I mean, it’s your personal thing but I would feel repulsed by that too. It’s like they’re having to „buy a full version“ if you get what I mean.
A ring doesn’t change who a person is or how much you trust them.
Also it’s an incredibly bad idea to marry someone you have not lived with. Living together is one of the bigger relationship-stress-tests that determine if you’re even able to properly communicate on a daily basis.
how old are you guys? because i'm 19 and i don't think any of that is too abnormal. just normal “text sense of humor” stuff. that's my personal opinion, but i can respect anyone who disagrees. obviously, it's different for every person.
everyone has a different sense of humor. there's no sin in you thinking that his isn't the best. but if this matters to you that much and you don't think that you guys could get along because of it, then yeah, cancel. no use stringing the dude along. people put on masks on first dates, and maybe everything you liked about him was true and genuine, but he just didn't get to show that other side of his sense of humor on the date.
I didn't know this at the time but one time I was discussing how I had a low sex drive due to meds with a doctor friend and he was like they have a medication to help boost a woman's libido you could have tried that or just fyi if you're ever in that situation again. So definitely worth talking to her about this
I mean definitely not the wisest thing to say to a girl, but this type of comment shouldn't break a strong relationship like that, its not /that/ bad. is this the kind of humor you've used with her in the past and she's tried to tell you to stop?
This is exactly how men get away with this shit-women downplaying their experiences because they have been programmed to protect men from the consequences of their own actions. If he’s so close to finishing, HE’S the one who should be protecting his rep. Not you.
She has a lot of insecurities. Have a nightlight from now on, that eliminates a reason for you accidentally doing something in the dark. You can't hold a functioning relationship if she is giving you silent treatment. If she truly feels threatened she would leave, so when does she plan to leave? Her actions are a power play because she thinks having control over you will make her feel better about her insecurities. A big reason this happened is because YOU felt threatened and anxious, have either of you talked about that? You are both responsible for making each other feel safe, she doesn't seem to care about how you feel. She is micromanaging your relationships which is another way she is trying to control you.
this is on you man. of course you don’t say “hey, me and my best friend have fucked before” the first days of your relationship but you have been together for 3 years. you hiding this information for so long because “you knew how she’d react” comes across as lying. you deliberately hid the truth. you lied. so don’t be upset now that she has found out what the truth is
Sorry, but your wife is pointing her kids minds against their father. You say he's a good father and is involved in their lives yet the oldest one decides to change his name and never talk to him again? That is highly unusual. Also, why the hell would your wife bring up adoption to the kids knowing it can't happen? Your wife is an asshole and trying to separate her kids from their father. You said it yourself, she asks for your opinion but gets mad when you don't agree with her. She sounds very controlling and vindictive.
is he not his own person who can determine whether or not to intervene in a potentially violent situation? embroiling yourself in a dangerous situation because you assume your larger friend will do the actual fighting is kinda shitty
You could be right, the fact is that no-one can truly understand the relationships that other people have.
But i believe that it is a general truth that opposite gender friends don't normally hold hands
Regarding “I don’t feel like a priority to him at times”. Trust your instincts. Does this friend feel like more of a priority? Is he so friendly with all his other friends? Or just her?
I have long learned to pay attention to that warning bell when it rings.
Thankyou for the advice. It's never been this difficult for me in the past. How do you suggest I go about handling the aftermath? With common friends and such. That, at the moment, is what worries me most about the whole situation as I feel like I have basically come to terms with the breakup itself.
“I want to make her happy and start our life together on the right foot…”.
IMO, marrying her will get your life off on the wrong foot. A $6,500 diamond ring is a lot better than the average woman gets. If she’s not happy with the ring with which you proposed, I think she’s being ridiculous.
Offer to upgrade the ring for your 5th it 10th anniversary. If you’re still making ~$200,000 at that point and you’re still together, do the upgrade then.
