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zandy-thomas chat
Date: October 30, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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Well. Homeboy said he wouldn’t. And he did. And continued to do so. I can see why she’s hurt. He’s young asf though and I feel like it’s inescapable at that age to not be so heavily into porn. I was. And like I said, it totally fucked with my brain. I’m 35 now. I’m not crusading for hurt women. I’m admitting porn warped my brain too as a woman. I used to watch a ton of it. Now I have major issues around body image and what sex is. It’s pretty lame.
However when you begin dating someone you shouldn’t say you’re not going to do something if you really plan on continuing with that behavior. Like, for me. I won’t date anyone who has/had a dependence on heroin. That’s a boundary. Ofc what someone does in their own time isn’t something you can control but you can choose whether or not you stay in that situation. Because your boundaries aren’t being respected or considered. I guess that’s my issue here. That was an expectation established at the beginning of dating this young woman and he agreed.
I just think it’s bullshit how many people defend the use of porn like it’s bananas for women to be upset or hurt that men choose to consume sexual content frequently of other women. I know if I were masturbating to some dude all the time that looked nothing like my husband he would hate it. But when it’s about men, who are vIsUaL, it’s like some weird pass. Which sucks.
Nah, I've been married 5 years and just a side boob of my wife and I'm rearing and ready to go. And to be honest we aren't in the best space but I am still very much sexually attracted to her. Nudes will be nudes but if she was the type of wife that would send me nudes, they would be the ones that I react to the most.
As long as everything your boyfriend watches is legal and it doesn't interfere with your sex life, why is it any of your business if or how often he watches porn? Don't you think this is pretty controlling behavior on your part? Is it really about the porn or is this maybe more of an insecurity about him looking at other women?
You need to have a talk with D and tell him about F, then ask if he thinks you three could still meet up. After that, you can tell F about D and how well it's going, then ask if he would be down to get together and meet D.
There is no reason to hide the truth about F, it won't do any good and it would be a breach of trust. Lying by omission is still lying!
If F can't respect you as a friend and let his crush on you go, it would not be respectful to D if you stayed friends with F. You'd need to choose between the two. But you can't know for sure until you give F and D a chance to make their own decisions (do they want to get to know each other as friends) or you simply make the decision of leaving F or D behind and avoid the dilemma.
Why doesn’t your boyfriend just say to your dad what he said to you? Especially 3. If he said that to your dad’s face with conviction, your dad might respect that.
Go talk to couples therapy
Confront him- for what? You've hit the lottery. This man loves you deeply. He cares not just about you, but for you. He not only provides for you, but provides himself for you. What's there to 'confront' him about? What were your chances of finding him in the first place? If I were you, I'd wake up happy every day, knowing how fortunate I was to have a husband as great as he is.
Yeah you need to trust homie if you can't then leave forget cheating or love if you can't trust him then leave him if you love him for real 100% then even if he cheats take him back like just don't be indecisive its 100% or 0% not 25-75% but if you can't trust anyone which you can't because you're the only person who will care about you then leave him work on yourself and be a top g
Uhhmmmm no. That “skit” was ABSOLUTELY meant in a sexual way. Please don’t be naïve about this guy.
Definitely this is what happened. I promise he is not out to torture me lol.
That's… Really weird? Have you asked her for an explanation?
Ahh it sounds like you two have a great relationship! I'm so happy he didn't take it too hard that you didn't want to watch the anime. I am sure that the communication really helped him understand where you are coming from. I don't think it's unreasonable to have your “issues” that you are working through in therapy and it seems like he is being super supportive! Having issues doesn't mean you're not ready for a relationship; clearly you two are able to communicate healthily and have a trusting, loving relationship. I hope for the best for you two
Yeah so I have zero empathy for people who drink and drive. You are NOT just putting your own life at risk, you’re putting ANYONE ELSE driving around you at risk too. Your boyfriend is being selfish.
Yeah so I have zero empathy for people who drink and drive. You are NOT just putting your own life at risk, you’re putting ANYONE ELSE driving around you at risk too. Your boyfriend is being selfish.
