68 thoughts on “Twilight-sparkle on-line sex chats for YOU!”
sounds like more of a morality policeman than a boyfriend. Even if you were playing with yourself, so what?? He should be glad if you're having some fun…not call you weird. Sounds like you didn't react enough!!! Why sleep with anyone who bothers you like that??
It’s like second nature, it just happens. It’s always small things and she said the same thing. She is worried I will be lying about other things. It is getting to a breaking point and I try not to do it but it just seems to happen so I guess I need to seek therapy to figure out what’s going on. Yeah I mean keep the peace seems like it might be it, I hate confrontation because of my father and a previous abusive partner.
A white lie is telling someone who put a lot of effort into dressing up that they “look great” even if you don't like the way they chose to do their make-up. A white lie is done to spare someone's feelings from being needlessly hurt.
People who lie all the time sometimes learned this behavior when they were younger because telling the truth led to parents being disappointed in them.
Part of being a functional adult is owning up to your weaknesses. One of your weaknesses appears to be poor executive functioning. If so, that could mean you have problems in analyzing, planning, organizing, scheduling and following through with tasks. Rather than admit you didn't plan or organize or schedule or follow-through you lie and pretend you DID, but just hit a no-fault-of-yours wall put up by someone else. Just stop doing this. Your girlfriend is going to dump you if you can't improve this.
You need to figure out some compensating strategies that work for you: maybe it's make a list, or put an alarm/reminder on your phone, or gamify tasks you don't want to do and give yourself a reward. But stop lying. It is a HUGE character flaw. Don't lie and don't excuse it. Be a man of your word. If you agree you are going to do it then make it the most important thing to you that you DO it.
People want to respect their partners. They want them to act with integrity. They want the stability of knowing that what they say they'll do, they'll do. Your girlfriend doesn't want to be your Mom.
You’re right it’s a major red flag to have written a note about another guy.
In all seriousness though you’re boarder line cheating on your bf. I know you already “tried” to break up with him but instead of trying just do it. You clearly don’t respect him nor do you want to be with him.
My ex made more than me yet somehow I always ended up paying more for meals overall regardless if we ate in or out. I started to spend an obnoxious amount money a week on food because I was paying more than 50/50 of our meals and it's weird to have kept asking my ex to pay her half. Now that we're broken up I can finally eat what I want and not spend more than I need to.
Also, we never do fun stuff. We always sit at home. And if we do something “fun” he is always complaining about things. Like that he always needs to drive because I dont have a license. This is also the reason that we dont go to my parents together very often. The only fun stuff I do is with my parents in the weekends. This whole evening makes me realise that maybe he isnt right for me at all, and I always thought the oposite
I totally would tattoo her , but alas she has NO tattoos and I don’t think she’s planning on getting any. so I don’t think she can fully comprehend what the reality is when getting tattooed
Alright I know the post is gone. Disappeared right as I was finishing it.
Please hang in there bud. The anger fades. Focus on the baby and just make yourself keep going and do extra things for her and I’m telling you it will get better.
I don’t know man. Me and my lady hit a patch that most couples wouldn’t survive and I’m glad we did. We’ve got these two little babies, life is good.
There was a time when I didn’t even want to lay next to her. It got bad. I knew I loved her though and I kept going and I’m so so so so glad I did.
Our feelings can betray us. When we’re angry they can cloud the good stuff.
I agree with others. Seek therapy if you guys need to, but you have a family now and you’ve gotta grow up bud, and so does she.
Help each other, love each other, love that baby.
People so dumb shit when they’re upset. Put yourself in her position. Imagine that you get a message from someone saying she cheated right before the baby was born.
Infidelity can take people through hellacious emotions. When my ex cheated on me I felt like someone had murdered my best friend and that she’d left a will stating that I couldn’t go to the funeral unless everyone was willing to point and laugh at me. I almost didn’t survive that shit.
Use your brain on this one. Leave your emotions behind. Focus on that baby. 6 months from now you’ll be glad you did.
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While I don’t typically condone many types of violence, especially in a domestic situation, what you did was not abuse. It was self-defence. He was violating your personal space and doing something specifically to bother you—after you asked him to stop multiple times—your reaction is actually fairly reasonable, though again, not trying to condone violence here or anything.
Don’t beat yourself up over it, and maybe ask yourself why you’re with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries, and more importantly, doesn’t respect the fact that he’s causing you real discomfort.
