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Date: October 26, 2022
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idk if u read but im not doing that
This is from your husband’s past and these are his kids. Everyone of these children should be part of his life. He can’t ignore them. They predate your relationship by years. If the third child is his than just welcome him in. They deserve to be in his life. He has an obligation to them.
I’m sorry. I feel like a break is what people asked for when they want to break up but are afraid to say so.
i am in the process lol
It was covid, if they were in a big city i could absolutely see this happening.
Is it possible to have a 16 hour time difference? Isn't the maximum like 12? Am I just dumb?
My husband is an american, and I applied for a green card after we got married. However we did get married for love and not for visa reasons. What we needed was the money for the fees (at the time like 1.5k usd) and a bunch of evidence showing that we both are in a genuine relationship (photos, flight tickets, marriage certificate, etc). But before they issued me the green card, we needed to have an appointment with a government official who interviewed us. It sounds iffy for you to get that interview when he is already banned from the country – is there a foreign embassy in his country in Asia that could do the interview for you guys? You need to do your research.
I think what you need is evidence that you two were in a relationship before he got banned from the country. I think that would make your case.
Oops… test for both came back normal. Not under or over, just normal.
Sorry O just have to put this out there. It's not his job to “help” you with the chores, it's his responsibility to do his half of the chores. He helps you if he does his and yours too. Unless you're unemployed, then all the chores fall on you.
Dude he needs to earn back your trust! You shouldn’t trust him right now, it’s been a month what the fuck does he expect. I say hell no to the party. He needs to be working on repairing his marriage Vs that crap.
Why the hell would you want to be with someone like this ?!? Trust me. You can find better
She hasn’t even taken it out of my hands yet lol she couldn’t have read it unless she has gone in my notes and seen the drafts on my phone which she wouldn’t have done lol she is genuinely just absent minded and her attention span isn’t the longest
“For almost 6 years”.
Op says in a comment she was 18 as well.
I agree completely. While yes it's more complicated because of the shared house and having a child together; ultimately, they would be better off separating so that they can work on themselves and their needs in a healthy environment
This entire post indicates that. And I don't care if you don't agree with that because its something I've directly said to her.
Do not take any of this guy's advice. It is so laughably bad I almost think he wants you to fail. Flowers are great. You can find them anywhere this time of year at any grocery store. You don't have to go with a very expensive one. Does she have pets like cats? Make sure they're non toxic for animals.
I still have the dried tulip petals my boyfriend gave me on our 6th date.
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Better to suggest therapy and antidepressants that can help with anxiety. Benzodiazepines are meant for very short term use, are extremely addicting and can be one of the most challenging things to quit once addicted. This doesn't sound like a short term problem either.
Haha, I love that he brought a machete. Made me chortle a bit?
I want to kiss him and hold his hand. Your words not mine.
It is probably a scam. Do they know your measurements? Do you have an agent? How can this scout even know you have the right body? Your husband was hurt but if you are determined to model, then go to a reputable agency. That is the way most businesses get models, not scouting the streets.
Go back to work, get some financial freedom. It would be good to get some head space away from the predator that trapped you at what 18?
In what world do you think he’s not gonna tell her?! You might as well give her up if you’re not ready to talk to her about your pass. let’s be honest you give him the 3k then what?? he stays quiet forever. Sure.
Seems like a pretty long play to get there. Plus I'm a 100% sure, she didn't fuck anybody else.
I had trouble with it in relationships ? and sizes lol my ex said I'm horrible. Sorry I don't know ya size by looking and sorry the things you wear .I like. but I have bit of trouble buying it for you. These tests didn't make me a horrible man but to her maybe. I looked like bad bf probably not. But her preception made it harder to even be connected with her. ?chill it's underwear. No your to chill ?. Take him and show him doesn't mean he gonna be perfect. Sorry programmed kinks lot of them just watch fifty shades of gray. ?
To my knowledge she has not gone to my home when I am not there. Then again, there is no way to prove she hasn't, either. My stepfather works from home so most of the time when I am in class, he is at home. I guess I could try stopping home before or after class on a few random days.
To my knowledge she has not gone to my home when I am not there. Then again, there is no way to prove she hasn't, either. My stepfather works from home so most of the time when I am in class, he is at home. I guess I could try stopping home before or after class on a few random days.