He lied about being drunk once when he was on vacation with his friends. He called me completely wasted and lied even though he was slurring. He had said when we talked about it that he was sad that I wasn’t texting him that much because he missed me. But that broke my trust. Took a while but I was trusting him again.
Your friend isn’t a friend.
Bullshit. You are too gullible.
Get a parent to help you make decisions.
I'm looking for action, not more belief
Your family toxic af so I don’t think it’s a toss up
because if the doctor finds out something is wrong with he might kill himself
He sounds… wildly unstable OP.
That's not within 100 miles of normal reaction to finding out you have likely causes of ED like high blood pressure or diabetes.
I think there's more going on here mental health wise and whatever it is, it is freaking him out. I think he is likely not sexually compatible with you and worst case scenario he is hiding something.
So the boyfriend is a cheater but the friend makes crass jokes… and the friend is the problem because?
She’s your roommate, not your girlfriend.
She is having an emotional affair with this guy and is now over you. Its time to end the relationship ASAP. Don't waste your money giving her those expensive gifts. Return them. She is just preparing to move on and you will be paying her to do it, too. Its very obvious from what you are describing that she has fallen out of love and is just staying in the relationship until she is comfortable enough with the other guy to dump you. Don't wait and give her the opportunity. Tell her today that it is obvious that she is no longer involved in your relationship and so you are breaking up. I bet that she doesn't even argue or try to change your mind.
She was somewhere safe, and she made the right call to stay there. Don't overthink this.
just saw she’s 5’6 and weighed 165, thats not bad at all comparatively. and now she weighs 147 which is great! this is coming from someone who’s 5’5 and weighs 155
Advice, girl you did all you should have done. Now, it's time to end the 4 year on and off. No more. Go get tested, then retested six months later, glow up, I mean, glow all the way up, block him, new hobbies, travel, learn a new skill, on-line a fabulous life and thank God you're free. No more roller coaster relationship but complete freedom. Good luck OP, I'm rooting for you!
Not trying to minimize your pain but I feel, a sense of rejuvenation and the potential of an even greater lived life without this person who keeps hurting you.
Advice, girl you did all you should have done. Now, it's time to end the 4 year on and off. No more. Go get tested, then retested six months later, glow up, I mean, glow all the way up, block him, new hobbies, travel, learn a new skill, live a fabulous life and thank God you're free. No more roller coaster relationship but complete freedom. Good luck OP, I'm rooting for you!
Not trying to minimize your pain but I feel, a sense of rejuvenation and the potential of an even greater lived life without this person who keeps hurting you.
Well, she's definitely trying to baby-trap you, and most likely poked holes in the condom and wasn't actually on the pill. Best course of action is to break up with her, wait until the DNA test comes in, and then decide what you want to do re: kid if it's yours.
Dude if she’s texting other men then leave. Did your mom entertain other men while being with your father? (She might’ve) but no probably not. She’s gonna accuse you of being controlling if you say you don’t like it. This is a witchy women who’s not suitable for a relationship. Leave and find someone who’s not talking to other men.
Dude if she’s texting other men then leave. Did your mom entertain other men while being with your father? (She might’ve) but no probably not. She’s gonna accuse you of being controlling if you say you don’t like it. This is a witchy women who’s not suitable for a relationship. Leave and find someone who’s not talking to other men.
Dude if she’s texting other men then leave. Did your mom entertain other men while being with your father? (She might’ve) but no probably not. She’s gonna accuse you of being controlling if you say you don’t like it. This is a witchy women who’s not suitable for a relationship. Leave and find someone who’s not talking to other men.
OP I'm worried she's trying to set the ground work for a custody case. She already wants to leave and is trying to make a history of you being a pedophile even though you aren't.
She texted – that means papertrail.
You need to text back “I've never looked at your sister that way. I've never looked at a younger person that way. It's honestly creepy that you think of your own sister as a sexual rival. If this is something you're going to make up to cause an argument for no reason, then we need to talk about our future. I'm worried for your mental health if you're going to come up with these types of stories that have no basis on reality.”
