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Date: October 6, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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Is this a canned response?
Might I suggest couples counseling? No matter how happy you are, learning something like this can seriously shake you, and it seems to be a big burden on her, too. So the two of you getting everything out there could be good.
That's kind of how it happened with me. I feel like I was infinitely lucky to just have that change in mentally and not stumble on the last 5ish years.
I'm 28yo female working as a construction site manager but I've been studying full time for 7 years to get here. I've doubled my salary in a year and have had 2 relationships in 6 years because I've focussed so naked on where I want to be. Still not dating or on apps because idek how to get into it. So maybe not one to take advice on but if I was to start dating your type would be the sort I'd look for.
But maybe try focussing on someone who has their shit together more?
There was a guy who told me that a girl took him to his room to have sex and it was naked for him to get an erection because he was scared/anxious but he did get one. After they were having sex it started going away, it got smaller. I didn’t know that men could have a naked time getting erections especially at the age of 23. He said he had to kinda “force” himself to get into it by telling himself that it’s what he wanted etc. and eventually he did. Is this possible?
My fiancé (Matt) didn’t like that and holds it over my head even though I broke it off before he found out about it
So if you break it off before he finds out, it's not considered cheating? ?
A guy from my past (Tyler) that I had lots of chemistry with texted me one day and I sadly responded
You “sadly” responded? Come on….you knew what would happen if you did. You have no control on yourself to be in a relationship.
By the way, the way your fiance pays back is also fucked up. You both are so immature and the marriage is already doomed before it even started.
Lol just shower every day dude.
Ma’am, don’t settle for a grown man who doesn’t wipe his own ass. Get a new man.
Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.
As long as you and God are pals, screw anyone else!
That’s the spirit my man. You seem to have it all figured out so I’m not sure why even come here. You reconciled with God, doesn’t he absolve you?
No one is more impressed with a pee pee than the man it’s attached to!
I (25f) had a boyfriend with a similar situation. He told me that he got talking with a male friend of his and they came to the conclusion that it's difficult to get naked with someone before they really knew and trusted them. He said they'd been experiencing this since basic training, navy. Neither went into much detail about their service experience but I got the impression there was some trauma there and since then, they had some emotional walls up. Idk if any of that rings true for you. Long story short, it took a few months and I didn't mind because we found other ways of having sex, not that sex is the end all be all of relationships but anyway, I would suggest just don't stress it, relax, don't overthink it and eventually you get comfortable enough to go back to normal sex. If you have no trouble on your own, it sounds like a mental emotional issue, not a physical one. Trust this will most likely resolve itself on its own with time and support.
2 of my brothers have dirty blonde hair. 2 other brothers have black. I have brown and my sister has brown. Most of us are just about 5'10″ and my youngest brother is pushing 6'2. You would not think any of us are related looking at us
It is cheating.
I've never cheated, but for perspective I met my husband through live gaming after years of friendship, it developed and we eventually met. This isn't nothing.
We do his/hers/ours like you OP and pay shared expenses out of “ours”. Vehicles/vehicle maintenance aren’t considered shared. We each pay for our own vehicles and gas. The only time I pay for gas for his truck is if I borrow it for a project.
Lets not confused autism for assholism.
Stop making excuses. He doesn't love you liks you love him and the moment you don't fit what he wants hes out of there and blaming you for it.
An open relationship, which your GF is suggesting, only works when both parties are onboard with it and agree on the rules.
Don't do this to make your GF happy unless it makes you happy, too.
Some people truly do look “young”. When I managed a bar, I had one regular that looked 16. Not joking at all. I carded him the first few times. He was 34. I always made sure he had his ID on him as the cops came in often. The new ones always made a bee line for this guy. He hated that he looked so young.
He was just awful, saying he wants a partner not a lazy woman who just watches TikTok all day – except he was a lot more awful in the way he said and lots of swearing! He just came across as such a d**k
Fair enough, I definitely see your point. I’ll ask her if she wants to call the day I’m driving back up there and see what she says
yeah thats the issue, all our photos are in fb messenger. and idrk how to separate deleting the chats from the pictures on there.
