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Date: October 31, 2022
As someone who has BPD, it is never okay to hit someone. Literally put yourself in his shoes. I can’t speak for you, but I know someone playing the silent game for me is absolutely triggering. If you know that the things you’re doing would trigger you, but you’re doing it to him he needs to leave this relationship ASAP. Honestly, sorry OP but he deserves better.
Stop what you're doing. I mean it.
You CAN NOT FIX PEOPLE. You are not a therapist. You are not a doctor. You are just a normal person trying to love another.
You found him in a rabbit's hole and tried to pull him up, but you can't. Because in the end, you will be the one being pulled in with him.
This is not a relationship. This was a bad attempt of you trying to give love to someone who can't love you back because of his own personal problems.
You do not have to remain a victim of this type of neglection in a relationship, under the constant excuse of depression or trauma.
The fact he doesn't seek help; or even want to; means he is just using you for the sake of having this relationship and feel less lonely; having you do all sorts of things for him.
Your heart is broken. But you broke it yourself. For choosing to love someone out of the idealization you can save them with it.
Love is not about saving someone. It's about contributing to their happiness, and for them to add to yours. But they are responsible for their own happiness. Not you.
Would you be okay if your bf did this in the past before he was with you? Masturbating to other girls on social media? Or would you judge him?
Thank you. I just texted him: “Hey . Thank you for expressing you feelings to me I really appreciate it. I think we both need time to focus on ourselves again. If you are still interested we can reconnect later on. We can just stay as friends. I hope you have a great day so far. :)” I’ll just focus on myself for a while I guess. I will be better and get back to him(if I still like him). Thank you so much for leaving kind messages.
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Please tell your people. Your friends, your family.
Does your wife understand that a business isn't a person? And that your job (for the most part) doesn't define who you are?
Yeah, I think that physical attractiveness is reinforced as huge, but overrated. Then there's the satiation issue. Like any reinforcer loses its novelty and value when it's no longer scarce. It's not directly related to this, but when people train animals these days they can't afford to reward wanted behavior every time, or else the whole training goes down the tubes. They have to work around satiation risk by making variations in the intervals of reinforcement.
And like animals, we are association-based thinkers.
The novelty of extreme physical attraction wears off. One variable of attraction is just not going to sustain satisfaction over the longterm. It has to be rich and complex. I think that women have a lot more power from being sensual and suggestive than from how their body physically looks.
But I think our society has a lot of norms that suggest to people that they need to match our social norm physical ideal. And it's really not something that moves the needle as much as people think it does. But I don't blame the OP for picking up on messages like this. A lot of guys think it matters more than it actually does too, because they don't think to look outside of the scope that was handed to them. But they will discover it's not as cut and dry as the influential narrative people keep repeating say it is.