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Room for on-line sex video chat XXXPrincessJasmineXXX
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Date: October 8, 2022
Let’s put aside that she discussed with and intended to have sex with another guy. That in itself is a relationship changer/ender. It’s her thoughts on monogamy and your relationship that’s an immediate concern.
I’m saying that as the previous issue may have been directly related to the guy and situation and we’ll assume nothing happened.
Does she still hold the view that non-monogamy is her preference? Is she holding resentment that you’re not allowing this? She’s already tried to shame and guilt you into this lifestyle. That’s barely forgivable and it may be that, for the moment, she’s simply not willing to deal with the consequences.
I would begin/restart a conversion to get to the root of her thoughts and feelings on this. Find out if it was a fad that faded when faced with reality. Or is it something that she suppressing and, if so, how is she dealing with that? Above all of this, understand how you feel about this and how it’s changed, or changing, your relationship.
Tell her that her insecurities over your friends are her problem to solve.
And if she can’t get over them , then the door is over there, don’t let it hit her arse on the way out.
Do not apologise for having a friend. Do not stop talking to your friends.
Your gf is acting very controlling and toxic, so if this isn’t normal, then she’s hiding something, or truly is jealous of your friend and you probably need to decide what you want more, a normal life, or one where you learn to hide things so that your gf doesn’t feel bad.
Thank goodness you left this man . Yes just be aware and if his behaviour escalates then involve the police . I agree with your approach of not engaging with him at all – any communication with him he will view as a win he is clearly trying to get a reaction from you. Avoid ignore and escalate if required .
Honestly I can see where it looks like I’m jumping to conclusions about what she said, but my friend was there and said he thought the same thing, but she went back to being friendly and he even made a comment about he felt she was flirting with me afterward so idk. My main concern is if I brush it off and act like it’s all normal like she did, that im gonna get a stronger out of the blue message about it. I guess the confusing part is that everything before and after this incident, she not only seemed fine, but even was willing to act comfortable enough to apparently flirt, and brush off what she said as nothing serious, even tho from me and my friend’s perspective, it definitely was. The messages just seemed mixed as if I’m crossing a boundary. Im just worried if I brush it off like she wants me to do, and start talking to her like normal, she’s gonna seem like it’s all good then say something else randomly. I’m just debating whether I wanna brush off the incident as sarcasm like she says, and continue being friends w her at work, or just keep it short and respectfully stear clear when she tries to conversate. I’ve worked there a while now, and the last thing I’d want is to be looked at in that kind of light by coworkers and friends I respect, especially when my intentions aren’t bad. I don’t wanna be butthurt and shut out a friend I have to work with and make it weird over one small comment, but I really want to avoid a bigger incident taking place.
Technically I was invited for this holiday it was just too weird for me to go.
This sounds like PPD. Maybe get someone to watch your baby for a few hours while you both take some self care time if that is an option.
I've recommended therapy before but she claims it doesn't work for her that she's been in therapy before and she was never able to open up so there's no point
For anyone saying it isn't fair to the innocent child. Well, tell the brother to buy some gifts and bring them there if the child needs something to open. Don't put the blame on others for inserting them into that situation.
I was put into the similar (not as bad as an affair or anything), but my brother would always bring his new girlfriend (with kids from another relationship). Brother would make comments suggesting I'm supposed to get those kids something. Told him I don't know those kids and I have no relation to them. If you don't want them to feel left out, then don't bring them to the gathering or bring them gifts yourself.
Ok buddy.
Core beliefs and hobbies.
Hobbies like watching movies and going on dates or lovemaking we bond perfectly with.
Nope. That's not weird, to stop following someone is not weird. It's weird to follow someone in your gym. I go a couple gyms, I know nobody there, I make it a point not to. I'm there for me. If women ask me a normal question about the machine or something like how many reps left, I'm quite pleasant and respectful. Once it turns to flirting, I say I'm married (I'm not) this is my alone time, have a blessed day.
I have never once noticed any female in a gym, not their face at least. Sometimes my mind notices an attractive figure and I think of it as seeing a sculpture of dedicated effort. I have never lusted over ANY woman because of their body. Once I learn their mind, then a pretty body becomes dangerous. If I fall for your mind, I'm screwed.
Sounds like he talked to much and caught feelings.
Legolas in costume mid interview once said (paraphrasing), “if you fall for someone else while with someone, leave for the new person. If you really loved the first, you couldn't have ever fallen for anyone else.” Somehow it means the most because it came from legolas
I understand that but I don’t know how to do that
It’s possible he had another date last night
You were okay with him doing it when you were. What’s changed? How does him doing it impact you?
