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Date: October 3, 2022
Breaking up with her won't destroy you, not nearly as much as staying will anyway
This person about the neighborhood is not your boyfriend. Stop telling yourself he is, makes things more more complicated than they are. If he cared about you or considered there to be a relationship worth maintaining between you, he would act accordingly
This is the best advice OP, listen to this.
I pulled my husband aside when I had a chance to tell him it was so weird. He got quite upset and said he didn’t mean to feed her but she went that way. I feel like he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from.
He thinks you are blaming him when it clearly wasn’t his fault. Be sure to say clearly that you aren’t blaming him.
You are very welcome!
I am glad you noticed something is off and at least came to reddit. You don’t have to put up with this level of disrespect. I read you wanted to move states. I think this is best, you can start a new life there, the right people will come into your life if you stick to sour values.
Tbh, if you can't set healthier boundaries with your families now, and are more independent, I'd postpone the marriage.
Give yourselves more time to grow up, move in together, online together for a few years, see how things go, and learn to stand up to your families.
Spice it up…bring another girl into the bedroom
Sweetie, look at him as he is now, not as he used to be. Would you start dating him as he is? I would hope not as he’s a jerk. Dump him and I hope you keep both cats.
Omg I just came from a post about a woman's husband who literally killed her dog…but she still loves him
I texted my friend “I forgot to take the pill yesterday,” followed a minute later with “I took two today like it said on the package” never saying that I THINK I might be pregnant.
and two hours after that she sent my bf “she just texted me she might be pregnant” and when my bf rightfully freaked out she just said “yeah you fucked up”
I talked to my bf about the whole thing and even he said that nitpicking what I sent her and rephrasing it in such matter was an ass move on her side.
Idk, sounds like lying to me.
Only use her backdoor
Beating an autistic child. Sorry, your boyfriend is an asshole.
That sounds like depression.
Literally zero self awareness from this person. Pretty sad tbh
Then assuie
It’s your car, so you have a right to know when it will be back if he is intending to use it.
So first, no more of the bf using your car.
Second you tell your father that if he thinks it’s controlling, then he can lend his car to your bf, and never know when it will be back so that he can use it.
Thirdly just dump his arse, if he can’t even be mature enough to say thanks for letting me use your car, I’ll be back at x:xx then he’s not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Troll. I’ve decided every casually mentioned ridiculous age difference is a troll.
She doesn't sound like a friend, sounds like she gets thrills on ruining other people's relationships
Duality of Reddit: Man gets the clap “hes a fuckin cheater get rid of him.” Woman gets the clap “oh but maybe….”
i'm not the one who says masturbating is bad lmao. it is you who needs therapy
yeah i guess i don’t feel as though he’s using me per say just considering other aspects of our relationship but i do feel like he may be taking me for granted. i don’t want to put in this much effort into taking care of our space if i feel like it’s not being appreciated and reciprocated enough to make an impact.
There's not future with someone who refuses to have sex with you and then cheats on you. Drugs or no.
You might be comfortable with drug use, but you're really going to let it be an excuse?
I don’t know if I know them. Like I don’t know what to think about to get them something if you know what I mean?
I think it is a re-occurring thing because of the timing, so they just wish others put in the effort that they put in
I have a VERY similar relationship with my sister whom I haven't spoken to since march 2019. We go in circles of me letting her back in and then her being manipulative to get her own way and be quite nasty in the process. (She's the eldest of 34 grandchildren and was treated like a queen by our grandparents so has always had this superiority complex).
Last time it happened I relaised that I wouldn't let any other human treat me or speak to me like that so why should I accept it from her? Did a lot of work with my therapist before coming to my decision to cut contact.
I decided to talk to her to try to resolve some of the issues and let her know my feelings and rather than talk to me like a grown up and listen to my words, she attacked me telling me I was a horrible person and belittled her every chance I had – I asked her for examples of this because I didn't want to be that person and I didn't realise I was being – explained that adult relationships succeed because people talk about their problems and work through them but if she didn't tell me about them she was taking that opportunity away from me. She then refused to give me any examples and just attacked more so I solidified my decision and cut contact then and there.
I am now pregnant and she has two sons and while I would like my child to know their aunt, I absolutely do not want to introduce that type of chaos into their life.
