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TottaLoki Public Chat Channel
Date: November 1, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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A major boundary HAS been crossed. Not only did he disrespect your very vocal (and based on your personal history very understandable) boundary in this aspect, he doubled down and lied to you about this.
Additionally, he gaslights you by calling you ridiculous for thinking this way.
This is not a “I am vegetarian and so is my boyfriend but I learned he secretly went to KFC for years and lied to me about it” type of situation.
This man is not even a coveted pedophile. He has been loud and open about this. He did not have “sexual relations”, although from his perspective I'm sure that's what he's calling it. He at least sexually assaulted a minor. Probably even raped here. And that's just the physical aspects of it – maybe he groomed her? Maybe he emotionally and mentally abused her? We don't know any more of the situation back then, but he was a grown ass adult and he knew what he was doing and no matter what words he used, it was not consensual.
If your boyfriend had ANY empathy, decency or spine he himself would think about the situation and realise that he shouldn't be friends with such a person. But apparently he wants to be. So much so, that he even lies to you about this (even tho he knows your own trauma in that regard) and continues with his behaviour unbothered.
To be entirely honest: No matter how many years I was with a person. This is a flaw in their character I just couldn't tolerate.
Bruh she doesn't even want to tell him! ???
She's trying to rationalize it by saying “iT'LL oNLy CaUSe hiM mOre pAiN aND suFFeriNg” ??
Pathetic. He deserves better.
Very bad situation. First of all, he is not that kind, generous Mr Wonderful you claim he is. What that was, was his mask. That was him on best behavior and now the real him is coming out little by little. Even worse is its taking this horrible form that you excuse as retroactive jealousy.. Insecurities or jealousy has nothing to do with this. Consider how often you or others you knew felt insecure or jealous about someone or something but did not abuse your loved one. The real name for it is control manipulation. You try sticking in this relationship, it's going to get even uglier than this. It may even get to a point he has you so isolated and traumatized about even if your eyes shift a glance at a man innocently, you will be further screamed at abused, humiliated, perhaps physically hurt. This trauma may take years to get over and make it very very hard for you to have relationships with normal men in the future. This is the trajectory your relationship with him is taking. Knowing your future with a man like this might help give you the strength to leave sooner rather than later.
I will also recommend the book “why does he do it” by Lundy. You can Google it and scroll to the full PDF copy on archive. Org it will pop up there
Ok, wait Is your bf toxic to you or just your family because of blackmailing?
Put them away, no need to destroy them or delete them. That was a part of your life, it would be strange to get rid of. My husband has some books given to him by his exes and I couldn't care less. Or pictures saved on external hard drives.
Fight for what? This is an awful relationship that will only get worse.
Yes. This is creepy. Nearly double your age is not ok
“Heal yourself” is the best way I’ve ever said someone say “I want to fuck other people”
You've been married since you were 17??
Just talk to him about it. Tell him youre happy to have 'normal' sex however many times bu expecting a full performance every time is just unrealistic and you're often exhausted.
Cheating is cheating regardless if it’s a man or a woman. She still cheated but since she said it was once it would be hard to believe but hopefully she doesn’t do it again.
You also insist on calling them “her”
Porn is addicting. It makes complete sense that quitting porn isn’t as easy as just saying “I won’t do it anymore.”
I think it’s important to recognize that for a a lot of people (maybe you included), quitting porn can be actually a very difficult accomplishment. Cut yourself some slack, and your gf should cut you some slack too.
She should also recognize her insecurity, as this alone shouldn’t be a huge problem, as others have said.
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I’ve seen it done with 6 kids. And I’ve seen it done with 10 kids. And those kids grew up to be healthy and loved. So yes I do think it’s possible and I’m really not here to judge others on there choices. I’m here to be kind and give advice. Maybe you should start doing that.
If the ONLY reason you are throwing this relationship out is because of something cruel your ex did, then sir, that is dumb. You have a child with her. She deserves the effort. Your son deserves the effort.
If you don’t want to be with her because you have commitment issues, you should also get counselling and figure that out, because there is a child in the mix now. You don’t want to look back as a grizzled 30 year old who burned through women until they all wifed someone else up and regret that you didn’t try to make something special with the family you helped create.
If she is abusive, sure leave. But butterflies and lust always fade with time, so does hurt. Those aren’t good reasons to break up your family. You can reconnect and get back the spark, work through the issues.
Counselling can help. They will probably tell you to read Dr. John Gottman, so you can always start there if cost is an issue.
He is diagnosed from a doctor to clarify?
Sounds kinda like she enjoys attention from multiple guys at once not that she wants a firm future with you. She is reeling you in and pushing you away for sport. You on the hook like that episode of How I Met Your Mother. I would focus on someone who is excited to pursue things with you. Who isn’t gonna suddenly ignore you for fun or so she can focus on the guy she is actually in a relationship with/fucking. Even if you did get her could you trust that she wasn’t flirting with someone else cause how you get them is how you lose them. Idk it all seems like a mess to me.
Don’t ever go back OP, she doesn’t care about you only herself
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facts but howwwwww
Really like this man. I agree it’s my worst trait, I think it comes down to me being scared to trust. I need to apologize and work on myself
Yes we both are Elite level athletes and win races throughout the year.
I don’t mean this to be snarky or anything, but being right doesn’t mean you shouldn’t apologize.
If I refused sex with my wife in a way that made her feel bad, I would apologize. The very large BUT, is that she shouldn’t feel entitled to my sex at all times and I would expect an apology too.
OP needs to talk it out with their wife, but these conversations need to be delicately firm because it’s very easy to misinterpret or say the wrong thing. OP’s wants weren’t heard, and OP’s wife assumed her sex was better than her cooking (lol). She is definitely in the wrong. Unfortunately if both aren’t going to be deliberate on how they approach things, it will probably go badly.
