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New girl!! Teach her how squirt for the first time in my mouth!!! #new #squirt #teen #lovense #dildo #horny [2892 tokens remaining]

Date: September 24, 2022

355 thoughts on “18perfecttits

  1. I know it is a typo but your comment reminded me of that scene in Dinnerladies “Answer me one question lady! Where's my Clint?!”

  2. I mean he respond a day after if its just sth stupid like a meme or sth unimportant but when i need his support he is there

  3. I'd say since his go to response is you accusing him of getting some strange, he's getting some strange.

    An innocent person, responding to an innocent question doesn't go on the defensive.

    Keep an eye on him, and make sure to wear protection if you still have sex with him. For your own safety. Cheaters have little issue with risking their partners health.

  4. Sorry man. It sucks but I admire your mindset. You admit to being upset but you're not letting it take over and know you have to keep going forward. I hope you're able to put this behind you as quickly and painlessly as possible. I wish you the best of luck and the most brutal of divorce lawyers

  5. Well if you are of one mind and he's of the other and the two of you never ever discussed anything in terms of a relationship, I'm sure he thinks you're his girlfriend. So obviously, if you don't want to be his girlfriend, you need to sit down with them and let him know so he can look for somebody else.

  6. Honestly, when you told him point black “you're hurting me” and he kept repeating the behavior..I'd be done. I'm honestly not going to guess if this could go down the domestic violence road, but it's bizarre at the very least for a grown man to act like this and say..

    “Oh dude no way with the hit I just landed you’d be out cold,” or “There ain’t no way you could still move after that,” etc.

    ..and alarming that he hasn't stopped after you've expressed physical pain. I wouldn't accept this behavior anymore, period.

  7. Print out all of their messages to take to a lawyer. You deserve all of his money for what he's done to you. I hope you get every penny. I'm so sorry this has happened, it's not your fault. I wish you the best of luck ?

  8. As a non crazy person, you do not sound ready to date seriously.

    You fix it by working on yourself, your insecurities, and most importantly, your craziness. You dug yourself into a hole. You get yourself out by building yourself up.

    Stop comparing yourself to her. If you do not stop what you're doing right now as soon as possible this relationship is going to end and that is just a guarantee.

  9. We agreed not sleep with anyone until we got a divorce just in case we worked it out.

    Unless you both agreed to something else it is most definitely cheating. How could it not be?

  10. Neither girl is “the woman” nor “the other woman” they are both FWB. everyone in this story is single.

    Thats how relationships work. You have to actively agree to enter into a monogamous exclusive relationship. Going on a few dates is not a commited monogamous relationship.

  11. I’ve been were you’ve been.. Met this amazing guy, we fitted perfectly ladiedadieda. Ghosts me out of nowhere. It absolutely destroyed me for a few years even (I fell reaaal low). What I can tell you now is that it’s a problem on his side. So far I can tell you did nothing wrong. No reason for you to deserve this. But take this from me, time will heal a part of it. Not all, it’s still a thing that needs work in therapy but it’s gotten a lot better. I’ve got faith in you OP. You got this!

  12. He's an asshole. He should've never brought up the other girl to begin with. He's just rubbing it in. Not a good friend at all, much less a fuck buddy.

  13. What about staying in a hotel for the 30 days? You may not need to stay there the whole time if she leaves before the 30 days is up.

  14. Of course, glad it helped.

    Take some deep breaths, when you are calm I’d def try to have a conversation about this with him and see why he said what said? Was he trying to act cool knowing is friends could hear or was he not understanding your need to vent or??

    Honestly I really hope it wasn’t just trying to be cool in front of his friends, so maybe he just didn’t understand the severity?

  15. whoo wee hard dog do I wish this was me and my broad ?? she is about a dry as the sahara on a Summer afternoon, always yappin bout this and that. I hate her.

  16. Well she's fucked. Good luck to her now trying to find a man in her 45.

    You stay strong my man. You did nothing wrong and you will get over it. Let time do its job.

