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Date: December 31, 2022
OP need to leave and stay with friends or family or anyone even a shelter because this immature kid she calls her boyfriend will put his hands on her, rape her and brainwash her into thinking no one will come to her rescues. He's already making her feel like she doesn't have support and can't stand up for herself. OP will be in a worse position if she gets pregnant because this idiot won't stop tampering with condoms while threatening to cheat if she doesn't put out. I think he's already cheating and playing on OP's fears… that's just sickening
I think we want our little families together on holidays even more as we get older, so don't invalidate wanting to have a cozy holiday with the people you love the most.
I feel like in these situations the other person is either being incredibly thoughtless and that's something you really need to consider because everyone deserves a partner who's excited to see them on special occasions and appreciates the thoughtful things they do.
I think it's time to be vulnerable to see how he reacts to your vulnerability because that's a pretty good indicator to see if somebody is serious about you as a person. I would tell him that I completely understood and you hope the little one feels better and the other one has a ton of fun. Then I would say, because holidays are important to me and you're important to me, can we do some kind of supper tomorrow? Or could we do a redo of the slumber party on your next weekend If that would be less stressful?
I think One of the hardest things about relationships when you are someone who, like me, loves to plan big and then can feel disappointed, is understanding people you love will disappoint you constantly and the true test, if you want to call it that, is how they repair the disappointment since the disappointment is inevitable.
Did you kiss one of your friends while you were engaged to fiancé? If yes, how come fiancé wasn't there/your default choice of who to kiss. Or was he kissing someone else too? Genuinely curious. Where I'm from, kisses on new years are basically only a romantic thing between partners. Or, if two single people had met at that new years party, and maybe had been dancing and flirting all night, then they would kiss each other as a sort of confirmation of being interested in each other, which often leads to dating. But again, that's purely romantic, and either with partners+ partner or two single folks who are interested in each other
So, kissing someone who's not your bf/gf would be seen as cheating, the same way as if they'd kissed someone else at any other time of year
Yeah honestly I don’t know if it’s safe to talk it out with him, given how aggressive he already got. If you want closure, do it over the phone rather than in person.
Question, did you ever confront your partner about the emotional cheating? Or did you just contact her? Does your partner know you talked to her?
i learned the very hot way that its best to walk away from these situations. she will ride along for these free outings until she finds someone she’s actually interested in and leave you high and dry. youll find someone.
No because I don't run into these kind of situations. I'm a grown man that's been an over two decade. Long relationship.
What I'm pointing out is her bringing it up doesn't make sense if it wasn't a big deal or didn't matter at all. If I told my wife I dreamed about banging her friend that would be f****** weird.
Blocking him was the only answer! Don’t forget this isn’t his first time cheating on her. Anything he says to you is a lie and waste of time. He’ll see how far he can take it. And he can take it to a dangerous place if he’s desperate and unhinged enough (which sounds plausible considering his actions). Get a restraining order in this guy and move on.
Either that or you don't listen to her when she tells you she's in pain so why should she bother.
Someone for sure can. I have a friend who actually used to be hypersexual, and now they're asexual. People who are asexual can obviously still experience sexual pleasure ofc, but they're just not really interested in others sexually, and some people, not interested in sex at all. Interest in sex is on a spectrum for people that are asexual.
Tf she on tinder then? It's literally a hook up app.
What is this post? Lol
None of this makes sense.
Was this a friend or a client?
Why did you meet and her place and not a coffee shop or something similar?
By “getting closer” do you mean you were practicing rolling your r's lip-distance apart? Because unless she lunged at you, your tutorials were not…Professional.
None of what you have described sounds like “a complete misunderstanding”. Unless we're referring to your “understanding” of what it means to be married.
Geezus Dude! Are you really that pathetically in need of attention? Perhaps if you put that wanker energy toward making your wife feel fabulous, you wouldn’t be begging to keep your Sidepiece “friend”.
You’re a dumbass…. Fuck you’re sister. It’s not his responsibility to bail your sister out of her poor financial situation just because he’s a “high earner”
I hope so too!
You can’t want better for other people, they have to want it for themselves.
Don’t do it. Once you do there will be a time where they will ask for more.
For lots of people, thongs are uncomfortable. You're better off learning to find the underwear she does wear sexy. Remember, seeing her underwear or body at all is a privilege, not a right.
She shouldn't have berated you in public, no. At the same time, trolling is so freaking boring and stupid, and *knowing your audience* isn't censoring yourself, it's being a smart speaker.
I agree that it can be a little bit insensetive on his part. Because I think he knew that you will feel uneasy. On the other hand, maybe the rest of the company focused on Thailand and he was uncomfortable influencing that decision considering his reasons. I think it's important on how he presented it to you. But he was in a tricky situation.