Unfortunately mixing any kind of art, money and relationships can be really weird. Sit down with him and have an adult conversation about it. If he's making money on his videos and doesn't, at minimum, credit you for the art you give him, you may need to consider not giving him anything more. Make sure it's understood that this needs to be an emotionless transaction between two consenting and agreeing parties. This SHOULD NOT have any involvement in your relationship. Write a basic contract. Agree to terms you both can support. He would be smart to pay you a flat fee for each piece, but it would be in your best interest to receive a percentage of any income from videos with your art. A good compromise can be a licensing fee. He can pay you what you would normally charge as long as you give him explicit permission to use it as he pleases. But just keep it simple.
Otherwise the other option, and best option in my opinion, is to just not do it. Let him pay someone to do the work for him. If you find yourself not together in a year, it could make it an even more awkward situation than it already is.
I 100% agree with everyone saying you should be paid… but there are some things missing from the post. Like are you living rent free at his place? If yes then maybe not, him paying your rent and buying groceries would be compensation for your time.
If he's not paying your way and he is going to make money off your art you should be asking for way more than 20 bucks.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
A month ago we were at a party in a friends house, me (32F), my husband (50M) and my sister (34F). My sister drinks a lot and regularly gets so drunk she gets messy and needs to be brought home, tonight was no exception.
A noise woke me and I went downstairs to find them having sex on the dining room floor. My sister was still obliterated so all I could do was bring her to the couch, I told him to get out of the house. She maintains she had no memory of getting home, but I can’t believe she would do this to me no matter how drunk she was.
I can’t even look at him let alone sleep beside him and I can’t bring myself to speak to my sister. I feel I have lost everything important to me in life.
I thought my marriage was good up to this point but I cannot believe he would sleep with my sister.
I don’t know if there is any way back from this. What should I do?
TLDR; my sister slept with my husband while drunk, my life is upside down and I don’t know what to do.
I'm sorry, did she not say she wasn't your girlfriend three times? like, she can hear herself when she talks right? you are definitely NTA. don't feel bad at all, you saved yourself from wasting more time and emotions on someone who didn't value you. things will turn up for you, communicate the status of the relationship/intentions next time you're seeing someone so you don't get hurt again.
I couldnt sustain that, we all need our own personal time and sometimes both partners time could be better spent, so like you cooking dinner and her going to the shop for some milk while you are doing dinner, its kind of a waste of resources if you get my meaning.
The only thing that I can suggest is that you need to push back on the activities for her to get involved in by herself, I bet she has a non existent social/friend circle as well, both of which will lead to this kind of situation. Get her back out doing a couple of activities a week and she will form friendships there because the group activity everyone there will have a shared interest that they can all relate to
Are you against the government involvement in all things? Cuz, despite what a lot of people believe, the government is kind of important. And if you don’t think they should be involved in a paternity test, then they shouldn’t be involved in custody arrangements, child support, alimony p, or even marriage in general.
Some trainers are real fucking creeps. They hit on clients openly. Your boyfriend is uncomfortable for a good reason. If you want to compromise, hire a female personal trainer. That might alleviate some of his concerns about professionalism.
You don't love her. You “love” everything she's done for you. She's been your punching bag, a home and sometimes a lover. She is now realizing that it was all in vain, that no matter what she does, you are not able to treat her how she deserves to be treated. She knows you will continue to cheat, lie, and abuse her if she let's you stay.
That was all beyond inappropriate — of him for saying it, and of her for not shutting it down. The things he was saying were absolutely putting the moves on her (and disrespecting you and your relationship with her), and her falling asleep with him on the line is totally girlfriend behavior. She’s either very naive, or she thinks you’re a doormat.
You could do the “thumbs up” emoji to his message. If you truly felt a reason to let him know you are alive.
But I would just leave him on read. Block. Delete and move on. If you get another text from him consider changing your number. Not bcuz of him. But to stop you from getting any smart ideas about him.
