Currently in the same/similar situation as you. It happened a month ago and i can finally say that things are starting to get a little easier.
I still cry every day, I feel angry that they didn’t want to work together on our relationship, and i still feel shocked by how quickly things changed. I’m rooting for you OP
Nothing you could do, he's an A-hole and you need to build a new life without him, not easy but ultimately you will find someone who truly appreciates you for who you really are.
He's a liar. Why is he ONLY starting at “pretty girls”? If he really had a staring problem, he'd be starting at old men, children, insects anything too.
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It was an incredibly toxic and immature action on her part – but she’s 23 and was pregnant due to have a baby any time. I’m in my 40’s now, and shamefully looking back.. my approach to dealing with relationship issues in my 20’s was just as toxic. I totally would have ghosted a partner that I believed was cheating on me. Taking pleasure in punishing him. Not proud of it and not something I would do now… but I actually totally get her mindset. She was not thinking about long term implications of her actions. She was pissed off, hormonal, and dealt with it in a childish manner. You’re almost 30 and your world view is likely a lot more mature. She is not. You should know this by now. I’ve been in age gap relationships myself both as the much younger person as well as the much older. Part of being the older partner is recognizing when your partner’s behaviour is a result of their youth and immaturity – and help them understand. Was/is she apologetic/remorseful of her actions? Did she feel that she made a bad decision keeping you out and is actively becoming a better person? You said you’re thinking of ending the relationship, is it really because of this one thing? Or is this the reason you’re hanging onto but there is really more?
Leave. Some people are simply stuck on animal urges, he belongs in the wild. As far away from you as it’s possible. Evolution failed on him tragically.
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What's your alternative to setting that boundary? Listening to them make comments about your financial decisions for the rest of their lives? It doesn't matter if your parents were to fund every last dime. It's none of your in-laws business.
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I feel your struggle and heartbreak seeing a friend lose themselves in this situation. The unfortunate truth is that in the end, you can't control her life.
All you can do is be there. Willing to listen. Giving advice and still show appreciation for her. You can try to stop her from making bad decisions. But in the end… it is still her decision.
Dont beat yourself up over it if she decides not to listen. She's going through a difficult phase and she can't see her worth and what to do against these feelings.
You're very very right. He works a full time job on 3rd shift so he works overnights. So he sleeps during the day when im at work. But it is a mismatching thing. And youre right that I shouldn't seek the opportunity to be upset when I know the answers. It isnt necessarily that I'm looking to be upset, when I ask him if he has, it's because we have previously agreed on new sets of boundaries where he will at least tell me when he has done it. He just doesn't tell me though so when I stumble upon it, it frustrates me not just because he masturbated, but also that he hid it knowing that new boundary of telling me when he has done it. Regardless, it wasn't a good healthy boundary. We've been talking all morning here about options on things to do, and having a scheduled time of “this day we do it” is where we were starting to land before I saw this comment here. I also suggested that instead of diving deeper and deeper into visual stimulus if he were to get toys to be able to change his physical stimulus. I have one and he's aware of it and I seldom masturbate, but I do sometimes but I don't look at porn. My issue with him isn't all about how he masturbates, it's more in him looking at other hot women. It exacerbates my insecurities and I've made him aware of that, and he will tell me he won't look at it anymore then does. So at this point, I've just linked him masturbating to him looking at other women as thats what has happened repeatedly now despite me expressing my feelings over it. I'm trying to come to terms that he doesn't look at porn to replace me, but more to supplement his desires to get off when I've made myself unavailable to him.
It’s not time to move in. There are some conversations that need to be had about long term compatibility. Have a serious discussion about children, what each of you expects of the other, how to keep the household
What happened to you in childhood? What's your narcissistic injury? Why are you empty inside? From what is your brain protecting you?
You are not special, your grandiose ego is not real.. you are lying to yourself but deep down you know that you are worthless, not worth anyone's love. You like to be in control and that's not love!
If you become his spouse, unless he formally designates someone else in a living will, you are his medical executor. Married couples should know each others health history. That is the conversation you need to have with him
I'm not at all surprised this started when you moved in. If it had happened before, you probably wouldn't have made such a commitment. They know this. Abusers often wait to start their abuse until after their victim is “trapped”. This typically involves moving in together, buying a house, getting married or getting pregnant. They absolutely know you're less likely to leave then.
The physical abuse and extreme jealousy/control started when I moved in with my ex. I should have known because he was jealous beforehand but I stupidly believed he'd be more relaxed if we lived together. By the time I realised I was terrifyingly wrong, I felt too stupid and embarrassed, and like my parents had committed too much financial help with moving to end it. Please don't make the same mistake I did, you should leave ASAP. Your friends and family will be supportive.