I don’t think it’s very reasonable to expect someone to change or give ultimatums. If you don’t like the behavior and he doesn’t want to stop then you either let it go or you end things.
Her behavior is extremely toxic and manipulative. Forget about whether you will cave to her abuse, and step back to look at this objectively. She is actively punishing you for not agreeing with a tremendous life decision that she's unilaterally decided must happen.
There are healthy ways to work through a situation like this, but this is really bad.
You are a full partner in the relationship, and she is proving that she will sabotage your happiness until you give in. It is incredible that you're tolerating it this way. Maybe you have, but if you haven't had a serious conversation with her about how this is painful and manipulative to you then do so now.
I'll agree with everyone else, you need to get her individually, and the pair of you into counseling.
Bottom line – if the roles were reversed, we all know that she'd be right to divorce you over it. I know you want to have a good marriage, but she is the one behaving inappropriately.
If I were you, I'd explain to her that you cannot be in a relationship where your partner is willing to hurt you to get what she wants. See if that penetrates the fog, but please don't bring a baby into this until you're both genuinely desiring it.
I dated someone who was exactly this way. I loved him, but he constantly put other people’s feelings and interests before his own and our relationship. I eventually just had to walk away. You can be a “giver” and still maintain healthy boundaries.
Thank you again
What do you want us to say? To Marry her? Get out of there of there while you still can. Cut your losses. She cheated on you.
12 months sounds reasonable
Thanks for answering. Can you tell me what part of that is concerning? And in which way is it concerning? Nobody ever mentioned that and it's surprising to me somehow.
I know that I have issues to work on , but they only ever harm myself, not people around me. My brother and I have a wonderful relationship, there are just a few topics where we have misunderstandings
She’s lying to you, my dude.
He isn't the love of your life. Just some hormones and chemicals making you feel that way.
He is someone who is interested in sleeping with other people. Break it off and block his number. In a month you will be over him and can find someone who will want you.
Break it off till paternity test. Don’t sign anything do not get put on birth certificate till test.
You’re right, it should be easy but it’s unfortunately not because my crush is so big. I definitely haven’t acted on it but i find myself wanting to hangout with that person a lot, plus we sit very close since we’re in the same team and we talk all day long. However, we never contact each other off hours, that’s where i draw the limit but i think i have to create more and stronger boundaries.
I'm definitely realizing we need couples therapy at a minimum.
Could he be catching these from you? I once had a girlfriend who worked in retail while I was working in a small office. She'd get sick often and I'd get it after. I'd always be worse because I have a weak immune system.
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My point is
Your point is you are making A LOT of assumptions about the parenting the person received. You're being judgemental and pretending like every person you know made it to adulthood with NO major issues.
You have weird expectations for how people grow
I never said nor implied relationships can’t be or aren’t abusive. I said, a man can’t baby trap a woman, because she holds the reins in that department.
You do women a disservice, by thinking they don’t have the ability, strength and agency to make these choices.
What’s the point in advocating for women’s right if tools like you are just going to say “but they aren’t strong enough to use them anyway, they just get coerced “.
Treating someone or a group as through they are helpless is in actuality treating them as less than.
Lol.. My God these comments are mind blowing. People here actually condone what she's doing? Your house isn't a fuckin hotel for goodness sake. You are friends with her, you offered to mitigate her pain and loneliness by extending your company to her. The VERY LEAST she can do is contribute to the household chores. Nothing less is acceptable. This isn't a retreat or rehab centre for her. She came for company, not to “recover”.
She's selfish. Plain and simple. She's ignorant and she's a horrible user. Doesn't take much to see why the ex probably broke up with her.
Tell her you feel taken advantage of. Tell her that you are also on a holiday season relaxed mode and as such you don't want to be picking up after her like a child. People need to stop this tiptoeing around issues because they fester and become resentment. If she wants to on-line like a vagrant without cleaning or cooking for herself, let her go back to her shitty place. This is unacceptable.
She shouldn't be going around saying that…. it'll only solidify the idea of it to your son….
Except he’s not – men aren’t thinking that, they don’t imagine their girlfriend in the porno woman’s place. They’re just watching the people on screen not fantasising some imaginary situation based on it.
@your partner 100%. Others 0% or ask partner.
Leave him alone, now you are bisexual an in months you may want to explore your own sexuality, then threesomes and whatever. He is clear he wants to stay in a relationship with someone committed to him. Both are too young and need space and time to explore.
No, it’s controlling or dominating to try to force other people to behave how you want. Boundaries are what you do for yourself, not what you force other people to do for you. For example, here, a healthy boundary is to break up with someone who says one thing but does another. It’s controlling and codependent to stay with someone and try to force them to do what you want when they clearly aren’t going to.