Girl. It’s done. There is nothing more to say. His discard was nothing if not honest. He wants nothing in his life that takes away from him being #1. Even if it hurts like hell, for now. It will get better. It has to because at the very least you’ll only have to worry about you, your recovery and your feelings. You. Silver linings. Silver linings. Because, think. Seriously, when was the last time you had the luxury of only worrying about you?
I agree, I mean, I wouldn’t let it get to a point where I am waiting on him to change his mind..I asked him what exactly he envisioned for his future because he claims he’s working a job he doesn’t enjoy and living in a situation he’s uncomfortable in…and he said he wasn’t sure of what exactly he wanted, he could only really tell me he didn’t want to lose me…so I dunno ??♀️
Yeah, it's a bad example to set. AND it makes searching for porn really tough cos I spend more time searching for shit that doesn't have a boner-killing kink than I do watching porn. Porn search filters should work in reverse, like “What do you NOT want to see?”
Me? I'm not a misogynist. I love women. I'm just aware of how the game is played and I play accordingly. I didn't make the rules of the game. I just follow them.
I agree that babies are a different story. Maybe his attitude toward the puppy isn’t indicative.
I mean, it’s your personal thing but I would feel repulsed by that too. It’s like they’re having to „buy a full version“ if you get what I mean.
A ring doesn’t change who a person is or how much you trust them.
Also it’s an incredibly bad idea to marry someone you have not lived with. Living together is one of the bigger relationship-stress-tests that determine if you’re even able to properly communicate on a daily basis.
how old are you guys? because i'm 19 and i don't think any of that is too abnormal. just normal “text sense of humor” stuff. that's my personal opinion, but i can respect anyone who disagrees. obviously, it's different for every person.
everyone has a different sense of humor. there's no sin in you thinking that his isn't the best. but if this matters to you that much and you don't think that you guys could get along because of it, then yeah, cancel. no use stringing the dude along. people put on masks on first dates, and maybe everything you liked about him was true and genuine, but he just didn't get to show that other side of his sense of humor on the date.
gonna delete but thanks for the input. I cant bother my friends with this anymore because its so embarrassing but i still need it off my plate yk
Would your children think it’s ok for him to grab your throat? Then neither should you. Time to walk.
I didn't know this at the time but one time I was discussing how I had a low sex drive due to meds with a doctor friend and he was like they have a medication to help boost a woman's libido you could have tried that or just fyi if you're ever in that situation again. So definitely worth talking to her about this
You got brothers? Guy friends? Maybe some Roller Derby friends? Get some back up and kick this man out of your home.
I mean definitely not the wisest thing to say to a girl, but this type of comment shouldn't break a strong relationship like that, its not /that/ bad. is this the kind of humor you've used with her in the past and she's tried to tell you to stop?
This is exactly how men get away with this shit-women downplaying their experiences because they have been programmed to protect men from the consequences of their own actions. If he’s so close to finishing, HE’S the one who should be protecting his rep. Not you.
She has a lot of insecurities. Have a nightlight from now on, that eliminates a reason for you accidentally doing something in the dark. You can't hold a functioning relationship if she is giving you silent treatment. If she truly feels threatened she would leave, so when does she plan to leave? Her actions are a power play because she thinks having control over you will make her feel better about her insecurities. A big reason this happened is because YOU felt threatened and anxious, have either of you talked about that? You are both responsible for making each other feel safe, she doesn't seem to care about how you feel. She is micromanaging your relationships which is another way she is trying to control you.
I’m not sure… i don’t know if breaking up with him is the right option, i am also scared to breakup with him, worried he’d try to hurt me or himself
She may like a bigger one and that’s ok but she didn’t need to tell you that
this is on you man. of course you don’t say “hey, me and my best friend have fucked before” the first days of your relationship but you have been together for 3 years. you hiding this information for so long because “you knew how she’d react” comes across as lying. you deliberately hid the truth. you lied. so don’t be upset now that she has found out what the truth is
Sorry, but your wife is pointing her kids minds against their father. You say he's a good father and is involved in their lives yet the oldest one decides to change his name and never talk to him again? That is highly unusual. Also, why the hell would your wife bring up adoption to the kids knowing it can't happen? Your wife is an asshole and trying to separate her kids from their father. You said it yourself, she asks for your opinion but gets mad when you don't agree with her. She sounds very controlling and vindictive.
