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put lush in the ass [1176 tokens remaining]
Date: November 2, 2022
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Please get into therapy. You desperately need help finding self worth and stopping the self destructiveness that would keep you with him. You need help
Agreed.
The initial move in and cohabitating period the cursing started. I expressed how unacceptable the behavior was, but after being repeatedly told I was overly sensitive I allowed myself to believe it wasn’t all that bad as long as it wasn’t constant. Repeat this disagreement probably once a week and eventually more for 6 more years. I had a metal baby gate at the foot of my stairs to keep the dogs from going upstairs. In a fit of rage, that was thrown against the wall. My experience was a lot of physical objects being destroyed or punched. Walls. Two doors beaten in. A car window punched out. Punching or hitting various pieces of furniture while screaming. This started to escalate once we purchased a home. In fact, the week prior to closing on that home I’d forgotten my wallet at his mother’s house with my debit card inside. It was my personal bank account which had money only I had earned. None of his money was in the account at any time and I was providing the money for our down payment. His rage was so terrifying to me that night, I called a friend to try and help me talk him down. That was the first time I called someone terrified by this behavior. It wasn’t the last. Not even close. He wouldn’t rip objects out of my hands, but would always charge at me and scream in my face while holding his hands behind his back. He was taunting me because I was afraid, why would a woman be afraid of her husband hitting her if he had his hands behind his back? I will never ever forget that stance. When I see people holding their hands behind their back it causes me physical distress. Even now. The taunting and laughing and screaming at me continued nearly every time we had a fight. That behavior was most common and happened the entire 8 years we were together. A male friend of his called me a bitch on my 30th birthday while we were out. I was very upset he hadn’t said anything and failed to defend me or ask his friend to stop. When we got home, I slammed the door closed as we were walking in. That night was the first night he put his hands on me and shoved me for being so aggressive. In a blackout rage, he blocked the doorway while screaming at me to get out of the room. When I tried to get out and get away he grabbed me and either tripped or tackled me while I was screaming for him to get off of me and let me go. I can still hear my own screams for him to stop like I was watching a movie of the whole thing. He tackled me head first into the metal bed frame. While I was still face down on the floor, he got up off the floor and beat a hallway closet door in. The whole top part of the door was gone. I mean gone. He threw my purse down a flight of stairs when I got up off the floor and ran down to gather my things. I was able to get out of that house and run while he was trying to chase me down the sidewalk. Trying to follow me. Yelling. I somehow had the wherewithal to get an Uber close by and I won’t ever forget that car ride. The driver kept asking me if I was okay and if I needed police. I wouldn’t call. I was too afraid of getting in trouble for being drunk too. This incident was the final incident and actually occurred after we had separated and I was living elsewhere. The next day I went to the doctor and told them I’d fallen by accident. I had a concussion. He blamed me for the whole incident because I’d pissed him off.
OP, from the bottom of my heart I’m begging you to see this for what it is. I wish more than anything I’d had people to tell me these things in those moments. I needed some sort of confirmation I wasn’t going crazy. I wasn’t. I always tell people this: If you’re googling and posting to ask if behaviors are red flags or abusive, that’s the only confirmation you need. Your gut isn’t lying.
You should just let him know that you won’t be able to make it this year because your budget doesn’t allow for it at this point in time.
Also, how will his family receive the gifts that you bought them?
Thanks for your help bro
This interaction shows she’s civil. It’s normal to not want to be friends. Were you expecting her to lash out?
Maybe a personal red flag in that your path in life doesn’t align with his, but in general, no
I'm sorry about that. Sometimes we have to be faced with our behaviours to truly understand if there's a problem there or something in ourselves we don't like.
What I would do is put myself in his shoes and try to imagine things from the other persons perspective.
Another thing is try and think about how he'd react if you had a guy friend that he didn't want you to be friends with.
re-examine a situation and try to think differently about it
girl said that he should get a better girlfriend and that I am insecure if he can't add her because of me.
instead of seeing this as a message intended on being harmful to you and disrespectful to the relationship maybe think about if this person was being critical about how the act makes your bf feel.
I would really recommend therapy to talk some of this out with a professional and see if there is anyway they might be able to help you to get past this or understand a bit more on why you feel the way you do.
