DO NOT act like this toward their partner when they’re old enough to be in this serious of a relationship. I have several autoimmune diseases, the most serious having onset and diagnosis only 18 months into my new relationship. You know what my partner DIDN’T do? Expect me to work more hours at my job or more hours on housework when I was incapable of doing either. I beat myself up badly enough from an emotional standpoint for what I can no longer bring to this relationship, I’d be crushed if my partner treated me the way you’re treating your girlfriend. That said, you’re very young and still emotionally maturing. So I’ll advise you as I would my sons. It can be incredibly difficult to be in a relationship with someone dealing with autoimmune issues. You need to decide now whether you’re in or you’re out, because if you’re out, get on with it so your girlfriend can focus on her health. Good luck to both of you
Immediately address the pain point…
Open by bringing up her couch or spare room – leaving it vague implies that you might sex her up.
You've *already* broken up. If you take him back this time, he will know he can do this over and over and over again without consequences, and it will only get worse. He called you the most terrible names and gaslights you right after, it's disgusting! You don't deserve this!
All the men who want paternity tests for their kids to prove their partner has been faithful, meanwhile fucking around knowing there is no test to prove their own loyalty.
Exactly this.
It's easy to numb out when you realize that you've given your all to a person that just didn't respect you enough to walk away if he was unhappy instead of cheating.
Im sorry this happened to you OP you sound lovely. He doesn't deserve you. My mom tried to stay with a cheater.. it didn't work out…
You dont owe him any support. He's a grown man let him deal with his own issues. As much as u might care about those issues.
But he made his bed. He can't expect you to be his emotional support nd he broke your trust. You cannot heal that way.
My mom used to tell me there are alot of opportunities to stop yourself before you actually have sex with someone that isn't your partner.
Ie the flirting stage, the casual touching, the kissing, the meeting up, going home together, getting undressed, foreplay.. all of these were opportunities for him if he gave a shit to pause and think about his relationship and love for you.. he didn't.
So you please think about yourself instead.
You deserve better!
She must be very beautiful.
When you become millionaire, you can get 100 other women much more beautiful than her.
Move on.
You practice traditional gender roles with some dude you’ve been seeing for barely half a year?
Girl, stand up. It’s perfectly fine to cook and clean and do whatever else, but you absolutely should be paying rent and contributing as an equal partner. It’s too early to be moving in just in general, and it’s certainly too early to be demanding he care for you financially.
Please live! by yourself before you move in with a partner. You need to exist as a functioning adult, and examine why you feel like you need someone to take care of you. If you’re making 65k a year you’re clearly capable of independence.
I had and LDR with an autistic man once.
He's my husband now. You know why? Because IT NEVER ONCE OCCURRED TO HIM to call me a cunt or a bitch. I would've dumped his ass right then and there.
It's not about his autism; it's about his RESPECT (or lack thereof) for you. Dump him.
Bro she lied about being raped. There is very few things worse then that. Women have a very hot enough time after actually being assaulted women like her make things harder for actual victims.
one of the other guys has a girlfriend too which reassured me slightly when he first started going out loads
I hate to tell you this, but you may not be ready to make it permanent. When you get with somebody really young some people work it out and are really happy together for life. A lot of people are not, and they reach a point like you do in their 20s where they want to experiment. If you find you cannot be faithful to her I would break up and go on with your life. Do not cheat on her. It will destroy her in ways that you can’t even imagine for years.
Boundaries. Stop being a doormat. If he has nowhere to go that is not your problem. It is okay to love someone from afar.
No. Everyone has understood you. We all just recognise your ideas as horrendous and reprehensible.
She's single. A “situationship” is nothing but FWB with less clarity and more angst
Until and unless you agree, mutually, that you're an exclusive item, your choices are to accept that she's still playing the field and adjust your expectations & safe-sex standards accordingly or bow out- gracefully.
You don't get to pretend she's done something wrong.
Not yet, I haven’t spoken to her about it in person but I just sent her a message.
Get therapy and couples counseling before you make any concrete decisions based on strangers feedback on Reddit…
I am no longer touching like I said in the post I did 4 years ago but since then there has been none it's only about live! porn and Instagram women. I am not talking to any either
Even if he wanted to marry you, do you want to be the one who has to do everything for him since he can’t save, still living with his parents, and still doesn’t know your sense of humour after five years?
So I’m going to be that judgmental person- he’s a 36 year old man who lives with his Dad, doesn’t have a stable job or reliable income, doesn’t seem to have much or any contact with his own child, has drama with his ex, and has flaked on you more than once.
Why on earth would you consider dating someone like this??
This doesn’t make sense to me at all. As his significant other, if he really values you, he should be putting your first above all else, and before just “deciding” that he needs to move home, would have a discussion with you about compromising or how to make it work. Moving 4 hours away from someone you’ve been with for 4 years is absolutely mind blowing to me.
You first insist on having a child when your partner doesn’t want one then you lie to your partner by keeping important information from him then leave and go on a break and wonder why your partner doesn’t want to be with you?? This relationship lacks so much healthy communication it’s no wonder why it didn’t work. I’m not sure why you are assuming this is all about kids there is much more wrong with your relationship than just having kids. It appears your values and wants in life don’t match. Perhaps breaking up is a good idea.
If she threatens suicide call the experts then her parents. Then get out.
You've got this
Curvy girl with the pretty face. I like something to grap onto, and a pretty face is the most important part, because that is what I have to look at the most.
Do you hate it enough to have a serious talk with him about it?
Mandatory, he needs to apologize to you in front of the kids, then apologize to the kids, & remind the kids that insulting anyone, let alone your own wife, is unacceptable.
Then you two need to discuss what it was that angered him, as your “joke” obviously set him off. He definitely overreacted, & that may be a sign of bad things to come, bit I also wonder if you knew those kind of jokes might trigger him? It doesn't seem like you had any intention of offending him.
You two need to talk for sure, then the above needs to happen.