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WHIP MY ASS UNTIL [30 tokens remaining]
Date: October 14, 2022
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If you really trust him it shouldnt be a problem to be around people having sex because he wouldnt do anything. It might cross boundaries but you would still know he didnt do anything. But YOU dont trust him. Thats why you hop on reddit to have strangers jump on the distrust train. Nobody here knows you or your partner or your history. The fact you are suggesting midnight curfew and you are snooping around on his phone and finances shows a great level of distrust. On that I as a partner would never tolerate.
If you really trust him it shouldnt be a problem to be around people having sex because he wouldnt do anything. It might cross boundaries but you would still know he didnt do anything. But YOU dont trust him. Thats why you hop on reddit to have strangers jump on the distrust train. Nobody here knows you or your partner or your history. The fact you are suggesting midnight curfew and you are snooping around on his phone and finances shows a great level of distrust. On that I as a partner would never tolerate.
If you really trust him it shouldnt be a problem to be around people having sex because he wouldnt do anything. It might cross boundaries but you would still know he didnt do anything. But YOU dont trust him. Thats why you hop on reddit to have strangers jump on the distrust train. Nobody here knows you or your partner or your history. The fact you are suggesting midnight curfew and you are snooping around on his phone and finances shows a great level of distrust. On that I as a partner would never tolerate.
Red flag #1 phone down. Red flag #2 weekends only- you guys are in your 30’s and have been together 8 months. If it was a serious relationship, that would be changing. Red flag #3- bad communication Red flag #4- never tried to prevent pregnancy, but wants you to use abortion as birth control Red flag #5- violent tendencies
…I could keep going. Whatever you decide to do with the baby is your choice, but that man needs to be out of your life. You can’t talk out those red flags. You can’t make that better. If you keep the baby, I suggest going no contact with him and getting away from him. Raising a child alone is better than raising a child in fear.
Gosh my husband also made dumb ‚jokes‘
Had a talk with him and he toned it down.
I think he tried to tease you because of how your reacted and be provocative.
You should just confront him and set a clear boundary that you don’t allow these kind of ideas thrown around so carelessly and it impacts your trust.
He normally should apologize if you stay persistent and not deflect your point of view.
As a man, no. They don't work. 90 percent of girls look for the top 5 percent of men. I'm 6'6 so it works for me, but I still choose to meet people in real world situations.
Met my current girlfriend rock climbing. I was a single dad, didn't change her attraction. As a man your sexual value peaks at 50, for women it's 18. Men are the hottest when they have a business, women when they are young. Gold diggers are just good women. Leonardo DiCaprio only dates women in their 20's for a reason. They date him for a reason.
If your a man, you got time on your side.
It made sense to me.
Our brains fill in with info that we expect to see, probably just that. I am a speed reader too and misread lines in books and stories ALLLL the time with words that weren't on the page at all haha.
Yeah the whole “move in with me and I'll support you til you get on your feet” with the age gap, gaslighting etc is giving very hot “financial abuse otw” vibes
He has a long distance girlfriend. He considers you just a friend. He's resisting all your invitations to upgrade this friendship into something more.
He has a long distance girlfriend. He considers you just a friend. He's resisting all your invitations to upgrade this friendship into something more.
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You're upset she blocked you on social media and you think I should grow up? That's hilarious.
What a world we on-line in where a partner trying to keep you safe and stop you from doing illegal things gets called controlling
You don’t think a girl who lives far away from you who keeps banging and seeing her ex isnt playing you?
What?
Whether he has always had this side of him, or whether he is suddenly chosing to behave like this, the bottom line is that you don't deserve to be treated this way and in order to stop it you have to be the bad guy and refuse to be treated this way.
The problem is that he is being agressively nasty towards you and that can progress to actual violence. Maybe he has fallen in with the wrong group, but maybe he has always had a bit of this inside and had no one to share it with until now.
People don't make huge shifts in personality unless another factor like illness is involved. The same goes for interventions, they will only work if the person decides they will or the consequences are serious enough for them to take a step back.
In this case I am seriously worried for you as to what he might do if you refuse to comply and “behave”, so be ready perhaps to leave with your valuables temporarily stored somewhere safe just in case your “intervention” goes badly wrong. Having someone around that you trust in case of say having your keys and phone taken is worth considering, say someone that you promise to text on the half hour after talking to your husband and if you don't to come to your house.