Well if what he’s saying is true, wouldn’t that just be SA? I don’t have any proof that he lied to me about anything so far, just that he has been avoiding telling me the truth and keeping one very large secret.
why are u hellbent on demonizing video games
2.5 full time job
dont make laugh. when the other partner comes home from work it's usually 50/50 for child care so in the end they both spend equal times “at work”. after 4-5 years when the child goes to school the stay at home can take all house chores no problem.
paying 500k is ridiculous. it's cheaper to just hire a nanny and a housemaid in that case
I don't know where you're from, but around here where I'm from, “Urs” is a pretty common name… If someone is making jokes about his name or brings it up, stand up for him and shut it down.
You're a terrible terrible person. That poor kid…
Ditto
While I understand that it has worked out for a lot of couples, why anyone would want to marry someone they haven’t even lived with yet baffles me. I definitely understand you’ve spent plenty of time with each other in each others homes but don’t you want to know if you’re even compatible roommates first??
Before marriage, or even engagement, you need to know where you stand on a plethora of things, including but not limited to;
WHEN you see yourselves getting married (and if you both have different ideas on the when, then how much are either of you willing to compromise)
Children (if yes, how many. Do you have similar views on important things like discipline, schooling, religion, how involved each of your families will be, childcare, etc.)
Your finances (how will you split bills and how your finances will look as a unit)
Home owning (do you both want the same things from a home, do you agree on where you would want to on-line, etc)
Where you stand on advancing your careers and how that will fit into your relationship.
Have you had these talks in depth? If so and she is knowingly pushing you towards marriage before your ready, then do you think it’s in your best interests to compromise that?
It sounds like you don’t want to to get engaged yet OP and no one should get engaged unless both parties are as enthusiastic and as happy as the other to do so. Speak to your partner and express your concerns. If she loves you then she will listen to you and you will be able to have an open and honest conversation with her regarding your future.
Just because you don’t want to get engaged yet doesn’t mean you don’t love her, and doesn’t mean it hasn’t been something you have thought about and want to in the future. You aren’t going anywhere. Just explain that to her and go from there. Engagement/ marriage shouldn’t be something anyone just jumps into. It needs to have been well thought out and discussed beforehand, it’s a partnership for life and too many people make those vows too hastily.
I’m sorry I don’t have advice.
I have two kids from a previous relationship and I would never ever make them pick sides.
But if my mom and dad spilt and it had to do with cheating I absolutely would.
Look for a job then when you get one leave. Its always easier to get a job when you already have one, and makes it easier to negotiate salary with the new job.
I think they understand that! BUT, forgiveness and moving on are two different things. You are making a good effort 🙂 Give them time
Both people are abusive, just in different ways (yes, screaming at someone is abuse). They should both be in therapy (separately) and not in a relationship.
I am black and I don't agree with what he says obviously but we both love each other at the end of the day
That's not what's gonna happen here. This is a Weinstein situation.
Damn. Well you are one tough cookie!
Damn. Well you are one tough cookie!
Is she still currently seeing one?
I would put an ultimatum on her. I would tell her that how the relationship is going right now it isn't working for you, and that you need her to stop with all the selfmedication, that she needs to tell her doctor that she had been selfmedicating, and for her to tell the doctor how bad it has been lately in case they need to up whatever they prescribed to her.
If she doesn't want to do that, she is choosing the drugs over you and you have given her a fair choice to try to get it to work.
Thanks soo soo much for your reply I took a screenshot of this as I value some questions you have asked and I might need to ask them to him 🙂
Might help So thank you
It was clearly heard as an insult by her and he made no effort to clear the air until op opened the can of worms.
Also, don't tell me what bullying is and isn't. As a trans woman I know very well how it feels x)
What does this have to do with anything? Dump this loser and find someone your own age.
We do like morals and music but like dancing and the way we have sex no
Not crazy. Yes report it to your doctor and see what they say.
Your mother brings (and buys?) you groceries and she’s not welcome into your house when she delivers them to your doorstep exclusively for your convenience? WTF.
My parents stop by frequently on their way past my house. Sometimes they call first, my mom usually does but my dad just stops, lets himself in, and asks if the coffee is on. It never is, because if it’s after 9 am I’m done, lol! But obviously I just make more. My husband’s parents don’t do it as often, but they’ll occasionally call and say ‘we’ll be there in 15’, and obviously if we’re home they are welcome and we have nice visit. I’ve definitely dropped in on them and they are always pleased to see me.