I think you tp explain that you will feel insecure because of this trip anyway. Don't blame him. He did nothing wrong. Maybe ask him to be more attentive to your needs before he goes there? Maybe plan some quality time togather?
I guess for me it would be important how he would respond to this conversation, whether he would undermine your feelings, act annoyed, and so on.
I will also say that people here give you a pretty biased, imperealistic view on Thailand. Thailand is very big and very different. And you can do a lot of things there. But Thailand is not a country-sized red-light district where underage prostitutes are waiting for you on every corner. Most tourists in Thailand just do the usual touristy things.
Also I would that quite a few more young people resort to the services of prostitutes in order to gain some experience. The practice is as old as the world. Not neccecary a red flag in my opinion.
I think you need to trust him, but talk to him and disclose your feelings. And see how he reacts. That will tell you something about him. Just like this whole journey will tell you something about him.
They have both been working to get you out.of the picture so they can be together.
I have access to information that I am not authorized to share with anybody else.
To allow other access to my email or other systems would violate the agreements I have made with others.
As you have been told already, it does not take much imagination to envision these scenarios.
She has trouble seeing at night and we live in a city so parallel parking is also a concern
What a little weirdo. Good luck out there.
Oooof. There is no good way to do this, but you can't stay in a relationship that you aren't happy in because of some perceived Blood Debt. You need to do this sooner rather than later. Give her a generous but firm move out date, or visa versa, or make it clear you will not be renewing the lease depending on how close you are to it. Her circumstances only matter a bit, compared to the fact that she's a 32 year old adult and at the end of the day, responsible for herself. She can get some roomates off the internet like we have alllllll done at some point or another.
I am in therapy and my parents with the help of my therapist realized what they did was wrong hence they apologized (at least that’s what I believe). I since the divorce little by little came to the realization I made a mistake. When they came to apologize was the tipping point. They made a mistake yes as did I, but if I don’t give them a chance to show me, I can’t expect him to do the same to me
Also she never really had lots of interest, through the 4 years i would try to get her to do things (not pressuring) but just planning things and offerning & she would say she gets joy from taking care of the home and my dog and stuff.. She was very nice & A good vibe to be around. I found peace around her as well as loving the time we spent together as i could get lost in the time with her
OP, certainly you aren’t the only one who knows this baby was planned or at least that hubby was looking forward to starting a family at some time with you. I’d talk to some of those people and gather some evidence before he gets to them and puts ideas in their heads. It’s the best idea because they can try to talk to him, or at least can defend OP if he files for divorce
Hmm if they’re good and kind people then I’d invite them. That being said, it’s your wedding, so you get to decide on the guest list.
They might have been imperfect, but they put a roof over your head and food in your belly. Accept them for what they are: flawed, just like all other humans.
.. but again, your wedding, your choice.
Is there a definition for faded that I don't know or do you mean jaded?
I do want to note, that I totally understand that you wanted to help her and she's bummed because she was hopeful it would work out. But if it's not two emphatic “yes's” when it comes to moving in together it's a no. It doesn't mean that you love her any less, it would honestly just be dumb to financially screw yourself & her by not having adequate cash saved up before moving out.
She was with her aunt. I’d ask but I don’t have any sort of contact with her family like that.
Thank you, but for the past few fights I was the cause for all of them. Last time I didn’t keep a promise because I was too nervous to do something, this time I said that she tires me even though I meant that being on call all the time tires me. So it feels like I’m causing problems here.
You have to explain to him clearly what you mean by a date and what you enjoy. There are simple couples where one of them can't plan these things even after explaining :D. Will you be ok arranging dates ? Provided he pays or shares cost ?
How do you know you even had sex if you were black out drunk?
If Abc said you had sex but you don't remember and then she says she's pregnant only three weeks later? Raised my eyebrows and combined with the miscarriage I would start to doubt she was actually pregnant. Did you see any proof?
Proposing to Abc because of conservative views yet you got into this situation because behaviour opposite to that seems misjudged. And then not using the ring you'd saved three years for when Abc knew about it? Even if she was pregnant you're telling her in tangible terms she doesn't mean as much.
Bit of a mess this and unfortunately you've probably just learnt a harsh lesson. Leave Abc well alone and unless your ex wants contact, leave her alone too.
I'm sorry but what pros did having kids have for you if you were so certain going into the relationship that you didn't want them? It's impossible to enter a relationship knowing you don't want kids and then debate having them. The debate is settled when you decide you don't want kids.
Either you are overstating your certainty in this post or you have habitually downplayed the amount of certainty you felt to your partner. So you knew that you didn't want kids mostly, but lead the guy on by discussing it like it was an active decision for a very slim level of interest in kids. This is deceptive.
