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Date: October 22, 2022
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Basically this OP. Start making documentation, including this post. You do have a choice, your choice is to leave if that's how it's played. You signed up for monogamy and she wants to alter the agreement without your consent and will do so in one way or another.
You say you planned for your children, 3 pre-teens and an eight year-old, but you've been married for eight years. How does that work? I'm either calling BS on this post or BS that you planned your four kids like you say. Something happened there.
Bottom line: I know people who thought they were safe with condoms and birth control combined, and both failed. (No, there wasn't anyone sabotaging the protection.) If you don't want anymore kids (with anyone) get a vasectomy.
You two are incompatible and, again, I really have to call bullshit… like, who asks their preteen how they would feel about a child & throws that in? You're either… how can you be real?
What is really messed up of you is you saying, “I understand you want to leave and start a family.” No, she wants children with YOU. YOU don't even want her to leave. But you're allowed to have all the children she wants, and she's allowed to want them.
3 days? She is going to cheat after 3 days? Time to find a new girlfriend.
Your pride doesn't let you give up working but it's really the only thing that can give – you both need to be able to engage with hobbies and each other and that would solve it.