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Viprogue, y.o.
Location: England, United Kingdom
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Date: October 11, 2022
Wow. Did you know that grabbing partner by their throat is the biggest precursor to later murder?
Also, you are leaning on you chdren on emotional support? How is that in their interest? He is not a pertner, he is an abusive hookup, you need Crampton of therapy immediately. None of what you are saying is healthy.
So basically my girlfriend got pregnant
She didn't just catch pregnancy out of thin air like the common flu, you got her pregnant.
This is a joke, right?
For sure. People forget that therapy is a two way street sometimes. Even with a good therapist who is aware of and understands a particular issue you have, if you get defensive about it or remain in denial they will eventually give up on that issue to avoid damaging the relationship and losing the ability to help you with anything.
There’s a very good chance you will be ready for marriage, kids, mortgage, minivan before she is. Are you ok with that? Or yeah she might decide she wants to on-line the single life. When she wants to do things with her friends do you get jealous or frustrated? Just some things to consider.
Whether you want it or not, your presence in the children’s lives will have a significant influence and help to shape them. If you plan on roll modelling a cold and detached authorities figure in the household, then please do the kids a favour and step away from the relationship.
It’s okay to want different things but please don’t put the kids through this.
Fuck that he would’ve had to kill me
I wouldn’t buy it on your own because it may not fit and then it makes her insecurity worse. However, shopping for it together could be a fun activity I’d you bring it up in the right way.
Your 'best friend' sounds very mature for giving you space. From what you wrote, it sounds like your connection is stronger with him than your ex. Also, two years is a long time. You may have grown apart with the ex.
But ultimately, you need to decide who you can live! your life without. Either conversation will be a difficult one. We can't make that decision. But it needs to happen.
Probably the second option. He was perfectly find with going behind the BFs back until it effected him.
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Are you sure she didn't just say that she was from Iran?
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The more you read, including the latest update, the more ironic this comment becomes.
He will be moving to Mississippi for a year in July for work. He mentioned if we get back together it would be before then or after his year in Mississippi. I offered to travel there once a month to keep our relationship working. I’m praying and hoping he comes back sooner this July.
is he right? well, attractiveness is subjective. most people enter into romantic relationships with people they consider attractive and avoid relationships with those they do not. so technically, yeah, hes right. was that comment necessary or kind? no, it wasnt
You can say something, but it’s a common practice for men not to wipe or wash their ass properly as they think it’s “gay”. He may say it’s a medical thing as an excuse, but there’s solutions. He needs to address it, not only is it unhygienic, it’s unhealthy too.
I appreciate the advice. I’ll deff talk about this… but I know that he’s the same way and again, would be incredibly upset if I did it to him lol. Thank you 🙂
I feel like this was a 3 or 4, and you brought this to an 8 or a 9.
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But what if she’s telling the truth and I am just being insecure abt it for no reason… I’m scared to ruin a good thing cos I’m too paranoid
I keep an ongoing list of books I've been recommended, that I buy if I see them in a bookshop, then I copy whatever's still on the list into the family chat in early December. It works really well. Especially since my mind goes completely blank anytime anyone says “What would you like for Christmas?”
If you do it, do it because you want to, not because someone pressured you. In any case, if you're not in an exclusive relationship, you should not be having raw sex, regardless of pill use.
Why would you want him back? He just showed you who he really is. And that person doesn't actually love and respect you. This relationship is over. You deserve and will find better. I'm bisexual and happily married to a man. Never been an issue.
“doing it” means having sex. “celibate” means not having sex.
she is purposely hitting you in front of others to embarrass you. hitting someone is not okay at all, let one in your face and in front of all your friends. her apology was not sincere, she even blamed you for her decision to hit you! all the “good things” about your relationship are not worth the abuse and embarrassment. it will 100% get worse.
(1) she left you her Husband of multiple years and who she has 2 kids with without even giving a reason.
(2) three months she avoid you, post kissing other person and seem not even care that much about you and now she want thing go back like it was??
Get a fucking backbone and say:
“no, things ain't gonna be like before you left me and take the kids with you..I was hurting for 3 months while it seem you had a fun time.”
Then tell her you need three things 1) completely honesty about what she did in the 3 months sexual or romantically wise and what exactly was the reason she left. 2) tell her you don't wanna get together just for her later change her mind. 3) you both need marriage counseling.
