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Date: October 5, 2022
Then step back and be patient my dear. Don't get too wrapped up. We don't understand most things until we see it with our own eyes. Just politely be honest and keep talking to him about it
Hello OP, Always trust you guts OP This not a question of jealousy. It is related to you marriage. You should investigate and be sure there is nothing suspicious. We are all flawed, it is our vigilance that keeps us in check. Do not confront or alert you SO, do it discretely (people hire PI to do so and many people did no regret doing so) The worst thing is to be blindsided in the future. Stay safe OP
If nobody was willing to play unsavory characters then all media would be the teletubbies. This is a ridiculous hangup to have. Congratulations on your role. This is great news. As for her, she may need to see a therapist or something. She sounds very immature.
Yeah no problem. I definitely understand the dilemma. I hope whatever you decide you you’re happy and content with your choice.
You're literally pushing his boundaries and being super selfish and weird about it. “Why does he need to feel like a man if he has a gf?” You're not some 'cure all' bs, you're a controlling and manipulative. You're a walking red flag.
So why did you marry him knowing this? Did you ever discuss it?
Thank you- this is really sweet
Your friend has no morals. I would have a serious conversation with her about no longer wanting to hear about her “relationship” with a married man. If she were to get pregnant how would she feel about how his children and his wife would feel or is she so selfish that she doesn’t seem to care that her actions have consequences for multiple people? She needs to move on. It’s pretty sad that she’s so in love with someone who can’t give himself fully to her and she can’t even bring him around her friends and he has to be a secret.
This woman sounds abusive to me. I’m surprised by how many times you excused yourself because to me you didn’t do anything wrong. I assume she hit you before the pregnancy. If she didn’t then okay it could be PPD or postpartum psychosis… and she should receive help for both her and yours mental health. But you know even if this is the case it seems like you’re a great dad and you don’t deserve any of this. The fact you’re doing so much while on top of everything you’re also the sole financial provider doesn’t sound right to me. It should be a team work. I’m all for dads taking accountability and parenting their kids but it seems like you’re the one doing nearly everything while she’s doing so little while blaming you for inconsistent reasons.
Redditor getting Agro without reading everything as usual
Sounds like she's detaching herself from you to find another partner, but keeping you emotionally hooked so that she can get free weed. She's probably already found a couple new guys that she's interested in more and wants to be able to fool around with them when she wants in peace. Move on bro
I know this will be downvoted but at the end of the day their still siblings doesn't matter if not by blood you still adopted him, I would go LC with both of them and anyone who thinks that is okay.
The fucked up shit that happened to you has warped your perception on what is normal and acceptable. You’re still traumatised from past events and unable to process this properly. Rape in a relationship isn’t something that can be fixed. I hope you seek help and find the strength to move on.
As someone trying not to drink, you’ve got a lot of parties and events that will come up where alcohol will be available.
You are the one who had an embarrassing issue with alcohol. You are going to have to accept that others are not responsible for why you can’t drink. You cannot expect everyone around you to stop drinking because you can’t.
This is fairly recent for you so it’s also understandable that you may not be ready to be at events where there will be alcohol. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t go. There will eventually come a time where this won’t be triggering, but now may not be that time. That’s ok!
You should be proud of your sobriety! At the same time, it’s ok to admit this is too much for you.
It sounds like your husband is like me. We don't particularly like material gifts. My preference is words, actions or experiences. A lot of men are like this. I personally like seeing my family enjoy gifts and enjoy the home and life I provide. My gifts are the joy my hard work creates for people I love. Maybe you need to have an honest conversation about it and understand his love language more intimately.
20 is a lot. All of his friends having slept with 100+ women is…unlikely. They are almost certainly inflating their numbers.
Lol!! I can't agree more!!
If she doesn’t respect the boundaries of your current relationship, are you sure she would respect the boundaries of a relationship with her?
Can’t speak for everyone but in my experience people like this are more likely to cheat or leave when another option comes along.
If you decide to ignore everyone's advice and talk to him, record everything. Who knows what he will try
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He’s being an entitled brat. It’s your car ffs
Please do, if your very clear about the boundaries you want… she can't later on complain
She's probably wanting some form of male attention too
I eouls ne very wary as if he'd BF sees your texts message is border line emotional affair in her part.. either way you could be seen as a jerk as tour a guy and she's a girl
It's OK if you don't want to have sex, but most people see sex as an integral part of a romantic relationship.
Without sex, you're not really in an adult relationship, and that's fine, but he may want an adult relationship with everything that generally includes, i.e. sex.
Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
Hit him with the KO?
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You mean doing her laundry?
Your gut is 100% right. Reading this (30f) made my skin tingle and stomach drop. Many abusive people also portray themselves as the “perfect person” because that’s the only way they get away with the things they do like “not control themselves”. If you decide to end this please, please do it in a public setting and have precautions in place. You are strong and you have got this!
If she says she is going to off herself call the cops, she needs help you can not provide.
Nah I don’t buy this. Be honest with her. Are you going to propose in the next 6 months or not? You own a home together, you’ve been together for awhile. What’s the hold up? Of course she keeps mentioning it because she thinks you’re leading her on.
Propose, then she’ll stop asking. But if you don’t want to get married, be honest with her
I honestly don't know why people are ragging on the friend.
He saw the issue, took action and it worked. What is there that he did wrong?
Just break up with him. Tell him he's moving too fast for you and you don't feel a connection.
Ask him. I wear cologne every day, even if I am not leaving the house. Just because I like it and it smells good.
Eh? I think you have to judge how important it is to each of you. Virginity is a social construct and doesn’t have many meaning apart from what people choose to assign to it.
With or without consent? Extremely important. One makes it perfectly fine, the other makes you human trash.
Do you expect these trauma-survived men to deal with the trauma that is you, because you can't del with your own problems.
And you project your inability to manage your own problems onto others because you feel that since you didn't have trauma growing up and can't manage your problems.. No one can. Is that right?
Your friends are right
Man the fuck up and tell her no, she's not going to a strange country to meet a strange bunch of people.
I’m not saying she has to have it because he wants it, but damn he’s allowed to be sad over it happening. And it’s just shitty people assume he’d be a bad dad as much as assuming a single woman wanting to keep the baby a bad mom.
Guess if he dipped she could give it up for adoption if she did just go through with it for the guy, which I’m not advising or think is a good scenario before we go down the nightmare of adoption and the foster home rabbit hole.
I would just let him raise the kid alone and call it a day.
Also, say what you will about the American medical system, but at least we could get in for a sterilization within a month. At least you could around here in Southern VA. Heck, I could get in for about any surgery within a month, and I would be in debt, but only to deductible. My deductible is considerably cheaper than raising a kid. Heck the bill without insurance would be cheaper than raising a kid.
This 100%
Your wife asking you to cut off a friend who cheated doesn't say that she doesn't trust you; it's her asking you to stand by – or show – your morals.
For me personally, if I had a friend who cheated on their partner, it would change the entire way I look at them. I would know of the harm they are capable and willing to cause another person – to cause the person they claim to love – and would have me wondering what lies they've told me if they were willing and able to tell such a massive and harmful one to even their own spouse. I would not be able to stay friends with someone that could be so callous and cruel to another person, and it would 100% make me look differently at not only them, but the people who choose to stay friends with them despite knowing what they did.
I wouldn't think “Oh, they're friends with a cheater, so they'll be the next to cheat on their partner.”; it would make me think “how can they possibly excuse or ignore this awful thing that person did to someone?”. It doesn't matter if the person staying friends was a complete stranger, acquaintance, friend, or even my own partner; it would shine a negative light on them. For some people, those who choose to remain friends with a cheater is enough to make them want to break up with their partner, especially if they've had experience with cheating in the past, and I don't blame them for it because it shows what kind of behavior you're willing to tolerate and excuse of the people in your life.
There is never an excuse for cheating, there are no “buts” to not accepting cheating. Either you don't condone it at all, or you do condone it on some level because you think there are acceptable reasons to cheat on her partner.
Sexless marriage, emotionally unsupportive partner and “other reasons”. If these things were attempted to be remedies and failed, the path forward is not to cheat but to seek a divorce. If the WS needs to find a new relationship, they needs to leave their current relationship rather than betraying their partner and leaving them with the trauma that being cheated on can inflict.
What she did is inexcusable and the fact that you are trying to excuse it shows either poor judgement on your part that you need to snap yourself out of, or a lack of morals that will almost certainly change the way your wife looks at you.
What kind of wild straw man bullshit is this? They listed multiple issues with the friend’s marriage and suggested there are more and you not only stick solely on that one but hypothetically attribute the friend’s actions to him? What?
It’s not a “free cheating pass” either lol they’re not dating. His friend didn’t cheat on him. Ending the friendship over that is not necessarily unreasonable but it’s something that should 100% be his choice, not his wife’s. That’s wildly controlling and ridiculous to expect unless the finer details of the story bring OP and/or his wife into the fold in some way.