Identify. Are you worried this means she doesn't want to be with you forever? Do you even want to be with he forever? If you don't know then why worry about that. Does this situation make you feel inadequate? Does anything else you do in life make you feel that way? Can you improve on those things in the meantime instead. If you have a shiny rock that you take care of but treats you poorly by falling on your foot do you still want to care for it? In what ways does she make you feel like that? Are you not helping her be a shiny rock so she's just the same as all rocks to you and rocks have hurt you in the past. Do you show appreciation for your partner in a way that she feels safe and confident too? Calling her beautiful (my girlfriend is the most beautiful in the world so you can't tell her that) Or name's she likes? Opening with “hi baby how are you?” helps but saying “baby” over and over again in a conversation might dull her to it. You might have to be the confident one to show he what it feels like to be confident about a relationship so if you're prepared for that then… Well you aren't because you're worried. So, tey being that boyfriend that gets her flowers every time you're together or talks about the great things you want. If you don't know what you want then just distract her with more flowers.
That’s the whole point: they’re people. I don’t want to forget them. My body count is pretty high, and what has kept me grounded is knowing that I know each person’s first name, last name, and a few facts about their lives. I have stories for each person. Even if my memories get foggy, I can look back at the list and remember the crazy flings, the romantic moments, the hilarious and cringey nights, all of them.
Plus, some of those people were virgins. They won’t forget me. It seems disrespectful to forget them.
That's exactly how he wanted you to feel. You said you lost friendships because you chose spending time with him? HE DID THAT ON PURPOSE. You need to get out, he's made it seem like you need to be with him but you don't
Do people change, sure. People can work on themselves and iron out their mistakes.
However.. if someone needs to tell you:
not to just link, I’m actually a decent guy 🙂
Usually that is a red flag and they're putting up a front.
You don't tell people you're a good guy. You demonstrate it through consistency and actions.
Rightfully so:
I’ve now started to take men’s words with a grain of salt.
This goes for both genders… do not dive head first into anything without knowing it is safe to do so. That is how people get burnt. Getting burnt enough times will develop a negative view towards dating in general. Only you can protect yourself when it comes to dating. So everyone should proceed with caution. Take things slow rather than rush is what I always advocate.
If (and I mean loosely) were to give him a chance… you should be taking it as slow as possible. Do not give up anything freely. Ensure there is respect and a good amount effort on his behalf.
Normally people would say “nah, not worth it”
You can't control your partner's actions nor other people's. You can only control how you react to those actions.
In your comments, you said they were private, as they were on one side of the table and another couple was on the other side. Additionally, it had been going on for 10 minutes.
Let's start with the guy. He knew what he was doing and didn't care about his girlfriend, the fact that she has a boyfriend (op) nor that you saw him doing it.
If someone doesn't respect me, they aren't allowed into my residence. End of discussion. He can rebuild that trust when we meet up elsewhere.
Your girlfriend can't control you either, and it's up to her on how she reacts. I personally find it worrisome that she's more concerned about her best friend, who chose a shitty bf, than her own boyfriend's feelings.
Now on to your girlfriend. She knew someone had their arm around her, and she knew who. It's was for 10 minutes. Of course, she knew.
I wouldn't call this a scorched earth and dump her incident, but you will have to have a deep and uncomfortable discussion with her. Between you having to remove the arm and her lying, I think it's worth taking a step back and reevaluating the relationship. Is it serious or casual? Once you figure that out, make sure to let her know.
Just absolutely 100% this.
Yesterday should have been the last day.
Say it with me y’all… TO THE STREEEETS! Sorry but anyone who trades sexual favors for material items, money, drugs, is instantly cutoff.
Just a little heads up… if you want someone to be your mentor, you don't fuck them. If you want someone to be a fuck buddy, you let it known, and if you don't want them having a gf while you do it… you might wanna express that too. In reality, he has never been single while with you and you have never been officially with him. Do you really think he deserves one more meeting and what the fuck do you think an ultimatum is going to do? get him to pick you and change the way he is, just like that? it won't happen. You are young and he knows better, so if you continue to think this will become something, you'll be wrong.