Info how long have you been together?
I really think that is a bullshit law. If you don't threaten to use the pictures for anything but your personal viewing what right does the state have to remove a photo from your phone? The photo wasn't gained coercively. I personally would delete photos if my ex partner asked (I mean I would delete them before just to help move on) but I dont think the state should have the right to force you to if you don't want to.
Thank you, thank you, thank you c:!! I really appreciate the bluntness. I was reading more on 401ks and now I know why it’s a dumb move :/. And thank you for the clarity ?
This is ridiculous and you should expect to spend most of the rest of your life single if you continue to believe this crap.
What does it matter why she is doing this? She's your ex now, so put her and her accusations in your rear-view mirror, and drive away without looking back.
Maybe she was unhappy because you were TOO kind and civil when she told you she wanted to break up, and she expected – or even CRAVED – more drama and fireworks. Don't give her the satisfaction.
Not everyone can do the friendly breakup thing, and your GF seems to be the type who wants to stay angry and keep stirring the pot. Ask her to please not contact you for a while, so you can both get over the breakup more quickly. If she continues to bombard you with hurtful texts after that, you're totally justified in blocking her on everything.
These boundaries are not a negotiation. They are boundaries that's what he does not understand.
She has had 6 years. You've given her all you have. It's ok to love her and want her to get better. But the fact is that if you give her any more of yourself you will be left with nothing.
What a selfish manipulative bf you got there. No, open relationships do not end well for monogamous people. Even worse, he wants to pause the relationship just to fuck around and find out. If I were you I would tell him “You want to be the friendly neighborhood fuckboy? Fabulous, I am dumping you, now you get to be single and try your hand at playing fuck boy. Don’t ever come back.”
It will hurt for a bit, but you will heal and at least you get to get out of there with your dignity , self worth and self esteem still intact. Letting him play F boy to come back to you will hurt even worse, likely end the relationship anyway,but in that scenario, you get to online with knowing what he did to you and picturing him with women. He’s a clown shoe, much better men out there for you.
Your ex is six years older than you and actively cheated on you multiple times over three years and refuses to take accountability or admit fault? Sorry if this is extreme to you, but are you sure you want to give birth to this man’s child? Unless you’re able to not put him on the birth certificate, that would put him in your life forever no matter what he decides. There is nothing wrong with you, this is a problem with him; he is the one who can’t be faithful or communicate.
Yes it's not fair for you. He shouldn't be dating you while his feelings for his ex are “passing” and at the very least you need to take a break from this guy. You deserve better
This was before you guys got engaged, so even though it's cheating, I don't think of it as being nearly as severe as some of the other situations we've seen here. Especially, if it only occurred before you got engaged and married. However, it would be interesting to talk with the friend who she apparently had been sharing all her secrets with. It sounds like she might know even more. Also, adding to this – if the ex friend is the secret holder and this is the most explosive thing she could come up with, then it sounds like your wife has been faithful since then.
I’m really glad for you!! Wishing her again full recovery, and stay hopeful ❤️
Lie if you can.
You'll need to step out of their shadow at some point.
Stop discussing it. She doesn't want to change her name.
Well then you lack a moral compass.
Cutting the line by lying is not an indicator that someone is particularly smart. It indicates that he is bold and selfish.
You walk and don’t contact her at all.
You’ve already told her you don’t want kids, she didn’t listen and she trapped you, essentially. Now is the time to break up with her and walk. Demand a paternity test too and DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING. She may have tampered with the condoms but don’t believe everything she says anymore—she’s the one who lied after all.
If you don’t want responsibility of the child AT ALL, be prepared to sign your rights away too so you can have a complete break. Seriously. Do everything to the letter and don’t let her sneak anything past you or hook you for child support if you really don’t want to take responsibility for the child in any capacity.
Best of luck, OP. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I mean your boyfriend is not doing anything wrong and your aversion to drugs is way over the top.
Instead of forcing your bf to choose maybe try to get to the bottom of these feelings.
It's not the fact she has it that is the big deal, just that she wasn't truthful about owning lingerie before buying it with me.
It just seems like a weird thing to lie about.
