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valentina-rossi1 chat
Date: September 30, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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That's grounds for divorce for me. That's a big betrayal, and I couldn't get passed it. Whenever I saw the child, I would think, “that's my husband and his step moms kid”.
I'm glad it's working for you but clearly everyone is different and that's okay. That is the point that I am trying to make. Just because you process your emotions differently doesn't make the person who processes things by “crying” wrong. It's just how they deal.
So many people are chastising this poor woman for not only making a mistake like every human being does but expressing herself in the way that is natural to who she is.
Just because your way works for you, doesn't mean it works for someone else and it doesn't mean either way is better than the other. Whatever works for you and who you are, is okay. That is all.
Desensitised to it. Instagram is covered with lingerie pictures so a lot of guys just don't get phased by it anymore.
Me personally its gotta be some really sexy lingerie for me to get interested
you dont save this. she's crazy. you should get out now.
Confidently.
no, she just agreed with him and said some blunt things about me (that are hurtful but I understand were coming from a place of pain and emotionality)
Call MCFD 1 800 663-9122 which is 24/7
Totally agree!
Most of the posts are ridiculous. It’s pathetic that so many people can’t make a decision on their own and resort to asking strangers.
Ok but I didn't and we're here now. I don't have a time machine so I need to figure what's the right thing to do now. Instead would've should've
You mean rubbish person. And, I agree.
Lol I think I assumed you were in the USA because your English is so good.
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He should break up with you. His ex is the mother of his child, and will always be a part of his life. They have to co parent effectively. You tried to ruin that. Grow up.
Yep…in a nutshell….
Yep…in a nutshell….
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I don’t think it’s necessarily transphobic, I mean if there’s no other possible reason the person could have won the award, it is indeed probable that it was made as some sort of political statement. It seems like he has no problem with someone who is a great athlete earning it, and that seems to be the concern. I’d be pissed too if someone who was a bench warmer and contributed very little won an award over more deserving people simply because of optics for the athletic program. I’d talk to him more. It doesn’t seem like he said anything hateful, it seems more like frustration because it appears that it was a political decision
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I honestly don't think that would work as well as it sounds. A lot of people in abusive situations don't necessarily benefit from a barrage of “Just leave” comments and nothing else. A lot of people in abusive relationships come here for empathy, personalized advice, and concrete resources, but so often what ends up happening is “Just leave!” and “Why haven't you left?” and oftentimes even commenters insulting and degrading the poster and calling them “stupid” and “dumb.”
It's obviously not anyone's job here to get someone out of an abusive situation, but people sometimes benefit a lot more from a commenter linking a DV hotline or a safety plan than just “LEAVE” and nothing else.
I feel like this is all valid but once he called you insane for being annoyed, THAT would be the end for me.
I think you need to see a doctor. That isn’t normal and there’s a few reasons why this could be happening. Have you experienced this with past partners?
Okay interesting. Thank you for the response. We’re both in individual therapy as well as couples therapy. But the couples therapy is fairly recent.
I’ve talked to her multiple times about being officially an item, I got her to agree to be exclusive and she’s mumbled “I love you” in her sleep among other things. But I don’t think she’s been in one good relationship in her life and she’s suffering from mental health issues so she’s trying to get happy and healthy before making things officially official.
What she said when we agreed to be exclusive was something along the lines of “part of me wants to make you the happiest man in the world and part of me thinks I can’t so I’m scared to put a label on things. I don’t want to entertain anyone else especially when I’ve been so afraid of opening up like I have been” and some more stuff along those lines, the first time I asked we “broke up” because she didn’t think she could give me what I needed (her words) and she said that wasn’t fair, a few months later I invited her ice fishing and we agreed to just be friends but we ended up cuddling and then fucking and now we’re much closer than we were before the ice fishing trip
Your daughters are not the problem. You and your fiancé are the problem. Your kids are far older than hers, and they are developing their own identities and independence. This is very normal for teenagers. You should not try to force them to be best friends with a little child. Small doses of joint activities or hanging out are fine, but her daughter desperately needs friends and activities her age. Both you and your fiancé have serious trust issues to deal with that are totally separate from your children. Get counseling.
You are only 9 months in and already have this level of drama? Leave him, yes it hurts, but only for a little while and then you will feel the weight lifted off your shoulders.
You nailed it! ?? we’re both laughing at this???
If you don’t like it just tell him.
What is his job? Because a qualified therapist would not ever suggest that they could be their spouse's therapist.
So? He found her sexually attractive, he masturbated. It's normal to fantasize about people you know/have a crush on. It's also perfectly normal to fall out of your crush and no longer be sexually attracted to them. Sometimes you fall out of the attraction because you've found your real person and that's who you fantasize about now.
Tell her how you feel and be firm about your boundaries. Make it clear to her that if she cannot unlearn her bigotry then your relationship will end.