  17. Your comment has been removed and you are banned from /r/relationshipadvice because you are brigading from /r/bestofredditorupdates. BORU and Reddit itself have rules against brigading, and commenting on posts linked on a different sub counts as brigading. Additionally, since BORU has a 7-day period before updates can be posted, the OOP has already received any advice relevant to their situation.

  18. Yea I understand, me and my ex had 3 kids in 4 years and it was non stop changing diapers& cleaning up, even after potty training the oldest. and we were both at home but post partum depression really affected her and she just doesn't like me as a person nor my friends. I miss her and her body but she was miserable with me, You don't have to rush yourself back into shape, even start by doing 50 squats a day. 25 any time in the morning, 25 after lunch or at night. Just start and don't bitch at him unless you want to split up

  19. You truly need to sit with this, it sounds like you’re going because at least you can watch him not cheat on you and you can be the cool girl at the strip club. He’s going to keep pushing his boundaries with this, I don’t say this to scare you or be mean, but so you can prepare yourself. I was in a similar position with an ex and I left.

    If you marry him please make sure it’s only after he’s done some internal work and you two have managed to go to counseling individually and together. You deserve a lot more than this.

  20. Well, keep in mind that there isn't actually a magical day when it suddenly becomes okay. As the other commenter mentioned, maturity and life experience can change drastically around this age (because it's a big life transition), and having a similar life experience is important in a relationship. Only the two of you together can really know if your relationship is appropriate in terms of any age-based power dynamics.

  21. if hes chopping them vertically, say “oh thats neat, i like to chop them horizontally”

    This feels extremely passive-aggressive to me. She needs to figure out how to curb the impulse to impose how she does things in the first place as long as how he's doing things isn't harming anyone. Not everything needs to be said out loud. OP needs to learn to self-censor the things that don't need to be said.

  22. Right? It's crazy. And 25 IS young to marry. Like you don't even know yourself at that age! How can you possibly hitch yourself to someone else?

  23. Full 10-panel STD test. Don’t let him talk his way out of getting it done. He broke trust and tried to hide it from you.

  24. No yeah that makes perfect sense and I’d rather her not take the chance with a fake number anyways.

    I think I’ll do as you said in the end of the second paragraph. Thank you for giving some solid advice amongst a sea of accusations, I really appreciate it.

  25. Thank you for this, very helpful to read 🙂

    I just want to note I didn't expect any support from him, I know he can struggle with social situations, but also these were his friends, not mine. Also I was talking to a group separate to him, that he and his friend were observing, and wasn't relying on him for any kind of backing or support. I'm a very confident person and have no issue holding my own in a group. His friends showed no issue with what I was saying, he just decided to say this to his pal.

    I really like your final point, thank you again 🙂

  26. That was blunt ? but you’re right!!!

    Well I found it in front of him and automatically questioned him about it but I think he doesn’t know I know what it is. It was a natural response to finding it. I don’t want to overthink it so I’ll wait until Christmas.

  27. What do you mean there were no signs ? Your broke up. Specifically you broke up with him.

    Take your own advice, work on yourself and respect his choice and move on. You sound young, there will be other guys, you will mature and be better equipped to deal with situations like this in the future. Just remember words are meaningful, always think before saying something stupid in heated situations.

  28. Yeah, funny joke lol. “Well what if I just filled out divorce papers, just so they're ready to go? Just for a chuckle.”

    It was a very insensitive and concerning comment on your wife's part, OP. I would definitely be careful going forward. You shouldn't take it lightly when your partner blatantly disrespects you without any remorse.

  29. first mistake: He’s 9, not 3, you guys treat him like hes a baby…who picks up/carries a 9 year old? He needs to know there’s consequences to his actions and not everything is how he wants it to be. You guts are literally letting him do or act how he wants to. No means no and if he doesn’t want to follow rules he needs to be grounded. If you accept playing for one hour it is for one hour and not indefinitely until he wants to.