It’s a pretty short timeline in your situation, but when I was doing long distance, it’d take me an evening or a few hours to relax back into my relationship when we were able to see each other. It was like we didn’t quite fit together for the first couple hours, I just felt a bit off, but usually after a few hours and certainly after the first night everything was back to as it should be.
I can’t remember exactly how, but a close friend was texting their husband spicy photos. When she brought it up later he was really confused and even proved he was somewhere he wasn’t able to have his phone when she received the texts. I’m not sure if someone duped his number or what, but the person she was texting was NOT her husband. Made me sick to my stomach… it’s so creepy and gross.
This may not be what happened but throwing it out there just in case
The big question is if this relationship is helping each of you to grow into the people you want to be as individuals and as a unit. People often act like having multiple relationships and sexual experiences is necessary to grow. But that is not true. At your age you definitely need to be doing some things independently and developing other friendships. You can also make a point to do new things together. But if you do not feel she is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, don't let the complications of separating everything be the reason you stay together.
Your boyfriend is disgusting. He’s texting other women and now he’s going out and oogling them too? And he’s so dense he’s out himself on blast but regardless, how are you okay with this?
Do you want him to cheat on you for your eyes to open and realize that he’s a garbage human who doesn’t care about your feelings? I’ve never heard any man say the word chick and I’m a 23 year old. That’s not how boys or men talk. Wake up and smell the roses.
I'll say it again. You're mother is in the one in the wrong in this situation.
If he man's up and puts his foot down he prepared for your parents to potentially get a divorce. Being told that you can't be a parent to your child is a hill that any decent person should be willing to die on.
Honestly from what you've said, if you really think she's that important reach out in a week or two. If not I would suggest letting the sleeping dog lie. Also, you definitely won that encounter.
I think the intent of the comment is based in the statistics that show very, very few relationships that start in our teen years last well into adulthood. People change as they grow and most often, grow apart instead of together when starting a relationship so young. You started dating at 16 and he is already showing his desire to branch out and have new experiences.
I wouldn’t consider this cheating but do feel it crossed a boundary and is inappropriate.
It’s one thing to think someone else is attractive while you’re in a relationship, but to go up and tell them multiple times how attractive they are is weird and comes across as making a move. It probably made her feel uncomfortable as well.
I would voice how it made you feel and what you would like moving forward.
I think the hardest pill I’m swallowing is him saying he is never going to change. Doesn’t leave me with much wiggle room for our marriage because that is basically accepting at 26 I’m okay being miserable and unhappy for the rest of my life… 🙁
People are impressingly willing to trust the word of some anonymous person, with no proof, over the person they are living with.
People are telling you that he absolutely cheated, because of an anonymous letter, because he was moody one day and because he didnt react to the letter the way they themselves would have. That is honestly wild to me.
We have no idea what he did or didnt do. My conserns with the assumptions being jumped to here are a few.
The letter could have just as easily been sent by someone trying to create drama, or someone that is obsessed with either of you and want to blow up your relationship to get either of you to themselves. You dont know, we dont know.
People react in different way to things. Had my partner showed me a similare letter I dont know if denying it would have crossed my mind, cause the accusation would be that outlandish to me. Its so obvious that I didnt, so my consern would be who someone was sending shit like that and why. Any response he could have given could have been suspicious if you look at it the right way. He got angry, angry cause he got caught? He denied it, why did he deny it like that it seems like too much.
Even while suspicious the best you could think of was that he had one off day where he was sulking and shutting you out, and later told you that he didnt feel apprechiated. He didnt handle it well by giving you the silent treatment, that was a dick move, at the same time I dont see how that equals to him definitely cheating.
Again, you dont know, we dont know. He could be, there is also absolutely no actual proof of anything. So why are you so ready to suspect him and risk your relationship over an anonymous note with no proof? Whats going on?
I know you love him and you want to get back together, but he doesn’t want that. Continuing to do physical stuff—hell, even continuing to hang out with him, is making this more painful for you.
Tell him starting now you only get physical with your boyfriend and he has a choice to make. Then you start getting over him. I know how hot it is when your first love was so long and so serious. But you can get over it, I promise.
It very sort of selfish to hang out and go on one on one dates with you ex FWB whilst in a committed relationship- you say you'd be totally cool with it if the shoe were in the other foot but really… WOULD YOU?? I highly doubt it. Its very disrespectful to your partner to leave her to hang out alone with people you've shagged- the message is that these other are people are more important than the person you're so “committed” to- which ironically is the opposite of commitment.