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So, I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months. He is indian, I am Australian. (Both living in Australia) Today we went out for lunch. He was saying how his brother is going back to India in Jan for a wedding. I said oh are you going? He said no, next time I go back I have to get married. My heart literally shattered into a million pieces. He was on his lunch break from work so we couldn't talk about it much but pretty much he said that he is now 30, his parents are hounding him to get married and he will have to when he is back in india next time. I said so, what does that mean? Pretty much, we have a time limit on how long we will date and he will be leave me when the time is up for him to get married.
It was a pretty fkn big bombshell to drop on me at lunch and I have been a mess all afternoon. I saw a future with us and I really do love him. I don't know what to do now?
The petty part of me would want to tell him if he's that into the fanservice in the show then yeah I'm criticizing him, what about it?
The mature part of me knows that's not the way to go about things. But the petty part of me counters that I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who likes sexist fanservice-y anime in the first place lol, been there done that.
You are free to leave and online out your fantasy
She doesn’t he is from her friend group and a family member of her bestie
Why are you putting up with this? She sounds awful! Lazy, rude, abusive and a racist to boot. This woman is not marriage material, nor does she sound like she is capable of successfully raising your child. Her disgusting behavior will ABSOLUTELY influence your child, in nothing but negative ways. Time to consult with an attorney to figure out the best way to remove her from your life and get full custody of your daughter.
Stop worrying about what she will do if you leave her – she’s a grown woman and it’s her responsibility to get therapy to deal with her issues. Your responsibility is to your daughter, and her mother is unfortunately nothing more than a dreadfully toxic influence and terrible example.
Perfect. Well done.
In the United States of America, there were no arranged marriages. This is 100% false.
Isn't he going to get attached if he does those things so much? literally going out with female friends to pubs, graduations, bars , restaurants
Your former girlfriend's behavior at the party, far from amounting to making “innocent sexual comments” was extremely rude and inappropriate to the dinner guests and disrespectful of your privacy. How awkward for the others to meet this woman for the first time and have her exhibitionism inflicted on them! Her behavior was extremely impolite. On some level, I suspect the raunchy comments were a way for her to mark her territory: you. You had every right to express displeasure, and she owed you an apology and a promise not to do it again.
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Both sides are fair, but now that you’ve discussed it the issue is solved. It’s entirely normal to ask someone for advice on a conversation. It happens way more often than you may think. It’s also entirely fair and normal to not want that to occur. The two of you did well in discussing and coming to a mutual conclusion. Good job.
It doesn't matter if she likes you YOU'RE MARRIED. No is a complete sentence and her feelings are completely IRRELEVANT. If she sobs herself to sleep at night you should not care if it means not cheating on your wife.
Do not fucking get married
I appreciate you giving me the wake up call. He was 20 when he expressed interest in me when I was 29 years old. I started seeing him when he was 20. Nothing is bothering me anymore.
“Do I keep asking her every couple days or once a week if she is ready to have sex again or do I just stick it out and wait” No. help her start the process. Do whatever it takes to make her feel wanted.
Come on brother….
You need to squash the “you” right now if you want to fix this. Sex is 90% the problem when it's a problem but only 10% of a actual relationship.
Right. My bf has ugly feet but i would never tell him that. I don't care really either.
Tell her you’re not ready
I’m speaking from my experience as a former prosecutor. If someone-particularly a biased someone with an axe to grind- came to me with a speculative report that someone might have driven impaired in the past or might do it in the future while presenting no evidence and giving no specific facts, I would be unable to help and extremely angry that my already scarce time and resources had been wasted. This is even more so when the person reporting is aiding and abetting the alleged crime by funding it. The right time to call is when he actually witnessed a crime in progress. The police and the prosecutorial system do not exist to police thoughts or to enact romantic revenge. Both require evidence. This sort of report is nothing but a form of harassment against someone who hurt him.
he said he didn’t want to burden me with all that
No offence, but he’s doing so now? It’s been five years, you both have moved on with your lives. Honestly it sounds like he’s trying to guilt trip you into a second chance when it did matter about his circumstances imo, he ditched you.
Go ahead if you want, but don’t go into it being like “old flames reconnecting” – you’re vastly different people from when you were teenagers, play the dating game accordingly.
What happened with the good old “you break it, you buy it”? If I drive into someone’s new BMW in my beater Celica, I shouldn’t pay for the damage because the other guy clearly has more money? Like… lol.
Bf is an immature ass but I have to give it to him that he’s smarter than you. He actually convinced you that him crashing your car is really your fault.