He's 38 and can't communicate this with his wife? I think someone (him most likely) is lying.
As a person who is just looking back on 16 years of blended parenting, you’ve given me a good belly laugh. What an absolute mess.
You are right
is he not his own person who can determine whether or not to intervene in a potentially violent situation? embroiling yourself in a dangerous situation because you assume your larger friend will do the actual fighting is kinda shitty
You could be right, the fact is that no-one can truly understand the relationships that other people have.
But i believe that it is a general truth that opposite gender friends don't normally hold hands
Regarding “I don’t feel like a priority to him at times”. Trust your instincts. Does this friend feel like more of a priority? Is he so friendly with all his other friends? Or just her?
I have long learned to pay attention to that warning bell when it rings.
Thankyou for the advice. It's never been this difficult for me in the past. How do you suggest I go about handling the aftermath? With common friends and such. That, at the moment, is what worries me most about the whole situation as I feel like I have basically come to terms with the breakup itself.
You say:
“I want to make her happy and start our life together on the right foot…”.
IMO, marrying her will get your life off on the wrong foot. A $6,500 diamond ring is a lot better than the average woman gets. If she’s not happy with the ring with which you proposed, I think she’s being ridiculous.
Offer to upgrade the ring for your 5th it 10th anniversary. If you’re still making ~$200,000 at that point and you’re still together, do the upgrade then.
Exactly
Is this a famous band? If so it’s not a big deal. She knows she doesn’t have a chance she’s just crushing on a celeb.
I think ur right, its a tough pill to swallow. But it might be for the best. Thank you!
Unfortunately mixing any kind of art, money and relationships can be really weird. Sit down with him and have an adult conversation about it. If he's making money on his videos and doesn't, at minimum, credit you for the art you give him, you may need to consider not giving him anything more. Make sure it's understood that this needs to be an emotionless transaction between two consenting and agreeing parties. This SHOULD NOT have any involvement in your relationship. Write a basic contract. Agree to terms you both can support. He would be smart to pay you a flat fee for each piece, but it would be in your best interest to receive a percentage of any income from videos with your art. A good compromise can be a licensing fee. He can pay you what you would normally charge as long as you give him explicit permission to use it as he pleases. But just keep it simple.
Otherwise the other option, and best option in my opinion, is to just not do it. Let him pay someone to do the work for him. If you find yourself not together in a year, it could make it an even more awkward situation than it already is.
I 100% agree with everyone saying you should be paid… but there are some things missing from the post. Like are you living rent free at his place? If yes then maybe not, him paying your rent and buying groceries would be compensation for your time.
If he's not paying your way and he is going to make money off your art you should be asking for way more than 20 bucks.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
A month ago we were at a party in a friends house, me (32F), my husband (50M) and my sister (34F). My sister drinks a lot and regularly gets so drunk she gets messy and needs to be brought home, tonight was no exception.
A noise woke me and I went downstairs to find them having sex on the dining room floor. My sister was still obliterated so all I could do was bring her to the couch, I told him to get out of the house. She maintains she had no memory of getting home, but I can’t believe she would do this to me no matter how drunk she was.
I can’t even look at him let alone sleep beside him and I can’t bring myself to speak to my sister. I feel I have lost everything important to me in life.
I thought my marriage was good up to this point but I cannot believe he would sleep with my sister.
I don’t know if there is any way back from this. What should I do?
TLDR; my sister slept with my husband while drunk, my life is upside down and I don’t know what to do.