He's human!! He behaved like a twat and everyone has behaved stupidly, he needs his sister!! Please talk to him about how you feel but let him think about his actions without extra pressure.
Give him a moment to work his shit out and keep talking to him.
I have friends from college that I've lost touch with. Sometimes they cross my mind and I might google them or search FB just to see if they're out there. There are a couple people I miss – they were really good friends – I hope they are happy wherever they are.
I don't have any ulterior motives, happily married for 27 years. I don't know why people seem to jump to these huge conclusions about nefarious ideas. Sometimes a phone call is just a phone call.
She asks you on the hour every hour if you’re going to break up and every person in your life has felt the need to actually approach you and tell you that you deserve better?
Sorry dude but read the room here! She clearly drains you of energy and even you don’t enjoy this
Time to send Needy Evie on her way and if she tries to manipulate you by claiming she’ll be alone or depressed you alert her family and friends what she’s saying and let them deal with it
You spent four years on a relationship you knew would never go anywhere because of her family? Maybe you should look into why you thought that was something worth wasting your time with? I'm not talking about when you were younger, and possibly stupider, but more recently when you were clearing both wasting your time.
And you really need to work out a way to break your lease, because that six months of her dating someone else will kill you. You need to be happy, there is no greater purpose in life.
This is where I personally would slowly start removing my things to a new location and start a thorough investigation as to when where and why this video was done. Then I would remove myself from her life without a word, ghosting her and moving on to single life. It’s not worth being gaslit and manipulated. You will be questioning her from now on and the trust is broken.
Get a storage unit. Start moving valuable unbroken things into it, where she can't reach them.
Keep calling the police when she comes around. Even if she leaves before they arrive, you still made her go away, which is its own kind of victory.
File for an emergency protective order. The photos of the damage should be enough. It won't last forever, but it should buy you time.
Get a burner phone. Whenever she is around, take out the burner and start recording. If she grabs for it and breaks it, you haven't lost your real phone. If she doesn't, you have more evidence.
If your budget permits, get a hidden camera. Turn that on secretly when she is around. If she grabs for your phone and breaks it, the camera will still be recording.
I get your point, but he’s spending two nights a week with me and sleeping with me without protection, plus I spend every Saturday with him and his kids, so it’s more than just casual, in my opinion. We’re not exclusive or committed, so I understand that he doesn’t have to tell me anything, but it seems like a simple matter of respect in this case.
Honey- she’s his girlfriend. For seven years- she’s been his girlfriend. You are the side chick and he’s lied to you this whole time- about her being crazy, stalking him, all of it. He’s probably also gotten his friends to lie for him. He’s stringing you along. Please find your spine a dump him. Why do you think this is what you deserve?
Thank you for replying, I have tried to tell her to consider counseling, but she would tell me what difference would it make. I always try and tell her but she doesn't want to.
I would frame this conversation as coming from concern about his health not your sexual desires.
What irked me about the whole post is that she was not concerned about that at all. It is 'boring' to do it slowly. She 'has to feel bad' about doing it in a way that hurts him. Fucking hell. If I was in her place I would not do it in a way that can hurt my partner, even when I am horny.
He needs to allow her to deal with this situation. It's a small, intimate wedding. He also mentioned she likes to keep her privacy
I agree with what you said but lying to him isn't exactly dealing with the situation in her way. She can keep their relationship private by taking him in confidence about her plans and not lying to him that he didn't get an invite. She can tell him he was invited and she doesn't want him to go.
What could he possibly say to make this any better? You know that even if he actually apologizes for his and his friends behavior, he's already proven that when it comes down to it, he'd rather you suck it up and be humiliated than confront them when they're cruel to you. He's shown whose feelings and opinions matter to him more. Who knows, next time he might actively join in instead of just passively condoning their behavior.
I don't need strangers approval Yet I really love looking hot and knowing others think I'm hot, waking up to 1k people saying you are gorgeous is amazing
I agree. AT this point, I just do not know how to make the time. I have two days in the month which are exclusively for her. I am trying to make some time in the day, but I often do not find it.
You don’t coerce people into having children they don’t want. It’s not something you compromise on.
Also…I feel like so often on this sub, men are all “I want kids and she doesn’t” and it’s like they have this romanticized vision of being a dad—playing ball in the back yard, coaching t-ball, etc. What they aren’t thinking about is all the stuff women have to consider.
Like….the impacts of pregnancy and childbirth physically and emotionally—with some changes being permanent and optionally painful or even resulting in death. Or the loss of life long earning potential if they take maternity leave or stay home with kids. Or the fact that they are, in most cases, the primary parent booking all of the appointments, picking our clothes, doing all the daily care, etc. men just don’t think about this shit because many men have no intention of doing anything they don’t opt in to—they don’t stop all their hobbies or vacays with the boys.