I mean, it's all fine that you guys remained friends and honestly if it wasn't for A I would say “absolutely”! But since in the 4.5 years since she told you guys to cut off communication she hasn't had to stress about you. If my SO's ex sent him a wedding invitation after 4.5 years of “no contact (to the best of my knowledge)” it would look suspicious (i thought you were no contact, and now you're invited to a wedding!?), and I'd hope he wouldn't go. Maybe it seems petty and jealous, but they've had 4.5 years of building a life that they are happy with. She hasn't had to say “no you can't go”.
Since you weren't invited to his wedding, I don't think he would take it super personally if he didn't get the invite to yours.
He needs to respect your grandmothers boundaries too. She just can't handle more people right now. My grandpa was the same when he was very old and sick. It's not about boyfriend it's about grandma right now.
Also, is he getting treatment for that anxiety? If so then he needs more.
Lol yeah I would leave him. He cheated and then when caught claimed to be regretful, which I’m sure he was but only because you’re mad. If you never found out he may have kept doing it. I think men who do this and hide shit like this just are not ready for a committed relationship
you made a good point. both his siblings are married and he tells me about how his brother and sister-in-law's parents will occasionally hang around with his family, something which we don't do as much in my culture. and also his siblings are both married to Muslims. anyway, thank you very much for your advice
He may be projecting, probably questioning whether he wants to be with you or not. I mean, does ALL DRUNK MEN immediately kiss and sexting another girl while he is supposedly in a happy relationship?. Come on. If you dont have that kind of thinking when not drunk, at most you will do idiotic stuff (none sexual).
She didn't misunderstand shit. I want whatever you're smoking to lead to that conclusion. You don't kiss a man that you know is married for any reason unless you're a selfish homewrecker.
If you don't cut her off I can't wait to see the TIFU post about your divorce in a couple months lmao this is a great way to get your wife to resent you
I understand. Believe me, I know how it feels. I was in a relationship for 2 years with someone that was not verbally abusive toward me but he consistently didn't treat me well. I continued to stay with him and tell myself that there was no point in breaking up because he was otherwise loving toward me. However, that's wrong. He was still treating me bad, and I should've broken up with him.
It doesn't really matter if your bf treated you well for a certain period of time. He's showing you that in moments where you need support, empathy, and compassion, he will not care and he will continue to treat you badly. People that are abusive can even be abusive one moment but then shower their significant other with love the next. That person is still abusive though, and lots of times, they love bomb to make their partner stay in the relationship.
And I'm sorry, but even if he was stressed, people that ACTUALLY care about other people would still profusely apologize, reassure their significant other, and do what they can to rebuild trust and make sure they never do something that hurts their significant other again.
Instead of doing those things, your bf ignores you, even though he knows being ignored hurts you, doesn't change his behavior, gaslights you to tell you that you're overreacting over simple things, and tells you you're annoying him because you're crying from being so hurt. Just so you know, crying from your bf repeatedly insulting you, yelling at you, and then ignoring you IS NOT you overreacting. You are reacting appropriately to your bf treating you like shit. The way he is treating you is not small, minor, or simple. He is, again, quite literally showing you that he doesn't care about you or your feelings, and he's showing you that he doesn't respect you.
Also, please don't stay with him just because you planned a future with him or because you've been together for a few years. I'm sure when you were making those plans initially, you didn't plan for him to yell at you, tell you he doesn't care when he hurts you, and then purposely cause you anxiety by ignoring you.
Do not live with him. You need to let him go. I know it's tough to let go of someone who is familiar and who once gave you so much comfort and made you feel so loved, but he is showing you that he doesn't care about loving you or giving you comfort. Do not stay. For your own good you need to break up, and find someone better
An live calculator is not as good as presenting your expenses to the court and then telling you how much you can afford. You're not a fan of shared rentals or living with your parents but somehow think it's more acceptable or easier to live! with a toxic woman?
I'd agree if he were talking to her, but since it sounds like this was a private note he didn't intend to be seen, it's more like his thoughts – we all are unfair in our own private thoughts, IMO.
Step 2. Mind your own business. This is the parents' mess. Not yours.
You can feel upset and mad. But you're not owed college tuition. Not sure why you mentioned that. Mentioning it made it sound like it should have been you who got the tuition and not her.
I lost sympathy for your mom when she and your dad came up with the plan to ghost his other family. Who knows, your mom could have been the one to suggest it in the first place. I don't care if she ever knows cuz she wanted to keep a child from their parent and that's fecked up. The only person I feel bad for is your half sister cuz she's the only innocent. You can be upset but your lack of sympathy for her situation is gross. All 4 of you (your parents, you, and her mom) and jerks (worst that jerks but I can't use that language in this sub).
Hello /u/Pitiful_Vanilla_3488, we've seen an influx of posts related to specific influencers and have made a decision to remove them.
