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vickyguzman chat
Date: October 10, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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Dude you’re not the father, you’re not married and you don’t want to be involved. You should leave – the child is not your responsibility.
So, how does this resentment and jealousy play out, if you don't mind me asking? What is the reaction in your relationship?
Sounds like a date
Makes sense. The sister changes everything
An education fund IS a necessity. I agree it should not be his responsibility IF the wife was working. When she agreed to stay home, he agreed to cover her expenses as well. One of those expenses is a college fund. She can’t work because someone needs to care for their shared child. Her child does have his own grandparents which is why the inheritance from his GRANDFATHER went into his education fund. It IS on the wife and the bio dad to contribute to that fund but since the wife doesn’t have an income coming in due to her taking over child care and household duties then like I said, OP is responsible for paying the expenses she would’ve had. How they would split up bills when she works is on them and there’s a lot of hypotheticals regarding that and it doesn’t matter.
Still didn’t answer my question
Make it very clear that if he tries to do that outside of the bedroom, he can sleep somewhere else. Put your foot down and let him know it's a deal breaker.
If that doesn't get through to him. Leave.
Divorce, he took a video of himself getting a blow job after being newly married…
God knows what he did without incriminating himself.
Talk to a lawyer you might be able to get an annulment.
As being a 34y.o. and not having my shit together but working on it. I just want to say I am so proud of you OP. It seems like both of you have amazing communication. I still to this day will pause something and tell my bf my feelings. And will push myself so that I can overcome my struggles, doesn't mean that every time I will be able to mentally do that. But I try. I wish both of you happiness!
Thanks for the advice. I am very sure! Also I am actually seeing a licensed professional. But not that it’s any of your business.
Arranged marriage. Break up now and move on.
Yeah lemme go suck some dick even though I have a boyfriend it’s no big deal right sarcasm
Damn, while you were in the hospital though? That's fucked up.
You just dodged a massive bullet, I usually tell people to take the reddit “break up immediately” bullshit with a grain of salt but yea, break up immediately.
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Girl, I’m 5’4 and I weight 136. I do not consider myself plump… F the guy. Yet you shouldn’t be freaking out over 12lbs, it’s nothing crazy, you can get rid of them fast, but don’t get off your meds straight away, it’s dangerous
Ultimatums are totally fine. If my husband said he wanted to have kids and if I don’t, he’ll leave, that would be completely fair.
I was just gonna say this. How long has he been dating this girl? If it’s been like a month then I don’t think it’s fair for her to get mad, he’s known these friends for way longer.
Also – does he already have a gift in mind for his gf’s birthday? If he has one planned that’s super nice and is just waiting for her birthday he could just tell her he has a super nice birthday present picked out and is just waiting to give it to her then, but if she wants it now he can give it to her. She just needs to know that her actual birthday present won’t be as nice or she might not get one on that day. ??♀️
Not to be mean, but if you can do all of that for him, you can work. Work as a house cleaner if you need to so you have your own money and don’t rely on him.
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Well if you must ask, I am the [38f] girlfriend.
Especially since he is a compulsive liar who has to lie to get a woman and i bet you, he is only with OP because she is young and naive and the only one in their friend group who believes his lies
OP, please dump him and move on
I just feel like it would be very awkward to talk to my dad in such a confrontational way, like a police officer or something telling him to behave a certain way you know? In my family my dad is the man of the house and no one really talks to him like that or tells him what to do. I'm worried he will butt heads with my girlfriend if we start this whole problem and I want to avoid that. But I also dont want to have to separate my family and my girlfriend forever to avoid each other. It's very tough.
Then don’t move in? He owns it.. problem solved
Kind of what I’m thinking Is I’m just used to a different standard even before enlisting I was working close to 50 hours doing manual labor. I really do love her she’s extremely sweet and kind and overall a really good girlfriend. I would love to have a family when I get out and picture her being in it. Im just worried her lack of motivation or work ethic is something that could hold my goals back.
People are allowed to change their mind. You can say “no”, but it’s not wrong of her to have these feelings.
