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Vika and Danil, 21 y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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If someone gives me an ultimatum like that, I’m always picking the option without them just based on the premise alone.
Do you let your boyfriend go swimming at a pool or at the beach? Because omg boobs galore there! You really need to work on your insecurities, because preventing your bf from watching movies because he might see a boob outline is quite ridiculous.
And yes, you watching men topless is very similar because what if you see a nicely defined chest and decide that you want someone with popping pecs? Or a six pack?
He's not being an arsehole, you're being way too controlling.
Girl, I want to shake you very hot! OMFG you sound like I did 20 years ago. It has been an exhausting relationship and they DO NOT CHANGE. I believed his lies every time please do not waste your life like I did. It's just not all the porn but the lies. Who wants a relationship with someone who can't tell the truth. I am 56 and I am finally leaving so hopefully I can find some happiness in my life time. PLEASE LEARN FROM MY LIFE
If you feel remorseful because you realized how hurt she is, go out of your way to comfort her and make her feel loved. She’s probably going to push you away many times but don’t stop trying. She’s worried about your loyalty even if they were stupid photos.
My friend, he doesn’t want a serious relationship. I mean, 6 years and no major upward movement in terms of seriousness and longevity? I think y’all are on two different pages and honestly if I were you I wouldn’t care to stick around and see if he can catch up, nor would I want to compromise and meet in the middle. 6 years is a long time, don’t waste anymore on someone who doesn’t share your life goals.
You have no choice. You are torturing yourself. Yes – you were dumped. It sucks. Gotta pick up the pieces and move on. Block him on everything. Spend time with friends and family, get into a hobby, exercise, read a book, meet a new fella.
It happens. Sometimes, I think it's jealousy, because you haven't it don't have as many partners. Another is like a weird purity thing, I.e. we're supposed to be each other's one and only.
At the end of the day, if she loves you and you love her, it's going to be all good. If she brings up exes or begins comparing you to them, then I'd say become more alert, but at the end of the day, we're all allowed to have exes or previous sexual experiences. I think if your brain begins processing that, it'll go away with time.
Question about your husband OP, what does he means by letting this go? Does it means he wants to be the one to handle this? Or does it means everyone avoiding the subject until she leaves and keeping the kids separate from her until then?
Who would care for the children while you are at work if MIL was not there? Would there be a nanny or another form of child care in place?
Thats crazy. Is it possible they want a excuse to dump you??
Try talking and see whats really going on .
Ask them have you ever seen me doing things?
Ask them if there looking for a excuse to break up.
Something out of the blue like this is crazy.
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If he's telling you the truth, you have no business interjecting yourself into his last days when he's made it clear he doesn't want you there. Harsh, but true. You say you were sure you were going to face this together, but I see no indication that he gave you any false hope on this front, and in fact was trying to get you to go from the beginning. Just because you want something, doesn't mean you get to have it. Making this time worse for him than it would otherwise be is an unconscionable act.
If she's willing I'd obviously love that but my image of her is just so poor that I don't know if I could rewrite it. If she really came forward and apologized I'd be willing to try however since that night I've just been holding onto the hope that she actually would.
RemindMe! 2 days
I'm thinking he likely did it as a “fuck this” vs as a revenge thing.
Long distance is very hot, and there really shouldn't be any or many arguments happening. It gets old very fast when your interactions become heated or argumentative much or all of the time. In my opinion in a LDR you both should assume that contact will be either scheduled a few times a week, or will be fairly sporadic. Expecting daily interactions of conversation is sometimes too much. Digital interaction is no substitute for interacting physically or just having their presence.
The 2 days was when I was way younger probably 16. The issue is that I feel like I will always have these issues but I will just get better at hiding that I’m frustrated or mad. I never just get frustrated for a reason so when I’m told I’m being mad for no reason it makes me seem like I’m crazy you know what I’m saying.
Look up what it would cost if he rented the unit out to a stranger. As in, he didn’t online in it, and it was just an investment.
Then pay off of that.
You don’t deserve equity for that. You’re not responsible for landlord repairs. You’re not responsible for a default on the loan. You’re a tenant/renter. Simple as that
I really hope this post isn’t real. Please tell me you are just posting for kicks.
Just because I did research doesn’t mean I’m obsessing.
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My girlfriend has always kinda passively, not very often done meowing impressions. She’s pretty good at it and it would be a funny little thing. Now, she does it NONSTOP. Like to the point holding a conversation is challenging. She cuts off my sentences with a sharp meow and she just smiles like I should find it funny and not rude. On top of that her responses when I talk about my day and sometimes when I’m trying to be serious about how I feel she just meows and nothing more. I really don’t know what to do about this.