If your post has to do with a significant other who's ascribing to a “high value/low value” standard, please note that while it's your partner's right to do this, it's just as much your right to opt out of such a relationship. Changing them is unlikely to succeed, and advice on past posts about this topic mirror this conclusion.
I feel that you are at the end of your rope. I’ve been there with my daughter too. I had to send her to love with her father for a month because we needed space.
I would stop giving her money. Money is earned and she’s not doing anything to earn it. Start with a list of chores and $10 pocket money a week.
Then get her a mental health plan from the GP so you can access reduced cost psychologist services. Maybe discuss a semi-permanent contraception while you’re there for peace of mind.
She’s acting out because she’s in pain. Causing you pain make her feel better about herself. If she does decide to leave, let her go for a while as the grass isn’t always greener.
I hate the reverse the gender game but if you reversed the genders no one would be asking you “what brought this on”, they would be telling you to get out, get safe, and tell the authorities. That is my advice, she sounds like she is unstable and domestic violence should never be taken lightly. We have too much evidence of where it leads.
I saw it. I’m wondering why she is then arguing with everyone about not wanting to throw 2 years away when he has disrespected her with his friend and hit her. ?
You know, someone could criticize her style as lacking in ambition, motivation, and foresight. But someone else could criticize your style as being obsessive-compulsive!
I think it's safe to say you view life differently. That's okay if you can respect each other's style, but it may make you incompatible as a couple down the road.
I recommend you enjoy her as a great companion at this point in your life; but when you think about permanent commitments, this may not be the right person for you. But don't try to change who she is. It won't work and will cause endless friction between the two of you. There's no rush finding a life mate – you're very young yet. Enjoy life a little while you're young, you can be a compulsive overworker for the next 40 or 50 years!
Get into counseling for yourself to work on being happy. Even if that means leaving your marriage. Your wife doesn't seem to want to contribute to the marriage.
You got friendzoned and couldn't handle it. She told you straight out that she was not interested in you in a romantic way and yet you pushed the issue instead of accepting the reality. You can't get mad now as you could have removed yourself for the situation multiple times.
A month ago, my partner said something didn’t feel the same anymore. I asked him to elaborate, he just said “idk.” I asked him to give us time, because we always worked through everything. He said he tried but he never really did. He always seemed sad in conversation, would only say “okay” or “idk” when I asked how he was doing. I tried everything I could with little to no result.
He broke up with you that night. He just lacked the bravery and emotional maturity to process his feelings in a way that he could materialize into the words “I think I have feelings for someone else, out of respect for you, I think we should stop seeing each other”. While what he did is undoubtedly hurtful, I don't think he was intentionally being insincere when he broke things off via text, or asked to be friends. I know that myself for instance, I tend to communicate and articulate my thoughts better in writing than talking.
Break ups tend to carry a lot of emotional trauma. Despite our best intent, it's human nature to shelter out and distance yourself in order to process these confusing feelings. That's exactly what he's doing. Not to sound apologist at all, what he's doing and how he's doing it is completely unfair and neglectful to your needs. You have every right to be upset and decide that you gain no value from a friendship with him. Use this time to recover and reflect, find yourself again. It's completely ok to shut him out if this is what's necessary to process this grief. You could even choose to write a final letter to him as a way to vent and gain closure, whatever you need to get through this.
If you had a daughter would you encourage her to give it a chance with someone who has domestic violence on their dating record?
If it was your mom would you encourage her to spend time with a man who was a violent offender in the past, even though he hasn’t taken any accountability or admit remorse and lied to you about it for over a year?
Put the woman you care about in the same position and then give advice, would you tell your best female friend that this type of man is worth her attention??
You are struggling because you've bought into the idea that you should expect nothing. This is a 33 year old man. If he is unable to pay for the occasional dinner and is this eager to go on trips and out to dinner at your expensive, it is because he is a user and a loser.
update: i talked with my boyfriend about this again and shared everyone’s responses and he made me feel really safe and secure. he validated my feelings and understands why it’s naked for me and told me he’s happy to give me reassurance whenever i need it especially when it comes to times they will hang out. i know it will still be nude for me to sit with the icky feelings that may come up when they want to hang out bc that’s the nature of my insecurity and also ocd tendencies, but im not going to let it control my behavior or control my sweet and loving boyfriend. thank you all (:
The problem here is he's not got closure and he's not letting her go. I was with a partner like this, she was abusive and had done a number on him. After 5 or 6 years of this I ultimatumed him to get a therapist appt in the next 2 weeks or I'd be out because I couldn't do it anymore I was miserable.