Either you don't know yourself well, you're a people pleaser who lies to avoid conflict or you were lying to him for your own purpose. Either way, you should have had the balls to tell him that you weren't super interested in kids and unlikely to want them. This would have allowed him to move on from you 2 years ago to a woman that 100% wants a baby.
You're absolutely selfish to have conducted your relationship this way. to paraphase you're post: Oh well, it's his mistake to think he knows me better than I do. No, it's your choice to not be direct and honest about what you really want because you know he won't like it.
The dude is trying to lock you down in this weird ultimatum because he knows you're lying to him and saying what he wants to hear. He probably has started to recognize that this deception underlies your entire relationship. He's asked you something he knows you absolutely will reject to see if you'd rather lie to him than be honest about what you want.
Please end this relationship. You are deceptive, intentionally or not and you are doing your partner great harm. He deserves to be with a woman who simply shares his needs in a relationship.
Your poor daughter. Your husband IS being an AH here.
Inviting a few friends is normal. Don’t cave to him. Let your mom confront him if need be. He’s being ridiculous, and your daughter only gets to have fun kid birthday parties with friends for a short time.
Run don’t walk.
Words fail to describe how dishonest, selfish, and emotionally unintelligent your husbands actions were.
Consider therapy to help process all this & Im not you & dont know the rest of your relationship, but if it was me I dont think I could ever trust this person to keep “Us” safe again.
I cant imagine how much youre feeling right now, please reach out to friends/fam to help support you?
My thought reading your post is that this guy may call you his girlfriend, but it sure doesn't sound like he considers you his partner.
You seem more like an accessory that he acquired to fit into his life how he wants you to.
I know I’m late to the game, but how do you know this is the only affair she has had in the past 10 years? This is the only one she’s been caught having, and it was because of her affair, partner, being upset and wanting to go scorched earth with her breaking up with him.
It's unclear how you've made it to this point without ever having discussed this. If you've let such a huge issue as children go undebated there are likely other important things you haven't bothered to touch on either. So do some premarital counseling to see if you're actually a good match for a happy longterm relationship. Love is but one small part of making a marriage work. It may not be romantic to have to think about it, but divorcing because you failed to anticipate reality isn't very romantic either.
She should have recommended they all play credit card roulette! i’m a genius at having fun. I lived in egypt for a month
You want sex every week.
She wants sex every few months.
It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. You should decide if those are agreeable amounts and break up if they are not.
Oh please just dump him. What a hypocrite.
You’re one of the very few non selfish smokers that I’ve encountered. I used to vape and had no problem when people told me not to. I even quit vaping while living with my gf for 8 months who still vapes and I could hear her at night hitting her vape and still kept myself in check. I really am not trying to brag, but it’s possible to quit an addiction even when in the vicinity of it. I had a very clear reason to quit, I’m a former competitive swimmer and started vaping after I was forced to quit and was depressed. I got over myself and started swimming again and wanted my lungs to be healthy so I made the choice to quit. Sadly I don’t know if OP will quit if he’s willing to risk a whole marriage for it.
You could've been more polite, but that doesn't mean you were rude. I think most people would assume you probably weren't feeling well when you came home and immediately said you were going to lie down. If your wife can't get her head around the fact that you didn't feel up to her expectations, she'll just have to be mad until she gets over it.
You have some patriarchal misogyny to unpack, friend.
You’re both really young and only dated for a year before getting married. Call this out for the mistake is was and get divorced before you waste any more of your youth.
I don’t understand why they want to stay friends to begin with but… This line:
“We ended up doing to do. Everything was great.”
I assumed this meant they had sex, but the wording (thanks autocorrect) isn’t clear so maybe they didn’t and it’s referring to doing something else.
If they had sex he’s a raging shit bag. But if not he’s just the shit bag I expected (and commented on the original) a Christian man going in about her virginity to be. (Though why would I be surprised he had sex with her then dumped her, that also loves up with those Christians).
nope, it was about once a month he'd go and his parents would come for lunch or dinner in another weekend, so the weekends were mostly mine
This is so painful but I think everything you did everything that made sense. ?
You are 100% right that anyone within reason would have had you talk with the sister with you because that would nearly completely exonerated her. I think she will tell you the truth some day but who knows.
Big hugs OP ? best of luck moving forward.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Would he be open to coming to therapy with you? And you can tell him there? This way the therapist can help both of you in that moment.
Its break up time.. He cheated on you and will keep.
I didn’t know about this. Thank you so much for the answer
Did yall establish that he wasnt to have contact with her prior?
If she had been honest with you about what happened… maybe… but if not for Tom then you would never have found out.