Stay safe, no one is worth being treated badly.
Boy, each time you add something it looks worse to me. Now she can’t acknowledge your feelings. I guess for her an apology is out of the question?
I'd say the main issue here is making sure that your kids know that keeping secrets for adults is not OK.
Regardless of how or when this relationship started, your ex clearly knows that it's wrong, which is why he's being secretive. That's on him, but he shouldn't be involving your children in that.
Even if the relationship was appropriate, I'd question whether or not (given that we're supposedly only talking about a few months) it's appropriate to have introduced your children to her. If this relationship breaks down, does he intend to introduce them to everyone he dates after a few weeks?
Kick him in the nuts and pretend it's a joke.
You're gonna be miserable because you don't have a backbone. These two people are playing you for a fool.
A lot of people have ideas how to try to get the ashes back. The other thing I would really like you to consider is getting some professional emotional support. You have been through so much, and it would probably be good for you to have some help processing everything that’s happened, and move forward from a healthy place.
The subtlest way to deal with this problem would be to buy him a gym membership for his next birthday / anniversary / special occasion. Most men would take the hint.
But from the sound of it, that might not be enough at this point. I mean it's worth trying, if there's any chance it might work, before going to the next stage…
The next stage is withholding physical intimacy. This needs to be done in a deliberate way. In fact, you should get separate beds, because it's extra torture (for both of you) to avoiding intimacy while sharing a bed.
While this may sound cruel, it's better than nagging. Men absolutely hate nagging. By constantly nagging him, you're making the situation worse. And it also makes a guy feel effeminate to be nagged by his wife to do something he probably deep down knows he should be doing but can't find the motivation to do. Tough love is better than nagging.
Men respond better to positive reinforcement. And while withholding intimacy doesn't seem like positive reinforcement, it will become positive reinforcement when he starts wanting sex, and the only way he can get it is to accomplish certain physical fitness goals. There's no greater motivator in men than desire for sex.
The way you do this is you gamify fitness goals for your husband to accomplish. The first goal should be really really easy — like just losing a single pound (or if that's too difficult, eating something healthy for one meal). The next goal is 2 pounds. Then 5 pounds. Then 7 pounds, etc. The goals start off easy and get progressively harder. For each goal, you reward him with physical intimacy.
If that doesn't work, then you go to Def-Con 5, which means your guy is either severely depressed or has low testosterone. Possibly both. That needs to be dealt with medically, and possibly with diet.
It's worth pointing out that the diet that might be best for you to lose weight is not necessarily what's best for him to lose weight. It's doubtful you're going to get him where he needs to be on an all-cabbage diet. Men naturally need larger portions than women, even when losing weight. Protein is very important too, because protein builds muscle and muscle burns more calories.
Metabolisms naturally slow down as we get older, and your husband is at the age where his metabolism is probably starting to slow down, and he may not be used to that. But that doesn't mean his metabolism can't be boosted, and diet has a lot to do with that. That's why just lowering calorie intake doesn't work if it slows down your metabolism. It's easier to maintain weight than to lose it, so actually losing weight is going to take a lot of effort. So perhaps, early goals should be to just stop the weight gain.
Another factor is job stress. If his job is very stressful, that could be a contributing factor to the sudden weight gain. I unfortunately can't offer much advice there other than quitting the job, which may not be practical.
She's cruel to only wear wool. The way the sheep are treated is horrible
“Happiness isn’t an outside job, it’s an inside job.”
For this one, it actually doesn’t really matter whether this was a soft no or not. OP read into that what he wanted to. When people tell you that they don’t want to even think about dating right now, especially after they just got out of a messy relationship, that can mean that even if they are interested in you, it is not the right time and it’s not someone they want to consider. She now knows his feelings, and if she is interested in him, she knows that she can talk to him about trying out a relationship.
What’s important here is that she only talked about it being the wrong time. She never said anything that when she felt like she was ready to get back out there that she would consider it. Or that she was interested in him, but she needed some time to just be single for a bit. She only said it wasn’t a good time, and OP decided in his head that meant that as long as he hung around that when she was ready to start up again, he would be that person automatically.