1 week in he hadn't even made a phone call so I bailed. He sent me flowers, apologies, promises. It's been 10 years and he's not once gotten therapy and my new partner (fiance) has been amazing. I don't regret leaving. I wish he'd gone to therapy, it would have helped him so much and he's an awesome person but I couldn't be in a relationship with him and his exes shadow.
Don't let this continue, he needs to deal with it. You should be the only person in his heart.
He was pleased by her attention and he let everything happened. He should ‘ve refused going to a concert with another woman (it was like he went on a date) and he should’ve cut off all their communications also but now she’s into him and she’ll do whaever she can to et him. Be careful thinking he’ll never cheat on you because the way things progressed slowly like this situation has anything could happen. He could get into an emotional affair also.
Have a talk with him and put up boundaries like going out together and texting things not related to work. If he starts de call you controling then probably he’s already into her.
Have you ever sat down and thought about what you put him through on the daily?
This is a responsable, stable, financially sound 26 year old who has been through the roller coaster ride that is you. You are exhausting to read and probably a lot to live with. All I can see is how he has compromised to make you happy. He’s less messy (which is good for him), he’s taking dance classes so he can accommodate your need for him to cut a rug at a club, he’s the designated driver when you are drinking up a storm out and about, he follows your whims.
Now, you applied to a job in Italy without actually talking with him about uprooting his whole life to follow your dreams. How selfish can you be? He isn’t supportive because he doesn’t want to be the one who only does what you want and be unhappy. You don’t talk because he’s probably unhappy and unfulfilled.
Be single if you want to dream or find yourself someone who is like you to move around whenever you dare to find something crazy to do. Otherwise, try to figure out how you can still be fulfilled with life while not picking up shop every time you feel like it. Find activities that will make you happy that aren’t always a few countries over.
I might get downvoted, but this is dumb, honestly. You should’ve told him that you weren’t a virgin the first time it was brought up. If you’re that worried he’s going to break up with you for it now, then you only have yourself to blame for letting it go on this long. If he broke up with you just because you’re not a virgin then he’s a loser anyway. Y’all let guys get away with too much for me.
That is fair – my compromise with my ex on this (as I was interested but worried about the practicality similar to you) was nothing goes inside until the other person is awake, so it was more like teasing someone awake which was quite fun
I don’t comment on Reddit very often, but let me frank with you FIGHT FOR YOUR DAMN KIDS They’re your kids too and how dare you let her jeopardize your relationships with them.
Get your shit together and put your foot down, immediately. Why are you tiptoeing around the fact she is trying to steal your childrens’ relationship from you?
ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE BY BOTH OF YOU
They now have another sibling to rejoice and embrace and she’s tearing up the family because of something that was unintentional and a wonderful blessing. (All other crappy things aside) Everyone is right, get a lawyer and hammer her NAKED with no. No to taking the kids, no to sharing custody, no to divorce. The answer is no.
I say this as someone who grew up without my dad around and it’s caused a LOT of problems for me that I’m just now coming to terms with through therapy. Do not for one second let those kids believe they are not the world to you, if ever there was a time to make a stink, this is it
Good luck to you and I hope she figures out that what she’s doing will harm her children and is completely selfish. Even if she doesn’t want to raise her stepson, this is an unacceptable outcome for your kids.
Just as a legal suggestion, make sure you look at squatters rights for where you live. You might be legally required to give him a certain heads up before he has to leave. It’s not likely that it would go down a legal route if you’re dating, but if he reacts really poorly and this somehow turns into a breakup, you need to be careful.
Yeah , fuck her and move on , ldrs are ri-damn- diculous and about as fulfilling as a live relationship. Go outside , get some air and some real sumpin sumpin
sounds like more of a morality policeman than a boyfriend. Even if you were playing with yourself, so what?? He should be glad if you're having some fun…not call you weird. Sounds like you didn't react enough!!! Why sleep with anyone who bothers you like that??
I mena how would he act if u told him you were . Are you not allowed to touch your own body ? Nah boo..leave his ass.
You aren't getting that money back.
She's not your partner anymore.
“Dating would be easier if women didn't have standards!”
It's insane to post this and not realize how shitty you sound OP.
It’s like second nature, it just happens. It’s always small things and she said the same thing. She is worried I will be lying about other things. It is getting to a breaking point and I try not to do it but it just seems to happen so I guess I need to seek therapy to figure out what’s going on. Yeah I mean keep the peace seems like it might be it, I hate confrontation because of my father and a previous abusive partner.
That's not a 'white lie' that is a lie lie.