His house his rules.
Thank you! I’m working on myself right now. I think I really need to talk to him about everything
Some people hang around work becuase they are bored, the other workers said she just does that sometimes. I know I do it
This would be a dealbreaker for me. Sorry.
You never know how you will react to something you’re allergic too- this time it wasn’t anaphylactic shock but next time it could be. Your MIL played with your life here, this is as serious as it gets! I would never eat anything she or her family makes again, and your husband and MIL owe you a huge apology and need to understand how serious this was! Do NOT apologize! I would recommend marriage counseling since your husband doesn’t grasp the seriousness of this smdh.
If your giving him the amount of affection that satisfies him, then he probably wouldn’t ask. Now if he is trying to save money / has issues with income, that could be why as well. Or if he is someone like me, I like it 50-50 fair no matter what
Looks like you made up your mind on going back, do give us an update on when you get cheated on again by her. Or when she's just talking to a guy and you lose your shit over it because you can't trust her again! Good luck!
Apparantly your dad is either too dumb to use condoms, or is willfully sabotaging them, while your mom is ignorant of all the situations that negate hormonal birth control, or knows it but doesn't care, relies on the condoms, and then still wonders why “two” methods failed. Sorry for insulting your parents like that, but having two different methods fail is more than rare and means that at least one method (usually both) was tampered with/was used wrong/was negated by something else.
Are you a guy or woman?
Tbf We don't know where OP is from, winter is 5 months in some places and summer 5 months in some places. Other than that, he doesn't sound like the most agreeable spouse.
Love
I don’t stay friends with people whose morals don’t match mine. Essentially, I stopped carpooling with a work friend. Another work friend whose cheated on her husband with his boss. We all worked for the same company. My personal life is lived the same way.
Oh yeah I forgot, we’re both vegetarians, but he’s lactose intolerant and just doesn’t care that he is lactose intolerant.
It's a bad mistake, for sure. Definitely a little careless!
If you seriously can't find it, you will need to tell him. Hopefully he'll be understanding, especially if you're going to marry him!
I agree. She made the comment that if I didn't want to spend money then I shouldn't be in a relationship. But thats bullshit to me, you can be with someone and not spend money.
She can dictate, but he doesn't have to agree.
tbh, it sounds like he already is
DuoLingo, Google Translate, and Google Pixel phones might help them get over most of the language barrier without having to rely so heavily on you. Just some ideas.
Honestly please tell me what exactly is insulting in my comment. Did you have partners that were all same in the bed, or do you think some of them were more compatible with you than others? That's all this is about
See that is my problem because we have different boundaries as people and he is affectionate with everyone but why did he pull me aside as we said goodbye to tell me how pretty I look. It's little moments like those that I tend to overthink because for me that seems strange but maybe for him it's just another Saturday. So I could Definitely be interpreting things wrong and I don't wanna make things wierd by saying things
I get this. With a good number of people, I'm not the funny one. I can say or do something exactly like someone else and they get a laugh and I don't. I'm just perpetually the quiet awkward one and don't have much charisma. I used to be really in my head about it.
I realized part of my issue was that I was trying to make people like me and trying to entertain other people while putting myself aside like I wasn't worth paying attention to or being paid attention to. I decided other people weren't worth my effort unless they proved it to me because I might not be some prize but I'm worth something, God damn it. I decided to make jokes to entertain myself, to make me happy, and if someone else finds it funny, neat. If I'm the only one who thinks it's funny, well, I'm still having fun. (Provided the jokes aren't tearing someone else down, of course.) I ended up finding people who got me and didn't see my presence as needing to be justified by how entertaining I try to be or how much I tie myself into a pretzel just for them. I no longer have crappy friends and my spouse thinks I'm one of the funniest people on earth and that's good enough for me.
Time to bail. Right now, don't look back.