She knows herself and she doesn’t want kids. Nothing has changed. Stop pushing her.
What you wrote makes it clear what you mean. You could throw in a I want to keep talking to you or two, but I thought you did a good job explaining your feelings
Omg its like we dated the same person. Most people “sorry! Is this better?” And we’d just move on and not do that thing. This person: “ow just i’m being pushed into the corner can we move just a bit?” Sighs, gets frustrated and stops because i “obviously don’t like this” snd was upset the rest of the day until sleep. I may be confused why he is so happy with his new gf and shes fine with this behavior, but i guess good for them if they are more compatible. Just glad i don’t have to deal with it anymore.
I’m sorry but the fact she wouldn’t believe you even though she admitted he doesn’t like you would be a dealbreaker for me. I’d send her a text and say “as far as I’m concerned we have nothing to talk about until you apologize for calling me a liar. You in fact know he doesn’t like me and the fact that you think I lie or something about what he’s said to me (and that’s just the tip of the iceberg) tells me you don’t trust me. So unless you start to believe me, I guess he’s going to get his wish and break us up. Let me know when you plan on apologizing, if not have a fun time in Japan, I’m sure he’ll go with you.”
Give her a PS and remind her this probably isn’t her first relationship he’s tried to break up. If she thinks hot about it, she’ll see it. BF suddenly dumping her for no apparent reason, him telling her they aren’t good enough for you etc. He wants her all to himself and always has.
I think he does have a type and it’s not petite girls it’s curvy women with well, bigger ‘assets’.
Can you elaborate why you think that? Besides the fact that you can toss this whole thing out as-is, because he chose you and a type is merely a preference, the logical way to tackle this problem would be to delve into this insecurity of yours and find its origin. One method to solve it would be to drop counter arguments to yourself when these toxic thoughts surface. You should document it the first few times you do it so you can speed up the process in the future.
I'm not a psychologist though, this is as far as my non-expertise goes.
Feedback isn't “that blowjob wasn't really good”. Feedback during sex is him telling you to move a bit different, more tongue, faster or slower, touch his balls, etc. It is about giving directions so your partner learns what kind of things you enjoy. And that is perfectly fine to say during sex.
Obviously he has a drinking problem, but I’m my experience men who speak to their girlfriends / wives like that while drunk don’t respect women at all, even when sober. They can just hide it when they aren’t drinking. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but the best you can probably do is leave him.
If you think you might enjoy it then you should definitely avoid it. It's far easier to avoid hot drugs than to quit them after you're addicted and your life is ruined.
Alcohol isn't anywhere near the level of mdma but it still manages to ruin plenty of lives.
If my husband said this to me I'd be completely heart broken and I'd leave him immediately
… with a “yeah I guess the men live! do look better than you so why stay with someone that doesn't turn me on as much!”
I could not be with someone who thinks like that, what a waste of 4 years I'm sorry
Discussed Nutritional products while eating pizza hmmm something’s not adding up .
Currently in the same/similar situation as you. It happened a month ago and i can finally say that things are starting to get a little easier.
I still cry every day, I feel angry that they didn’t want to work together on our relationship, and i still feel shocked by how quickly things changed. I’m rooting for you OP
Some people just send their snaps to everyone in their friends list. I personally wouldn't look too far into it.
Not deleting them is absurd. It also means won't delete yours when you break up, and you probably should.
Nothing you could do, he's an A-hole and you need to build a new life without him, not easy but ultimately you will find someone who truly appreciates you for who you really are.
How dense are you? You're a misogynistic, cheating pig.
Without a doubt this is already happening
He's a liar. Why is he ONLY starting at “pretty girls”? If he really had a staring problem, he'd be starting at old men, children, insects anything too.
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You know what you need to do. He’s addicted to the game. He either needs to quit or your relationship will die.
What do you do? You don’t do anything. We’ve all got choices to make. If he chooses to not be in the room for his child’s birth…then that’s on him.
At that age you will meet someone new eventually and get over it
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Gotta say. Most likely he's just going to get more conservative as he gets older.
