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Yumi, 21 y.o.
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On-line Live Sex Chat rooms Yumi
Date: October 19, 2022
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So here's going to be your dilemma. Exchanges by email are never a good way to handle a serious discussion, and honestly neither is a phone call. Too much is left to misinterpretation and on a matter like this, you cannot afford anything to be misinterpreted.
But you do need to make your feelings known now and not let it fester for 3 months till he returns otherwise you might as well just say the wedding is off because it'll be a bigger mess later.
Send a video, that's better than words and he can see your body language. Tell him that you're all for growing as a couple, but you are a bit concerned about his greater involvement in religion. You have no issue with his old pastor officiating your wedding, but that you just want to politely remind him that you are not devout and don't follow the rules of religion, as you two have been doing for some time. While you support his take, he also needs to respect your views and there has to be compromise. Avoid saying things that will trigger defensive reactions such as making a choice (please don't state an ultimatum whole he's overseas) or telling him he can't be religious.
I will say though, in your post it was just one example of abstinence which, if you two plan to get married when he returns, why would being abstained while he's gone be a problem? Are you having sex with others while he's gone? If that's the only example then I would say you may be making it a bigger deal than need be
That's dumb.
Curiousity isn't anything new, but considering dumping your girlfriend to see what another girl is like, it's stupid
If they think you’re a leftover then you dodged a bullet there not dating them. As long as you do something to get yourself out there there’s nothing you can really do but make sure to choose the right person
So break up, shitposter
I’m sorry ‘UNTIL HE MATURES???’
You want to have children with him??
He’s fucking 22 and you think the dots just haven’t connected in his head yet?? How dense are you??
When he’s 35 and smacks your kid across the face will you say the same thing? “Oh he just doesn’t realise it’s bad yet”?
Absolutely ridiculous, man.
Well, that's not going to happen. You don't just act like you have value when no one else does.
Imagining women. How can he smell a trap
Yeah your boy can smell a trap
By fantasy are we talking imagine other women or doing specific acts.
honestly it just sounds like you want validation from them and that’s fine as long as you don’t lead them on or commit to them when you don’t actually like them. and maybe try working on why you don’t like to be alone/not getting that attention?
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Maybe for an amniocentesis, not for a blood test. $575 here in Australia
Smart move.
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You should tell her and forward it to her. Revenge porn is criminal and she has the right to address this.
When I was a college student I got common law married. I did this by changing my last name to his, that's it. (I did this so that my dad's finances werent considered for my college finances as he wouldnt help with that.) We then had the actual wedding later… which led to Mr. X marrying Mrs. X so our wedding license looks… odd.
That’s disrespectful as hell and if I were you, there wouldn’t be a second date. You don’t touch another person’s phone. Not cool, red flag
Would you consider it cheating if he just got a handjob or blowjob from some rando and didn't pay for it? Does paying for it make it more ok somehow? In my eyes at least this is almost worse then regular “i was drunk and didn't mean to” cheating since it was premeditated and absolutely on purpose, and on top of that he paid for it? He would be out on his ass the very same day. Don't forget to get an std test, if he's done this, who knows what else he might have done and with who.
Your marriage was open the whole time.
If this was a co-worker, I doubt he was would be bold enough to just walk up and kiss her in front of everyone out of nowhere unless the two of them had already crossed some lines.
If I was talking to someone and they just stopped responding for 3+ days I wouldn’t talk to them anymore. That’s not the way I want to be treated for the rest of my life.
If I was in an exclusive relationship ( I’m not sure if y’all are exclusive but I’m assuming not because you didn’t mention it) and got ghosted and they didn’t have a very good reason then that would be a deal breaker.
You sound like a very nice person and I know the right guy is out there for you.
Thank you so much for your reply, I think you're absolutely right about the insecurity thing.
He basically did get with a kid anyway lmao
You have got to be one of the most vile person ever. PLEASE leave your wife! She deserves SO MUCH BETTER. OMFG
How do you you tell him?
Can you not just say it in words?
YES. Leave him immediately.
“If I didn't monitor him well enough” this sentence right here might help you understand what people are saying OP. It's clear your expectations of your partner are high, but from this sentence I'm getting the impression you hold yourself to a similar kind of standard in some ways.
So one thing I would really encourage you to start researching and discussing in therapy is codependency, because it sounds like you and your partner might be struggling with this.
In short although it's good to support eachother and be there for your partner, there is a point at which you can overshoot and cross over into codependency, which is an unhealthy mindset towards relationships.
Essentially you shouldn't feel like your partner is responsible for managing you or your feelings and behaviour because it stops you from holding yourself accountable and that stops you from growing as a person. And you shouldn't feel like you have to manage him or his behaviour and feelings, because that can enable unhealthy behaviour (like binge drinking) and can lead to feeling like you can't trust your partner or their judgement. If you think you have to monitor his drinking that means you don't feel like you can trust him to correctly judge when he's had enough.