  30. Well, to be honest that's why it's great to talk to internet strangers to get perspective. Every time I've ever encountered a guy who has exhibited this behaviour it's because they were playing the field and stringing girls along, otherwise known as “breadcrumbing”. So there was of course some fear that I was being duped. But if we take him at his word, which having spent a couple hours studying his face and his words and sensing authenticity, he's just very sad and unable to give what I'm looking for. I'd brought up going on a date a few fridays ago, and it didn't happen. Then I talked about another fun date idea last week and he said it sounded like a good idea and never made plans. I genuinely took that to mean he wasn't ready for this, which is why I ended it to take the pressure off :/

  31. Sounds like she didn't want to go to the party without a date, and you were cheaper than hiring an escort.

    I think she used you, bro! But that's on her.

    She is more shallow than a beer ? splashed on a bar.

  32. Why do you think you would have to pay for his apartment? A court might not see it like that. I'm not hearing that he's disabled and can't work, just that he doesn't want to.

  33. She finds me very attractive and constantly wants sex

    You should definitely stay with her. Pro cyclists are not conventionally thought of as attractive due to their extremely weak upper bodies. Given that she constantly wants to have sex with you, do it. All that cardio will help her shed weight and help you further increase your VO2 max, which will benefit your cycling.

  34. This doesn’t mean he’s cheating. Maybe he gave some to a friend? You might just be able to mention that it felt like it was fuller before? Also, be careful and protect yourself!

  35. This reminds me (24F) of my boyfriend (25M). ? We met in high school and became intimate after I started college. It started with sexting and eventually we met up and had penetrative sex for the first time. We lost our virginity to each other. Over time we were able to see each other in person more and i started taking birth control. I've noticed since (about 4 or 5 years now) my sex drive has dwindled while his stands strong. I have sensory issues that sometimes make sex awkward but I think the pill has been the major damper on things. We're now discussing whether i should quit and us just use condoms (which we were using anyway).

  36. It will probably never be the same…your friendship. You should accept it and move on. He probably feels weird about it and embarrassed.

  37. I'll make this short and sweet.

    Threats of ANY KIND hurled by ANYONE arte a bad sign in a Bond.

    You just wrote Bible about how thats all that you two are doing.

    The next step after this is “brinksmanship”; a whole 'nuther level.

    Do yourself a big fat favor and cut your damage in the early stages.

    Its not going to get better until you both grow-up.


  38. Don’t ask her to be your girlfriend, date her for a while and get to know her first. After she’s emotionally connected to you she will ask you trust me.

  39. If she’s gots warrants … well my friend out of state or not. She’s gonna go to jail one way or another at some point.

  40. are you still in contact with this girl? would you expect her to be nasty to you if you mentioned your feelings of regret to her? if the guilt is so overwhelming then reach out, but don't expect her to be nice to you or even answer. you took an action and it has consequences.

    ideally, she'll hear you out, understand, and you can try again with her. just tell yourself that everything will work out well, even if you're unsure, and take action. nothing will get better if you just dwell on things without acting.

  41. The passive aggressive “allow lol” was enough. Smh that coulda been left out if you didn’t want tk “argue”

  42. Nothing wrong with that. It’s your body. Get the termination if your don’t feel ready. Only you can make this decision

  43. Dude was never truly happy or as happy as you thought you both were. We was playing a game that a lot of sociopaths and narcissists play. He was feeding you what you wanted all while trying to keep you trapped (ie quitting your job and staying home). Once the facade was blown and you found out he was cheating (not his first time) he got violent as it’s the only other thing thing he knows.

    I hate this happened to you but I’m glad you’re ok and that no children were brought into it. You’ll get better and things will suck for a while but you are making all the right decisions.

  44. It's not the same, we both know that being alone with someone doesn't open the same opportunities than being with other people, it makes for deeper conversations

  45. You’re dating a woman with a child. For the entirety of your relationship, if she’s a decent mother at all, child will come first. This is something you need to accept and get used to, or reconsider if dating a mom is for you.