It was an incredibly toxic and immature action on her part – but she’s 23 and was pregnant due to have a baby any time. I’m in my 40’s now, and shamefully looking back.. my approach to dealing with relationship issues in my 20’s was just as toxic. I totally would have ghosted a partner that I believed was cheating on me. Taking pleasure in punishing him. Not proud of it and not something I would do now… but I actually totally get her mindset. She was not thinking about long term implications of her actions. She was pissed off, hormonal, and dealt with it in a childish manner. You’re almost 30 and your world view is likely a lot more mature. She is not. You should know this by now. I’ve been in age gap relationships myself both as the much younger person as well as the much older. Part of being the older partner is recognizing when your partner’s behaviour is a result of their youth and immaturity – and help them understand. Was/is she apologetic/remorseful of her actions? Did she feel that she made a bad decision keeping you out and is actively becoming a better person? You said you’re thinking of ending the relationship, is it really because of this one thing? Or is this the reason you’re hanging onto but there is really more?
Only if they try to prevent others from getting one.
Leave. Some people are simply stuck on animal urges, he belongs in the wild. As far away from you as it’s possible. Evolution failed on him tragically.
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You’re long distance. He’s already proved he can’t stay faithful so what makes you think he will change?
Also, he’s into children.
What's your alternative to setting that boundary? Listening to them make comments about your financial decisions for the rest of their lives? It doesn't matter if your parents were to fund every last dime. It's none of your in-laws business.
What next?
Sit him down and discuss the future of your marriage?
Spell out -crystal clear- what you will do when he cheats. He will ( maybe already has).
Of course, first you will have to decide what you will do with a cheater.
You deserve better
She really doesn't. But her kids do.
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What you say makes a lot of sense. Thank you
You need to come clean, not just plan on it.
I feel your struggle and heartbreak seeing a friend lose themselves in this situation. The unfortunate truth is that in the end, you can't control her life.
All you can do is be there. Willing to listen. Giving advice and still show appreciation for her. You can try to stop her from making bad decisions. But in the end… it is still her decision.
Dont beat yourself up over it if she decides not to listen. She's going through a difficult phase and she can't see her worth and what to do against these feelings.
See her update.
You're very very right. He works a full time job on 3rd shift so he works overnights. So he sleeps during the day when im at work. But it is a mismatching thing. And youre right that I shouldn't seek the opportunity to be upset when I know the answers. It isnt necessarily that I'm looking to be upset, when I ask him if he has, it's because we have previously agreed on new sets of boundaries where he will at least tell me when he has done it. He just doesn't tell me though so when I stumble upon it, it frustrates me not just because he masturbated, but also that he hid it knowing that new boundary of telling me when he has done it. Regardless, it wasn't a good healthy boundary. We've been talking all morning here about options on things to do, and having a scheduled time of “this day we do it” is where we were starting to land before I saw this comment here. I also suggested that instead of diving deeper and deeper into visual stimulus if he were to get toys to be able to change his physical stimulus. I have one and he's aware of it and I seldom masturbate, but I do sometimes but I don't look at porn. My issue with him isn't all about how he masturbates, it's more in him looking at other hot women. It exacerbates my insecurities and I've made him aware of that, and he will tell me he won't look at it anymore then does. So at this point, I've just linked him masturbating to him looking at other women as thats what has happened repeatedly now despite me expressing my feelings over it. I'm trying to come to terms that he doesn't look at porn to replace me, but more to supplement his desires to get off when I've made myself unavailable to him.
It’s not time to move in. There are some conversations that need to be had about long term compatibility. Have a serious discussion about children, what each of you expects of the other, how to keep the household
You like arguing in circles..
What happened to you in childhood? What's your narcissistic injury? Why are you empty inside? From what is your brain protecting you?
You are not special, your grandiose ego is not real.. you are lying to yourself but deep down you know that you are worthless, not worth anyone's love. You like to be in control and that's not love!
If you become his spouse, unless he formally designates someone else in a living will, you are his medical executor. Married couples should know each others health history. That is the conversation you need to have with him
She did this to benefit herself not your daughter
You really don’t get it do you. You tried to break up a happy, healthy marriage. People don’t come back from this.
You're only going to have one life, so do whatever keeps you from being miserable.
It could be both. It could you are nice and poor, where drake is weird and rich
I'm not at all surprised this started when you moved in. If it had happened before, you probably wouldn't have made such a commitment. They know this. Abusers often wait to start their abuse until after their victim is “trapped”. This typically involves moving in together, buying a house, getting married or getting pregnant. They absolutely know you're less likely to leave then.
The physical abuse and extreme jealousy/control started when I moved in with my ex. I should have known because he was jealous beforehand but I stupidly believed he'd be more relaxed if we lived together. By the time I realised I was terrifyingly wrong, I felt too stupid and embarrassed, and like my parents had committed too much financial help with moving to end it. Please don't make the same mistake I did, you should leave ASAP. Your friends and family will be supportive.