After assessing it all and talking it all out, I have come to the realisation that my sister struggles with jealousy. We came from a background of extreme abuse and neglect with a dead dad and alcoholic mum. I worked myself out of that situation and now own a successful software development company and am happily married whereas my sister is on benefits and a single mum. I have no judgement towards her at all, people deal with trauma in different ways, but she regularly called me a middle class wanker and commented on my “bags of money”, as though I didn't work extremely hot to be where I am now. Nothing fell on my lap.
Anyway, my mental health has never been better since cutting her out so I know I did the right thing and I doubt I will ever open that door again.
I think you have to decide if opening your own door is worth the negative hit it will have on your mental health.
Don't feel guilty because he is unable to move past this, instead try and work through this with other means of getting you off.
There's more than just putting the dick in. If he's unwilling to help with that, than it's clear you're just not sexually compatible.
You're a rare angel, she is lucky and may you both get over this issue as easily and quickly as possible and then take a special vacation together to celebrate!
Asking to pick them out a couple days is such a great idea! No one’s commented that and I never thought of it, thanks a lot. On the topic of taking off underwear before bed, when she found out I did that she actually was surprised and tried to convince me it was wrong. I shrugged it off and kept doing it because that’s what my mom taught me. I guess you really are supposed to do that after all. Your comment was very helpful!
Also it’s doubly upsetting for me because my fiancé has no league knowledge, never saw a trailer, and was totally down to binge the entire arcana show in a weekend with me despite a new ep of her show coming out that same weekend. She didn’t know it she’d like it or not, but I was excited about it so she was excited about it. She ended up loving it and is more excited for the second season than I am. Even if she hated it, I’m confident she would have still loved spending that time with me. So if you compare that to your gfs reaction, it’s like she doesn’t even want to spend time with you. Considering she’s totally okay with you watching all her shows despite not being interested, she’s probably a narcissist. I’m sorry 🙁
I miss wanting someone this badly. Unfortunately the only way to “cure” this, is to start getting annoyed at them
This this this. My partner is a workaholic because of his immigration status but I made it clear to him that we weren’t a for sure thing because I value memories over the hustle and grind mentality. He’s entitled to feel this way though so I do nothing but support him but also made it clear that I can only support him for so long before I start to want better for myself too- with or without him.
Ok so he didn’t need any details. So I’d say he’s down to meet up. You should manage your expectations tho. It’s a casual thing and he’s going to act as such.
Get out NOW!!
Yep I know surgeons bringing in close to a million and they pretty much online paycheck to paycheck. I’d be more concerned with her spending habits
I think about as an “acknowledgement”. Showing that you see and understand why the other person feels how they do. It is not just hearing what someone says, but emotionally engaging in it with your own empathy.
She sure lacks empathy as she refuses to acknowledge your feelings. She simply has no interest in them. She may hear them, even say something about them, she does not put effort to understand them.
You deserve better than this.
You just paid $1100 to reveal her true colors. Now run.
She doesn’t get to decide for you whether it’s a big deal to you or not.
Second, you did just find out she lies to you. That erodes trust.
You should never have given him the 15 grand. My Christ! Why did you let yourself be blackmailed? Why didn't you just come clean with your husband and involve the police that this creep is blackmailing you to the tune of a huge amount of money by holding you hostage with sex tapes? The police will have found a way to entrap and arrest him for this. Jeez you're in a pickle right now. Go to the police and tell them everything. You found out about your husband's extra marital affairs and you stayed with him. Tell him yours and he better stay with you. You both have done some serious bad shit and need to hang together now. Go to the police
She completely refuses any sort of help as such, and we are a continent apart, so its extremely hot for me to even manage to call those authorities for her.
as i know her father is extremely abusive, hurt her to the point of wounds, starves her because shes “fat” (longest was a week)(by his words), etc.
im not sure how to help her anymore, i want to, but i cannot.
Everything is as ok as you let it be. If he wants a butt plug with a raccoon tail and you like that, then it’s ok. If you don’t want to send him pics at all that’s ok too.
…is there more to this past the title? Or should I read this hoping there’s more to it?
This is jumping to conclusions.
speakers begin blasting
Here's the thing, it speaks MILES to the MIL's approach to the relationship with her future DIL that she is making this choice.. Even if you believe it's a stupid tradition – it is STILL a tradition, and the MIL isn't the individual in a wedding to decide which traditions are going to be followed and which aren't – that right falls only with the bride & groom… and the MIL choosing to wear white says a lot about what she thinks of her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law-to-be.