Firstly, you’re either together or you’re not. A break is a break up. He was incredibly drunk and someone kissed him. Once his brain caught up with what was happening, he stopped it, and later told them it made him uncomfortable.
Stop making this about you. What was he meant to have done differently? The drunk brain doesn’t respond as quickly as the sober one, and he still stopped it, removed himself from the situation, and followed through the next day to tell they how he felt about it.
He did all you can expect from him, and more, considering what he told them the next day. If he’d been the one chasing after others to kiss them, it would be a different situation (but I’m very firm on the “a break is a break up” line, so whatever he does then is none of your business).
It sounds like you’re looking for things to be upset about, reasons to not trust him. Why?
Hey I want you to ever that breaking up with someone isn't something you do to them, it's mostly something you do for yourself. Someone doesn't have to deserve it, if you don't feel like you are better with someone than without, you should feel confident in going without.
I want you to realize that her problems aren't yours to fix, and that sometimes romantic partners are the worst person to try to fix these issues. She has to want it, and maybe your support isn't making her want it at all. Breaking up might be the best outcome for both of you, even though it's going to suck a lot at first.
Yep, I thought as so as well, so after the hello gesture I made, I completely ignored her for those last moment and had fun with my boys instead haha
And no her therapist OFC didn’t tell her to keep it a secret, how gullible are you? She lied.
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I only met this man a month ago. We have spent a lot of time together and have admitted to having feelings for one another. We haven't done anything beyond kiss literally twice. My mom is quite concerned but I don't believe her fears are justified.
He did not groom me, he has been very respectful, he hasn't pushed me to do anything inappropriate and has been totally accepting at keeping things at my pace. He has helped me with my studies, he's responsible, he works, I haven't seen any red flags. My mom doesn't trust him and its entirely because of our age gap. She genuinely believes he is targeting me because of my age and doesn't even want to consider that we may have genuine feelings for one another. I fully acknowledge im young and I accept that I could be misreading this but he hasn't behaved in any suspicious ways. He was even surprised to find out I was under 25.
initially, i was seeing them biweekly but now only once a month. journaling helps a lot but I just would like a different perspective
I have done in another comment.
Check out r/DatingOver30, r/DatingOver40, etc. What, you think everyone who gets into a committed relationship stays in it? Divorces happen, people break up all the time. There's singles at every age.
Sweet Jesus; if this isn't fake fucking run (I'm hoping it was typed with one hand, because as annoying as it is to have bored assholes spam this forum with fake or nonsensical scenarios or masturbatory fantasies, this scenario bein real is far, far more disturbing).
Weird tests aren't an okay thing to which to subject a partner at all; there is no way to “test” whether you're cheating even if they were; “emotional cheating” – and the thought policing people try to do in response – isn't a thing, except in the minds of manipulative, controlling people who are too insecure to have healthy relationships; and pressuring you to be in a creepy semi-incestuous sexual situation is inappripriate even if all the rest of that weren't the case.
Your fiance has serious mental illness that is prompting bizarre, harmful behavior and radically delusional thinking. She's not healthy enough to be in an intimate relatiknship. You need to call off the wedding immediately and break up with her. It sounds like she has family members who can help her get psychological treatment, but if they're not reliable, you could stay in friendly contact at least long enough to get her set up with a psychotherapist. That said, it's not your responsibility if you don't feel able or just don't want to.
Absolutely do not marry this woman under any circumstances.
Yeah, probably.
Even without complications it's extremely common to take 2 years
I tried to do what suggested with my ex who has adhd (I have aspbergers) during a wedding she screamed abuse at me yelled she was cheating on me told me to beat up the bride and groom so she could get more alcohol from their house, nearly got me and herself run over when I walked out when she pulled me back onto a road in an effort to stop me from leaving.
Seriously being daddy to an adult who can’t handle her drink is tiring let alone when shes yelling abuse at you and everyone around her. Tip stop drinking and accept you have fucked up also stop getting your BF to fix your mistakes actually do it yourself might well have more effect
Was just giving the benefit of the doubt that there could’ve been a mistake with the editing.
But I just saw that op said it was a different person who took the full video (that sister posted) and cut out the last bit.
Okay, two things.
One, “my wife won’t fuck me” isn’t people pleasing. It’s not. It’s a cruel, objectifying lie to get in good with a bunch of misogynists. Or it’s what he really thinks about you. Either way, not good.
