The woman my husband “unsent” all of the messages to told me what was actually going on (27f, 35f, 38m)

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Yesterday the woman (for the sake of this post I’m going to call her Ava, made up name) came to my home while my husband was at work. She was very upset, and nervous. She told me that before she talked to me she wanted to ask me some questions, I was surprised but of course I said yes.

She asked me weird questions- if I knew any more than the story my husband told me, I told her no. She asked me a lot of questions about when I worked which I thought was odd. She me things like when my husband and I met and if he had ever cheated. She asked a bunch more, some made sense but some seemed weird. Finally I answered them all and she told me exactly what was going on.

Ava and my husband became friends late last year. She is adamant it was just a friendship, started by the boys being friends. She said at first it was very nice and my husband was nothing but cheerful and friendly. Then she said he began doing small things that could have been totally innocent like bringing her coffee or a breakfast sandwich. Stuff that she knew was flirting but it wasn’t overt enough to call him out on it.

She said by this point he had told her him and I were going through a separation that was probably going to lead to a divorce. She said she didn’t believe him but knew at that point he was probably going to try something romantic with her, so she began lying about someone she was seeing to try and deter him. She said it seemed to work and even though he was still really friendly he didn’t do anything overt.

Then in mid-December she had a break in at her house where nothing was broken but the back door was left open. The next night two more houses were broken into the same way and also with nothing stolen. It was chalked up to teenagers.

Then Ava said she started to get odd calls at weird times and gifts left on her porch. She said her sons father would do things like this after she had left him when she was pregnant and so she assumed it was him, especially since whoever was doing it was avoiding her cameras like he had used to. However she said she hadn’t heard anything about her ex in years and thought her and her son had been in the clear. Then all of this began and she assumed it was her sons father starting again. She contacted local law enforcement and reported all of this but they weren’t able do do much other than contact the department in the town her ex lives in and confirmed that to the best of their knowledge he hadn’t been violating his parole, left the state, or was violating the order of protection Ava had against him.

She said she was getting more and more paranoid and upset about this. She thought it was her ex and he was figuring out a way to fool everyone. She said my husband could tell how worried she was getting, and was asking why the guy she was dating wasn’t doing more to protect her, etc. and that he started offering to set up extra cameras and security in her house.

Then came the conversation the had that day that my husband had claimed to me was the “joke”. Apparently that morning he had asked how everything was going with her situation, and began talking to her about it. And he made a comment to her about how if she ever felt unsafe at night she could always text him and he’d come over, how he understood if she’d be scared and made a mention of how close her bedroom was to the bathroom where a window had been opened in the middle of the night weeks before.

Apparently she had never told him about the incident with window being left open, and it was something she had only reported. She got really freaked out by this. I guess my husband thought she was getting freaked out by him offering to stay the night. Later on that day she sent him the messages about switching the morning routine and the text exchange I saw happened. She showed me the screenshots of the unsent texts she had (she kept screenshots of all of their conversations after he said him and I were separating). The texts were him saying how he didn’t mean to freak her out and he just wanted to make sure she and her son were safe, etc, but she played it off to him like she hadn’t seen them.

She said the same day I went to her house my husband approached her before she dropped her son off at school. She said he told her that out of jealousy I was helping her ex gain access to her and their house and that this has been happening for months.

That afternoon I went to her house. She said at this point that she was just mentally exhausted and didn’t know who to trust which is why she gave me such noncommittal answers. She said that after thinking about it, she realize that my husband lying was a much more likely situation.

Either way now I know that he was lying to me and I have text proof that he was flirting with her completely unprovoked and unreciprocated by her. I haven’t decided how I’m going to confront him with all of this because I don’t want to get Ava in any trouble. Even though there is no solid proof who’s doing these things she’s very frightened so I’m going to do my best to help her however I can. I’m going to get all my ducks in a row financially and legally before I make my next move. Thank you for all of your advice.