Sounds like your boyfriend isn't ready to be having sex.
Yes (I didn’t even read past the title, didn’t have to)
His medical condition does not change what he did when he was well. It may sound heartless but act however you would if he was not on his deathbed. If I was in your shoes I would just leave because he violated your trust
I have a past history with rape and sexual assault
reading this post, it sounds like you also have a present history with rape
I’m a little confused here. He follows new people, or specifically only girls? Girls he’s friends with or girls he’s romantically interested in?
If he hasn’t posted anything in years, why do you think he “actively uses social media”?
Do NOT have another child with this man. He wants another one so he can he sure its “his.”
If he decides the second one is “his” all along you are going to be dealing with some serious favoritism from him and he is going to second guess you about the first one forever to get leverage in any sort of fight or disagreement.
And what happens if the second one doesn't have his features either? How is he going to treat you and them if he thinks neither one is his child?
Get a paternity test and make plans to leave. You want to be with someone who trusts you, not someone convinced you've been cheating on them because it didn't turn out exactly the way they wanted.
I had a relationship with a woman with BPD. She constantly tried to push my buttons but I wouldn't speak to her until she calmed down. A physically abusive person is the last person she needs – for that matter the last person anyone needs. A physically abusive person will not only hit her, but will totally blame it on her. Get out!
I personally don’t think him feeling that lost/sad without you is particularly healthy. Even when someone is in a relationship, they should still have their own identity and be able to function and still do things that bring them happiness/joy while their partner is off doing their own thing. It’s not healthy for someone to be fully dependent on you for their emotional well-being.
I think it’s great he opened up to you, but I’m hoping now he’ll consider reaching out to a mental health counselor for a few sessions to further work through these feelings and find better coping mechanisms.
Perhaps the next time one of you travels without the other, have a discussion about how much texting and photos might be too much for the other and just set up some ground rules/boundaries so to speak. That might help too.
That all sounds quite manipulative; I rarely advocate this but in thise case I'd say you should block him.
It would be kind to tell her in advance.
Yep, my guy is not trying to fuck his life over.
Why wouldn’t it speak well about them? They’re literally here asking for advice on if they should be friends with them or if it wouldn’t be good for them
People who cheat at the very beginning of a relationship = absolute trash in my book. Basically means that they never saw you as a “real” option from the beginning. It sucks because you have been married for 10 years and might actually be able to work it out, but that’s still heartbreaking.
That he lied about it, it wouldn't bother me if he was honest about it.
It’s from Wikipedia
With fronds like these, who needs anemones? – Marlin
Nah I just think they like each other, and really don't like their other sibling.
I don’t understand the problem
What a terrible idea any of this was. You’re 19 and this kid isn’t yours, literally just break up. Don’t involve yourself in this mess.
Your the one married to this man you know him best. Is he a liar? Do you believe he only loves you for your body?
Do you think your life together so far has been him waiting for a better looking woman to come by, and do you honestly think that hasn't already happened? We all see people “out of our league” every day, so why is he still with you?
He's either a master at hiding a secret life, or he loves you. Which do you think it is?
Don't marry him again!!!!!!!!! Please stay away from him. Don't do that to him, poor dude
I can't march over to your house and demand one of your kidneys to save my life, can I? So why do you get to demand that someone undertake a 9 month life threatening ordeal (by the way the US has the worst maternal mortality rate in the developed world) without her consent? Mind your own business!
Exactly this. He's likely to have been using this power imbalance to make sure his wants and needs are always met, while stifling her development for 15 years. Now she's “disrespectful” and “childish?” My ass. She's probably sick of tip-toeing around King Baby's personal preferences for a decade and a half and being subjected to infuriating and condescending lectures. Ick².
Knew this was fake the second you said you met in college. Your grammar and spelling is atrocious.
No, it's not. Respecting your partner and your current relationship has nothing to do with gender.
If she's keeping videos of herself being intimate with her ex, assume she will do the same with any videos or nudes she gets from you. Also, depending on how old her and her ex were in the video, it'd fall under CP. She would wanna be careful.
You're taking back control of your life! Bet that feels good.
There’s probably 6 other men giving her money. Run. You don’t owe her your paycheck.
this is good advice, thank you.
Exactly! Lot of insecure people in the comments
She used me until I was raw
Lets get this straight: she cheats right at the start of this twelve week relationship and promises to do something that shows she is serious about wanting a relationship with you.