Two, he does this ALL THE TIME. You think this is the first time he’s encountered “locker room talk”? You think when other men are slagging off their wives he sits there mum?
This is a man who doesn’t respect you, on a fundamental level. Who weaponizes his trauma to get out of being held to account. And who manipulates you when caught.
You can’t seem to see this, which makes sense. But from the outside, it’s clear as day. And very, very sad.
I’m incredibly uncomfortable. Other side of the country? She needs to leave the dude. Saying it in public so she’s safe or ghosting so she’s safe. I have a bad feeling about how it will go down when he learns she isn’t pregnant.
Dude, you just gave me so much insight into why they don't know how someone could take another person back. Wild. They think they have the bigger picture. they don't know that life doea not work in this way they assume is the bigger truth than what us mere mortals experience as love. Heh pushes up glasses.
Anywho, so they think the secret truth. The bigger picture. What the idiots asking for advice in this subreddit don't know that this armchair philosopher and five time top commenter in r/relationships knows.. That we have to be so unforgiving with the people we know and love that you could only possibly be confident enough to say it and believe it at the same time if your staring at the reddit page, letting reddits cookies that altered the blue light your screen sends out slowly cook your brain and sends nano viruses to your reptilebrain, consgantly giving you the impression that you are indeed smarter enxouragung strangers who love eachotber to do the sicket most heartless thing we all know is the common sense wrong answer and would only do in those moments of weakness,.like when your brain tells you to drop the baby your holding, or throw the cat. Except they take pride in providing these ideas to total strangers, serving them up like a creative but dark truth that this stranger shkuld just accept as the only way to solve their issue. After all this long time couple in their 40s didnt realize that the answer to OPs delema of his mornint practice of meditation getting in the way of his wifes morning couples yoga idea, is obviously to face the very hot truth that theyre not compatible. Oh and they need a therapist. That idea he suggested abput looking into an evening yoga practice instead, was possibly the dumbest thing weve all heard. Take your downvote and consider this a warning, and I'll be taking my top comment. My work here is done, I'm glad that as a 27 year old college dropout with autism who can't get the government to approve my anxiety as a disability can advice that stranger time to play some league of legends
A 19 year old isn’t mentally a child.
Kiddo in this context just comes across as patronising to me.
Do nothing for them. Burn the blanket. Film it. And if they act indignant, send them the video of you torching it.
Let me rephrase. When you are triggered or your ego bruised do you say things back that ARE TRUE or do you say any LIES that will insult the other person?
You're naive if you think this isn't an addiction.
The fuck? Leave, find someone who wants to bang. That's not healthy. Sex is a normal and expected part of a relationship.
I agree context makes a difference, but I’d personally struggle to think up a context where I wouldn’t feel betrayed and would bail on the relationship. You are clearly different, and that is ok.
One day at a time.
He’s getting therapy, and while you might not need it, talking to a therapist or counsellor will help you be able to work through this as a couple.
Otherwise, treat him the same way you would treat any other victim of sexual assault, kindness, compassion, empathy. Be a source of comfort and safety for them, and let them lead the process.
How often does she “require” your assistance? What is she doing to alleviate this dependence on you? (I'm confused because you indicate you're working on alternative support for her but the rest of your post sounds like you have no hope that you would be less needed.)
What would happen if you didn't drop everything to be with her?
No he wants a relationship m. She doesn’t. OP has relationship expectations of someone who’s clearly stated that’s not what they are or what she wants
I’m not surprised that the roommate who is 10 years older than you is either a) completely socially inept, or b) is negging you.
Never said that. Simply said that the wife is not wrong to feel like it's a risk.
This is what I came to say. I’d inform the various companies/agencies that she needs to be removed from everything. As she has moved out to the country and won’t be returning. See what you can do. Maybe take any documentation of her stating she’s not returning.
I’d also unfollow & block her on everything then go NC. If/when she comes back, don’t see her. There is nothing she can say to fix or change what she did.
If he wants a clean house, perhaps he should hire a maid.
You got married very young and he, particularly has a ways to go before he is fully mature. At the same time, you have your whole life ahead of you and you have to decide if staying married to a cold, withholding and judgmental man at the risk of your mental health. This is the time for you to seek therapy, if you haven’t already, and to work on loving yourself so that you can be with someone who truly loves you.
you’re a fuckin loser bro
Ooh good idea. I have a feeling he just does it to see me react with disgust ?