This doesn't necessarily mean you two should break up, but it does sound like you need to evaluate your relationship dynamic and it sounds like maybe it's time for some self reflection too. This isn't a criticism, it's meant as advice. Learn to focus on being responsible for yourself, and allow your boyfriend to be responsible for his own decisions, especially when he drinks.
You can't solve each others problems. That's not your job. Your job is to look after yourself and find a partner that knows how to look after themselves too. Only then will you have a strong and stable foundation of trust and mutual respect, and once you have that you can hold eachother accountable on the rare occasion someone slips up or acts in a way that isn't ideal.
It was one time at the very start. Then she asked him if he was ghosting her. Then told her our business from last December. Yes things are good he makes me really happy. He seems very willing to change things. I just tried to put him in my shoes and see how it made me feel. He feels like shit.
Well said! That's the thing about trauma. It's okay to have trauma responses, but one should never really make it anyone else's problem. Both my partner and I have different trauma and we can be patient with each other and talk about it but otherwise we deal with it on our own, and with therapy.
It is exactly the hinge app only flipped so the little swish is on the other side
I've had the some old pictures of her when we dated, alot of nudes she sent me before and a very explicit video of us months after we got married. She asked me to delete it after a while. I won't lie and didn't delete them because I watched them and she knows I did.
You know that's illegal in some areas, right? She said she wanted you to delete them. That means she didn't consent for you to have them.
You're the asshole here. You screwed up and all you can do now is heavily apologize.
She's upset because she thinks I purposely kept them until now and look at them regularly. Her theory is “I kept them because she was very hot back then and now she's fat”.
Everyone is shitty here.
I think your mom doesn’t want to hide and lie. It will come back to bite you too
She fully cheated, she stopped because of herself not you. She’ll do this again.
I have provided him with content of me. I don't have a problem with him jerking off, it is indeed the porn that's the problem.
TYFU – you shouldn't have gone through her phone. If you want to be covert, do what Gosc101 suggested, and “go through her phone” while she's there in person and then you can ask her about that convo with her weird pervy pal.
Just FYI, though, I know a lot of women who act this way when confronted with such things. THey don't want to push back or appear as “a bitch” so they laugh it off or side-step the comment altogether. It's uncomfortable and awkward – and I would think that if this is an actual “regular friend” who's now trying to seduce her, she must be weirded out and just hoping that he's not serious. You said yourself she's shy. This (non-) reaction of hers makes sense to me, then.
It's usually not the best way of handling the situation, but women are more prone to protecting themselves via non-confrontational means, so they don't expose themselves to potentially more violence and uncertain reactions. If this guy is an actual friend, she might want to hold onto the friendship itself, but these comments she probably doesn't want to deal with, and not over text.
Just something to think about if you worry she could potentially cheat on you. Not with that creepy clown, from the sounds of it.
Drop it.
Many things, including the food and drinks we consume, have microplastics in them. Let your fiancee enjoy her new makeup.
UpdateMe!
You're setting yourself up for a woman that becomes regretful parent, which typically ends in divorce.
Kids are non negotiable and women are becoming more (rightly) empowered to say no to motherhood. I succumbed to pressure and now I am a parent when I never should have been.
I applaud her.
I didn’t realize you were actually ignorant about male fertility. You should apologize.
So he wanted a bang maid, not a life partner.
Divorce lawyer time
Time to end the relationship- it IS transactional
It’s a he said/she said situation. So yeah, we can’t really say that he’s not lying.
If his story is true then it is assault though. I don’t agree with trying to dismiss it because he’s physically bigger than her. Big guys can absolutely be assaulted. Particularly when they are compromised (in this case both asleep and drunk).
This guy could have been down to cheat (bad things still happen to shitty people), but that girl didn’t know that when she started assaulting a sleeping drunk person. It’s also possible that he wants down to cheat and is feeling guilty about being physically aroused while being assaulted (which is a think rape victims sometimes struggle with).
I’m sorry your ex was a bad person. It’s really horrible to cheat on your partner.
I honestly have very low self-esteem. I have tried ignoring it but my track record with men is not the greatest.
I've dated girls longer than this without knowing their names, names are overrated
Not only was she a child, but her family had been broken up and she was forced to celebrate the people who broke up her family when she didn’t even want to go.
Given that I wouldn’t say she was pretty terrible.
Ah also as a bonus she already lost her father for several years as a punishment.
And she has already apologized multiple times. Which I think seems unwarranted. Soo…. This is much worse.
You are coming off as jealous of your coworkers who are hit on by decent polite boundary- minding guys who are genuinely interested in them, as you said all your coworkers are tired of being hit in, not you. Sounds to me like you are not attractive enough to get attention, and you are purposefully mixing genuine respectful interest shown appeopriately from men with creepy stalking, which are two completely different things, and every woman on the planet knows that difference. I'm almost a hundred percent sure you know the difference too, and you are just passing off your jealousy as concern for women. Don't hit on women at work? Are you kidding? Almost 80 percent of happily married couples meet at work, either as coworkers or client-provider, you sound angry and kind of unhinged.