You need to shut it down in no uncertain terms that she made it up and is totally wrong.
Yeah, I get that but you just kind of wish more of it was embarrassing problems or communication issues. There is more to relationship advise than just negative problems but then again you don't tend to think of asking random strangers for those kinds of issues.
Listen – you are not responsible for how he interprets your actions. Break up with him, tell him why, and if he hears you and still chooses to believe it's because of his weight then that's his problem.
I like that you’re in therapy, but it doesn’t sound like it’s doing much good. Your behavior towards your bf is manipulative and plain abusive. If you really love him, you’ll use every bit of strength you have to knock it off, or you let him go. No person should have to endure mental abuse, especially in their own home, over the course of years. If you love him, you know he deserves better than that.
I’m guessing your issues are based in trauma (sorry if true) and am thinking the therapist’s job is to help you discover root causes and unravel all the knots? Not sure if I’m right, but I think a counselor is different in that they might provide you with a blueprint for action outside your sessions and work with you on coping techniques. Would it be possible to visit both?
Maybe she was already talking to her new match at that point? A lot of people fall off the radar when they find another person.
It's truly sucky, although you can't really force a person to behave in a positive or honorable way.
“He's always been so horrid”
So why tf did you settle for that? I swear y'all walk in to your own problems.
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to be fair I pursued him even after learning his age (he doesnt look in his 40s I thought he was in his mid-late 30s) and even after learning he “had a girlfriend” but honestly after the comments everyone is leaving I quite literally want to ask his ex for her side of the story,,, but then I'm like “really? you're ONE MONTH IN and you need THIS kind of 'validation'?”
we both have different kinda of atavhement issiues. And I is kinda sad but who cares
You're right, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Rethink it before sending, if you must send it. What are you actually hoping to get out of it? The post isn't very clear either.
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Ugh I’m so sorry, OP. I hope you have a good support system around you. It sounds like he’s challenging to deal with in multiple ways, so maybe this was a sign.
As someone whose got /r/datingstory off the ground, sometimes you meet people who are…odd. Even if you and continued this relationship, this would have required a lot more work and energy than you'd have wanted to give, and/or even could have.
Sounds like this person has a lot of maturing/other issues going on you weren't aware of.
He didn't do anything wrong, and you can stop seeing him because you aren't comfortable with his behavior. You two aren't compatible, full stop.
Define “on a break”. Were you two both agreeing you weren't dating at the time or was it a “Let's have some space for a bit”?
Yeah, he says he wants her to show an interest in his interest, but has no clue what she likes. Maybe ask her, instead of assuming she knows nothing about anything? Don’t get me wrong, I like curious people as well, who like learning, but he’s clearly not curious about her one bit!
To back up, I honestly fundamentally agree that people need to get to know each other in person so I’d agree with him there.
But his “logic” for pushing it is absolutely a red flag and you should cut this off. He has preconceived notions about women, and unfortunately for him, while he thinks he’s helping himself by potentially gaining sympathy, all he’s actually doing is explicitly showing you that he has assumptions about women in general and applies them to everyone.
Walk away and consider the bullet dodged.
Do you believe in equality in the workplace? Do you want men and women to be treated the same by upper management?
This is hilarious and a really good idea at the same time
People are having a pretty harsh reaction, at the end of the day it's your decision. You are unhealthy, if you think he's just giving you a reason to get healthy go for it. If you think he's being insincere and superficial don't. I don't know him so I can't say what his intentions were.
You mean ex-friend right OP?
I don't normally say to go nuclear, but fuck this useless ass hole. Go to a lawyer, take everything you have gathered. Divorce him and take him for everything you can. Take the kids and aim for sole custody. Or whatever the lowest you can get him on. Once he's been served the papers, post it on-line, tell your family, his family, your friends. Get ahead because he'll try and play the victim card. Hell even inform his employers, tell them that a man that is this deceitful is worth keeping an eye on.