It then turns out that she breaks that straight away by having a few drinks, and now because SHE decides how soon you should be trusting her again, she tells you she is no longer going to do the very thing that was meant to make you trust her again!
Supposedly the whole giving up drinking thing was about more than you too – she didnt like herself when she drank! This was meant to be about her turning over a new leaf.
Are these red flags? Hell, Yes. You've known her twelve weeks. Get out of this now. This a train wreck.
No. You always have to set the record straight at the job. Never take the fall for anyone.
Next time he demands it.. Pull out a huge dildo and a camera. Tell him that if he truly loves you that he will let you fuck him with it while taking pictures. See how he reacts to that.
Then definitely don’t do it. The level of cringe is off the charts for having your best friend buy your engagement ring because your actual fiancé to be can’t afford it. Even if you’re not in love with that friend and you intend it to be an act of familial love: it will cast a shadow over their relationship until he actually buys a ring or pays you back. It’s like you’re trying to be a third wheel or sister wife in their wedding, or that’s the view some folks in your life will have.
You need to let it go and stop asking. Ask him to take an STD panel and if he's clean, drop it.
What exactly do you expect to gain from this conversation other than forcing him to go to “confession and repent his sins” for you?
You chose to remain a virgin. He did not. Both are equally valid viewpoints.
There's no point to this adolescent argument between you two.
If you are both “religious” he can confess and repent to his pastor, not you.
Right. Which is the conclusion OP came to. You're acting like he's stringing her along. Once he realized he couldn't handle it, he broke it off. That's truly better than trying to stay when it wouldn't be fair to any of them.
So… you never have plans or other things going on in the evenings? I’m guessing that’s that really issue here.
Nobody on the planet is “fun enough” that their partner doesn’t need friends (or hobbies or alone time or other pursuits that they’ll sometimes choose over spending time with their partner).
You already know how toxic and childish this kind of thinking is. It’s a way of painting yourself yourself as a victim, feeling sorry for yourself.
The key question is why you’re doing that. What do you think you get out of that? Is it easier to feel “rejected” than to confront what’s missing in your own life?
Fuck Bob.
No, people think forming an emotional connection before you have sex with them is a whole separate sexuality called demisexual. The kids aren’t alright…
Keep your mouth shut in the car, at least until the last 1/2 hour. I think the gf should know. I think you are doing the right thing there. Your brother has brother has brought this on himself.
It's his brother not his sister, they are both males. Not that it makes it any better.
Good luck in life with this naivety.
Just leave him. This is a nightmare. Furry discharge? Absolutely not.
He's also just not considerate. Even if HE doesn't care about his mouth & sheets, he shouldn't inflict all that on you.
He may never be able to break his bad habits, & you shouldn't stick around while he tries. Have him call you in 5 years if he gets it together by then.
You're young. Be free. This is unacceptable.
Perfect response.
I hate to say it but it definitely sounds like money has changed things for her. You do need to protect yourself here. I’m not saying she absolutely would do something devious, but you never know. The fact that she expected you to buy her a car or support her full-time without a job kind of sounds like her expectations for your relationship have radically changed.
On a totally unrelated note OP are you in the market for a best friend?
Your girlfriend had a NEED and you met it. There is nothing in the post indicating OP’s girlfriend needs a new car and can’t afford it.
Does not sound like a sexual assault to me. IDK maybe I am just jaded by all those religious people I have seen screaming brimstone and fire about all kinds of sexual things, only to run out and fuck prostitutes, or bang the church secretary while married, or other acts while then talking about how those filthy women tempted them afterwards.
And even if he did feel violated, he had no right to speak to her like a subhuman. THAT is verbal and emotional fucking abuse, and gives her a glimpse of how he will treat her every time she displeases him. I hope she doesn’t gravel at his feet apologizing so he can emotional smack her around on another occasion.
I can’t for the life of me understand why someone would casually just be like “your girlfriend is fat” but you… if this was said to me, I’d probably ask them to repeat what they said … repeatedly until it made them uncomfortable.
I’m gonna be honest, none of these things indicate bisexuality or an attraction to men. It would be cool if he is, but so far you only have your friend’s words for it, kisses on the cheek which may entirely be platonic, and initiating conversations with men.
He’s literally excusing being raped as a “boys will be boys”
But honestly you owe him nothing, he lost all rights when he denied they were his from the beginning.
