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Date: October 14, 2022
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Thanks for your response. I didn’t consider him having found someone else. It’s possible, but we spent a lot of our time together so I really don’t think it’s likely (plus he’s moving). I do think it’s case no 1, I’m fairly certain actually. How do you think I should respond? Or is no response best (but I hate the idea of ghosting)
Oh yea then just piss in the bed then see how she feels….cold and wet bitch lmao
That's a little aggressive, but either he's a straight up asshole, or he means if and when you two break up, you two will not remain “friends”.
I've felt similar, and followed through, but I would never tell an SO that they are NOT a friend. That's crazy. You should be best of friends, or else why would you spend 75% of your time together.
But after breakups, what is your feeling on this relationship?
Alrighty
It's a roll of the dice
To me you sound exhausting
So now that you’re over it and have gotten what you wanted from her, your moral compass has suddenly kicked in and you want to tell the truth? Your both human garbage imo no matter what you choose to do.
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Oh dude she’s 100% trapping you. Don’t stay with her bc of a child. In the end it ends up fucking the kid up more than being apart. Don’t admit anything until a DNA test is done bc in the end she’s being mad fishy and I think this kid is either fake or her ex husbands.
Girl, this mans's political views show he is not caring or compassionate. Did you know in abortion outlaw states they won't provide a woman healthcare til she's done a pregnancy test? In case any care could hurt the fetus. He's actively saying if you stayed in his future, he expects your health to be put on the line for the sake of better taxes. If that doesn't make you nausous enough to run Idk what will.
“Sorry Dad. I like her too much so I try to keep her away to not ruin things between you and her!” *wink*
What is up with people trying to gaslight OP about her own life? She saw how rough he was and it was enough to cause her to react like that.
We weren’t in the room and she said he threw her cat.
Case closed.
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RUN! Do you really want to invest your time, energy and love into someone who lied to your face! I know people say this here a lot but when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time!!
He may be inexperienced, but he's 30. He can handle hearing no and actually stopping.
He's not perfect in every other way than you teaching him sex, because he isn't really respecting your boundaries. You had to tell him no all night. That's not sex. That's respect, and a huge red flag. I'd run.
You keep comparing this to addiction but if he jerks off once a day before bed, that is control, not addiction. Doing something every day is not the same as addiction.
In OP's post history she mentions that she's been very toxic to him in the past and that both of their mothers have quite a bit of toxic MIL in them. We have no idea what that really means, as people generally don't like admitting the bad things we do.
Not necessarily, even a mere accusation of rape would be extremely damaging for the guy, even if there is no proper investigation. In any case, I already said I doubt that would be her intention, it is more likely that she might be trying to escape the blame.
Does the story read as though it was rape? What do you think?
Staying with everyone else at the party seems like a way better strategy, wouldn't you say?
But but but she was drunk.
Lol I hope not
She’s greedy. Only speak with her for your son. Leave romance out of it.
Totally agree she should dump him.
This is one reason why coworkers dating is considered such blasphemy. It just puts all the other coworkers into a weird position. But if you “want to ruin everything” this would be a great way to do it. This includes your employment there so make sure to update your resume' before you begin this salted earth offensive.
Your post itself was very well written. I think you’re thinking all the right things and you need to take into account the future like the reply says above. One thing to be cautious of is somebody telling you you’re over thinking things. That usually somebody that doesn’t want you to do what’s right for you.
Lol
I’m a preschool teacher who actually had polyamorous parents.
But OP isn’t describing polyamory here – it could be! But OP is describing an open relationship.
There is absolutely a difference between those of us who had bonus parents through polyamory and those of us who didn’t.
For those of us who do, there is a certain level of instability specifically because of integrating those adult figures later in life. If there’s a break up or divorce, that also introduces instability.
But for parents who keep that side of their life entirely separate, it’s no different than your parents going out with friends.
It’s true that our childhood ideas of what our parents’ relationship is like forms our ideas of what it should or shouldn’t look like, based on our own childhood happiness and stability. But the reality is that kids don’t see everything. There’s a lot that goes on behind closed doors that has nothing to do with sex, and we often don’t get to have those conversations and reorient our childhood memories in that new context even as adults. For some things, we might, depending on our relationship with our parents and how open our parents are. Some things not.