Why not? Op himself said they parted ways on good terms. Not every relationship ends in tears – some people just realise that they fit better as friends than as a couple.
I know quite a few ex-couples who are still friends, have coffee with each other occassionally but just say: “Hell no, us together is not working!” if you ask them if they miss being together.
I don't see the disrespectful part in that. It's only disrespectful if you confuse your friends role with the role that your partner should have. Then you'd end up in a weird triangle.
This is why it’s always good to have a backup plan
Ofcourse they have a big responsibility, but she needs to think if about if not going to the wedding is worth it. She says herself, that she will feel insecure about going alone to graduate. So what if she goes to graduation and doesnt enjoy it? (Because of the worries)
Yeah that’s definitely a bizarre justification, because if he’s attracted a child’s sexualized facial expressions, he’s into children. That’s how that works. “Babe I’m not into underaged girls, unless they have a really good “O-face.” Bruhhh
So her roommate frequently brings home gangs of strangers?
I don't have any other proof but he started taking care of his appearance since this all happened.
!RemindMe 4 days
Haha!! I hear you. I was on the phone the other day baking the ear off a fella in a courier company (they royally f****d up a delivery) and when I’d finished making my point etc I said “right goodbye God bless” by force of habit. He probably thought I was bananas lol.
True that. I tried to play the “I'm just helping you reach your goals” position, but I think I got way too invested.
To add more color to the situation: I got started on this way of thinking when she started to complement me on my figure. She'd often tell me she couldn't imagine herself being with anyone out of shape. That double standard kind of bothered me. And maybe that led to my getting so invested.
He's emotionally cheating on you with jesus. I'm barely kidding.
It doesn’t really seem like you have her, if she’s not talking to you first or making an effort etc.
Being alone would really push you to focus on you, you could get into a club to help you make friends. You could get into a support group for your mental health. I do think it would be naked at first but actually it might make you feel better.
Hi OP, is he controlling in other ways? Genuine question.
The two great tragedies of life are outliving your children, which is wrong and unnatural, and knowing your parents will die.
Coming to terms with it is naked and, for some, impossible. But at 72, I have outlived both my parents and did what I could during their lives to spend time with them, love them and be there when they needed me.
Their death is inevitable, as is yours and mine, but if you can say, honestly, to yourself, 'I don't think I could have done more' it does bring comfort.
Long may it be in coming.
he'll come home late
he's avoiding you now
Is it that naked to understand that insecurity CAN be a cause of all of these, but not ALWAYS? Thats all im saying for fucks sake, and even tho she said it herself, nah, everybody's on the generalisation team.
you should tell him directly, he might be mad and later he'll be thankful. he might have a serious health issue
He does need clean water bowls
One month after
What do you mean by no reason or explanation
She's cheating on someone she's about to marry
She’s throwing away a 7-year relationship
She lacks commitment
Why would she commit to you
Cheaters never change and are more likely to cheat again
Healthy af
Holy cow. She should lose her license.
Talk to him about it, it's not weird.
But so many times a night, how isn't he sleep deprived…
Oh, I didn’t know taking a month long vacation could burn him out, but in my defense, I’ve never done that before, so how could I know that? Forgive me. He should probably get some rest while she packs her things.
So what are you planning now?..For her to leave him so that so can continue your relationship with the guy?
OP, you are terrible friend.
If she is your best friend as you say, you would immediately tell her that he is playing you both, that he is sleeping with her and also dating you. You both should have then CONFRONT the POS, give him a piece of your mind and drop him, bloke him!.
Nobodys ever told me that man im grinning and this is just a reddit comment
Wow
Self help books on how to set boundaries with people are not. There are also 100s if not 1000s of hours of quality boundary setting content on YT and free web-inars.
Therapy dosen't always have to take the form of an expensive, 'traditional', therapist
That’s strange behaviour! But forget it she’s the bride not any girl who attend the party. So you must find a solution or otherwise the party would be worst!
Your better off, if he cannot stick around because of a little family looking out for you he was either not in the relationship with good intentions or weak. Be glad you dodged that one.