She cheated on you and lied about it for years so you couldn’t even make an informed decision at the time whether to continue the relationship. She then concocted a story where she was the victim. That’s psychopathic behavior man.
I would be livid. I would divorce her and put her out on the streets. Whatever you think you know about her, you really dont. You’ve concocted an image of her in your mind and she’s not that person.
She belongs to the streets.
He telling you that he’s going to cheat and being manipulative. Believe him. The trust issues are real. Separate your finances asap before he spends your money on another woman. You are being used.
She may have a little crush on you. But why would you think anyone on Reddit would know better than you?
I havvveee told her to stop if she doesn't truly want to and then she keeps on doing it even when I've told her “i'm ready”and then she goes to bed
Yeah, it's not to say they deserve abuse at all. But they are definitely playing with fire, so that often leads to nasty burns. Would you tell people that they should enter a burning building? Fuck no! That's why I tell people they should never date a cop. That's my advice, they have to take it from there.
Just break up with her and let her find someone else. I think that’s what you want to hear
Report him to HR for the blackmail, he gets fired, problem solved!
It is an open basement. With a bathroom. There is also a wet bar and some arcade games.
I never got the answer to why they did it.
Really appreciate this comment. Knowing her, definitely feels like a combo of 2 & 6. At the end of the day, she’s made it clear she is straight, so I’ll just take it as attention seeking. There’s always a bit of hope on my end because I love her so much, but I need to come to terms with reality. Thanks for the input!
Two years ago you were twenty, several others have way more conflicting details. Anyways, I wonder if you know the stuff you think you have deleted, on reddit, still shows on the internet?
Never let anyone talk to you like that.
We don't know that for sure, but the video being on recent videos (1 week ago) is reason enough to have a serious talk with her putting a separation on the table.
You're entitled to change these terms about your visits. Don't worry if she's offended, if she's a real friend she'll get over it.
The issue is there wasn’t communication. She can still treat him with gifts, time, homemade things, etc. but if I were a MULTIMILLIONAIRE I wouldn’t let my partner who makes 800x less than me and is barely above the poverty level buy my food
Could it be the soap he uses, some soaps have a terrible smell. Otherwise he may need a drs appt
I was 11 months in with my girlfriend before breaking it off. We were on different levels and we couldn't find a compromise. Go find someone that is right for you because this will just frustrate you going forward like it did me and it will only break you down mentally.
I’ve done that a few times but I feel like I can’t always run errands or do other things when she gets off work, and then I’m right back at square one
She wants to be acquaintances because usually when people crush and get rejected, they obsess and you're proving her point. She is right. The best form of action is to move on and heal, get her off your mind cuz it's unhealthy at this point. People can still think that you're an amazing human being but not want to date you for personal reasons, yknow?
Dumping someone for cancer or mental health problems? You can argue it's crappy, sure.
Dumping someone because they have cancer or mental health problems, refused to get tested even though there was family history, and don't actively take charge of their own medications and treatments? Totally not crappy at all!
Being ill is not her fault. But how much of this could have been avoided if she had been proactive?
Because it honestly doesn't sound like it's the condition you have a problem with, but how she's addressed it in her past and how she's addressing it now… and her plans for it going forward.
I didn’t need to read past the on again off again thing to know this is a bad idea. Me and my partner both have bad ADHD (mine treated and diagnosed, his neither) and we still choose each other every day without fail. Realistically, would you want to bring a life into this kind of world, that seemingly gets worse by the day? I sure wouldn’t, especially alongside someone so wishy-washy over the relationship.
You are pathetic. Your backstory may be sad, but none of your recent actions have made you look like a good mom.
Does that make it cheating ?
First I want you to know what your feeling is normal, don’t think that you’re crazy. love makes fools of us all.
I would tell him exactly how you feel. Write a few paragraphs and read it to him. Hell,just show him this post. You cant expect him to know exactly what your feeling unless you communicate with him. He will understand and from there you can begin healing.
Remember trust is more important in a relationship then you might realize. If you find you can’t do that anymore, it might be time to end it. but it is a good sign he came to you about it first especially since he was a free agent at the time.
And:
“I love you but living in the same house/ apartment as someone else makes me uncomfortable” may be an outcome.
In that case see, if for you a committed relationship in 2 apartments would be livable.
Oops.
Then they go into care or go to other relatives.
Frankly, I think covering for a cheater is a deal-breaking lack of ethical behavior in a partner.
But why would your husband need to let someone use his phone to cheat?
It makes zero sense to me.
Girl, you're not his mother. He's a big boy, he can figure it out.