A white lie is telling someone who put a lot of effort into dressing up that they “look great” even if you don't like the way they chose to do their make-up. A white lie is done to spare someone's feelings from being needlessly hurt.
People who lie all the time sometimes learned this behavior when they were younger because telling the truth led to parents being disappointed in them.
Part of being a functional adult is owning up to your weaknesses. One of your weaknesses appears to be poor executive functioning. If so, that could mean you have problems in analyzing, planning, organizing, scheduling and following through with tasks. Rather than admit you didn't plan or organize or schedule or follow-through you lie and pretend you DID, but just hit a no-fault-of-yours wall put up by someone else. Just stop doing this. Your girlfriend is going to dump you if you can't improve this.
You need to figure out some compensating strategies that work for you: maybe it's make a list, or put an alarm/reminder on your phone, or gamify tasks you don't want to do and give yourself a reward. But stop lying. It is a HUGE character flaw. Don't lie and don't excuse it. Be a man of your word. If you agree you are going to do it then make it the most important thing to you that you DO it.
People want to respect their partners. They want them to act with integrity. They want the stability of knowing that what they say they'll do, they'll do. Your girlfriend doesn't want to be your Mom.
You’re right it’s a major red flag to have written a note about another guy.
In all seriousness though you’re boarder line cheating on your bf. I know you already “tried” to break up with him but instead of trying just do it. You clearly don’t respect him nor do you want to be with him.
My ex made more than me yet somehow I always ended up paying more for meals overall regardless if we ate in or out. I started to spend an obnoxious amount money a week on food because I was paying more than 50/50 of our meals and it's weird to have kept asking my ex to pay her half. Now that we're broken up I can finally eat what I want and not spend more than I need to.
Hahaha, i have such little patience for men as soon as he sighed and gave me an annoyed look id have been out
Also, we never do fun stuff. We always sit at home. And if we do something “fun” he is always complaining about things. Like that he always needs to drive because I dont have a license. This is also the reason that we dont go to my parents together very often. The only fun stuff I do is with my parents in the weekends. This whole evening makes me realise that maybe he isnt right for me at all, and I always thought the oposite
I totally would tattoo her , but alas she has NO tattoos and I don’t think she’s planning on getting any. so I don’t think she can fully comprehend what the reality is when getting tattooed
Alright I know the post is gone. Disappeared right as I was finishing it.
Please hang in there bud. The anger fades. Focus on the baby and just make yourself keep going and do extra things for her and I’m telling you it will get better.
I don’t know man. Me and my lady hit a patch that most couples wouldn’t survive and I’m glad we did. We’ve got these two little babies, life is good.
There was a time when I didn’t even want to lay next to her. It got bad. I knew I loved her though and I kept going and I’m so so so so glad I did.
Our feelings can betray us. When we’re angry they can cloud the good stuff.
I agree with others. Seek therapy if you guys need to, but you have a family now and you’ve gotta grow up bud, and so does she.
Help each other, love each other, love that baby.
People so dumb shit when they’re upset. Put yourself in her position. Imagine that you get a message from someone saying she cheated right before the baby was born.
Infidelity can take people through hellacious emotions. When my ex cheated on me I felt like someone had murdered my best friend and that she’d left a will stating that I couldn’t go to the funeral unless everyone was willing to point and laugh at me. I almost didn’t survive that shit.
Use your brain on this one. Leave your emotions behind. Focus on that baby. 6 months from now you’ll be glad you did.
I’m a real person, I didn’t know about the troll thing until I had to add the throwRA to my account
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You need to ask yourself why you would even consider stay8ng with someone who treats you the way he does.
While I don’t typically condone many types of violence, especially in a domestic situation, what you did was not abuse. It was self-defence. He was violating your personal space and doing something specifically to bother you—after you asked him to stop multiple times—your reaction is actually fairly reasonable, though again, not trying to condone violence here or anything.
Don’t beat yourself up over it, and maybe ask yourself why you’re with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries, and more importantly, doesn’t respect the fact that he’s causing you real discomfort.
I mean, it's all fine that you guys remained friends and honestly if it wasn't for A I would say “absolutely”! But since in the 4.5 years since she told you guys to cut off communication she hasn't had to stress about you. If my SO's ex sent him a wedding invitation after 4.5 years of “no contact (to the best of my knowledge)” it would look suspicious (i thought you were no contact, and now you're invited to a wedding!?), and I'd hope he wouldn't go. Maybe it seems petty and jealous, but they've had 4.5 years of building a life that they are happy with. She hasn't had to say “no you can't go”.