You don't want to be in a relationship with a hateful bigot. Give her one chance to change and then leave immediately if she doesn't.
Just spend more time with her. Show her your good sides. If she's interested she'd let you know
Thanks, fixed it.
WHAT. ANOTHER GF OF 6 YEARS?
He is not in therapy because he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. He thinks all his problem behaviors just go away when he is happier. I suggested reading a therapy book together so that maybe he would realize how misguided that belief is. To say he is emotionally distant and lacks empathy is an understatement.
Also, no to couples therapy. Again, we are doing a (very slow) read-through of a couples counseling book, and stopping to discuss each chapter. He is actually learning some things from this, I think, but I think couples counseling would be better. I plan to push for that again in a month or two.
We have been together for a long time (dating, and then married). Clearly, red flags were there in the past, and they weren't huge deals at the time, and grew worse. In some cases, I believe I just made excuses and therefore allowed the bad behavior or thought patterns to grow. I'm not always right, and I don't get everything right, but I am trying to improve myself and also state what needs improvement. Obviously, if I were dealing with this and we were only a year or two in to our relationship, I would probably walk away. However, I know that in marriage you have a few options: (1) you can walk away when things aren't good, (2) you can accept things for how they are and be unhappy, or (3) you can state you aren't happy, and why, and try to take steps to improve those things, as a couple. I'm trying option 3.
If I had gold or silver I'd give it too you, but honestly I just want a hug. Thank you so much. Great analogy ?
you dont need 2 appointments to get an iud removed and eg the injection can cause infertility
Well that’s four months down the pan
You can still have a family 🙂 Just not with this creep.
Who gives a fuck? At this point, you need to separate your finances entirely.
I am scared. He will get angry and he will yell for hours.
I would recommend doing this before it gets any more serious between you two. As you have surmised this is potentially relationship-ending stuff but if you tell him later when you're more intertwined in each other's lives he might feel so betrayed that he'd break up with you even if this is something he would have accepted normally.
As for how to tell him I would be honest and open. You were young and based on the age gap between the guy who got you into it I'm guessing there was probably some grooming involved. Explain to him that you're past that stage in your life now and the only reason you're telling him this now is that you're developing strong feelings for him and you thought he deserves to know before things go any further.
And this may seem demeaning but I would get an STD test and give it to him when you tell him just for his peace of mind. He also may be feeling inferior to others after you tell him. If that happens make him feel good about himself. Boosting his confidence and self-esteem will go a long way in making this easier for him to accept.
Also, tell him to pull his weight with the children, then you might have some time to exercise. With the time he spends at the gym every day, when are you supposed to have that magical free time to take care of yourself? Your husband sounds like a selfish misogynistic prick. Don't you have a guest bedroom or an office that you could move into?
Porn has fucked up the minds of a lot of men and they get really into this kind of extreme shit. It is perfectly normal to not want to be choked during sex, and no one is entitled to harm you for their sexual pleasure. You are not depriving him of anything. He has no right to do it. You do not need to accept violence during sex, at all, for any reason.
Just leave your ex alone. She’s better off without someone who would cheat on her in her life.
During our last breakup, my bf had sex with his ex girlfriend multiple times and I forgave him after she came to me, bragging about it.
So not only is there lots of bullshit being flung around, this isn't even the first time. Be realistic about this goddamn nonsense. If suicide has crossed your mind on this point then your priorities are seriously screwed. Stop fretting about train wreck relationships, make a clean break and get a fresh start. It doesn't matter if you love someone if they treat you like utter shit, it's clearly one sided and unhealthy. Get him out of your life. Again. This time close the door.
It’s not as bad as do whatever you want culture. Cultural progression is based on discipline and rules.
Let’s look at fat acceptance for example. Are you going to tell me we should accept something that’s inherently unhealthy in the name of acceptance?…I know you will say yes but like cmon
Actually the intensive crying only started more or less 3 weeks ago, after she told me about a date (and her new boyfriend). I felt super jealous first, and then the crying started. I'm just envious that I need so long to move on (and I kind of accepted it), while it was much easier for her I guess.
Looks like she is doing you a solid by breaking up. That behavior sounds crazy af. It’s definitely crazy girl material. Why is she jealous over the person who gave birth to you. Bruh block that crazy out of your life
And do you believe your boyfriend wouldn't be reasonable like that?
I’m just surprised it never occurred to me! After several decades of … experience with them, haha
This is on you bro — You agreed to take her back
Now it's up to you to fix that mistake and move on
Oh no, I’m a decent society men would have basic human decency. Chivalry you could even say.
But chivalry is dead, and it’s women who killed it.
As stated above, our whole Raison d’etere as men is to mate with women. Gyms, diets, confidence classes, hell civilisation as a whole is built by men as a way of getting, keeping and keeping safe and happy women and children. Save as almost every other species on earth.
