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Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
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Your mariage is over. The quicker you accept this reality, the better you ll be able to deal with the fallout. There is no upside in dragging it out. i ll usually suggest mariage counseling but I feel your wife has checked out of the mariage and you trying to keep this going will only lower your value in her face. Get some advice and figure out what your options are in the case of divorce
Aftercare is very important for sex. He’s not giving you that and he’s not treating you like he should period. Leave him. You’re not needy. You’re human. Seriously do not waste any more of your time on this guy.
All of this can be some down to a simple response.
You need to sit down and define what is a boundary. And you need to communicate those boundaries to her. If she is not willing to respect those boundaries then break up.
You are his GF if you don't tell him and he finds out you knew everything and remained quiet he will think you are also in on punishing him for something that happened when he was a stupid teenager. Also you should advise him to leave those assholes and find a band of adults as well as what happened between him and Jane is there business and happened ages ago. What a petty thing to do. You have to tell him or you could end up getting dumped and rightfully so because if my GF knew such information and decided against telling me? I would feel so deeply hurt by her choice and I would feel like you are not at all behind me and supporting my choices.
Maybe help more around the house and with the kids. Get someone to come and clean once a week for her to help. 4 kids 6 and under is enough to make anyone tired. Spring for a sitter for a date night. Bring romance back to your relationship.
I'm just a big proponent for communication. I don't expect it'll go the way you want it to, but there's a chance, and that's always worth a shot. The fact that she values her image over your relationship (cancelling anniversary plans) is a massive red flag, which is why folks are suggesting you cut and run.
I’m not one to discuss what I do with my partner, but when I met and started dating my ex-husband, the girls at work often would ask me about size and performance. I would roll my eyes and tell them to rack off. They persisted to the point that one day I just said “it’s like Thor’s hammer! Huge and hits very hot!” Thinking the shock value would get them to stop. Nope. Within a week the whole crew started calling him “Thor”.
You sound like you need to speak to a therapist. Getting so depressed after an argument that you ignore your responsibilities is not healthy coping, nor is your self-defeating and self-blaming line of thinking. If you can afford it, a therapist can help you discover healthy coping mechanisms that can increase your ability to function in negative situations like this.
That said, is this really a relationship worth salvaging? If every argument ends with you in a messy ball of emotions if a resolution isn't reached immediately, then overall this relationship is unhealthy for you. Consider breaking up if only to protect your own future at this point.
Tell him to get his adhd treated and get his shit together or you're done.
Adhd is a reason why a lot of these things are happening, but it's not a good enough excuse to not try to stop them happening. He's about to be a father, ffs! He needs to sort himself out and at least TRY to do better.
He needs to take responsibility for his own tasks and actually follow through on doing them. He needs to set himself reminders and routines and find strategies that help him do things without waiting for you to prompt him. He's putting too much of the burden of the household on you, and it's going to ruin your relationship completely if he doesn't wake up and change.
Normal strategies and “just do the thing” probably won't work for him, but he needs to find things that do.
Let him know you understand he's not going to be perfect straight away, but that you expect him to be making an effort and trying to do better. If he doesn't, you'll be better off as a single parent, cause then you'll only have one infant to clean up after.
You are getting a lot of aggressive answers here. I would find this absolutely disrespectful. Normally people in relationships where porn is okay only watch it so rarely when the other person isnt home. No matter if they are “horny” or not, this is super disrespectful.
If i were you id ask myself whether you are okay with porn in relationships and the issue was him doing it while you were in the house, or whether it hurts you hes watching porn alltogether. Both are complitely okay as im sure you know: the problem with the latter is that men havent acknowledged that women should have a say of what are their boundaries in relationships.
However, if the issue is you felt hurt about the fact he wanted to do it even though you were there and only for that felt disrespected, talk to him about it and make him see why it is hurtful and just rude. If he continues i personally wouldnt stay, most people wouldnt do that out of respect and the fact he is that comfortable doing it with you in the next room hints that he uses it a lot
Whether this girl's friend had already rejected you or not, no, you can't just ask someone out if you don't already know them well enough to know you have at least a few common interests and some mutual physical attraction. It would be better to find someone else and build an actual connection with them first before you ask them out.
Stop apologizing! He sounds like an absolute asshat with some kind of internalized fear about appearing LGBT+ (offended by being somewhere very populated by women, doesn't want to see Harry Styles in a dress). Major red flags!!
This entire thing gives me the ick big time ??
Think you're a bit lost, this is a sub for people seeking relationship advice.
That poor kid.
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Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
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Your mariage is over. The quicker you accept this reality, the better you ll be able to deal with the fallout. There is no upside in dragging it out. i ll usually suggest mariage counseling but I feel your wife has checked out of the mariage and you trying to keep this going will only lower your value in her face. Get some advice and figure out what your options are in the case of divorce
You're making this into a significantly bigger deal than it actually is.