More recently she’s been just openly saying “I’m a cat I’m a cat” and we got into a serious argument the one time I said she wasn’t a cat. It’s really putting a wall between me and her and I don’t know what to do about it
TLDR: my girlfriend acts like a cat and hardly interacts with me as a human anymore
Start calling him “Pindick” and tell him it’s the best/only name that fits.
So this is why the advice when getting clean/sober is not to get into a relationship for at least one year. Because it takes at least that long for you to start building some self-respect and self-worth back up. When those are still precarious you end up involved with shitty people because you think that's all you deserve. Or you try to rescue people. You know, by letting them online with you for free and shit. It puts your recovery in jeopardy because a crappy relationship can put you into so much turmoil mentally and emotionally.
In other words, she's alllll kinds of bad for you dude. Put yourself first. Your priority relationship is your relationship with your recovery. Period. Nothing else comes before that and shouldn't for a good, long while. Move on from her for your recovery if you can't bring yourself to do it for you.
I mean that people are going to flirt and sometimes it gets sexual. If that’s what you enjoy, you don’t have to change it to fit a category. If you don’t mesh and he only wants to flirt with women for sex, well that’s better to know
This sounds like a 90s sitcom pilot that didn't get picked up
Yes. But she didn’t want to be the one who was pressuring or manipulating him into sex. She couldn’t see a way to discuss the problem without it coming off as that and she didn’t want to be that person. Also, she hoped sex being introduced would fix it.
I don’t know if you know people from these circles but… there’s a scale of commitment some just won’t have sex, some won’t do more than hold hands. The more very hot core you are on that the less intimacy in your relationship but they are also harder to talk to about it the further they are. They aren’t really logical about this idea and communicating about it wouldn’t really have changed anything. There’s lots of info about the harm purity culture does (including the guy who started it being big publicly apologizing and saying he was wrong), but most people immersed in it don’t see that content until the harm is done.
You’re going to need to dig deeper here. He must have something else going on. Also these are very different things, cringe and disgusting. How can going to the doctor to check on the health of your baby be cringe? Sharing the photos, yes you could make that argument I guess. But going to the appointment? He needs to explain himself.
There is no such thing as an obvious boundary. He is a grown man who needs to open his mouth and verbalize his boundaries. If he had ever communicated he didn’t want to be touched, your argument would hold. But it doesn’t. The scenario in this situation described is a very normal escalation in a relationship.
Take a good long look at your friend’s “apology” and note how many times he puts the onus on your girlfriend’s feelings and how he never takes responsibility for his actions.
That’s not an apology, that’s an “I’m sorry you feel bad.” He cannot improve and change, let alone self-reflect on, his bad behaviors if he never admits his actions were bad in the first place.
Drop the friend. Support the girlfriend. Reflect (for yourself) on what type of person you want to be in this world.
If bringing up things like this is seen as “nagging”, then I doubt it’s you “getting it wrong” and more that your boyfriend is a poor communicator who doesn’t want anything to change.
Thank you for your help! I hope it’s just a phase (almost) all relationships have to go through (dismatched libidos & all) and that there isn’t any deeper reason. I’ll try new things. I agree that i kinda stopped putting any extra efforts hair/make up/clothes wise so maybe ill start from there.
Thanks
You're going to get a lot of encouraging comments. But I predict your relationship will become unstable and will not last another 2 years. And I'm likely going to get down voted heavily. Good luck
Move on. It's that simple.
Thank you, that sounds like a good course of action. I think I’ll tell my therapist now and my dad tomorrow when he comes over for his laundry. One question though, what should I do with it? I have half a mind to throw it away or something but I’m not sure. I’ve never dealt with a situation like this.
link? also he sounds like busy bee. his interactions with everyone is fine too serve his purpose. he just might be a stick in the mud kinda guy. focused and knows more than others. so he makes everyone look and feel lesser than him, may not do it intentionally, but just happens. while doing this , he didn't project leadership which he Likely did not.
people avoid him because they he fail to connect with him . or more likey falls to read the room and to e out down.
ask him to take the emotional intelligence test. it's short.
Focus on that for now, when in better control of yourself put your toe back in the dating pool.
so are you 'not skinny' or 'morbidly obese'?
This is false. There are different types of tissue densities.
I think people can understand that there's bad timing. I wouldn't get super invested in it yet until you see if it's something he can get over, but be hopeful. I think everyone knows that when you haven't dated long it's very hot to know where things are going, and the level of intimacy you have is weird at early stages, and then you get thrown into something bonkers like that, it can just be circumstances that are the problem.