It’s a pretty short timeline in your situation, but when I was doing long distance, it’d take me an evening or a few hours to relax back into my relationship when we were able to see each other. It was like we didn’t quite fit together for the first couple hours, I just felt a bit off, but usually after a few hours and certainly after the first night everything was back to as it should be.
It wasn’t bad, it just was.
Yikes
I can’t remember exactly how, but a close friend was texting their husband spicy photos. When she brought it up later he was really confused and even proved he was somewhere he wasn’t able to have his phone when she received the texts. I’m not sure if someone duped his number or what, but the person she was texting was NOT her husband. Made me sick to my stomach… it’s so creepy and gross.
This may not be what happened but throwing it out there just in case
He got snacks too!
The big question is if this relationship is helping each of you to grow into the people you want to be as individuals and as a unit. People often act like having multiple relationships and sexual experiences is necessary to grow. But that is not true. At your age you definitely need to be doing some things independently and developing other friendships. You can also make a point to do new things together. But if you do not feel she is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, don't let the complications of separating everything be the reason you stay together.
Then have another conversation about the message and decide if you can trust her. If you can’t, break up; if you can, let it go.
Most r trolls
Your boyfriend is disgusting. He’s texting other women and now he’s going out and oogling them too? And he’s so dense he’s out himself on blast but regardless, how are you okay with this?
Do you want him to cheat on you for your eyes to open and realize that he’s a garbage human who doesn’t care about your feelings? I’ve never heard any man say the word chick and I’m a 23 year old. That’s not how boys or men talk. Wake up and smell the roses.
I'll say it again. You're mother is in the one in the wrong in this situation.
If he man's up and puts his foot down he prepared for your parents to potentially get a divorce. Being told that you can't be a parent to your child is a hill that any decent person should be willing to die on.
Honestly from what you've said, if you really think she's that important reach out in a week or two. If not I would suggest letting the sleeping dog lie. Also, you definitely won that encounter.
I think the intent of the comment is based in the statistics that show very, very few relationships that start in our teen years last well into adulthood. People change as they grow and most often, grow apart instead of together when starting a relationship so young. You started dating at 16 and he is already showing his desire to branch out and have new experiences.
I wouldn’t consider this cheating but do feel it crossed a boundary and is inappropriate.
It’s one thing to think someone else is attractive while you’re in a relationship, but to go up and tell them multiple times how attractive they are is weird and comes across as making a move. It probably made her feel uncomfortable as well.
I would voice how it made you feel and what you would like moving forward.
Do not call them.
They are not invited to your wedding. If someone gave them the impression that they are, that person needs to correct the error.
she was hiding some guy from me because she didn’t want me to get jealous since i didn’t like her talking to them cause of other reasons
Did you tell him your pronouns?
I think the hardest pill I’m swallowing is him saying he is never going to change. Doesn’t leave me with much wiggle room for our marriage because that is basically accepting at 26 I’m okay being miserable and unhappy for the rest of my life… 🙁
Guess a whole lot of people are lying about “in sickness and in health,” huh? Better make sure your partner is breedable before you commit.
Sounds like a total lunatic tbh
I am planning on telling her, just want to make sure she also has someone to support her
Why would you stay in a relationship with someone if you are this unhappy?
I just meant there is some base level of skill that could develop. Probably not from having it one time, but overtime
Why do trolls troll?
Point out to her that it's not 'just friends' if he wants to get in her pants.
People are impressingly willing to trust the word of some anonymous person, with no proof, over the person they are living with.
People are telling you that he absolutely cheated, because of an anonymous letter, because he was moody one day and because he didnt react to the letter the way they themselves would have. That is honestly wild to me.
We have no idea what he did or didnt do. My conserns with the assumptions being jumped to here are a few.
The letter could have just as easily been sent by someone trying to create drama, or someone that is obsessed with either of you and want to blow up your relationship to get either of you to themselves. You dont know, we dont know.
People react in different way to things. Had my partner showed me a similare letter I dont know if denying it would have crossed my mind, cause the accusation would be that outlandish to me. Its so obvious that I didnt, so my consern would be who someone was sending shit like that and why. Any response he could have given could have been suspicious if you look at it the right way. He got angry, angry cause he got caught? He denied it, why did he deny it like that it seems like too much.
Even while suspicious the best you could think of was that he had one off day where he was sulking and shutting you out, and later told you that he didnt feel apprechiated. He didnt handle it well by giving you the silent treatment, that was a dick move, at the same time I dont see how that equals to him definitely cheating.
Again, you dont know, we dont know. He could be, there is also absolutely no actual proof of anything. So why are you so ready to suspect him and risk your relationship over an anonymous note with no proof? Whats going on?