If, from the child’s point of view, everything was stable and identical to a monogamous couple, there wouldn’t be an effect.
Why would you need fast access to it?
Great food for thought. Thank you!
He reminds me of the stepdad that poops everywhere and makes the kids clean it up. This is a control issue. It could be a fetish issue. He is clogging the toilet and forcing you and the kids to on-line with it. Then bullies you for refusing to deal with his literal shit. Ask him if this is really the hill he is willing to die on, because you will be happy to explain to anyone that will listen exactly why you're filing for divorce.
Get rid of this guy. He is using you.
Obviously.
Traumatic shock is a defense mechanism.
I’m of two minds on this one. Firstly, I have had hypnagogic hallucinations before. I felt awake and was waking around and thought I heard my kids on their iPads at 2 am. Searched the house for them with increasing panic when I couldn’t find them. Then I realized they were at their dads house after literally hearing them around the house and then fearing they had been kidnapped. It was so. Real. So this is a possibility.
However, I have also experienced the flip side. When I had been dating my ex husband for only 2 months, he thought I was asleep and said “I love you”. Then sort of half shook me and said it again. I was awkward and not ready to say that back so pretended I was asleep. The next morning I went to address it with him and asked if we could talk about what he said to me last night. He then pretended to not have said anything at all. He went on to have a history of gaslighting me and making me feel insane. He’d say something straight to my face and then deny it seconds later.
Honestly, it could be either and I wouldn’t rule out the fact that he gets off on the risk of her finding out.
FWIW I agree with the comments left by others here re: using the child to sooth her dysmorphia etc. however, is there a compromise you could reach? Is there some kind of breast feeding simulator type product she could wear over her breasts so that the baby gets milk while she “breastfeeds”? Just a thought.
You go to the fucking police thats what you do
Dude snap the fuck out of it, it’s done. Lawyer up. What’s there left to see…her getting banged? You staying with her will just show her you’re a bitch and she’ll basically do whatever and whoever she wants.
Why are you worried about his views?
NTA.
She needs to take a self-defense class if she wants to fight everyone. Otherwise, she doesn't need to tell the world her past. Everyone has a past. Not everyone needs to know about it. Geez, keep your history to yourself unless it's going to do someone good. Tell them the amount they need to know, no more. You can't trust people with your skeletons.
How could you pick some kid over your son like that? You prioritized fucking his friend over supporting your son at his games and didn’t even bother with his birthday? Seriously? You’re a parent. That comes with a commitment to your son. He was living with you and you were responsible for him. You’re a disgrace
Your girlfriend is not good people.
This is either someone so naive that they'll “accidentally” cheat on you eventually, or so trashy that they'll literally do it right under your nose.
Both scenarios aren't good.
This is not a good partner.
How old are you? Have ever had a serious committed relationship belly up? Crying over the announcement is not necessarily bc you have feelings for them. It’s been explained a million times here.
What by the people comparing it to the death of a partner to try to justify it? I would'nt care if an ex got married unless I still had a romantic connection to that person.
Otherwise it wouldn't get an emotional response – certainly not to the degree of crying infront of my partner and friends.
It’s funny you don’t believe women when they tell you.
Plenty of people get in new relationships when they aren't over their last one.
What percentage of these people will admit to not being over their last relationship? Very few
Who cares?
Just because she knows you would side with her, doesn't mean she wants you to.
I knew 100% my spouse would back me when my MIL was being awful, but I didn't want to damage their relationship by ratting her out.
His phrasing is a little confusing but I believe he’s saying he doesn’t want kids at this point in his life, not that he doesn’t want them at all.
On the positive side you learned this before you got married instead of after. Sucks but you did the right thing in calling it off.
The ‘other things’ list is the main issue here
No not a troll. I’m just like this guy grew up in communism in Poland, where there is a ton of generational trauma. He doesn’t like anyone who complains and doesn’t work because you literally can’t do that and survive where he is from. But he sees this in most racial movements in the US. That trips me up because then I’m like “you don’t know our history. If I acknowledge yours, acknowledge mine” kinda thing. Mutual respect. But he can be very black and white.