Teaching is a very shitty job in this day and age. It will break you down quick.
I suggest applying for a lot of jobs and finding one that works before you quit. That’s just a good general rule to go by. Don’t quit until you’ve got something to replace it.
it’s not appropriate to have a relationship with your “therapist” since i saw she’s not even an actual therapist, she literally is just a “healer”. other than power dynamics, it’s inappropriate because the whole point of therapy is to get an educated, unbiased opinion. you cannot get an unbiased opinion from someone you have a personal relationship with. if she’s a healer the massages aren’t too crazy, but cuddling is way over the line. is he particularly dependent on her? i’d be very concerned about that
Yes
I know I'm not his girlfriend, but I think it's unfair that Ava has been getting more attention than me lately I'm the one who was pregnant with him not Ava.
Honestly I'd break up with someone who tried to make me pay for his reckless driving expenses. He was on his phone and it has nothing to do with you.
I think no social media is good!!!!
But check.his name everywhere first.just in case
He won't get any better, he'll get worse. Next time it he might put his hands on you. I'd find a way to safely leave.
No need to apologize for feeling foggy. That's what one would expect.
It's easy to romanticize the past, especially now when the pain is fresh. You are missing the good parts. As the days go by, you'll start thinking more of the things he did wrong, the toxicity, why you have to move on and do better.
Good luck.
Do you want a wedding or a marriage?
Lots of people doesn’t have to cost a fortune. We did a smaller wedding just family and then a “celebration of marriage” the week after which was cheaper since it wasn’t a wedding. 100 people at $50 is a lot but way less than weddings are
I'm scum because I applauded him for creating a safe space for his wife to not feel pressure to say yes which is marital rape?
So you “accidentally” hiccupped in such a manner that it sounded like yes when he asked you to be his girlfriend, then tripped and your mouth fell on Daniel's mouth and you were so shocked, your mouth moved.
And that's the “accidentally cheated”???
Did you accidentally fall on his dick too?
You are way too old for this kind of bullshit denial, girl.
If I was with someone and found out they did porn, it would be over. I could not care any less about what reddit thinks. The collective opinion here is almost always disconnected rom reality.
The foundational lie is just icing on the cake.
morality keyboard warriors.
I think I know why she lied. I think she lied so that your brother should have someone in the family to associate with. Because alcoholism is in some circles considered a less severe type of addiction, and she wanted to present he own story in a way that made him relate and see the urgency and the severity of his own situation; it's about fuckin' time that you sober up, don't be an idiot.
Even if this wasn't her intention, ask yourself if you can undo the good parts of what she did, by insisting on the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Knowing the absolutely truth helped you. But will it help your brother?
Tricky question. I know that. I complicated this a lot beyond “She lied, do they deserve to know?” and that is very far from the answer you want. And need.
Anytime someone you love pressures you into something you don't really want to do it's emotionally manipulative, because you feel bad for saying no in the first place which is why she caved. After all, you kept asking so it must have been really important to you and she wasn't doing it. You should have stopped at the first no, anything beyond that is going to make her feel bad that she doesn't want to do it.
Yeah I wouldn't do that. And I'd probably cancel the wedding over it.
This is not the relationship to take this nose dive for. She doesnt seem like she wants you, only what you can provide. Where does that leave you emotionally, financially, mentally?
and if so whats a better way to get my point of view across?
there is no better way..which is why she said what she did. She knows that she would be bothered too. Did she answer the question or just deflect..if she just deflected then you know the answer. At the same time, your definition of Sketchy might be colored by your attachment. Still, you asked a very standard and reasonable question. Bottom line is that boundaries have to be established and you do that by talking to your partner about them. I don't know how long you have been together but maybe this is a good opportunity to establish some now..The whole manipulative part is just deflecting, cuz she knows you are right. “how dare you ask me to consider this from a different perspective!!!!!” ..thats some bullshit.
I would set a hot no on this. I can understand the fiance wanting to help, but I'm telling you once she's in, she won't leave.
This will be an added layer of stress on your relationship you don't need.
I would completely agree if I didn’t know this guy and two of his ex’s. There has been multiple domestic violence cases against him
People will behave and have a worldview like feelingfun and then have the audacity to complain about how they can’t find a meaningful relationship