Legos. A big set that will take you both all night an a bottle of wine to complete.
Aftercare is very important for sex. He’s not giving you that and he’s not treating you like he should period. Leave him. You’re not needy. You’re human. Seriously do not waste any more of your time on this guy.
No lol
All of this can be some down to a simple response.
You need to sit down and define what is a boundary. And you need to communicate those boundaries to her. If she is not willing to respect those boundaries then break up.
Everything else is nonsense
You are his GF if you don't tell him and he finds out you knew everything and remained quiet he will think you are also in on punishing him for something that happened when he was a stupid teenager. Also you should advise him to leave those assholes and find a band of adults as well as what happened between him and Jane is there business and happened ages ago. What a petty thing to do. You have to tell him or you could end up getting dumped and rightfully so because if my GF knew such information and decided against telling me? I would feel so deeply hurt by her choice and I would feel like you are not at all behind me and supporting my choices.
Maybe help more around the house and with the kids. Get someone to come and clean once a week for her to help. 4 kids 6 and under is enough to make anyone tired. Spring for a sitter for a date night. Bring romance back to your relationship.
You can't get a dildo to mow the lawn though…
I'm just a big proponent for communication. I don't expect it'll go the way you want it to, but there's a chance, and that's always worth a shot. The fact that she values her image over your relationship (cancelling anniversary plans) is a massive red flag, which is why folks are suggesting you cut and run.
I’m not one to discuss what I do with my partner, but when I met and started dating my ex-husband, the girls at work often would ask me about size and performance. I would roll my eyes and tell them to rack off. They persisted to the point that one day I just said “it’s like Thor’s hammer! Huge and hits very hot!” Thinking the shock value would get them to stop. Nope. Within a week the whole crew started calling him “Thor”.
Because I don't want to be in the same place with the guy she slept with is and have to deal with that every Sunday when I'm trying to worship.
Why do you need him to take wedding initiative? Does he even know what needs to be done?
You sound like you need to speak to a therapist. Getting so depressed after an argument that you ignore your responsibilities is not healthy coping, nor is your self-defeating and self-blaming line of thinking. If you can afford it, a therapist can help you discover healthy coping mechanisms that can increase your ability to function in negative situations like this.
That said, is this really a relationship worth salvaging? If every argument ends with you in a messy ball of emotions if a resolution isn't reached immediately, then overall this relationship is unhealthy for you. Consider breaking up if only to protect your own future at this point.
I have adhd.
You are not a clean freak.
Tell him to get his adhd treated and get his shit together or you're done.
Adhd is a reason why a lot of these things are happening, but it's not a good enough excuse to not try to stop them happening. He's about to be a father, ffs! He needs to sort himself out and at least TRY to do better.
He needs to take responsibility for his own tasks and actually follow through on doing them. He needs to set himself reminders and routines and find strategies that help him do things without waiting for you to prompt him. He's putting too much of the burden of the household on you, and it's going to ruin your relationship completely if he doesn't wake up and change.
Normal strategies and “just do the thing” probably won't work for him, but he needs to find things that do.
Let him know you understand he's not going to be perfect straight away, but that you expect him to be making an effort and trying to do better. If he doesn't, you'll be better off as a single parent, cause then you'll only have one infant to clean up after.
You are getting a lot of aggressive answers here. I would find this absolutely disrespectful. Normally people in relationships where porn is okay only watch it so rarely when the other person isnt home. No matter if they are “horny” or not, this is super disrespectful.
If i were you id ask myself whether you are okay with porn in relationships and the issue was him doing it while you were in the house, or whether it hurts you hes watching porn alltogether. Both are complitely okay as im sure you know: the problem with the latter is that men havent acknowledged that women should have a say of what are their boundaries in relationships.
However, if the issue is you felt hurt about the fact he wanted to do it even though you were there and only for that felt disrespected, talk to him about it and make him see why it is hurtful and just rude. If he continues i personally wouldnt stay, most people wouldnt do that out of respect and the fact he is that comfortable doing it with you in the next room hints that he uses it a lot
Whether this girl's friend had already rejected you or not, no, you can't just ask someone out if you don't already know them well enough to know you have at least a few common interests and some mutual physical attraction. It would be better to find someone else and build an actual connection with them first before you ask them out.
Clarify: if his family gets ruined bc you tell the wife, absolutely fine. He made that choice.
The grass is not always greener on the other side!
That’s an emotional affair dude
You'll get sick getting intimate with someone who has bad hygiene. You're putting your health at risk by staying in this relationship
Stop apologizing! He sounds like an absolute asshat with some kind of internalized fear about appearing LGBT+ (offended by being somewhere very populated by women, doesn't want to see Harry Styles in a dress). Major red flags!!