I’m so sorry. I think it’s important to keep things in mind, regardless of how very hot it will be. She will admit to what you tell her to admit to at this point, probably. But remember, she will still not be admitting to anything you don’t have perfect proof of. If you don’t have proof and force her to admit that she said awful things about you that would be divorce worthy in themselves, she will not tell you. And when you find out and she does, she will cry more and try to make your relationship instincts turn on and comfort her. Remember, you’re the victim.
She will say she wants to be with you, and MAYBE agree to cut him off. If so, almost as a rule she will start up contact or he will and it will resume. Or she will say she loves you both and isn’t sure, and try to guilt trip you into letting her keep “talking” to him. She will continue to keep “talking” to him and tell you periodically that you’re controlling despite the fact she has cheated on you.
OP, this is a nightmare, I know. Find someone you can confide in— NOT HER. NOT HER FRIENDS. She will use it against you as soon as it’s to her advantage. She’s already been using your suspicions of the affair she’s in against you, yelling at you that they’re only friends. She will use every other emotion, no matter how valid, against you.
You and your boyfriend seem to have a solid foundation of trust and good communication. Go enjoy the game.
It's not just who he votes for. His vote is representing his values. So his morals and values are leaning him towards conservative values. He is showing he cares more about holding onto excess money than helping his community with his wealth. He's showing that the privileges he enjoys that have helped him build a successful business are more important to him than the ongoing discriminations Black folks face every day. Again, do what you want. When I was 22 I had terrible taste in men too.
Don’t try to hang around waiting and hoping. Get on with your life.
I…. No… most guys are not like this. I’m sorry you want through that (I had my fair share of awful dudes too) but I’m adding this to make sure OP isn’t triggered into thinking this behavior could even possibly be a normal guy thing or like she couldn’t find better. Maybe young, immature guys dream of fucking 2001 Christina Aguilera or are shitty at hookups but most guys in a relationships would never act this way to someone they love.
Gotcha. Well, then you’re not really compatible.
Have the frank conversation and be honest.
“I hear that you don’t want kids anymore. I still do, even if they’re not our biological children. We’re not aligned here, and I’m not sure what that means for our future.” “I don’t want you to become a mother just for my sake.” “This is something we both have to be in agreement about, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to say yes just for me.”
Don’t game this whole thing out in your head (babysitting, waiting until the lease is up, breaking up without letting her know where you’re at), just talk to her. She sounds like a person you respect and can communicate with. Do it.
Let's keep it simple here; you've been dating him a while now. You've always been disgusted by it. So what's the answer here? We might all logically agree that it's absurd or even that he's a creep, but it simply is what it is. Have you talked about it? Either way, you need to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. If it is, then make it a deal breaker. If it's not, then you can't just keep complaining about it if you know the deal. Good luck.
I can’t specify age
13 1/2 to 26
So they were thirteen.
What are the red flags?
Is his ADHD being treated at all? It sounds like no.
You recognize that your SO is an autonomous grown human being who is fully capable of making her own decisions. You gave her your input, she gave you valid feedback on why she doesn't feel the running videos are the right direction to go (and, frankly, she doesn't even need a reason other than she doesn't want to), so now you need to sit back and let her figure this out.
Give her advice if she asks for it and then support her decisions.
Alot of people in here are just assuming the wife was telling the truth when it could just as easily be her burner and the friend thing is just a convenient lie.
Whose alex?
Following for update
I’m not getting into some political debate here. I’m giving my opinion and my opinion is that if my wife cheated on me with a woman it wouldn’t be the same as if she cheated with a man.
As long she is not talking to them anymore. Did she block them?
If not creeperman, it will be someone else. And she won't tell you this time. Bail now.
Therapy for all.
That said… I legit don't think I could move past that if my husband said it to me.
I know, that’s why I am asking for advices.
Hey, just wanted to say she is not the poor girl on this situation, it’s you. You’re so poor of love you’re literally jealous of her making peace with their ending. You probably thought he “picked” you over his long term relationship and be proud of yourself but now she acts so mature, you’re jealous. Because you know you can never be like her and if he loved her once how can he love you?
But I think your bf cannot love. I think he only cares about his benefits in a relationship so I’m glad you saved her from his misery so she can find a man who will love her no matter what.