I’m not too sure why you bend over backwards for your boyfriends physical pleasure when you have been in constant discomfort for 5 years/are doing poorly mentally. Is the sensation in his dick really more important than you being off BC? Holy shit
It’s all good. What I meant by that was that your bf’s behavior is suspect as to whether or not he actually respects you. Something is going on because he is not caring about you the way he should be, and I worry that he and the rest of the group could be in on not wanting you around. He could be cheating, never say never, but I don’t get those vibes. I get the vibes that he’s pushing you off to the side, and I worry if it’s intentional.
I understand what you are saying. But, it’s not like i just got sick overnight. I’ve had this since i met her, we’ve had long talks about it, we knew it would get worse and we talked about how we’d make it work. And no, i was never looking for a caretaker. We met by happenstance and fell for each other.
Only time will heal. Sorry this happened to you. The only consolation is that you found out before getting married. You deserve better than a broken marriage thanks to a cheater. She shouldn’t have agreed to marry you in the first place and expressed how she felt way before this.
There is someone better for you than her man. Honestly, being alone is better than being with her. Real ones don't act like that.
Some people aren't great writers
Does she know you generalize her family as thieves, drug addicts and creators of drama?
Well, you mentioned that you had only been dating for 6 months. Every relationship gets to crisis points where you either become more honest and real with each other, or you become more distant. If you gf and her daughter had moved to that new city with you, then many of her unresolved issues with her father would have come up and she would have started blaming you for the problems in her life. I've seen this happen many times and in my 20's dated 3 women who all had trust issues with their dads and those became the core issues in relationships with me. I started therapy in my late 20's and that's when I figured out I was groomed to save women from emotionally abusive fathers and had to save them.
You did dodge a bullet with your ex, but have to work on that pattern that you need save women. I finally concluded that I did not want any woman that needed to be saved but was emotionally healed enough to be in an honest and intimate relationship with me. Changing my mantra for what I wanted immediately drew into my life that woman. As it turned out, she had a very loving relationship with her father and knew he had her back. Of all her friends, her dad was the only one who would drive out to pick her and her friends up at dance clubs in LA at 1 am and made sure they all got home safe. Later on, I realized that finding a woman who loved and trusted her dad was more the exception than the rule. I would suggest you find one like that.
You said before she was sitting on his bed, now you say she was IN his bed. Those are very different things. One's not weird at all, the other is.
except that they aren't related to each other so while it is weird it isn't actually wrong. I understand why you would feel icky about it but objectively they're not really related. So if something is going on, honestly you should just stay out of it.
He picked at what he knew was an insecurity and a vulnerability of hers, and he did it to hurt her.
That is unacceptable behaviour from a spouse.
What kinds of jobs are they? Are they retail or food service or something? Cuz I gotta tell you those jobs do indeed suck! Therapy is not going to fix that, those jobs are misery-inducing
Does she have passions or interests? Is she looking for work in those domains? Will she be able to after college?
Agree 100%
Nobody is out here going “yeah… we need to talk. I’m really falling for you. Here’s my resume of all the jobs I’ve ever done.”
Don't wait for her. She broke up with you because her parents are getting divorced. Their relationship has nothing to do with you two.
Sounds more like she's not ready for a relationship. Stop kissing her, sleeping with her etc. You're not together anymore. If you don't, you won't be able to move on and find someone else who is ready for a relationship.
The first heartbreak is really very hot. You think you'll never get over them and that you'll never love anyone else. The thing is, you will get over them and you will love someone else. It takes time to heal. We've all been through it.
Mhm I hear you 100% and value your perspective as someone in their 30s. I guess my perspective is that I don’t quit easily. Not on something I love or anyone I love.. I’m not at all trying to force him and I think no contact is best for now. If you read the end of my post you’d see I said “ I want him to see who I can be when giving my all “ and If that doesn’t showcase any change in his mind then I am fine with us both moving on. I’d like to show my change purely as friends and would like to take him out after some time has passed.. as I a woman with options would never force anyone to try and be with me.
Get rid of the fucking dog. Why are you letting a grown ass fucking man abuse an innocent animal? You don’t deserve this dog, and your boyfriend is a PoS.
I hope this is a troll.
