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Date: November 2, 2022
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Consent is important. Asking for consent is important.
No I feel that should be discussed with my GF prior for her to initiate and then we all discuss if she’s on board
No, move on. Find new friends, work on yourself.
Straight out, your partner clearly is not practicing what he preaches, and either has zero self-awareness around this, or is manipulating and gaslighting you, or both. Just because someone is a therapist that does not mean they are a balanced or respectful person. He should know better. He should communicate better. He should accept some responsibility and listen.
Unfortunately some therapists think they can do no wrong as they are the 'experts' and their ego may has gotten the better of them. The other could be that unfortunately a lot of narcissists and perpetrators are drawn to the role due to the clear power dynamics in their favour. I say this as a counsellor, and it is a scary thought. Just like some doctors use their medical knowledge for the wrong reasons, some therapists will use their knowledge of people and insecurity for the wrong reason.
If your husband is not willing to work WITH you and is only happy to point out your flaws, it is likely abusive behaviour “minimise, deny, and blame”. Search up 'Power and Control Wheel' and 'The Cycle of Abuse'. Those are usually good starting points to assess whether some of his behaviours directed toward you in the relationship are considered abusive.
Good luck to you and please don't invalidate your concerns, even if he may try.
Bro wtf, grow some balls. No women is worth yor self respect
if you think it'll be a downer just keep it brief. answer the question and move the convo along.
I'd say expecting to know when he might be busy is absolutely fine, but needing to know an itinerary is not. Hopefully he'd like to share his day with you, but he should feel like it's a nice thing to catch up on later.
I'd expect to know if my OH would not be able to reply for an extended amount of time so I didn't worry, then have a catch up whenever they're free.
Also, it's harder because you're in a LDR, so don't be too naked on yourself. Be honest with him, though. You worry so a time frame might help. “I'll be out today but will give you a call around 6pm” is a nice way to communicate he's not free to text and you can almost switch off until then.
If it's more about who he is seeing but not bothered about errands, that's a separate issue.
Your guy friend is attracted to you and you’re either:
a) attracted to him b) keeping him as a backup c) testing your bf’s resolve to put his foot down d) you have every intention of cheating but you want plausible deniability that “it just happened”
I’m not sure what a one sided relationship is but it definitely doesn’t sound fair. If he wants an open relationship, you need to consider if that’s something you’d be open to. If he wants to have a side piece, you need to consider how you feel about that. You’ve been supporting his life and paying his bills, and it sounds like he’s paid you back by cheating with a coworker???
Idiocracy at it's finest.
If something doesn’t make you comfortable and you spoke up about it and he continues to do it, that’s all you need to know
Hun your dating a narcissistic abuser who next time will shot you before turning the gun on himself. He will never go to therapy because his using you to take out his frustrations. You have friends and coworkers who can help you remove yourself from this dangerous situation,please ask them. You health is already being affected by this.
Oh my goodness this is terrible! You don’t deserve to be treated that way at all! No one does! What you do next is up to you but it seems clear he has no respect for you and considers himself superior. Crystal clear.
You’re not wrong about the psychological abuse.
She doesn't want either one of you. That makes this a total non-event. I guess it sucks for him, but what made her want to tell you about it? And why do you still think of her as your exclusive territory?
Alcoholic vibes, yes
This is the only right answer because the comments make it worst like, wtf.
You are rite to have a bit of concern about finding a life partner…far too often woman wait until 30 to think about settling down but you have to factor in the time ot takes to get to know a person to see if they are even a good choice to get married to..and it only takes a couple bad apples that end up wasting time on until 40 starts approaching you. So no you haven't left too late, but this is the time for you to date someone who truly had the intent to be married otherwise you'll be wasting your time.
Is there any hope for us?
No
Can I change?
you totally can
You both done fucked up. Don't get back together, unless mistrusting each other from the start sounds like fun to you. Take the time to reset yourself instead and better yourself. Don't go into your next relationship until you have a new mindset and clear goals for your future. Even if they're just little goals.
I will die on this hill- The proper response to a breach of trust like that is leave the relationship. You already know that revenge doesn't satisfy unless you're a psycho.
Honestly? This is something you need to work out with a therapists help and with your wife.
My parents had a similar situation- mom didn't care that she made more than dad and would have been happy if he stayed home and just took care of things while she could focus on work. But dad felt bad- like he wasn't a real man. It led him to chasing stupid get rich schemes. He dreamed of making it big so mom would never have to work a day in her life- but she WANTED to work. She was passionate about her job. As a result dad “invested” in multiple businesses and nearly bankrupt the family several times because his ego couldn't accept his wife loved to work and made more than him. It caused tremendous strain on my parents and the family as a whole. His discomfort with a high earning wife poisoned their marriage. And as kids made us have unhealthy relationships with money-i hoard money and used to never spend it even when I needed to. I have so much financial anxiety I can't function sometimes.
You need to ask with your wife and figure out what she expects of her man. And with the help of a therapist maybe you can break down some of those cultural expectations that make you feel like to have to matchb or outdo your wife's earning. This is going to take self reflection and communication but please don't try to ignore it.
Maybe she had a pimple or lump that she wanted to get a better look at. Maybe she wants to see if her ass is sagging. Maybe she’s doing squats and taking progress pics.
That’s exactly what she should do. Because this is seriously inappropriate and any viable employer’s HR team should be very interested in this information.
Especially since this dude is obviously wealthy. They are LOOKING to be taken advantage of.
Okay but you got a link oooorrrrr?
Was it his friends' idea but he knew it'd upset you because of how it would look? I mean idk why it's instantly assumed that he's trying to hurt you.
It's easy. Stop calling him your boyfriend and block him.
You are far too young to be dating a 27 year old and any 27 year old willing to date someone your age is trash and not worth dating.
All of this! Like holy heck your home isn’t currently safe
How do I contain my feelings then?
They do actually. But it’s getting forced past the cervix. It’s gonna be a little painful no matter what.
Cut him off and move on.
No, he held her down while she was crying to prove what? Nothing at all. She can't attack him as she would a stranger, would you gouge out your partners eyes? Bite their finger off? Break their arm? Kick them in the nuts? Cause these are all things she would do to get away in a real situation.
He abused her to show her how terrible men are and he proved it. Congrats to OP for showing women what we already know about men.
I would go around introducing my son as my son to make him feel he is fully accepted, wife in tow. I would also expect my wife to sincerely apologize to my son, and to everyone else for a malicious lie set to ALIENATE my son from the family and community.
If she still doesn’t understands how egregiously she messed up, I would start to question her morals and character.
I would also become super concerned about what narrative she is feeding the younger children about their older brother.
She was so worried about what people would think, well now people think she is a liar, a snob and a bully.
I agree that it sounds like your boyfriend does not want to marry you. I feel like even if you give him an ultimatum and he proposed, being proposed to doesn't make you married.
Are you going to wait another 10 years for a wedding? If he's using money as an excuse not to propose, why do you think he's going to plan a wedding when it's a much larger cost?
My first thought is are you a difficult drunk? Do you pick fights if attractive women are there? Do you like to dance but he doesn't?
No he doesn’t make me pay for anything
I’ve been here. As being someone who has had to force someone to shower before going to bed after a long sweaty day at work or just for pure daily routine, then finding evidence that they don’t wipe properly either.. girl you deserve so much better. This isn’t your guy.
I feel like I'm reading a teenager story, “they where intimate” “I agreed to them being intimate but they broke the boundary by being intimate “.
You can't use the same word with different meanings like this and expect people to understand what's going on.