LOL, nope. It doesn't work like that.
I agree, but you still should be responsible primarily for keeping your side of the family in line.
It wouldn't be wrong if OP said something even now- but if she did, they could use it as ammo to slight her further or make her look petty or like a bridezilla going forward.
She wants a reaction, so if the son shuts it down ahead of time she wont have the opportunity to get one.
He says he wants to be with me while maintaining a healthy social life which I understand but the guy is so busy with all his hobbies and friends/family I’m scared I don’t find a place in his schedule
It's so awful. I might be angry, but I would be much more disgusted. YUK!
sheesh… explodes over an unknown set of circumstances, is proving to be a controlling jerk..
I'd say you need a better BF…
It might be a pretty uncomfortable conversation, but y’all are gonna have to sit down and have a lengthy talk about it (you about your insecurities, and her about the stuff with her ex). Try to stay on topic and take turns talking about things. Maybe it’ll be helpful for y’all to establish boundaries if y’all haven’t already. Especially given the chance that it’s potentially a rebound relationship depending on how long y’all got together after she broke up with her ex.
I’m not saying it is a rebound relationship, but y’all do need to talk about things before the relationship progresses further bc letting these types of feelings fester will not go well as things get further along. I hope your conversation goes well
The issue there is that he picked the day to go out, that it was right after work, and then told her either go then or not at all.
He could have said, let's go out on next off day, but he didn't.
Definitely communication issue, but also a consideration issue too.
I keep going over this in my mind.
I think it is more “if I don't like what I hear, I block it out” because he was the same with every time I tried to raise issues and we would talk about it. Things would be better for a week and then he would revert… I would bring it up again a few months later and he would deny any knowledge of it.
Mentally I am just starting to move on. What we had for 10 years was amazing and I believe we were both happy. We got through IVF, had an amazing child and went on many adventures. For that 10 years he was an amazing husband and dad and step dad.
I need to find a way to happily remember the past and be able to not want to find him again. That is the challenge, as crap as he has been the last 6 or so years I gave him that time ( I was never perfect either so i didnt judge for quite a while) but I have to draw some mental lines and see them as different relationships/diff people as that is how stark the difference was.
What does your wife have to say about John and the photographer? They’re her friends after all?
I sincerely hope John is no longer in the picture. He sounds like he doesn’t have any respect for you, either as a person or as the man his friend chose to spend her life with. What a cruel thing to do!
Doing a repeat ceremony sounds like a great idea, provided he isn’t invited. But before doing that you need to get a handle on this and learn how to put it out of your mind. I don’t know what that would take – therapy, meditation, psychedelics – but the last thing you want is have your repeat ceremony and be unable to take your mind off the fact that the reason you’re there is because of John.
I do think it's exceptionally sweet of OPs wife to offer though.
Her friends ruined the first one. Nothing sweet about the offer.
If you’ve already brought it up to him and he’s constantly just brushing it off and acting like it’s nothing I would just say to him listen I’m so fucking sick of telling you that your friends are inappropriate with me and if you’re not going to defend me as my boyfriend you can fuck off and I’ll go find a man who would because I’m not gonna be disrespected and made uncomfortable by anyone especially not my partner is own friends. I might even throw in there because you’re two years older than him that this is why you don’t want to date someone younger than you because you don’t think they can protect you and the way that they were supposed to and he’s proving you right because then maybe it will get in his head that he’s being a piece of shit and he will realize how immature he’s being.
why California?
I'm not sure you two are even dating
I'm a guy and from a guys' perspective it sounds like he's playing the field. Not putting your relationship as priority.
It is not difficult. When I was single I hooked up with this girl I have to do work stuff with sometimes and I was fully transparent about that with my gf. Even without her telling me to I'm the one who set the boundary out of respect for my gf. This guy is not doing that for you. ?
Tell him you like to ‘lead’ so to say and show him how you like it. Though him getting mad is an overreaction. Unless you were flat out like “you’re a really bad kisser. Fix yourself” lol
His brother could have an intellectual disability ect
You're blaming women for your own view points.
Yes, there are shitty people out there but the only person who can control how you view women is you.
Instead of thinking that maybe you've just been surrounded by shitty people, you're instead choosing to take your experiences and start feeling resentment to ALL WOMEN. That's a conscious decision on your part. No one is forcing you to think that