The abortion thing is the THING. But my parents have different views on abortion and have been married for 36 years?
No, if I dressed provocatively he would not blame me for SA. Thats what I don’t get. He honestly has a lot of care and respect for the women in his life. But women he doesn’t know, for whatever reason, he doesn’t humanize in the same way. We fight about it anytime he says something way off base. I guess right now I’m trying to change him, which is not great.
This is giving me flashbacks to the SVU episode where the teen piano prodigy fakes her death to run off with her longtime old ass piano teacher—only to find out that he’s her biological father.
Girl, run. Get away from this married loser. You’re not special. You’re not soooo mature or interesting. You’re young and fresh and new, and he’s a creepy old fart who knows he can’t get a grown and experienced woman with his shitty social skills and non-existent sexual prowess.
you have a point. the other day he did give me a lot of life advice, i was feeling down, he brought me up. so it felt like he really cared and he thinks i could do something great with my life. he is affectionate in private though. cuddling, holding hands, kissing. so it’s just confusing for me
I’ve tired to offer this. . She’s declined it everytime
Or the other way around, that they aren't his kids so that she can break their bound and cutting OOP's relation with his kids.
It would be very sadistic but considering she cheated on him, none of her words can be trusted.
He continued to brush it off saying he figured if his friend couldn't pay their rent, then he would also pay for their groceries, and continued to play it off like no big deal.
“Oh, so you bought him $700 worth of groceries, eh? That's a hell of a grocery run!”
He thinks you're an idiot, OP. Don't stand for this. I'd be canceling the shared account immediately. He can lend whatever he wants to whoever.
Well a lot of this is hearsey, we have a girl who says her family has issued and typed that information on the Internet. Honestly he could have had issues with her and used this opportunity to bail. Not to “victim blame” because we will never know.
Wow these comments are asinine. Your boyfriend is entitled to be upset 100%. You mentioned it as a “girl trip” when it was clearly a mixed trip.
And now he’s pissed because it was falsely advertised so them being “gay” is now sounding like a made up situation. Not saying it is but in his mind, it sounds like an out.
I think you just have to remind yourself that this is beyond your control.
Either your new beau is interested in you or he's not.
If he is, he will honour your connection regardless of whether you're actually in a relationship yet and won't hook up with other women during his holiday even if he does meet them. If he's not, then the two of you weren't meant to build a relationship together anyway.
Agree on how and how much you will stay in contact while he's away, and then just focus on yourself in the meantime. Hang out with your friends, engage in your hobbies, put on your favourite movie and take a bath, or whatever.
I sometimes see the soul of my loved ones in my dog, or my brother’s dog. Who knows what’s real! All that matters here is that your husband had so much disregard for you and Benji, that he decided to do something behind your back that he knew would hurt you. I’m so happy to hear you got Benji back and he is safe, and very glad that you’re getting your affairs in order. Best of luck to you ♥️
Then in all honesty I think you guys might be ok. I understand the grey area about whether or not to call it an assault as far as legal matters are concerned, but the bottom line here is that Amanda definitely took advantage of your wife to some degree. This knowledge should make it easier for you to forgive your wife and easier for your wife to cut this “friend” out of her life forever.
Good luck to you both. For whatever it’s worth I honestly think your marriage can be saved.
I don't know if you're going to read this or not. What I think you need to do is cut all family ties. Because obviously your family can don't cheating. I don't care if they found that true love or not. You don't need the toxicity in your life. I say move away find another job in your career. Your best revenge is to on-line your best life. And trust me you will find the love of your life who will love you and be faithful to you. Once a cheater always a cheater. Do not worry karma will find not only your your ex brother and your ex-girlfriend the cheaters they also find your parents. And you tell your parents they chose your brother over you. And you will have no contact with them. They will have no contact with your future wife children. And you will not help him out an old age. So basically just say goodbye to your family. Cuz once that family trust is broken. They prove they do not have your back
No worries. This may take some time. You need to cut the ex out even if he is close to your family. You need to tell and show your current partner that you did. Good luck.