I am constantly stunned that people can make it to 30s and adulthood and just have no idea what is going on in basic social interactions. What kind of cope excuse jumbled mess did i just read?
Thanks for the advice! I always go back and forth thinking we can make this work somehow, but every time I try to imagine how my life would be in the future if the 2 of us get married is nothing but misery. So myeah, gotta leave those feelings behind for the better 🙂
I’ve posted this before, but beyond the logistics and frustration with his lack of effort, you are with someone who is perfectly happy to watch you work your fingers to the bone, while he sits on his ass. That means he’s more interested in you as a servant than a partner, or a human with feelings or someone he cherishes.
He is not going to change. He’s a fully formed adult and this is what you get if you stay with him.
So you have to decide if this is the kind of life you want. Forever. X10 if you have actual kids.
Is this what you want your life to look like?
You honestly think she’s so satisfied with her sex life she’s decided to talk about on Reddit because it’s so great? Lmao
He lives with his family as well and he doesn't get along with his mom so I stood up for him and defended him when that happened
We decided that we will add his last name first then my last name. Again, it was his idea but I am in love with it.
A little reading comprehension might help.
Talk with her and just ask why she’s reposting these videos. Once she’s explained then let her know how it looks to you. Go from there.
Hopefully she’ll be open and explain her thinking, because even if she’s jumping on a bandwagon, these are obviously media aimed at lost love. Keep it civil but don’t allow her to dismiss or deflect from the main point of ‘why’ and what that means. Good luck.
You need to do nothing. She is doing the right thing by ignoring him. Don't make this a bigger problem than it is.
He sounds overly dramatic and like he was looking for an excuse to say “I knew it wouldn't work out”
But you're allowed to break up with someone for any reason you like, even if others would think it was a stupid reason.
If you have a conversation that goes like “I'm thinking of doing X”, “You don't need my permission to do X” and there's a secret caveat of “… but I don't like it if you do it I'll break up with you” then you're kind of am asshole for not saying the last bit out loud.
Yes, show your girlfriend the message. Let her decide from there. But at 22 years old, you both are adults, she doesn't need to obey her parents, and especially you don't need to obey her parents. Here in Argentina (where I on-line) people don't move out at 18, it's very normal for people to stay in the house they grew up until they are like 24 or 25 years old. But I moved out at 22 because my parents didn't “let” me do things and treated me like a child. To this day, I don't speak to my mom about the things I do, because she feels that she can still “forbid” me from playing videogames or going out late at night with my spouse.
I was in a similar position with similar issues. I chose to abort. It did not end my relationship and after so many many years when we had more children once we were in a better financial, mental, and emotional place.
You may see this pregnancy as a symbol of your love for one another. And you may also see aborting it as a symbol of saying your love isn’t strong enough, hence your hesitation. But love alone isn’t enough to keep the relationship and family together. Many married couples still divorce even after having children together.
Bluntly speaking, babies can put a lot of strain on a relationship. They’re not easy. They drain both parents physically, mentally and emotionally mainly due to change of lifestyle, sleep deprivation, unable to communicate beyond crying, etc. They’re already difficult for parents who went in thinking they’re ready. And they’re even more difficult for parents who aren’t ready.
I think one thing to ask yourself is if you continue on with your pregnancy and if your bf decides to end the relationship and he will not provide any other support but financial support… would you still continue with the pregnancy?
Your family might have been subtle harassing her when you weren't looking, so she tried to be avoidant. This is complete speculation, but you need to get out of her the reason for ignoring you and your family back then. A proper reason, not excuse.
Even being tired can be a reason, but there would be more to it than that. What was she tired of to resort to ignore you?
If you can't get truth of the matter out of her, then yes, you should probably leave her.
Your partner is so catholic that he needs to get married in the church because his mommy told him to and also a newfound fear of “going to hell”, but $10 says this dude’s been happily fucking you outside the sanctity of marriage for.. how long, exactly?
Give your spineless momma’s boy this bone and I guarantee the next thing you’ll be asked to relent on is baptizing kids.
Don’t forget that this is supposed to be your wedding too, and it’s worth repeating that kowtowing to his family’s demands means that yours gets excluded from participating.
Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but I can’t imagine yielding to such zealots.
Oh sure. A 2 year relation and they are on their second son, she doesn't work, makes him his slave, breaks him, but sure, he wasn't baby trapped. It's his fault too, of course, but she seems okay with this arrangement.
I would like to see this post with the roles reversed. Pretty sure no one would be recommending therapy or not saying he didn't baby trapped her and all that.
He can’t be trusted. Id reconsider the marriage. He’s easily tempted and that’s hell to on-line with…
Probably insecurities. In my experience, best way to deal with this is reassurance. Constant reassurance.
Have a heart to heart talk as adults. Tell him what you've told us. Tell how what he did vonfused you and tell him why you like him so much.
Hopefully there's no narcissm involved and it's just him being insecure.
So what do his exes look like?
How silly of me not to notice. Yes, a lack of options is precisely why this situation happened. You hit the mail in the head, great work.