    That being said, it’s entirely inappropriate and weird to share a bed with your gf’s kid. GF needs to work on the child’s sleeping habits. He’s plenty old enough to be sleeping alone. For the time being, though, gf and kid should probably sleep in the same bed while you sleep somewhere else. Sorry.

  46. I find it easier to practice it first so that I know what I’m going to say and can stay on track and not get so emotional. Me staying calm and kind helps partner not to feel attacked and conversation is more productive.

  47. Look these are the questions that need to be asked and answered if they haven't already cause this sounds like one of those 40min segments..

  48. You’re upset about the life you made every decision toward building and want to blame her because now you resent it. You didn’t have to follow her when she moved. You didn’t have to propose just because she “kept bringing it up” and it was “logical”. You continue this trend over and over.

    Having arguments and different desires should be a normal part of marriage. You’ve set the standard that there is no compromising, only bending.

    You can either continue to bend or be firm. If that results in her being upset, that’s a regular part of marriage. If it results in her being upset enough and for long enough that you two can’t continue in a marriage then you shouldn’t be in this marriage.

    The first step however is accepting that you’ve done this yourself through your own choices. You can only fix it yourself.

  49. Oh I define intimacy as more than just sexual intimacy which is what I outlined but you’re correct, we didn’t do anything sexual for that week. I understand your interpretation of the situation and I’m sure you and him think very alike but that dynamic doesn’t work for me personally and I’m reevaluated being with someone who would take it out on their partner for simply one week of no sex.

  50. What the fuckkkkkk. Like what about when he goes in tour with this woman? Why would he choose to actively become close to someone who has hurt you so deeply. What a total and complete inconsiderate idiot.

  51. That is something we all go through in life. And we all come out the other side in a better place.

    You're better than she is. And when she tries to bullshit you at some point, remember the pain you're in, remember she caused it, she intentionally did it to you and walk away. No one who loves someone puts anyone in this type or depth of pain.

    Grieve and move on to someone better for you.

  52. This is the onset of mental illness. It could be postpartum psychosis or the traumatic birth could have triggered the onset of bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. She needs to be evaluated

  53. If you really truly do love him and don’t want to see your life without him in it, I’d definitely sit down and have calm discussions about how your future together will look like. Maybe try it out for a while and see if it is a good fit for you. But you have to go all in if you try. Actually see it this is something you could do with an open mind.

  54. It is sad, but maybe because of the distance, your friend isn't as close as you may have felt.

    There is also the fact she might be waiting for you to visit to ask you, and the other bridal party people don't want to spoil your reaction

    Either way, you will know after your visit.

  55. Dude, going out anywhere with your ex is not cool, when you're in a committed relationship, unless maybe if you and the ex have kids together and it's some kind of family thing. And that goes for both of you.

    See if your brother or your ex wants your ticket, or see if she's willing to sell you her ticket, and then take your GF.

  56. I would however make a pact with myself to walk away, if he ever laid his hands on you again. Once you both learn how to handle conflict, this must NEVER happen again.

  57. I'm a little bit younger than you and, while that may not sound odd these days, in the early 80s, two partners in one evening would have been a huge red flag for many of us. I can see how this could fuel your concern about cheating but, that said, I think if you wanted to cheat you wouldn't do something that visible.

  58. She did just get out of a relationship. Not sure how long it lasted or how long ago they broke up, I didn't ask any details. I told her I was interested and she said she just wanted to take things slow since she just got out of a relationship. I have been up front saying I was interested and wanted to get to know her better and go do something and she seemed receptive to it. I told her if she wasn't interested it was no problem. Just don't wanna waste my time.

  59. Haven't dated a cop. Know a few friends who have dated and even married them. It depends on the stage of the career they're at. If they're fresh out of the academy, they could be players or think they're all that. However, after a year or two, when they started seeing stuff, they probably would crave companionship. People who work in that field need support networks. Having someone to come home to or talk to helps a lot. Other things I might add are that sometimes they may be emotionally unavailable after work because it's draining. They may work long hours. But ultimately, it depends on who you find.