Yeah man you really should find a new job. You don’t need to work at a job paying $14 an hour to further your career, there are plenty of CS jobs in Austin that will give you experience and not extremely underpay you
Have you asked your therapist what you should do? Is there someone you could stay with if you did tell him, you wanted no further contact with him? Your family seems to be enabling his behavior. Do any of them care that you are suffering?
Is it possible he only treats you this way because he knows he can get away with it? Does he treat your brothers differently? Bullies pick on those who won't fight back. If he is only behaving toward you this way then he is a bully and can control himself around those who won't put up with him.
I’m 23, closer to 24, and can say that I barely have life figured out yet. I would not want an older person that I’m dating influencing me in any way. I still habe grad school to get through and would rather lean on my family and trusted people than an S/O who is willing to date someone much younger than them. 8 years after the age of 30 and above is nothing, go ahead, but 8 years of difference in your early 20’s makes a difference. I am nowhere near the same person I was even a year ago. That said, I would never even think of going to a $1000 dinner and then bitch and moan about not being bailed out, I think this girl is a gold digger.
Don’t argue with this kid. Probably a 16 year old who hasn’t seen titties outside of porn and just can’t comprehend this subject.
Brilliant maneuvering!
It’s like the scene in Stepbrothers
It’s just not true, you’re generalizing. You don’t know, you might suggest, but you don’t know. And to be fair, I don’t know either for sure. But I know “throwing up” doesn’t have to equal manipulating, not learned behavior (which is basically the same as learned behavior). There’s so many other options, that’s honestly more common than to manipulate, especially since she has so high anxiety that she needs meds.
Yup, you get it.
Yeah as far as I can tell there aren't any other issues so far. He even initiates conversations, just not dates.
I can relate to him. I was ashamed of having depression and didn’t want to admit it. It feels like such a failing. I obviously don’t have your first hand experience with him. But had my husband not been as supportive and empathetic, I wouldn’t have been able to cope.
I'm shocked how many comments in here have no concern for what negative impact it could have on this innocent woman's career for OP to alter his behavior towards her at all because his wife is crazy. If she is going to get cut out of these working lunches, it could impact her performance and make her lose out on mentoring she gets from OP. This is all the wife's issue, and OP is actually made worse here if he does change how he treats his assistant based on her gender.
As always: No 40 year old adult is dating a teenager because they think you'll make a super great, equal life partner. She is dating you because you are young, naive, and easy to control. And she's creepy.
The “extra” things we do don’t cancel out “real life.” You’re doing the right thing by letting him do as he needs to do.
Of course he owes you the respect to at least keep you in the loop: good partnering is 80% saying, “I get where you’re coming from. Here’s where I’m coming from.”
It's victim blaming, makes the world easier if you blame everything , including physical abuse , on the man .it's his fault is the next mongrel / sexist / misandric thing that'll be said.
Wow. Good luck, and keep your head up.
No and your relationship is over. If she wanted you there she’d likely express it. If you want to be kind, send flowers maybe but tbh you’ve already done too much. I don’t have a positive outlook on breaks they’re only done for one of two reasons
Tough talk from someone that has the easiest job by default who doesn’t even have to try.
i know i have left out a lot of information but we broke up back in december after i found out she was drinking behind my back whilst 7 1/2 months pregnant with our little girl, it was a huge argument, a lot of nasty and mean things were said, she told me she was fed up with me arguing and no longer wanted anything to do with me. she took the break up terribly, continued drinking every other day, even took drugs, i tried my best to stop, got her family involved before i realised nobody other than myself truly cared about her, i had no other option to get social workers involved. this is what definitely saved our baby, i kept providing for her and always being there for her, she tried going no contact to clear her head but that lasted 4 days and around the christmas week is when we were consistently in contact. after new years all the partying had stopped and she phoned me crying and telling me shes broken, i went back to her foolishy because i loved her and wanted to care for our unborn child, fast forward a month and a half she asked me to be her boyfriend which i said yes and she moved back in with me for 5 weeks before she decided to go out with her friends and family and she got really drunk, because social care is involved she was to abstain from alcohol for up to 6 months to show she is realiable mother. when she got home the next morning, i was so mad at her, she was only digging a hole for herself, again, nasty things were said, she packed her bags and left and that was 2 weeks ago, she seems to be getting on with her life happily without me even though i was the only person who truly ever cared for her.
She likes to control you I would leave.
UpdateMe!
Im pretty sure if I explained to him like I did here that he would give me a look then move on, he is not insecure.