She’s your mom dude, and she’s clearly doing you a favour. Who cares if your house isn’t tidy. If your mom made some snotty comment about it I could see your reaction, but I’m betting she doesn’t give a flying F.
Your wife, and you by extension, are acting like spoiled brats. In what world filled with adults is it okay to expect a mom to deliver food to her adult (and presumably capable) child and not be allowed in the house?!?
no
No
NO
NO
Why spoil a good thing for a might-have-been cheater (admittedly both of you were) who chose her partner over you and is now looking to rekindle after her own breakup when she knows you’re happily involved with someone else? This reeks of jealousy and control on her part.
Say thanks but no and goodbye and block her on everything
Female, have been the primary breadwinner in two longer-term relationships. My suggestions:
(1) Do some deep introspection on why you feel this way. Is it because you feel you should bring home as much or more because you’re a man? If the roles were reversed and your wife were feeling this way, what would you want to tell her? Is there a reason you won’t grant yourself that grace now? I get that even guys who are more progressive can still struggle when it comes to disparity in income. If that’s you, think about why that is, what income represents to you, etc.
(2). Talk to your wife about how you feel, your concerns. Hear her out. Please take some care in this conversation. Some women—certainly not all, but some—have spent part of their lives being told that they will scare off guys if they (the women) are too smart, make too much money, get promoted faster, are more successful, etc. So if you comes off sounding like her success is making you feel bad, that might cause some additional issues you didn’t intend.
As a woman I can honestly say I have never cared that my partners have made less than me. What I have cared about was whether we had a real partnership, had similar financial goals and worked toward them together.
It sounds like you've never actually gotten any real treatment for this “PTSD” so maybe starting that now will help you put your feelings into perspective. It's not wrong to worry about a romantic partner who's cheated on all his past partners (because that speaks to his lack of character). But you don't resolve it by just being bitchy to him. So get into therapy and work on all of this. Good luck
I actually remember reading a post like this and I think it’s OPs gf
Apparently you used that site to cheat and y’all broke up and found each other again on that site
And now your back on it and she don’t know if she can trust you because you’ve already messed around once
This might be bigger then Reddit bro maybe try therapy?
To get back at my roomates for being bad friends
I was seeing a therapist and it was very helpful. I changed jobs and once my insurance is back i will try to go again.
Ugh I'd be starting to plan a divorce honestly. Do you really want to be married to someone like this for years to come?
Thank you for the honest feedback it’s true what you’re saying I appreciate the help
Damn, he has deleted it.
Thank you this is helpful feedback
There is a useful word in life it's called “No.”
People are allowed to have other friends and do things separately with them. You already said you are only close to 2 of them.
Ummm… ditch this lower, immediately. You're not his mom. If he hates living there so much and he's so bored he can get off of his lazy ass and get a job so that you can BOTH afford another apartment. Personally, I'd call his mom, tell her I'm done taking care of her child and he's no longer welcome in my home. (Well, her in my case, but you know what I mean). This is an incredible level of self entitled, lazy narcissism. This boy will never change if you continue to entertain his nonsense. His mom broke him, she can take care of him.
She sounds like she wants to play the field sinc should two got together young,
No no no no. You are not his mother, you also were not put on this earth to teach him adult responsibilities.
You can tell him that he can ask YOU for advice, but I swear on a stack of Necronomicons that if you start this relationship living together as The One Who Arbitrates Clean, you will 100% always be the one expected to clean.
Never in my life have I heard about someone in their 20’s being treated like a child who decided that they wanted to suddenly take responsibility for things that they full well know someone else will never let get out of control.
Your bf has to prove that he’s capable of cleaning on his own, not just with you overseeing it.
If by this age, he’s that bad at time management and life skills, just imagine how much fun it would be to have to also teach someone how to make their own lunches, change diapers on their own child, clean up after their own toddler.
Take it from someone who just like you, assumed that everyone wants to be a responsible adult and a good partner. Maybe he’s eager to get started, but if you find yourself having to act like his mommy, and he drags his feet about changing? Or dog forbid, says something like “why would I do it when you’re better at it!?!?” just run. Run.
Lol I know ER docs that make $400k and surgeons pushing close to $1M. Are you in America?
don't waste another year of your life
That is exactly what I'm afraid of. I just want to be happy. And I thought we were happy. Now I just feel trapped and miserable. But I also still love him and don't just want to give up something that was a good thing for so many years
We were married, so some of them yes?? That’s what couples do ?
Start reevaluating your relationship with her. Seriously her proposal was underwhelming. Becuase it didn't have fireworks or dramatic lighting and photos.
Ask her what she wants if she wants a marriage or does she just want a wedding. Becuase it seems she just wants to be the center of drama and to hell with you. You seem to have just a supporting role.
