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x_sandycheeks, 21 y.o.
Location: Scotland, United Kingdom
Room subject: Boxers Off [370 tokens left]
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Date: December 4, 2022
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She sounds like my ex. You and your daughter are a package deal, she can’t pick and choose which aspects of you she keeps and which she rejects. I don’t advise tolerating this, it will leave you feeling crappy and ultimately damage your relationship with your daughter. Prioritise her.
Yeah, we walk away from men with kids, because we are either child free intentionally for reasons that are none of your business, or have already grown children with no interest in our wants and needs taking a back seat to a kids needs.
Tell her, and be prepared for her to walk away from you for being a lying jackwaggon
Why are you so emotionally invested in this girl who doesn’t give a shit about you?
I hope she realize it though. She can find another whose more caring and don't usually shout for no reason. She never deserves that.
We have a son now and are expecting our daughter in FEB 2023. May consider having one more, but haven’t fully decided.
I’m so jealous of you right now!!
Did jump to the conclusion that the donation took place with her stuck in the washing machine.
It's his sperm not yours. And it's very normal for family members to lend sperm or egg. He should have talked to you about it. But you don't own him so…
That’s a hot NO
Not really. As a guy I’m not really into it and most of my friends are not either with few exceptions so don’t really worry about it. I think most guys aren’t really into that stuff.
So she just woke up and I talked to her, she denied it, was somewhat angry and said she felt sad that I didn’t trust her. Idk what to think…
Also, I bet if you did the same thing to her she would be absolutely furious
Also, it's goddamned* Not goddamn. 😉
Well the problem was what I was trying to explain. I tried to make the problem more obvious by showing a direct comparison to ops gift. Would you have understood the problem if the boyfriend got her a car but ops car outshined his? Or would you have thought that situation was fine too and the boyfriend should just get over himself?
This is grounds for breakup. He doesn’t want to stay with you, he wants to stay for who he WANTS you to be. He should go out and find the person he wants to spend his life with, just how they are. And YOU deserve WAY better than someone who wants to change you.
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And kids? Sounds like mad prospects.
Coomers get scarily defensive over their porn. I'm with her, it's pretty pathetic.
Oh honey – stop feeling so terrible. You were reacting to HIS ABUSE OF YOU. And yes, what he was doing is absolutely a form of emotional/psychological abuse. You told him to stop repeatedly, you tried to get away from him, you were physically showing signs of distress, and he persisted. He should be the one who feels fucking awful. Please, for your sake, take a break from the relationship and reevaluate. Get some distance. What he’s doing (and the fact that this isn’t the first time) is NOT OKAY.
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Thank you so much! Most of these responses are scaring me a bit with all the “love-bombing” and “red flags.” I don't think its a big deal that he said I love you because truly our relationship is very emotional but I just can't now. Even a month in I think I need boundaries.
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Sleep is everybody's right. Your gf is abusing you by not allowing you to sleep. Set boundaries and if she doesn't follow them then maybe it's time to rethink the relationship
no offense but you don’t seem to have the self awareness or emotional intelligence to make a marriage work. You literally took a manageable marriage problem and instead of working on the problem, you’re creating grounds for divorce. But I can understand your thinking and reaction. Because I used to behave like that when I was 17. I recognize the insecurity and need to just cause more damage. you wanna make a big statement. You want her to feel guilty and try putting this entirely on her. you’re choosing to have a break Bc you don’t know how to deal with your emotions and you don’t want to. you dont want to forgive or forget, and you don’t want to work on the problem. bc that shit is hot and it’ll reveal the things that were lacking in your marriage. and you also want to play the victim and feed into your insecurities. I recognize that too. You definitely have some self esteem issues that need to be addressed.
You’ve been ignoring everyone’s advice. that’s on you. But you already know that this “break” is actually going to lead to a divorce. Because the second she actually starts pursuing something with that other guy, it’s over for you. you’ll NEVER get past it. there is no “I’ll decide in three months”. You already know that. use this as an opportunity to grow as a person and a husband. your wife fucked up, she addressed it correctly before it turned into anything. I’m sure that hurts more because you’re insecure. And it’s gonna be really hard for you to look past that and not play the victim. but you are NOT a victim. if you actually genuinely want to save your marriage, stop with the victim mentality and have the courage to actually deal with the problem.