I know you love him and you want to get back together, but he doesn’t want that. Continuing to do physical stuff—hell, even continuing to hang out with him, is making this more painful for you.
Tell him starting now you only get physical with your boyfriend and he has a choice to make. Then you start getting over him. I know how hot it is when your first love was so long and so serious. But you can get over it, I promise.
It very sort of selfish to hang out and go on one on one dates with you ex FWB whilst in a committed relationship- you say you'd be totally cool with it if the shoe were in the other foot but really… WOULD YOU?? I highly doubt it. Its very disrespectful to your partner to leave her to hang out alone with people you've shagged- the message is that these other are people are more important than the person you're so “committed” to- which ironically is the opposite of commitment.
hahaha yes, thanks for reassuring me ??❤️
He's human!! He behaved like a twat and everyone has behaved stupidly, he needs his sister!! Please talk to him about how you feel but let him think about his actions without extra pressure.
Give him a moment to work his shit out and keep talking to him.
This is why I said his insecurity IS an issue. I totally agree w you
I have friends from college that I've lost touch with. Sometimes they cross my mind and I might google them or search FB just to see if they're out there. There are a couple people I miss – they were really good friends – I hope they are happy wherever they are.
I don't have any ulterior motives, happily married for 27 years. I don't know why people seem to jump to these huge conclusions about nefarious ideas. Sometimes a phone call is just a phone call.
She asks you on the hour every hour if you’re going to break up and every person in your life has felt the need to actually approach you and tell you that you deserve better?
Sorry dude but read the room here! She clearly drains you of energy and even you don’t enjoy this
Time to send Needy Evie on her way and if she tries to manipulate you by claiming she’ll be alone or depressed you alert her family and friends what she’s saying and let them deal with it
You spent four years on a relationship you knew would never go anywhere because of her family? Maybe you should look into why you thought that was something worth wasting your time with? I'm not talking about when you were younger, and possibly stupider, but more recently when you were clearing both wasting your time.
And you really need to work out a way to break your lease, because that six months of her dating someone else will kill you. You need to be happy, there is no greater purpose in life.
This is where I personally would slowly start removing my things to a new location and start a thorough investigation as to when where and why this video was done. Then I would remove myself from her life without a word, ghosting her and moving on to single life. It’s not worth being gaslit and manipulated. You will be questioning her from now on and the trust is broken.
i don’t understand why people behave like that, it’s just a waste of time and energy. you’re right, thank you for answering me
Get a storage unit. Start moving valuable unbroken things into it, where she can't reach them.
Keep calling the police when she comes around. Even if she leaves before they arrive, you still made her go away, which is its own kind of victory.
File for an emergency protective order. The photos of the damage should be enough. It won't last forever, but it should buy you time.
Get a burner phone. Whenever she is around, take out the burner and start recording. If she grabs for it and breaks it, you haven't lost your real phone. If she doesn't, you have more evidence.
If your budget permits, get a hidden camera. Turn that on secretly when she is around. If she grabs for your phone and breaks it, the camera will still be recording.
I get your point, but he’s spending two nights a week with me and sleeping with me without protection, plus I spend every Saturday with him and his kids, so it’s more than just casual, in my opinion. We’re not exclusive or committed, so I understand that he doesn’t have to tell me anything, but it seems like a simple matter of respect in this case.
Honey- she’s his girlfriend. For seven years- she’s been his girlfriend. You are the side chick and he’s lied to you this whole time- about her being crazy, stalking him, all of it. He’s probably also gotten his friends to lie for him. He’s stringing you along. Please find your spine a dump him. Why do you think this is what you deserve?
Dude, trust your gut
This is likely the first of many red flags to come
It’s totally fake
Thank you for replying, I have tried to tell her to consider counseling, but she would tell me what difference would it make. I always try and tell her but she doesn't want to.
I would frame this conversation as coming from concern about his health not your sexual desires.
What irked me about the whole post is that she was not concerned about that at all. It is 'boring' to do it slowly. She 'has to feel bad' about doing it in a way that hurts him. Fucking hell. If I was in her place I would not do it in a way that can hurt my partner, even when I am horny.
He should plan on getting really good at giving head then.
He needs to allow her to deal with this situation. It's a small, intimate wedding. He also mentioned she likes to keep her privacy
I agree with what you said but lying to him isn't exactly dealing with the situation in her way. She can keep their relationship private by taking him in confidence about her plans and not lying to him that he didn't get an invite. She can tell him he was invited and she doesn't want him to go.
What could he possibly say to make this any better? You know that even if he actually apologizes for his and his friends behavior, he's already proven that when it comes down to it, he'd rather you suck it up and be humiliated than confront them when they're cruel to you. He's shown whose feelings and opinions matter to him more. Who knows, next time he might actively join in instead of just passively condoning their behavior.