Okay but once you hear that's not how it works perhaps you should stop pushing?
She was! At first I thought she was really nice but I think she was searching for someone to take home with her husband.
This won't end well. Everyone is going to find out one way or another. The friend who has feelings for you will say they understand it's only sex, but in reality, it just makes the candle they burn for you burn brighter. It's cruel. You're using her for sex and telling her that you want to use her for sex, knowing she has feelings for you and won't say no. That's kinda scummy in itself, dude.
I'd nope out of all of this immaturity right away. Full stop on the wedding immediately. Your fiance is being controlling for some reason, and that is a huge red flag no matter what the reason is.
Your future spouse should trust you to make your OWN decisions with knowing ALL the facts, and barring you from speaking to YOUR best friend means he does not trust you in whatever this situation is, whichever way you look at it. He is not LETTING you form your own opinion by keeping it from you. Not ok.
Full stop. They both need to fess up or kick rocks. This is so disrespectful to you and hurtful. And the situation could be something very trivial, or just too much testosterone, or the best friend could be in love with you, or it could even be a simple matter of your fiance being too jealous to let the best friend remain in your life even if he only sees you as just a friend. Whatever it is, both of these men should have a higher regard for you, as to both of them, in one way or another to each of them, you are their person.
Put your foot down.
The thing is in one sentence she’s telling him all the things me and her are doing and in the next sentence he’s saying she’s the best sex he’s had and she just thanks him for the comment. Am I over thinking that or is she say all the stuff about me to make him jealous ?♂️
If you decide to stay together I think you guys need to have some serious conversations about trust. If it were me I'd say an indefinite long distance relationship even with trust isn't worth it after the one I had, but you're not me.
This isn’t uncommon for famous people. Some don’t come out publicly with a relationship until years after, possibly until marriage. If you are feeling insecure and like you can’t cope with it then this relationship isn’t for you.
They said he doesnt have a real job just because he's a freelancer but as a freelancer he does get a lot of work and gets paid well
I already asked those questions but they just avoid them or answer something irracional like “is bad because is bad” “because why would a 40yo man want to be with a 20yo girl” “i just want the best for you” or idk things like that No matter what i say they never listen to me, even in other occasions is like that, talking to them is like talking with the wall they think they are always right and doesnt even bother to do some research
Break up for good.
Your boyfriend is being controlling. People in relationships should never want to go out or go to a party? That's just nonsense.
I'd go beat the shit out of the scumbag guy. Sorry,not sorry.
You want a racist raising your children to be racist? Because that’s what is going to happen
That sounds like it could be illegal. Don't do that OP.
Break up. If she's in this mindset about a TS concert disagreement, it will only get worse. Like what I like or I break up with you. Fuck that.
Exactly- who said chores were op’s responsibility?
I've chosen to love him. I didn't know this would affect me so badly. I've my own demons, I'm no saint. I start shouting, trying to vandalize stuff. I hate this side of me, what i become. I've my demons, I've depression and anxiety, I've bad temper but I know my limits. I talk shit a lot in my anger but I would never hurt someone. Never. But now, I'm starting to hurt him and myself.
The “yellow gold is dated” thing blows my mind (I’ve seen it before on other jewelry subreddits.)
Yellow gold has been worn for thousands of years, and it’s more durable than white gold. Platinum to me just looks like silver. I will never understand why people prefer white gold.
and i sure wouldn't hire anyone who puts it on their resume. It's a huge red flag that they'll be insufferable.
This guy sucks, a whole lot. A healthy relationship doesn't involve one party being “critical” of the other. If someone actually loves you for you, flaws and all, then one might offer constructive criticism for certain behaviors when they're detrimental. This man does not love you. He wants to mold you into the person he wants you to be, not accept and love you for who you are. This isn't love. This isn't a good relationship to be in.
Also emotional affairs are definitely a thing. He's been having an emotional affair.
I wouldn't trust her either, if I were you.
Dump the both of them. You deserve much better.