You (rightly) told her she would need to leave you to start a family but then you admit you “didn’t mean it”. That’s not a fair thing to do. Carry on being honest. You can’t offer her children and she needs to know.
Why are you involving your kid in this decision? She is a child. She might feel jealousy etc. how is your kid saying “I don’t like crying babies” a good enough reason?
What’s necessary is finding a man who will uplift you.
I’ll be honest with you OP, you are still young and your body still has many changes to go. I was slim and flat chested at your age and I’m 29 now and can tell you I wish I was as slim as I used to be and I didn’t mind the flat chest. I also had partners however that didn’t care and loved me either way.
Don’t get surgery. The only thing you need to change is that boy you call your boyfriend.
Honey your body just stopped developing please do NOT get a BBL. The Kardashians are incredibly unhealthy people and it’s incredibly unhealthy to surgically alter and inject THAT MUCH CHEMICALS into your body. Seriously. In years they are going to look like the crazy old ladies that have horrible implant drooping and look like the crazy lady next door. Work on loving YOUR body how it is now, honey. Self worth is NOT based EVER on what ANY man thinks or tells you okay? You get to choose what makes you happy and it should absolutely not be based on what some dude thinks. If you guys even break up how will you feel having that surgery done? You say you want to do it for him. That’s insanely backwards and unhealthy thinking. It’s dangerous for your self worth and value as a woman for you. Please consider getting a good therapist and work on loving yourself and your self image. Real bodies are not Kardashian bodies like your boyfriend stupidly thinks. That’s stupid thinking. They are toxic women period who are all chemicals and filler and nothing about them is natural or healthy. You are as you are now. I would also consider leaving your bf as he’s doing a hell of a lot of damage to your self esteem honey. You’re better than that and many men will love you just as you are and would never see a Kardashian as the image of beauty. All guys I know think they are all disgusting. Love yourself.
wouldn’t part of the money problem be less severe if you get a better paying job in that area you move to????
Aaking you to not be walking around in your underwear, basicslly 1 step up from very hot is not asking you to change your entire lifestyle. When a child is in your home, you're supposed to change some aspects of your daily routines. Not being in your underwear is one of them and should be common sense.
Look, your husband is an idiot, but then, most men are, plus he is super young. If you think he is teachable, I would give him the assignment of reading up on the biology of womens’ bodies and the changes that occur and what to expect. Have him write notes and give you a report. Nobody teaches this stuff to boys!
Maybe a change of scenery
You realize that you have value, find your self worth and that you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Break up with him and move on
I have a suggestion about how you can do relationships better — stop telling your fiancé how to do things better. Your help is clearly coming across as criticism, whether you intend it or not. Even assuming that someone needs or wants your help is judgement of how they are doing something, so stop trying to be helpful when your help is neither requested nor desired. It really doesn't matter what you are “just trying to” do. That isn't an excuse when other people clearly do not like it.
He's an adult. It is presumptuous to think that he needs your input on how to do things better. If he wants your input, he can ask. If he doesn't ask, assume that he doesn't want your input.
After you have done that for a while, discuss with him when and how your input might be helpful. Ask him to let you know when he wants input. Ask him if and how you can tell him that you have an idea or a suggestion or happen to know something about what he is doing that might be helpful. Then listen to what he tells you and do it. Then check in with him periodically to see if you are doing it well or poorly. Ask how you can do it better and listen to what he says.
If you do all of that, I think things will improve.
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We got a new place together about 4 weeks ago. About 6 months ago I rescued 4 kittens I found next to their dead mom at my work. I moved them with me and I wanted to keep 2 of them and give the other 2 away. Her dog killed one of the kittens over the weekend. I took all the remaining kittens and gave them to an animal shelter to protect them because my girlfriend doesn't want to get rid of any of her dogs. She is mad at me for not keeping the kittens. I don't trust her dog around the kittens and they are better off not around this dog. I don't trust the dog and since she won't get rid of the dog I got rid of the cats. She is so furious that we didn't keep the kittens that she is sleeping in a different room. She keeps talking about the future of our relationship is in jeopardy now. She has to really think about what I've done. She just cuts me off whenever I try to talk about it and cries that she will never see the kittens again. I called the animal shelter and told them not to let her adopt them back.