I'm sorry, did she not say she wasn't your girlfriend three times? like, she can hear herself when she talks right? you are definitely NTA. don't feel bad at all, you saved yourself from wasting more time and emotions on someone who didn't value you. things will turn up for you, communicate the status of the relationship/intentions next time you're seeing someone so you don't get hurt again.
I couldnt sustain that, we all need our own personal time and sometimes both partners time could be better spent, so like you cooking dinner and her going to the shop for some milk while you are doing dinner, its kind of a waste of resources if you get my meaning.
The only thing that I can suggest is that you need to push back on the activities for her to get involved in by herself, I bet she has a non existent social/friend circle as well, both of which will lead to this kind of situation. Get her back out doing a couple of activities a week and she will form friendships there because the group activity everyone there will have a shared interest that they can all relate to
Oh yeah everyone hated the kid who tattletaled on sex trafficers
/s
Fuck you.
Are you against the government involvement in all things? Cuz, despite what a lot of people believe, the government is kind of important. And if you don’t think they should be involved in a paternity test, then they shouldn’t be involved in custody arrangements, child support, alimony p, or even marriage in general.
Some trainers are real fucking creeps. They hit on clients openly. Your boyfriend is uncomfortable for a good reason. If you want to compromise, hire a female personal trainer. That might alleviate some of his concerns about professionalism.
You don't love her. You “love” everything she's done for you. She's been your punching bag, a home and sometimes a lover. She is now realizing that it was all in vain, that no matter what she does, you are not able to treat her how she deserves to be treated. She knows you will continue to cheat, lie, and abuse her if she let's you stay.
She is your ex. Move out.
That was all beyond inappropriate — of him for saying it, and of her for not shutting it down. The things he was saying were absolutely putting the moves on her (and disrespecting you and your relationship with her), and her falling asleep with him on the line is totally girlfriend behavior. She’s either very naive, or she thinks you’re a doormat.
You could do the “thumbs up” emoji to his message. If you truly felt a reason to let him know you are alive.
But I would just leave him on read. Block. Delete and move on. If you get another text from him consider changing your number. Not bcuz of him. But to stop you from getting any smart ideas about him.
Girl. It’s done. There is nothing more to say. His discard was nothing if not honest. He wants nothing in his life that takes away from him being #1. Even if it hurts like hell, for now. It will get better. It has to because at the very least you’ll only have to worry about you, your recovery and your feelings. You. Silver linings. Silver linings. Because, think. Seriously, when was the last time you had the luxury of only worrying about you?
She remembers.
I agree, I mean, I wouldn’t let it get to a point where I am waiting on him to change his mind..I asked him what exactly he envisioned for his future because he claims he’s working a job he doesn’t enjoy and living in a situation he’s uncomfortable in…and he said he wasn’t sure of what exactly he wanted, he could only really tell me he didn’t want to lose me…so I dunno ??♀️
I know this is extremely difficult & I wish you all the best in the future. Healing & wholeness, light & love to you.
Yeah, it's a bad example to set. AND it makes searching for porn really tough cos I spend more time searching for shit that doesn't have a boner-killing kink than I do watching porn. Porn search filters should work in reverse, like “What do you NOT want to see?”
Oh she didn't lose her sex drive. She just lost it with HIM
Dump.
I don't say that lightly – but to elaborate, you're both going in different directions and the compatibility has changed.
This isn't your fault nor his, people grow apart.. I think it would be best to find someone who you are compatible with.
Dump.
I don't say that lightly – but to elaborate, you're both going in different directions and the compatibility has changed.
This isn't your fault nor his, people grow apart.. I think it would be best to find someone who you are compatible with.
Me? I'm not a misogynist. I love women. I'm just aware of how the game is played and I play accordingly. I didn't make the rules of the game. I just follow them.
Too much reddit.
She ran through all the top karma questions and found you wanting, you now have an ex-girlfriend.
If this is real and not a shitpost, then you are lucky to escape this relationship.
He must be Citroen Palace fan?
girl…have fun fucking but i wouldn’t take it further than that LOL