Because of his trauma he finds it difficult to 'give head/go down ' on me
Has he brought your needs up with his therapist? Is his therapist open to discussing issues of this nature?
You are a piece of work – AH
I say go for it. You literally have nothing to lose.
Fair. But I suggest next time you ask the person you’re in a relationship with how they would feel if you did that instead of friends who have no idea how he would feel about it. Open and honest communication is key.
If you're embarrassed don't go. I don't know what you want people to tell you. Or just try being grateful
I disagree. I am choosing to make this an absolute for what I feel is best for me. He has freedom of choice in this will all my love and support.
Put yourself in her shoes. If your fiancé was cheating on you with another woman, would you want her to tell you? I’m sure she’ll be pissed at you for knowingly having sex with a guy in a relationship (and I don’t support doing that) but, at the end of the day, you’re not the one that owes her loyalty. Don’t worry about what other people will think or say about you if they find out he cheated with you because the only thing that matters is keeping her from getting trapped in an unhappy marriage with a disloyal man.
Pack a suitcase full of his clothes and other important items, then throw it out the door. He can arrange to get whatever else he left behind later. Call the police or his family to let them know about his suicide threats.
You can't trust him. He's proven this time and time again. He cares more about his dog than you or your child. Not to mention manipulative with the suicide threats.
It’s not that I wouldn’t want him as a boyfriend. It’s the fact that I know his dating history and he never takes any girl seriously. So why would I think he’s going take me seriously?
So basically you wanted to take away the choice of him knowing it because YOU thought it would hurt his feelings. You are coming at this from a very selfish point of view and need to understand that yes, you messed up, and you need to face the consequences of your actions. Take it as a learning experience for the next relationship you have.
Add to that the fact that some women want men more if they hear they are in a monogamous relationship for two reasons, pre-selection and “I want what I can't have”
Her attitude stinks, I personally wouldn't buy her laptop till I see some growths, and furthermore she needs a job….
Lol you are right. Overthinking is my specialty
She’s posting them somewhere.
Putting his hand over your mouth while you were driving is physical abuse. Leave him for your own safety! If he's sees that you're willing to stay with him after he laid hands on you once, he'll do it again in the future.
When I ask to watch a certain show she almost always says no.
Hell, no.
She is a SAHM and you need to clean for her every night? (otherwise… I think I know how nice she is). Red flags, abusive, everything else.
Cool. I’m okay w her going out. It’s more so I’m worried about her friends influence on her
“He is mad that I am mad and says I need to forgive him or he’s leaving.” kk bye!
I’m not “dragging my feet” I’m quite literally trying the best I can given the situation.
Sounds like she wants her to do all the work for the wedding but not be seen. So basically used
I mean… sounds like he isn’t into underaged porn specifically. He has to whole spectrum of porn. The sheer magnitude is baffling. How many gb were there?
Sadly, this is a common relationship ender.
Where no matter the decision, someone wins and the other loses.
Moving locations is a drastic major decision and needs to be one that both people are mutually happy with.
There is a reason why people say: Don't have a baby/get married to save the relationship.
This is sort of the same texture. Don't move to save the relationship.
I agree about the external influence, that is always frustrating.
However:
Moving to Melbourne is a non-negotiable for him.
Sounds like its my way or the highway. The deeper you think about it, the more damaging it becomes.
And if you decide to go Melbourne & Sydney permanently.. is that really a relationship worth staying in?
Seems like he is leaving and you're staying. The only option may be to see how that plays out and deal with this later.
This. Having PCOS makes it really hard to lose weight. Beside that, your weight has nothing to do with your value as a person or whether you deserve medical care. Get out of the house as soon as you can!
She has her mean moments where she makes comments on how I look chubby, but I know she just wants me to be healthy.
Yup
Quora is full of edgy roleplayers. You don't have to say pwASPD, it's fine, you don't actually have to say it's neat that people have kids they don't love
Jesus Christ man you’re crying over cookies, of course you need therapy.
Lots of complex emotions and they’ll always be there but letting your GF know she’ll always be second is a horrible thing to say.
Get some help and enjoy those who love you and that you love. This isn’t fair to Claire at all.
He was not manipulating me. He has apologized for his actions. We have moved on from that. This situation is my fault. I wanna know how to make up for this
If She goes to court and wants to be in the child's life she's going to owe a lot of money in back child support.
She told him. He denied paternity. The kids are at an age that a judge will take their feelings into consideration. I can guess their view.
Sure you did
wow! what a selfish delusional POS!
RESPECT to you for doing everything good for yourself.
” here's the order of importance of people in your life: Yourself, Your Child, Your Partner/Spouse, Everyone Else On The Planet”
staying to prove something
or for whatever reason…. isn’t a reason.
leave him so you can ♥️ your exciting life!
get out now before he makes you stop working and takes all independence from you, stating that he is in charge of your whereabouts.
Okay, good. What did you mean by that?
I think she's your ex-girlfriend now. Sounds like she dumped you. Four months is a fresh relationship. She's not giving up her career for you. Her career path is not an easy one for relationships. A lot of people wouldn't like a partner being away half the year. She knows this and this isn't something she's willing to compromise on.
Thanks for the advice, I’ve never really tried art or poetry before so I might as well give it a go, always been either more of a social person or doing something active alone. Might as well give it a try since I don’t feel like doing anything I’m used to, thanks.
They are just explaining it to you.
Maybe he’s trying to protect you from jealous fans and the media for as long as possible?
Wait till she finishes her exams. Why does he think she cheated?