Yeah, I wasn't making the “stretch out” argument. But, there is a difference after childbirth. My ex was never the same after our kids. So, sure, a child's head is a lot different than a dildo. But, after childbirth it doesn't go back to normal.
This is why virgin women on these subs complaint hat the first few times hurt. You gotta work it open a bit.
Fuck yeah, you got this and it comes across!
I also was in a relationship where something was off but couldn't place it, and he ended up betraying me. Our Spidey senses are accurate if not strong.
Just glad to hear your playing him at his game and going to win in the end
Yeah. She kept it ‘private’ from me but not at least three others in our circle. Go figure.
Let it burn baby, I’m glad she’s out of my life 🙂
This is the one OP!, listen to this one, also dont be agressive when approaching a girl you want to be more friendly/smooth
this is also something that had happened before we met and I believe before he even started high school.
I don't know where you're from, but where I on-line, people are usually 14 when they start high school. If this happened before high school, not having a relationship with the child probably wasn't his decision. He would have been a baby teen. And if the child's mom needed to “find out” who the father was, because she had multiple partners… if she was the same age as him, that takes things to a whole other level.
I hold the bond between your first child and the parent to the highest regard. Its like I’m seeing a different person, I could never expect my bf to not want to care for this child and just let the child grow up without knowing that he’s the father. It just saddens my heart and I feel like there is a stranger next to me.
I think it's valid to be upset that he didn't share this with you, since you have been together for three years and discussed starting a family together. But the rest of the above quoted part is pretty dramatic and judgmental (and the bolded part is just weird).
You have no idea what he went through or what the circumstances are. Bring it up gently and don't be accusatory. Let him know what you saw and that you have some questions. Then decide how you feel. And don't make it all about you and your hurt feelings for having to find out the way you did. Address that after the conversation. If you can.
Just continue with the break up then! A baby is not a relationship fixer. It’ll be harder the longer you wait
She made the choice to cut out a person who supports cheating.
There, I fixed it for you.
Well, this one is and its shaping up to get worse. You did the right thing by asking about it here.
Your wife has a personality problem. I hope she’s not victimizing little kids with this argumentative, know-it-all BS.
Thanks it just happened hours ago and I didn't know where else to turn because he was that friend for me at least I thought he was, and I've never posted here before so thank you for listening. I know this is akin to shouting into the abyss, reddit in general, but thank you for being kind.
Yes he has done that, and his girlfriend is upset, as is her right. At the end of the day emotional affairs happen, they start somewhere and affairs with colleagues happen. It’s totally understandable that she would be upset over her boyfriend going to lunch alone with another woman, which is a perfectly viable date scenario.
I agree with ya bf it can defo be traumatic in the case of rape but that life did nothing to be created it's innocent for you personally I'd just say Keep on top of your birth control it's that simple don't allow yourself to be in a situation of accidental pregnancy if your not ready or oh the horror try celibacy?? Just a thought but if that's too outdated practice safe sex and have a plan for pregnancy cus reality it's 2 against 1 YOU being the one if it's his he is Gunna want it to on-line the fetos/ baby wants to live! that's why it keeps GROWING
One thing is clear that he would not stop watching porn and if porn is a big problem for you where you feel pain then he is not a guy for you. You tried to talk to him but he turned hostel means he does not want to discuss this issue with you nor he has intention to stop watching it to make you feel secure and happy in relationship. You put your foot down and warn him that either he has to choose you or porn as porn is not your thing and you do not want porn in relationship.
Girl … I literally know women who have this reality. I’m not giving up on my goals because you and other people don’t think it’s possible… it’s more possible than you think. Even women in my family were SAHM/W
And actually, what you desire is more unrealistic than me.
I don’t care if my man made under 50k a year … I don’t want material things, I want a family. We can budget, be humble and happy. And I want to be able to give of myself 1000% to them. But my boyfriend Makes over 100k a year so it shouldn’t even be a problem.
I don’t want to send my children to daycare and have other people raise them. Just because you’re older than me, doesn’t mean you know more. You just perceive things differently than me. Don’t get mad at me because you have to work….
