Throwaway because wife sometimes uses Reddit. All details are accurate but ages have been fudged a little bit.
I (28M) have been married to my wife (28F) for 5 years, together 8. 3 years ago we moved to a new town and I started a new job. At this job I met a girl (36F) who I really clicked with. We don't share very many common interests, but can talk for hours because we have a very similar way of thinking. We became friends and have been such for the last 3 years.
Recently we got a long lunch at work and went to a nearby museum. During this time my wife tried to call me because of some problem with our bank but I didn't hear it (my phone was in silent), so she checked my location (we share location history) and was surprised that I was not near my office. When I called her later she asked me why I was not near my office. I said I got lunch there, but didn't mention I was with my friend or that we went to a museum. Later that day she asked me again and I told her the whole story and apologised for lying about it.
Many conversations later (and after much anxiety and pain) she is insisting that I cut off all contact with my friend and find other friends because of "emotional creating". I agreed that I probably do talk to her a bit too often and should pull back a little but don't want to cut her off completely. Where do we go from here?
Some context: – my friend and I hang out relatively frequently (say lunch 1-ish times per week and a museum-like trip once every few weeks). – we typically only hang out around work hours (we sometimes hang out on the weekend but usually with our families). – we typically text every day (this is what I was thinking of cutting down on) – we have never done anything physical except hugging when greeting/saying goodbye – I really, really struggle to make friends (apart from my wife this is the first real friend I feel I've ever had), so having to lose her is devastating – I lied because I was afraid of what my wife would say; we have had many issues throughout our relationship of me leaving it details because I don't want to justify them (things like what food I eat, what games I play etc). There are a lot of complicated reasons for this but long story short I'm a coward and she's very strong willed so if she disagrees with something I do I will very likely cave and not do it again (even if I love it). This is something we are actively working on. – our relationship has always been a bit rocky, very anxious-avoidant. It's something we're working on, but recently (because of lack of time due to kids) we feel our connection has gotten weaker.
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