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Date: November 6, 2022
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Agree 100 percent
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. No te lo mereces. Unfortunately, this sounds like a control thing. And OP, if this is a pattern, nothing you say will change her mind or the way she operates. The most you’ll be able to do is share you’re hurt, but she’ll likely make an excuse that you need to get over it or it’s on you. I really encourage you to seek therapy as soon as you’re able to because these dynamics leave scars. Abrazos.
I'm with OP, why does any of that mean she needs therapy?
I see you've already got some great comments here. Just wanted to add that this isn't at all unusual. People grow up. People outgrow relationships. And I think you're doing fantastically by sorting through all of these feelings and changes in your lives so rationally.
Good luck, OP!
Go for the new guy, hands down. I’ve been with people like the Older a guy, it’s not worth it. Go find happiness you don’t have to beg for.
….what?
Do you understand that you need to go outside and touch grass? OP isn't a moron. They're not going to grab a random off Criagslist.
I texted my husband saying that I don't think this is working and that I wanted a divorce.
He kept texting saying I'm overreacting and that his best friend deserved a good birthday gift.
You are overreacting. Surely he's allowed to go out with his best friend for his birthday, without needing a divorce?
There's a few things here. But before I get into that, since you asked, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I can't, however, say that my wife isn't my typical “type.” Why? Because I'm attracted to many different qualities in a physical sense. In saying that, you need to understand that everyone's capable of exactly that, and even if his or anyone else's exes have fit a typical type, that doesn't change that fact.
So it was let slip that he's attracted to large breasted Asian women. As a general idea, that's not exactly crazy. So now he's with you, and has been for just under a year. No one's holding a gun to his head to be with you. As such, you should confidently assume that he's attracted to you. I don't even need to ask about your sex life, because you're here saying that you have a great sex life.
Obviously we can't sit here and tell you want you should and shouldn't be insecure about. Feelings are feelings. But what you need to do is put all of this into perspective; he's not looking for a large breasted woman, and Asian woman, or both. The only person competing with those women is you, and that competition is entirely in your mind. If he wanted to be with one, he would be.
Your relationship could logically fail for any number of reasons. But if all is genuinely good right now, you have no reason to believe that will happen. As it stands, the primary reason your relationship would fail isn't another woman coming along; it's your insecurity about another woman coming along. If you project that onto him and your relationship, it will ultimately become draining and he'll grow resentful.
In short, don't create an issue where one doesn't exist and self-sabotage. Enjoy being happy. Good luck.
Does your husband understand what ethical non monogamy is all about? Has he done his homework? Does he understand that you may find more partners than him and if that happens and he gets upset and then wants to close the relationship, you are going to refuse? Many cis men who are eager to get into an open relationship—thinking they will be making out like bandits, are unpleasantly surprised when they find out that it is far from the case. Once that Pandora’s Box is opened, the relationship is changed forever.
It seems like a good sign of remorse
It really isn’t. It would have been if after them kissing for the first time (which I doubt was what only happened), she stopped and came right to you to tell you, but that didn’t happen. She repeated that behaviour, and put herself in the position to do it again. She withheld the info from you for a lengthy period of time.
she did the right thing by coming clean.
Better late than never? Or being exposed? See above.
Bruh, this is a rationalization.