Marriage is about choosing each other. Your wife is saying she is choosing YOU. but you’re literally telling her to go pursue something with this guy. She’s already made the decision not to but somehow you know in your heart that she needs to try it out with him? this is you acting out of spite and insecurity. when we’re insecure, we CHOOSE to believe that they want the other person and not us. bc why would she have strayed if you were good enough? But that’s a false narrative. Clearly you were good enough for her to marry and good enough for her to come clean and make the necessary changes to make the marriage work. so it’s not a question of you being good enough. But somewhere in the marriage, you guys became disconnected. and that’s the nude truth you need to face.
That wasn’t advice and okay
Well then you need to tell her you are happy stop by somewhere for food, but you CANNOT pay, and stick to it.
It's not at all. Confessing is saying something that's detrimental to oneself, nowhere does the definition state it has to be the truth. People can confess to things to cover others, to a murder they didn't do or as a lie to hurt others like what happened to OP.
So he didn’t even try to talk about and just left, did he say anything about stopping?
Why would you be on a sub for relationship advice if you’re happily married? You really think people need your perfect wisdom? They need support. I suspect you might be in denial just like I was. Good luck to you!
No
Thanks! its insanely coincidental that you had almost the same situation! Can I DM you?
Your last comment makes no sense, but I think that was what you were getting at.
For the first, yeah she's definitely at fault, too. She put herself in a situation where she should have expected her boundaries and resolve to be tested. She's just not at fault in the same way he is, since no penetration was her boundary, not his. But she's at fault for her poor communication and putting herself in a position where she didn't feel like she could say no (whether it was because she wanted to say yes or because she literally didn't feel safe saying no).
Nah he fuckin’ in the spare room
you dont. you seriously blew it.
Hah, think yourself lucky it's due to her pregnancy, I am that sensitive to smells all the time, and have been known to vomit from just walking into a bathroom.
If you aren't smoking now, why not take the opportunity to make it permanent, your lungs will thank you for it!
I’m not condoning him punishing you by any means, but I’m curious. You’re 21 and consider yourself to be a homemaker? Why don’t you have a job or go to school?
Jeez. So he keeps you on the hook with an LDR and knows fully that he isn’t going to move to where you are?
It’s unreasonable to be mad at someone for having more friends than you.
Join some groups or something of hobbies and try and meet some like minded people to be friends with or something
Good people first lie to themselves.
Then they tell that 'truth' to others.
I think you should report him to adoption agencies. Is he using you as a front to adopt children and specifically asian children?
What’s your evidence for that? Pornhub and their parent company mindgeek have had tons of legal issues due to platforming and refusing to take down all sorts of illegal porn, including child porn and rapes. This isn’t an isolated incident. If you’re seeking out porn of teens, you should be aware that you might be watching a child be abused. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. It should.
Not at all improbable. Usually they don’t even test for it if your pap is normal, but you could be infected and have a normal pap. If you have a normal pap one time and an abnormal the next, that doesn’t necessarily mean you got the virus in between.
he's in the middle of heartbreak, give it time. then see if he's still thinking that.
Trust me, I have experience with unreasonable relatives 😉
You owe her nothing, and she owes you nothing.
She's someone else's girlfriend now. Why are you housing her?
I’ve said this before but he says that he doesn’t want to speak to me so he won’t say anything he doesn’t mean
I don’t want to jump the gun and say she’s being unreasonable. She definitely sounds insecure. Why is she insecure though? Is it irrational, or could it be that you have started to put less effort into making her feel loved now that you’ve been together awhile? When was the last time you went out of your way to make her feel special? Do you show her love daily with her love language? Relationships take work and usually around the 1 year mark, people start to get lazy.
You gotta be a really fucked up person to enjoy something like that. I would not want to be with someone like that personally.
Obviously don't cheat on your wife. What's wrong with you?
I’d like to think I’d deny physicality but on the other hand I’m a guy.
Cheating is not a “guy” thing. Some people cheat and it's not okay; it's a cruel and inconsiderate choice they made to do, not dictated by gender. You're only making excuses for yourself as though you might not be able to control your own actions. Absurd.