My husband love this man proposed to me in a McDonald's.
You guys are so young that this is a great time to learn that getting back together with an ex very rarely works out, think about the reasons you guys broke up to begin with and how think about how he's reacting right now.
Nothing is wrong with you being on your period and even if him seeing the blood bothers him (which it shouldn't since as you said you've had period sex) his reacting to it show how immature his and how he view things like this when he isn't get something directly out of it. This isn't how someone that genuinely cares about you reacts to this situation.
I’ve worked in family law courts (in CA) and I’ve heard judges make custody orders that include “neither parent will consume alcohol or drugs in front of the child nor allow others to do so in front of the child”. You’re doing the right thing by attempting to keep the peace with your ex. Girlfriend is misunderstanding your motives and causing drama imo
well done! proud of him for distancing himself from the MOH & telling her.
too many posted here cheating with MOH, best man etc
Bride to be is most probably super embarrassed/feel humiliated by her friend action to her husband to be so ended up angry – overwhelmed is definitely the main feeling
This annoyed my friend she said she doesn’t like eating in front of people she doesn’t know
Great idea eating out with her then.
Involuntary commitment and walk away
Your mom really loves your dad. Whether she had an affair or not, she’s in pain because her partner left her. Life is not black and white, good people make mistakes. Help her get into therapy
Oh, girl. Please hear all of the people telling you this — someone who loves you would never torture you for two seconds as a “test”, much less two weeks. Run. Block him. Take time to grieve the relationship you thought you had and then thank the universe you didn’t marry this abuser.
Im glad you guys are both approaching this with respect, understanding, and attempts to see what can be done to help. Its also great and very clear the two of you are wonderful friends first and foremost, and if a romantic relationship cant continue that youll be able to still care for one another
Thank you your comment was amazing !
She needs to address the underlying insecurity, possibly with a therapist. Also sounds like there's a hole in her life. Maybe she should take a class, start an etsy business, nor volunteer someplace. Something that gives her an identity apart from from caretaking the house. She seems to be have a mild crisis about what defines her. Pro-actively filling that void sure beats micromanaging the narrative around this issue.
This wasn’t ‘play’ wrestling
The fuck does that even MEAN?????
I suggest tell her you want to talk a certain time, other than then you won't be available because your spending time with activities, friends and family. Don't be controlled.
I’d be paranoid. If it was me, I would text her on my own phone and find out what he said.
I know. Last time I went through they just sent me home with some Advil and a bill for $150. I don't know why but no doctor except for the one I found just recently believes a woman this young can have problems like this
“This might be a long post so please bear with me. I (22m) have been seeing this girl (21 F) for about 6 months now. We have been really enjoying our time together and everything seems to be going great.”
Bro it's been 6 months were not talking marriage here, were talking monogamous commitment. If you won't ask her to be yours then you don't get to complain if she sees other men.
“I don't want to come off as insecure, as I know that even though she may have some feelings for him her feelings for me are much stronger.”
Maybe not much longer with how often she's sleeping over and having sex with guy, and if ge decides to commit after a couple of weeks you'll find your “situationship” ended.
I mean, it’s been six months. She’s probably trying to find a man who will commit to more than a situationship.
Hey, it’s clear you’re in denial, but you don’t need to apologize to us. The only one who suffers here is you. Just remember that.
What changed your attitude?
U ignore him and stop playing into his frame. Or better, let him see u with other guys
i dont celebrate christmas
Wow, and only $2.25. LoL
Harmless maybe, certainly not armless though.
If she had been honest with you about what happened… maybe… but if not for Tom then you would never have found out.
If she had been honest with you about what happened… maybe… but if not for Tom then you would never have found out.
She is very mature in everything but i think in relationship not really
The question I would have is why she didn't tell you when she was organising it? Every friendship/relationship needs boundaries without them it's a recipe for disaster.
Your mother is complicit in what happened to you and wants you to keep quiet because her failure to protect you would be exposed.
When you have that baby, your instincts will kick in and you'll probably distance yourself.
Your husband, if he's any kind of man will completely understand, but he will think you're a little off if you don't tell him why you have withdrawn a bit from your family.
Don't be manipulated by someone refusing to confront their own guilt/responsibility. The worst part is that she knew there was a possibility this could happen BEFORE it happened and that's why she's being obstinate. Any other scenario and she would be outraged as well.
I think I’d back it down to 1-2 days (how do you even have 3-4 when you have kids home?) and just slow the roll.
Love my partner tons but we weren’t even exclusive til 6 mos in. Maybe things just need to slow down.