She wouldn’t be exclusive with you if she didn’t like the sex because it seems like she has quite the sexual past.
She knows what her sexual needs are and likely wouldn’t keep you around if you didn’t check more than a few of those boxes
Can he just archive them? Personally the whole takeover because your “serious” is you trying to piss on him. Which I understand but it’s Facebook. He can literally give her a folder and just keep all his memories. I think it’s weird when new gf try to wipe any old digit history. We are living in a social world. The ball does not stop for you. In fact it keeps going well after you get off. I can archive. But the whole delete the past wave is insecure.
You're an asshole for getting taken advantage of while you're blacked out.
Nice logic
OP is a rage-bait troll. They're baiting you into getting angry and arguing with them so that they can laugh at how gullible you are. Nothing they said happened. You are giving advice to a child who is laughing at your gullibility.
Two issues there. 1: Scared of what, exactly? He was still interacting with her social media a little less than a year ago, so it's not like he's scared to let her know that he's still looking at her socials.
2: He could have asked her to pick up her stuff and let the transportation issue be her problem. He could have had people over to make sure that she and/or her dad didn't do try to do anything while they got her things.
What you're doing right now is white knuckling…that quitting drinking without getting help and it's almost guaranteed that you won't stay sober. My bow ex quit for 13 months like that before relapsing. It also was no fun being around him because he was still the same depressed cranky always tired guy but now he no longer had his only coping skill. It was almost worse then when he was drinking. The substance is only a small part of the problem. Addicts self medicate. So if you don't get the underlying issues addressed and treated and get therapy to learn healthy coping skills you won't stay clean. I lived alcoholic hell and recovery hell with my now ex. I'm hoping you want to quit for yourself because if not you won't stay clean either. And also understand that you can never touch alcohol again. You can be clean for years and when you take a drink again you brain will go back to where it left off when you quit and you will relapse. Alcoholics cannot drink in moderation. Get help if you're really motivated to quit.
You're dating an actual pedophile(29 and 19, REALLY?) who is attempting to control you, already.
I'm going to be downvoted as hell, but pedophile is not the correct word here, OP is not a child. The girlfriend might be a shady, manipulative creep, but you should use the P-word for actual criminals who are attracted to children.
You're completely right on that, financially we aren't equal right now. We own a house together and we both always put 50/50. But at the end of the month I have nothing, whereas he has the money to buy luxury things. The past two years I have gone back to education and now i'm not starting my own buisness. Do you think he resents that I took a paycut a little? Throughout our relationship we have both had different careers and different pay levels on both of our sides.
I sometimes do get worried because we on-line alone and have no kids, so if we are only having sex 1-2 times a week now, what will it be like when kids come along and our schedules get even more hectic?
Sex life getting worse with kids is all but inevitable. Children destroy your sleep quality and free time, and between hormonal swings and being touched out good luck getting into the mood.
As far as the rest, you more than likely need to face the reality that his sex drive now is his normal, so if 1-2 times a week for the next 20 years isn’t enough, you have a choice to make.
As far as stereotypes go, men on average have higher sex drives but as individuals there’s a ton of variation and there’s nothing inherently wrong about a woman having a higher drive.
Yikes. The internalised misogyny is strong with you. Calling another woman a misogynistic slur for what exactly? Because you're jealous. That's what you get for being in an open relationship, fucked around on. That's the point. You agreed to it. You, presumably, do the same thing. It's not her fault that your partner doesn't love you enough to only have sex with you. It's yours. And his.
Does it matter? The point is that (1) she perceives it as an order and she heard the words and your tone of voice etc. and (2) many of us responding here think it sounds like an order. It doesn't matter whether it's linguistically worded like an order. We can all feel that it is.
It's not the way a request to a business partner or romantic partner ideally would be worded. It sound like the way you'd speak to somebody who reported to you in a business setting.
Holy shit… Your partner is trash and you should treat him as such by kicking him to the curb.
What things specifically?? If you don’t mind me asking. Honestly I just feel so inexperienced being with someone that isn’t constantly initiating