Just let it go. If she can't understand how to properly communicate then that's on her.
what did she say exactly?
If that’s the case hire a pi to find the truth
Please block her again as she doesn't deserve it all her way just because she wants things to be amicable when you see each other at random times. Things can be amicable regardless, she just wants to be able to stalk you so she can remind herself she made the right decision to dump you. The best thing you can do is move on and be happy.
Going on vacation with her friends for 2 weeks is normal. Leaving indefinitely and not telling you when she's coming back? Not ok. Especially not with a kid but even if you didn't, that's still a crappy thing to do to your partner.
Maybe she needs a counselor or something, if she's unhappy and isn't sure why. Fucking off to France for an indefinite period of time isn't the solution to that.
You just need to re-home the cat. Or break up. Someone allergic must also be prepared for an outcome like this. She's not being very mature or collaborative about it. The 5 year relationship is exactly why you should break up imo – I'm sure the relationship has been amazing and has taught you much and upgraded your life a lot, but also you were so young. Soon you will be wanting other things, like a real partner who has some degree of maturity, takes responsibility for decisions, is emotionally supportive and collaborates with you to help you make difficult decisions together. Is your gf marriage material?
On a different note… a cone for a year… man. I had to take my cat's cone off after 2 days post neutering surgery rather than wait the full 10 because she hated it and got depressed. I slept with her on the sofa instead to prevent her from damaging the area or running around too much. I can't even imagine what one year would do to the behaviour of an animal. You might have to spend some money on a cat behaviourist for rehabilitation.
I would definitely have that talk with him . It seems like you are letting things build up and it’s putting a strain on your marriage and sex life . Sit down , lay out what you need to have change so you can possibly have a moment of relaxation which will eventually (hopefully ) leading to you being more open for intimate situations . Closed mouths don’t get fed . Speak to him and go from there . Good luck !
I get that she felt your behavior was rude, but I think you were just feeling tired/unwell and weren't expecting company. If it had been me, I probably would have asked if you were okay when you decided to go lay down.
You both didn't exactly communicate well on this one. The easiest way to resolve this is to have a conversation. Apologize that you upset her. Ask her to give you a heads up next time, if you're feeling unwell you should give her a heads up as well.
Yeah she did. Lame.
I’m a bit confused.
So what upsets you is that he is possibly using Reddit accounts to chat about sex with strangers or that he is using Reddit for porn?
He did. I'm assuming that he went to a professional to have his genital hair removed, which really isn't all that weird. I get Brazilian waxes occasionally simply because I would prefer to have a professional who can see my whole area
According to your timeline, your gf was no more than 13 when she started dating her ex and was 16 or younger at the time of the handjob. Maybe you should let that go.
And yes. She could cheat on you, but you could also cheat on her.
Just…stop making yourself miserable. She’s not the last girl in the world. If she goes on this trip & breaks up with you, you’ll just be where you were before you met her. It’s not world-ending.
If report them, pretty sure he didn’t know about it and it absolutely is illegal to film someone having sex and then send it to someone without their consent. Also, unsolicited porn is just nasty
As the daughter of a snooping mother growing up.
A lock is your only solution. One that you can look from the outside and inside.
I used to catch my mom (no fucking joke) digging through the trash when I was clean out my car. Like wtf are you looking for? It’s a MASSIVE MASSIVE invasion of privacy and leaves you feeling violated.
I wouldn’t really bother with the other tactics because, as someone said, she’s not getting the point. You need a firm stop.
And your boyfriend, her son, clearly needs to have stern conversation with his mother if he hasn’t already.
You could probably get one of those sliding locks and then a padlock to lock when you leave. Don’t know what they are called but you see them on bathroom stalls sometimes.
yes that does make sense.
Thank youu
Your girlfriend sounds like an idiot tbh
You're not lame, I'm actually emotionally defective NOT having nostalgic tendencies. I'm on the spectrum and it's something that happens to people like me often I'm told. Not developing an emotional attachment to things from the past, living in the moment and the future. I wish I could get out of the future once in a while, but it's very hot to stay present even. So no, I'm actually lame lol
Yes.
Also possible she is anxious/insecure and it's all in her own head! Some people have trouble feeling loved even when they very much are.
Get out while you still can!
Or better, keep a nightaboe drawer for washcloths.