Since you weren't invited to his wedding, I don't think he would take it super personally if he didn't get the invite to yours.
Sorry what is CNC
I guess we all have our own insecurities, this is just I have to deal with. And unfortunately one I will struggle to move on from
He needs to respect your grandmothers boundaries too. She just can't handle more people right now. My grandpa was the same when he was very old and sick. It's not about boyfriend it's about grandma right now.
Also, is he getting treatment for that anxiety? If so then he needs more.
Lol yeah I would leave him. He cheated and then when caught claimed to be regretful, which I’m sure he was but only because you’re mad. If you never found out he may have kept doing it. I think men who do this and hide shit like this just are not ready for a committed relationship
Tell your brother then report him.
you made a good point. both his siblings are married and he tells me about how his brother and sister-in-law's parents will occasionally hang around with his family, something which we don't do as much in my culture. and also his siblings are both married to Muslims. anyway, thank you very much for your advice
He may be projecting, probably questioning whether he wants to be with you or not. I mean, does ALL DRUNK MEN immediately kiss and sexting another girl while he is supposedly in a happy relationship?. Come on. If you dont have that kind of thinking when not drunk, at most you will do idiotic stuff (none sexual).
She didn't misunderstand shit. I want whatever you're smoking to lead to that conclusion. You don't kiss a man that you know is married for any reason unless you're a selfish homewrecker.
If you don't cut her off I can't wait to see the TIFU post about your divorce in a couple months lmao this is a great way to get your wife to resent you
I understand. Believe me, I know how it feels. I was in a relationship for 2 years with someone that was not verbally abusive toward me but he consistently didn't treat me well. I continued to stay with him and tell myself that there was no point in breaking up because he was otherwise loving toward me. However, that's wrong. He was still treating me bad, and I should've broken up with him.
It doesn't really matter if your bf treated you well for a certain period of time. He's showing you that in moments where you need support, empathy, and compassion, he will not care and he will continue to treat you badly. People that are abusive can even be abusive one moment but then shower their significant other with love the next. That person is still abusive though, and lots of times, they love bomb to make their partner stay in the relationship.
And I'm sorry, but even if he was stressed, people that ACTUALLY care about other people would still profusely apologize, reassure their significant other, and do what they can to rebuild trust and make sure they never do something that hurts their significant other again.
Instead of doing those things, your bf ignores you, even though he knows being ignored hurts you, doesn't change his behavior, gaslights you to tell you that you're overreacting over simple things, and tells you you're annoying him because you're crying from being so hurt. Just so you know, crying from your bf repeatedly insulting you, yelling at you, and then ignoring you IS NOT you overreacting. You are reacting appropriately to your bf treating you like shit. The way he is treating you is not small, minor, or simple. He is, again, quite literally showing you that he doesn't care about you or your feelings, and he's showing you that he doesn't respect you.
Also, please don't stay with him just because you planned a future with him or because you've been together for a few years. I'm sure when you were making those plans initially, you didn't plan for him to yell at you, tell you he doesn't care when he hurts you, and then purposely cause you anxiety by ignoring you.
Do not live with him. You need to let him go. I know it's tough to let go of someone who is familiar and who once gave you so much comfort and made you feel so loved, but he is showing you that he doesn't care about loving you or giving you comfort. Do not stay. For your own good you need to break up, and find someone better
An live calculator is not as good as presenting your expenses to the court and then telling you how much you can afford. You're not a fan of shared rentals or living with your parents but somehow think it's more acceptable or easier to live! with a toxic woman?
She's not a friend. Find someone who will respect you.
I'd agree if he were talking to her, but since it sounds like this was a private note he didn't intend to be seen, it's more like his thoughts – we all are unfair in our own private thoughts, IMO.
We clearly read two different posts.
Step 1. Get therapy
Step 2. Mind your own business. This is the parents' mess. Not yours.
You can feel upset and mad. But you're not owed college tuition. Not sure why you mentioned that. Mentioning it made it sound like it should have been you who got the tuition and not her.
I lost sympathy for your mom when she and your dad came up with the plan to ghost his other family. Who knows, your mom could have been the one to suggest it in the first place. I don't care if she ever knows cuz she wanted to keep a child from their parent and that's fecked up. The only person I feel bad for is your half sister cuz she's the only innocent. You can be upset but your lack of sympathy for her situation is gross. All 4 of you (your parents, you, and her mom) and jerks (worst that jerks but I can't use that language in this sub).
I hope your mom has a good rest of her life and never speak to any of y’all ever again
So why did you think he would change once you moved in?
You used to tidy up for him but I bet he didn’t thank you because he didn’t care about the mess so didn’t appreciate it.