Behaviour like this wouldn’t happen if it didn’t get positive results. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. So start gate Keeping properly. That’s the only way this is going to change.
I work in the Millitary with a lot of younger lads, and believe me, I will pull them up on this behaviour all the time. And the reply I always get from them is ‘Why should I?’ The guys who act decently don’t get as much as the guys who act like dicks.
Where is the incentive for these young lads to show common human decency?
She gave birth early at 11 months pregnant?
What u mean infidelity
Whatever helps you sleep at night lmfaoooooo!! Dear goddess, imagine being this uneducated
I mean, have you ever play wrestled with anyone? I have, with guys and girls (I'm a guy if that's not obvious) and I've absolutely been
Trust your gut. She will deny without proof, and may even hide it more from you. Too many red flags and also disrespectful things in the relationship. You’ve already proven she’s lied (lies of omission and minimisation).
OP so where are you with this?
>This might hurt you, but that’s the benefits of marriage.
Nude take, being willing to be there for your partner in their most vulnerable moments is a trial run for marriage. If she isn't willing to do that I wouldn't marry her and if I'm not going to marry her then dating her would be pointless.
You really think she's going to magically flip her empathy switch and start being more supportive once they get married? Please.
No direct experience dating in Taiwan, but have relatives/friends there. I think this can mean several things, and you'll just have to communicate more to find out what it means to her:
She's interested in you romantically, and wants to introduce/vet you to her friend(s); this would be a good thing as it shows some serious consideration of you as a potential romantic partner, under this perspective OR, she's NOT interested in you romantically after 1 date (that maybe she didn't think went well at all), and now is trying to avoid 1-1 scenarios OR, she's not sure about you, and feels like she wants a second opinion (and is still open to the idea of dating, if things go well)
From only the surface level details you shared, it's impossible to tell what's truly happening. She herself may not even know for sure. You'll have to communicate as best you can, but I don't think you'll know more unless you actually go on the “date.” Just don't approach it with any expectations, don't be disappointed that she doesn't run into your arms or doesn't kiss you or whatever.
Check her comfort level on the “date”, see how her body language is, or is she laughing at your jokes, or is she telling her friend how cute you are, … vs is she more standoffish, more being polite but not engaging deeply, not paying attention to you and only talking to her friend, etc. Don't expect physical affection at the same pace western dating might proceed, but if she were interested romantically she would still find ways to flirt with you and show that she's relaxed or excited to be with you.
sensitive caring compassionate
Not words people use to describe me. Things I'm working on and trying to improve.
I have not slept with a huge number of women, but none of them have tasted bad. Some taste sweet like candy and some more 'neutral / sour' but if asked I would tell each of them they taste great.
It honestly sounds like you are not attracted to him at all, you just feel bad for him. I would say it's fairly normal for the first kiss, or even many kisses, someone has to be bad. If you're struggling that much with this, imagine the first time having sex, which requires more skill than kissing. It just seems like you're staying in a situation you're unhappy in. Imagine if he read this post. Is that a relationship you believe he'd want?
Yup. And maybe with time, as you leave the negative stuff more in the past and you get to enjoy your child—and, perhaps, gain some nostalgia for the good parts of having a little teeny baby—he may soften his view. But obviously be mindful that he also may not.
Kind of a side note at this point, but would it make sense to discuss some of his concerns about your health with your ob/gyn? I don’t know what your specific complications were, but to the extent you can get a medical professional’s perspective on whether they are likely to recur, that may be useful info for you and your husband to have. Either it could reassure him that your health during pregnancy shouldn’t be the thing that holds you back, or else inform you of the real risks and anything you could do to mitigate them.
I study psychology and obviously, uncontrollably try to apply some stuff on myself to be as conscious as I can. When I went to counselling, it really helped, and I want to go again as soon as I can afford it again. At this point I don't think I can help myself becasue of how confused I am currently.
I didn't do it as revenge tho. I just felt more connected. It was nice to have someone appriciate me with all my problems and actually understand them – that was the biggest contributor the attraction. As soon as my consciousness came back to me like “wtf am i doing” I stopped everything. My gf and I talked about our problems and issues a lot and I explained it to her the best I can but she doesn't get it as good.
It's cheating. Just end it with exclusive guy
Absolutely agree I will be looking for a therapist as a part of my healing process
If you have the receipts of the cheating that’s all you really need. If divorce is the option you choose, be smart about it. Make sure all your finances and assets are in order, make sure you have a place to go (if not staying where you are), and above all else make sure the child is safe whether that means you take full custody or split. Talk to a divorce lawyer (if finances allow) before saying anything to him to lay out your options. You’re not his mother, he’s not a child so he is not your responsibility. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and I hope you make the choice that is best for you and your child.