All she talks about is how cold and evil I am. How horrible of a person I am and how I have no heart. I argued that I could say the same about her for not caring about the one kitten that died because she doesn't have control over her dog.
I really don't know what to say. Do I just ride out the rest of my lease and move out? I really don't know what to do in this situation.
Oh fuck right off. Everybody is entitled to privacy you goon.
You don't have to interact with his family much, even when married. The last time I saw my in-laws was actually at the wedding as far as I remember. I usually didn't join my husband for rare family visits due to the toxicity of his family, and we wouldn't be there for any holidays or such anyway.
A few years ago he decided to finally cut contact to them, making avoiding them even easier. Not heard of them in years.
Don't abandon your bf to stay locked with his family. Talk to him about how you feel about his family and that you don't want to have anything to do with them. He's free to spend all the time he wants with them, but you won't join for shared activities or celebrations with them. If he is okay with that, all good.
Tell your husband immediately before he has a chance to spin the story on you.
What kind of a question is this
Never ever date someone hoping they will change. Dating is to figure out who people are, and if that is something you're thrilled with and want to be with long-term.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but that will take more than a few days. The swelling will go down but the bruising will be there for a little while.
Why does she think you're lying? That's more of the problem here.
Wow. Just wow.
I am so, so sorry that you are going through this.
I cannot imagine the level of betrayal that you are experiencing.
Once the shock has worn off, I would encourage you to think seriously about what YOU want, not what is best for 'dear husband'. It might be convenient for everyone else to have you live! as co-parents in the same house, but I think you would die inside – it would be the death of a thousand cuts.
Whatever you do, have an exit plan. Do not allow this man to make your decisions for you. You are enough on your own – you do not have to be married for your daughter to see the in-laws.
I cannot tell you the level of contempt I am feeling for your husband right now. He does not deserve your kindness or consideration.
What does your husband want you doing?
Does he need you to work? Does he want children?
What does he want you to be doing with your time?
Sit and talk with him. Jesus. Don't have a kid if it's just to help you feel better or appease your boyfriend. Have a kid because both of you want to have a kid and want to raise it for the next 20 years and want to support a child and guide it through life to be the most successful that it can be. Don't have a child for selfish reasons.
This shit sounds fake af.
The skills to handling a defensive person are not easy to learn. I often have to say: you need to stop, I am on your side, I am always on your side, but you treating me this way is still wrong and needs to stop. It doesn't make you a bad human, just human.
So you can take an iud out early if you want to have kids. It doesn’t need to be left in until it’s no longer effective.
I'm on BF's side here. Why on earth should he make an effort when your father spat in his face? No relationship is worth that amount of disrespect, and you're just showing that you care more about culture than your boyfriend.
He is 22.
I'm not a real therapist, but in my experience, slowing down your breathing can help suppress the tendency to cry. Talk to a different therapist.
Please tell her sooner rather than later and definitely before you even think about proposing to her.
You took up with a boring, superficial person. Find someone better.
that's what I've thought. But she said I should not be affected because it's fake, she doesn't care about him, but still she didn't take down her fake account and tell that guy to stop what he's doing.
I don’t disagree with you. But many times cheaters will claim that they still absolutely love their partners that they cheat on. Does it make sense? No. But the fact that this dude made out with her sister doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t love OP. He probably thought he’d get away with fucking around and OP would forgive him. But she did the smart thing and dropped his ass. Because like you said…cheating with a sibling or family member takes it to a while other level. But does does all of that have a bearing on his behavior now? Probably so. We will have to agree to disagree on whether he actually loved her or not. And before you say I don’t know what I’m talking about…I, too, despise cheaters. My ex was cheating with my best friend for most of our relationship. So, I feel your disdain.
It’s been over a year since her last relationship. She’s dated since then before me. She says she started to feel these things once it started to get serious and she got real feelings towards me. She said what I said above and said she doesn’t not want to date around, talk to other people. She just needs to grow and heal. Wants us to grow as friends because a boyfriend should be a best friend. She wants to exclusively talk to me and just me… as “friends”.