I think you should understand that women will do this to avoid being murdered for rejecting a man.
I don't need strangers approval Yet I really love looking hot and knowing others think I'm hot, waking up to 1k people saying you are gorgeous is amazing
You need to start by being honest with yourself.
I agree. AT this point, I just do not know how to make the time. I have two days in the month which are exclusively for her. I am trying to make some time in the day, but I often do not find it.
You don’t coerce people into having children they don’t want. It’s not something you compromise on.
Also…I feel like so often on this sub, men are all “I want kids and she doesn’t” and it’s like they have this romanticized vision of being a dad—playing ball in the back yard, coaching t-ball, etc. What they aren’t thinking about is all the stuff women have to consider.
Like….the impacts of pregnancy and childbirth physically and emotionally—with some changes being permanent and optionally painful or even resulting in death. Or the loss of life long earning potential if they take maternity leave or stay home with kids. Or the fact that they are, in most cases, the primary parent booking all of the appointments, picking our clothes, doing all the daily care, etc. men just don’t think about this shit because many men have no intention of doing anything they don’t opt in to—they don’t stop all their hobbies or vacays with the boys.
She knows herself and she doesn’t want kids. Nothing has changed. Stop pushing her.
What you wrote makes it clear what you mean. You could throw in a I want to keep talking to you or two, but I thought you did a good job explaining your feelings
Maybe time for some new friends.
We're you living together before?
Have all the sex you want!
Just don't get emotionally invested or believe anything he says. And always insist on condoms
Omg its like we dated the same person. Most people “sorry! Is this better?” And we’d just move on and not do that thing. This person: “ow just i’m being pushed into the corner can we move just a bit?” Sighs, gets frustrated and stops because i “obviously don’t like this” snd was upset the rest of the day until sleep. I may be confused why he is so happy with his new gf and shes fine with this behavior, but i guess good for them if they are more compatible. Just glad i don’t have to deal with it anymore.
Learn how to read.
If you love her and want to marry her then become a Muslim or let her go.
I had a friend that said my long time partner always wanted to screw her. It’s best to cut ties.
This is just how it feels to me, but her behavior points towards this.
I think I blinded myself
Dump him because he’s going to ruin your future. He’s going to drag you down into debt with him.
I’m sorry but the fact she wouldn’t believe you even though she admitted he doesn’t like you would be a dealbreaker for me. I’d send her a text and say “as far as I’m concerned we have nothing to talk about until you apologize for calling me a liar. You in fact know he doesn’t like me and the fact that you think I lie or something about what he’s said to me (and that’s just the tip of the iceberg) tells me you don’t trust me. So unless you start to believe me, I guess he’s going to get his wish and break us up. Let me know when you plan on apologizing, if not have a fun time in Japan, I’m sure he’ll go with you.”
Give her a PS and remind her this probably isn’t her first relationship he’s tried to break up. If she thinks hot about it, she’ll see it. BF suddenly dumping her for no apparent reason, him telling her they aren’t good enough for you etc. He wants her all to himself and always has.
I think he does have a type and it’s not petite girls it’s curvy women with well, bigger ‘assets’.
Can you elaborate why you think that? Besides the fact that you can toss this whole thing out as-is, because he chose you and a type is merely a preference, the logical way to tackle this problem would be to delve into this insecurity of yours and find its origin. One method to solve it would be to drop counter arguments to yourself when these toxic thoughts surface. You should document it the first few times you do it so you can speed up the process in the future.
I'm not a psychologist though, this is as far as my non-expertise goes.
He's enjoying fucking w you.
Run, red flag
Feedback isn't “that blowjob wasn't really good”. Feedback during sex is him telling you to move a bit different, more tongue, faster or slower, touch his balls, etc. It is about giving directions so your partner learns what kind of things you enjoy. And that is perfectly fine to say during sex.
Obviously he has a drinking problem, but I’m my experience men who speak to their girlfriends / wives like that while drunk don’t respect women at all, even when sober. They can just hide it when they aren’t drinking. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but the best you can probably do is leave him.
Are you sure you’re not being scammed?
If you think you might enjoy it then you should definitely avoid it. It's far easier to avoid hot drugs than to quit them after you're addicted and your life is ruined.
Alcohol isn't anywhere near the level of mdma but it still manages to ruin plenty of lives.
Typical manipulative Pro right there, it’s best you quit early before losing yourself in such relationship.
You are saying you need him to slow down and he isn't. That is a huge red flag. He is already ignoring your very basic requests