It's completely creepy and inappropriate that you're viewing your “friend” not as a friend, but as a potential sex partner. Your evidence that she might be interested in you in that way is also mostly pretty weak. And if she is trying to somehow come on to you (doesn't sound like it), it is still not okay for you to cheat on your wife. Wild that anyone would have to say that.
The only thing she said that I find really inappropriate is the joke about you jizzing in a cup, and that's the closest that maybe, maybe could be some sort of sexual implication with you. Even then, I wouldn't assume that at all. You should have told her at the time that you didn't find that joke appropriate. You know, because it's not, and presumably because your wife would not appreciate it at all.
Beyond that, the period thing and shaving thing? Some friends simply mention things like that. The time she keeps noticing is not a pass at you. Her ordering the same drink as you is probably just that she heard that drink and thought it sounded good.
Stop. Just stop. Stop trying to be her “friend” because you don't want to be her friend. This is awful and it's something so many people, especially women, have to deal with.
Some guy friend that acts like a friend while trying to figure out if his female friend might have some secret sex language she's suggesting, or how he can weasel his way into having sex with her somehow. A hell of a lot of women know what that's like. It's disgusting.
Tell your wife you've been having creepy, inappropriate sexual thoughts about your “friend” and that you have to break the friendship off because of it, that you are sorry about being deceitful to her and want to work on your marriage, probably through relationship therapy (or divorce her, if you don't, but don't try to fuck this other woman regardless).
Then tell your friend you are sorry because you've been having inappropriate sexual thoughts about her and have been essentially hoping she felt the same, which is creepy, and so you have to break off your friendship for her and for your marriage.
They both deserve better. Stop making excuses for yourself.
She just want sex from many guys and she is definitely not matured yet.
You have slept with her, you got what you want, now just block her. You dont need to be in the 20's crazy life right now.
You are pushing 40, next time think with your brain not your dick.
It’s a good thing I found out now than never
Sounds like some insecurities around her own self image, if you end becoming more attractive and think you can do better with a partner whose also thinner than her.
She’s needs to come to terms with her own issues and you need to remind her you’re not leaving her if you get in shape. It doesn’t mean you will drop her and upgrade with a thinner woman.
She may have this reservation deep down.
So talk to her, ask her if this is an insecurity she has down the road. She may need to feel like you’re not going anywhere. It’s that security disappearing that bothering her & why she’s most likely responding like this.
Bad feeling in your guy but it could just be i. Your head. Likely in your head.
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
There are plenty of people in Chicago who could use the help. I don’t care if he lives in a fucking Gold Coast mansion, within a mile, someone is in need. If he wants to help someone, it isn’t that hot. If he wants to waste the food, that’s his right but recognize the type of person you are involved with.
I don’t want to feel this way while dating someone else
easy: cut this man out of your life block him and focus on bf, or break up with bf and throw yourself onto this man. Or you can continue cheating on your bf with your current emotional affair and turn it into a physical one too (if you cheat, cheat all the way). And then that's who you are. A cheater.
Make your decision.
Because a 22 year old can be mature?
I’m curious whose idea it was to take the kids to an amusement park 90 min away after school. That seems like an unusually long day for everyone. My take is that your husband really wasn’t into doing this so he picked a fight so he could get time by himself. My ex used to pick weird fights and ruin events too. One time we were all dressed up for a Halloween Event at Disney (we online in central FL) and he picked a fight at the park and ruined the entire night. Disappearing and text me repeatedly, etc. Let’s be clear: It IS abusive.
That’s very true. Do you still think it’s worth bringing up ?
A proposal at this time is just wrong. It’s an obvious manipulation.
But honestly, you just don’t need this crap from him right now. Dealing with him is exhausting. He had got to go. He will be a horrible husband and cause you much future grief. You can do much, much better. You deserve better.
This is a tough one and I’m very sorry you’re going through this OP. I think you’ll need to look within for the answer. What decision will keep you the most mentally and emotionally healthy? If you have to continue living with this man for weeks (or even months) how will that affect you? Can you handle a breakup at the same time as focusing on your mom? You could also tell him that you know but that you can’t deal with it right now and ask him to stay elsewhere (or you stay elsewhere, with a friend or family).