Sorry to be one of those people op it might seem like people are hounding down on you but even if it didn’t hurt the implication of what she was trying to do is bad, she hit you end of tale, if she had the intention of slapping she had the intention of hurting
Am sorry but this is a no go, there’s so many nicer people and people who can fit you better, don’t engage her break up with her
I wrote it on my phone and it literally just fell out of my brain I do apologise, I will reformat on my laptop later.
What do you mean Instagram and nudes? Anything even approaching that is banned into oblivion. Or do you just mean scantily clad?
You just say that you feel that she is taking out her past trauma with men on you and you don’t deserve that. Simple as that.
There. Keep that at the front of your mind.
BTW, you'll have to excusive my vehemence, but I was raised by a verbally abusive (a verbally explosive) father. Trust me, the damage that Mark is doing is far, far worse than you think it is. Imagine if he ends up having kids. It is absolutely enough to warrant kicking him out of the friend group, and it would be nice if you could replace him with this girl, but I know that might be unrealistic.
That girl is somebody's daughter, sister, cousin, whatever. And he's doing far more damage that you and your friends likely suspect. The sort of damage that can take years of therapy to get over.
I would give 2 to 1 odds that if you took her back she would bide her time and then dump you.
The real problem with that though, is that my children’s father was a abusive to me. My ex was physically, emotionally, verbally, financially, and sexual abusive to me.
My current partner has never laid a hand on me. He has literally taken over as “dad” and my children’s life. I wish it were that simple.
I 100% agree with you. This isn’t the first time I’ve questioned a lot of things.
Hell, I stopped inviting my best friend over because he compares me to her ALL THE TIME.
Yes he knows that. Very much so.
I’ve known him for years. He knew before we got together that to be with me he needed to be a different person to who he was. And he shows me every day that he is.
Sweetie …
Dump him. Relevant to this I think – you are very hot. You can easily find a guy who treats you like you are very hot.
That's where we are at. Have lived with this person for 4 years and generally no issues
Say and do nothing.
This is his issues with being less than. Probably from him watching porn with guys with giant dicks.
I thought this too. I also thought ‘since when is mopping the floor in one room equivalent to deep cleaning your house?’. It sounds like a bit of sour grapes, perhaps?
The reason matters too as it is based on misogynistic lies.
Walk away. You obviously don't share the same values and have never had a conversation about expectations. Values are kind of important 'cause your kids get them from both of you. They also determine how your lives will ultimately turn out, good or bad. It is really very hot to be with a partner that doesn't see the world the same way as you. And believe me, if you ask enough questions, you are going to find a plethora of other values that would surprise you.
Then surely best friend would tell OP instead of insisting their friendship is done?
Yeah… your guy friend is madly in love with you and your dude found out. There is no repairing that. One or the other of them have to leave your life now.
Yes, but mostly because the comparison doesn’t matter in this situation. She is still likely to struggle with being taken seriously for the harassment regardless of if a man would have a harder time.
I can't believe there are people on this thread who are like, “drop the loser”. WTF. Totally rational concern and a fine conversation to have with your SO, as long as he doesn't dwell on it and make too much of it. I could totally see some neighborhood Karen or slight acquaintance reporting it. I guess sports gear or custom shirts referencing your a player might help. Other than that, he just needs to take a breath and try and ignore it. Promise him a great sloppy kiss every time someone looks cross eyed at him. Tell him he needs to find the humor in it or you will get matching him/her bdsm tees and make him wear it in public with him
Thank you, I appreciate that.
You got this OP.
I see your reasoning
That's why it was a figment of your imagination. The ex
Thank you very much for this advice.
Hm I probably shouldn’t have used the term “fwb”, maybe “fuck buddies” would have been a better term to describe our relationship. We have never done any of these things. And yes I do always go over to his place but the reason for this is because he got a dui and can’t drive, which I’m well aware is definitely a red flag lol it’s been awhile since the last time I asked him when he’d be able to drive again. When I did ask him before he said “when I get the money to pay for everything” He doesn’t go down on me which is pretty disappointing, probably the only thing I don’t like and I don’t feel totally satisfied because of that.
Yeah OP the two of you would understand the situation better than any of us internet randos here and he seems very mature and you should listen to him.