Now you’re just carrying on doing the same – and guess what? He still doesn’t care or appreciate it.
Your 3 choices are
Keep on doing it and put up with it.
Stop doing it and put up with living in a shit-hole.
Move out.
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I feel that you are at the end of your rope. I’ve been there with my daughter too. I had to send her to love with her father for a month because we needed space.
I would stop giving her money. Money is earned and she’s not doing anything to earn it. Start with a list of chores and $10 pocket money a week.
Then get her a mental health plan from the GP so you can access reduced cost psychologist services. Maybe discuss a semi-permanent contraception while you’re there for peace of mind.
She’s acting out because she’s in pain. Causing you pain make her feel better about herself. If she does decide to leave, let her go for a while as the grass isn’t always greener.
I hate the reverse the gender game but if you reversed the genders no one would be asking you “what brought this on”, they would be telling you to get out, get safe, and tell the authorities. That is my advice, she sounds like she is unstable and domestic violence should never be taken lightly. We have too much evidence of where it leads.
I saw it. I’m wondering why she is then arguing with everyone about not wanting to throw 2 years away when he has disrespected her with his friend and hit her. ?
You know, someone could criticize her style as lacking in ambition, motivation, and foresight. But someone else could criticize your style as being obsessive-compulsive!
I think it's safe to say you view life differently. That's okay if you can respect each other's style, but it may make you incompatible as a couple down the road.
I recommend you enjoy her as a great companion at this point in your life; but when you think about permanent commitments, this may not be the right person for you. But don't try to change who she is. It won't work and will cause endless friction between the two of you. There's no rush finding a life mate – you're very young yet. Enjoy life a little while you're young, you can be a compulsive overworker for the next 40 or 50 years!
Get into counseling for yourself to work on being happy. Even if that means leaving your marriage. Your wife doesn't seem to want to contribute to the marriage.
You got friendzoned and couldn't handle it. She told you straight out that she was not interested in you in a romantic way and yet you pushed the issue instead of accepting the reality. You can't get mad now as you could have removed yourself for the situation multiple times.
A month ago, my partner said something didn’t feel the same anymore. I asked him to elaborate, he just said “idk.” I asked him to give us time, because we always worked through everything. He said he tried but he never really did. He always seemed sad in conversation, would only say “okay” or “idk” when I asked how he was doing. I tried everything I could with little to no result.
He broke up with you that night. He just lacked the bravery and emotional maturity to process his feelings in a way that he could materialize into the words “I think I have feelings for someone else, out of respect for you, I think we should stop seeing each other”. While what he did is undoubtedly hurtful, I don't think he was intentionally being insincere when he broke things off via text, or asked to be friends. I know that myself for instance, I tend to communicate and articulate my thoughts better in writing than talking.
Break ups tend to carry a lot of emotional trauma. Despite our best intent, it's human nature to shelter out and distance yourself in order to process these confusing feelings. That's exactly what he's doing. Not to sound apologist at all, what he's doing and how he's doing it is completely unfair and neglectful to your needs. You have every right to be upset and decide that you gain no value from a friendship with him. Use this time to recover and reflect, find yourself again. It's completely ok to shut him out if this is what's necessary to process this grief. You could even choose to write a final letter to him as a way to vent and gain closure, whatever you need to get through this.
Congrats on the divorce and you made the right decision bud
If you had a daughter would you encourage her to give it a chance with someone who has domestic violence on their dating record?
If it was your mom would you encourage her to spend time with a man who was a violent offender in the past, even though he hasn’t taken any accountability or admit remorse and lied to you about it for over a year?
Put the woman you care about in the same position and then give advice, would you tell your best female friend that this type of man is worth her attention??
She would probably wind up resenting him for “making” then move back and getting rid of her new job.
My bet is divorce in under 5 years.
It’s over man, have some self respect
The sudden behavior change and resentment towards your partner is often a sign of cheating.
You are struggling because you've bought into the idea that you should expect nothing. This is a 33 year old man. If he is unable to pay for the occasional dinner and is this eager to go on trips and out to dinner at your expensive, it is because he is a user and a loser.
This would apply if the husband was coming home and cleaning every day but it doesn't sound like he's doing that.
Because you’re almost 40 and her frontal lobe just finished developing
No kids, but good to know. Thank you! And ugh, misogyny…
update: i talked with my boyfriend about this again and shared everyone’s responses and he made me feel really safe and secure. he validated my feelings and understands why it’s naked for me and told me he’s happy to give me reassurance whenever i need it especially when it comes to times they will hang out. i know it will still be nude for me to sit with the icky feelings that may come up when they want to hang out bc that’s the nature of my insecurity and also ocd tendencies, but im not going to let it control my behavior or control my sweet and loving boyfriend. thank you all (:
Did you have friends before your boyfriend?
