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Vincent, 23 y.o.
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Date: December 25, 2022
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Personally my advice would be going forward in your relationship endeavors the Golden Rule is almost always applicable and a good baseline since we don’t have nearly enough information here to provide specific info.
Take the time to think about everything you are doing and he has done.
Consider, deep down and honestly if you would be okay if the roles were reversed. You don’t need to share this with anyone.
If so, you are probably good, if not, maybe reconsider.
Will everyone be okay with this? Probably not, everyone is different. My point is though if you are genuinely okay with someone else treating you the same way and doing the same thing then you should probably find someone who is in alignment with your basic ethics. If you wouldn’t be okay with it well then you should change your behavior.
What happened to you OP could probably be called “unnatural,” right? There’s no avoiding “unnatural” things, especially in your sex life. Your bf pretending he has the high ground in the argument for more sex based on what he thinks is “natural” isn’t it.
In arranged marriages you can still say NO and people have a some say into who they marry. They are not threaten to marry this person like OP. Also, there is a lot of vetting that goes into the process and the families are involved. Here, there was no vetting, the dad went to a bunch of random people and one happened to say he would marry a teenager.
Yeah, real talk u/throwRAADVICEE12 the almost universal reason a man is willing to have kids with a woman and buy a house with a woman but not willing to marry a woman (or merge finances with a woman) is because he wants to be able to easily leave said woman without fear of her taking half of his stuff (or anything with his name on it, like the account he’s demanding you put 50% of her paycheck into).
How can I get the connection I need with him, like I had with my family, without upsetting him?
Try initiating a conversation with him that doesn't start with “what are you thinking?”
When someone asks me that I feel put on the spot, like I have to track down whatever I was thinking in that moment and try to verbalize it, with the possibility that I will then be judged for thinking about something weird, boring, or both weird and boring.