You said your work schedule was preventing you from doing more to help your sick gf with the chores in your shared household, that you work more and have less free time than your gf so you can’t help more… now you are suggesting you sit and play video games and watch tv until midnight or 1, you could take the few minutes and wash some of those dishes or start the laundry, not even saying you have to stop your tv or video game time but you can use a little of it to contribute to your own household chores more.
Stop living in this limbo. Let him know that it's been too long, it's over. Maybe just spend some time on yourself instead of floating from sort of relationship to sort of relationship.
8 months in, no kids, not married, not even living together. But your money us all hers now? Nope. Don't wait for her to contact you. Block her and see her leaving and using the silent treatment as the breakup.
You are set, For Life. You can retire in 6 years. Do not risk that. There are plenty of other people out there.
? ? ? ? ?
Just be honest. Just tell them you're looking to cheat on your unsuspecting girlfriend because you want to be single but you lack the spine to be an honest, upright, honorable person in that respect. If all they're up for is meaningless sex they won't care that you lack morals.
They lied to you.
It doesn't even matter whether he is grooming you (he is). He is married and trying to make you his side piece. You say no to that.
Personally, I wouldn't tell the wife unless you can prove it.
But either way, it's time to cut him off. There are lots ofnpeolle who can teach you piano.
Is he trying to flirtwith you?
Possibly something like “maybe Jesus wasn't a white blue-eyed dude.”
What more do you need than that to consider your marriage dead?
It's not the court of law, you don't need beyond a reasonable doubt to convict.
You just need enough to satisfy you. I would look right at her and say you can lie to me if you want, just don't expect me to believe it, and don't expect it to go without consequences. I'll start making calls tomorrow so that we can go our separate ways unless you can prove to me otherwise right now that I shouldn't.
he told me he would drop her as a friend to be with me
I’ve had to ask my bf on a few occasions to have some respect for our relationship and to not be alone at her house on many occasions because it made me feel uncomfortable to which he would get upset and say I’m being unfair
Well these things completely contradict each other. If he were genuinely willing to drop her as a friend entirely, he would certainly be willing to make smaller concessions like not hanging out at her place alone all the time. If those requests turn into fights every time, I guarantee he would NOT drop the friendship for your sake. He screamed at you in public for pointing out her cutesy nickname in his phone. You really believe he'd drop her for you?
Freeloader.what you do next is up to you
Say no. And then nothing else except maybe “we can talk about purchasing a car when your credit card is zero”.
To a lot of people, birthdays of adults are not a big deal. I realize to you they are, but you can't expect everyone else to care about that. You did get some good feels, maybe be content with that?
Your tender feelings do seem a little narcissistic to me. Recognize that you might not be that fun to be around and why should others share your celebration?
I suppose I'll get downvoted for this, but it's just the way I see it.
That same situation happened with my Pup and my ex’s dog. It really sucks for a bit, but it’s not worth staying.
I’m confused. You’re upset because she has connections on social media, she kept an earring from a guy (not even an ex), she hand fed a friend when she had no commitment to you and her ex sends her stupid memes and texts occasionally? What? Where is the problem here?
It’s weird you put her on the spot for all of this nothing and then call it “excuses” when she has to explain herself to you. It’s also weird you demand she decide what she wants when it seems like you’re the one who keeps flip flopping on if this relationship is something you want.
IMO you are insecure and that’s leading you towards controlling tendencies. I think it’s super weird you have so many small details of her dating life memorized and shared here. What does it matter she was on dating apps? Who cares she went on an awkward date and a match fizzled before it got anywhere? Y’all had no commitment at that time so why are you upset about it?
I think you should spend some time growing up before you enter into an adult relationship. Therapy is awesome if you have the access to it.
Idk how to put years but it’s supposed to be 65 months
it sounds like you're super frustrated in the marriage right now. have you tried talking to her about some of these things that have been bothering you, like the lying, suspicion, and extreme fighting?
Yes he is cheating and he is immature and is unable to commit to a relationship. Having a second secret account clearly shows intent to cheat. Just walk away.
Maybe it's ADHD.