The problem here is he's not got closure and he's not letting her go. I was with a partner like this, she was abusive and had done a number on him. After 5 or 6 years of this I ultimatumed him to get a therapist appt in the next 2 weeks or I'd be out because I couldn't do it anymore I was miserable.
1 week in he hadn't even made a phone call so I bailed. He sent me flowers, apologies, promises. It's been 10 years and he's not once gotten therapy and my new partner (fiance) has been amazing. I don't regret leaving. I wish he'd gone to therapy, it would have helped him so much and he's an awesome person but I couldn't be in a relationship with him and his exes shadow.
Don't let this continue, he needs to deal with it. You should be the only person in his heart.
He was pleased by her attention and he let everything happened. He should ‘ve refused going to a concert with another woman (it was like he went on a date) and he should’ve cut off all their communications also but now she’s into him and she’ll do whaever she can to et him. Be careful thinking he’ll never cheat on you because the way things progressed slowly like this situation has anything could happen. He could get into an emotional affair also.
Have a talk with him and put up boundaries like going out together and texting things not related to work. If he starts de call you controling then probably he’s already into her.
Have you ever sat down and thought about what you put him through on the daily?
This is a responsable, stable, financially sound 26 year old who has been through the roller coaster ride that is you. You are exhausting to read and probably a lot to live with. All I can see is how he has compromised to make you happy. He’s less messy (which is good for him), he’s taking dance classes so he can accommodate your need for him to cut a rug at a club, he’s the designated driver when you are drinking up a storm out and about, he follows your whims.
Now, you applied to a job in Italy without actually talking with him about uprooting his whole life to follow your dreams. How selfish can you be? He isn’t supportive because he doesn’t want to be the one who only does what you want and be unhappy. You don’t talk because he’s probably unhappy and unfulfilled.
Be single if you want to dream or find yourself someone who is like you to move around whenever you dare to find something crazy to do. Otherwise, try to figure out how you can still be fulfilled with life while not picking up shop every time you feel like it. Find activities that will make you happy that aren’t always a few countries over.
I might get downvoted, but this is dumb, honestly. You should’ve told him that you weren’t a virgin the first time it was brought up. If you’re that worried he’s going to break up with you for it now, then you only have yourself to blame for letting it go on this long. If he broke up with you just because you’re not a virgin then he’s a loser anyway. Y’all let guys get away with too much for me.
If this is real, you need a new girlfriend.
That is fair – my compromise with my ex on this (as I was interested but worried about the practicality similar to you) was nothing goes inside until the other person is awake, so it was more like teasing someone awake which was quite fun
I don’t comment on Reddit very often, but let me frank with you FIGHT FOR YOUR DAMN KIDS They’re your kids too and how dare you let her jeopardize your relationships with them.
Get your shit together and put your foot down, immediately. Why are you tiptoeing around the fact she is trying to steal your childrens’ relationship from you?
ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE BY BOTH OF YOU
They now have another sibling to rejoice and embrace and she’s tearing up the family because of something that was unintentional and a wonderful blessing. (All other crappy things aside) Everyone is right, get a lawyer and hammer her NAKED with no. No to taking the kids, no to sharing custody, no to divorce. The answer is no.
I say this as someone who grew up without my dad around and it’s caused a LOT of problems for me that I’m just now coming to terms with through therapy. Do not for one second let those kids believe they are not the world to you, if ever there was a time to make a stink, this is it
Good luck to you and I hope she figures out that what she’s doing will harm her children and is completely selfish. Even if she doesn’t want to raise her stepson, this is an unacceptable outcome for your kids.
Just as a legal suggestion, make sure you look at squatters rights for where you live. You might be legally required to give him a certain heads up before he has to leave. It’s not likely that it would go down a legal route if you’re dating, but if he reacts really poorly and this somehow turns into a breakup, you need to be careful.
Why does it matter?
If you have a problem with someone asking a legitimate question on Reddit you need therapy.
Omg leave her alone, privacy !!!
He’s lying. He’s cheating on you or trying to.
Yeah , fuck her and move on , ldrs are ri-damn- diculous and about as fulfilling as a live relationship. Go outside , get some air and some real sumpin sumpin
Significantly older male partner is controlling, more breaking news at 11…
There's also parenting apps if family isn't available.
Wow. Dude is fucking manipulating you. Run. You do not deserve to be put in this situation. Find someone better.