  60. The real answer is they mostly don't realise it themselves or do it intentionally.

    People can start off as friends and then at a later date realise they have feeling for them.

    I find it much easier to have a platonic female relationship now that I have an SO, I think it also makes me seem a better friend from their side as well, as it's very obvious from day 1 that I'm not going to try anything on later down the line. If you looking for a friend, that's probably the best way to go – find someone who is already taken.

  61. Just know that the rest of your family will also see your attitude and know that any adopted or step children will be treated as less than by you, and you’ll have to deal with those consequences. You can absolutely spend your money however you want, but did you start giving him more money after going from 2 to 3 kids? Did this child affect anything? Like you’re saying that the sole reason you want to cut him off is because he wants to raise someone else’s kid? Or what?

  62. This is a tough one this one fuck me, shit perfectly honest if I was you just trynna piture myself in your shoes and as a dude I would honestly take that month break and let her see for herself if you are worth it. Don't be texting her all time 1 every so days touch base see how she is and dont always be the one making the first one to text let her reach out after awhile. That's honestly what I would do if I new she was worth it and you obviously love her BUT don't be disappointed if that month is up and she doesn't want the relationship because dude it's her loss you did what was asked you showed you ain't going anywhere and girls would kill for that cause in a way I kind of can see what she's doing how she would be feeling I personally wouldn't go on a month break bit over the top but she obviously doesn't like you drinking and feels what's more important in a way trynna I wouldn't say punish but make you realise you do it again this month will turn into goodbye that's my guess if I was her. For her to cry she ain't playing and for the hole complaining about your suger levels stuff easy fix for you to do. Just say drinking was a mistake I fucked up ok haven't touched it for 6months I don't rely on it nor have the need for it I simply fucked up and I apologise and since she brought up what bothers her say I'm glad you told me so I new I won't complain about that thanks for communicating amd letting me know. Just remember don't be disappointed just do lil things show what you did was biggest mistake and she's more important then alcohol. Good luck dude ??

  63. You think this relationship is really good with those comments? BFFR, you can do so much better than a man where you have to teach him that those comments are unacceptable.

  64. I absolutely agree. I should have phrased my post better. He just tell me that he is “bothered” or that me doing something would make him “uncomfortable”. so instead of straight up telling me not to do something he make it seem like he just is sharing his feeling, and it makes me feel like i’m being inconsiderate and uncompromising by doing what i want anyways.

  65. You can break up with a person for any reason you want.

    Maybe take a break before you get into another relationship and work with a therapist to process your previous relationship, jumping into this one, understanding your motivations and feelings, and how you might make different choices in the future.

  66. Grounds for divorce? … Grounds for prison and a Netflix documentary.

    I am sorry you're going through this right now. What a shocking experience to hear someone go through.

    Please keep safe.

  67. Leave her alone. You’re selfish and impulsive to go back and not consider the other guy or her relationship. You made your choice now move on

  68. Hearing sensitivity can be debilitating. It’s not just “not liking the sound”.

    I think the best thing would be to try and compromise, like he only plays for a short period while she’s in the house, does the majority of playing while she’s at work, when he wants to show her new things, to play without an amp for instance.

  69. And he said “cool I don’t care” and turned around to play his game.

    oh, that should make it easy. move out and fmuigate your stuff, break up over text so you don't have to smell him.

    i'm usually nicer, but if he can stink up a whole apartment, no. one coworker is enough. rancid partner is way over the line

  70. She is likely fetishizing you. Her marriage isn't your business – maybe they have an open relationship – but she isn't your friend if she is not respecting your “no”.

  71. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    I (26F) have been dating my girlfriend Emma (25F) for 4 years. Recently we started discussing the idea of marriage and fetishes or fantasies we wanted to explore before we got married. All of them were simple enough and we agreed to explore them together. Up until Emma stated that she has always fantasised about being woken up by someone going down on her. She stressed to me that she didn't want to know when it was going to happen and wanted me to completely surprise her on a random morning. In my opinion this is assault and I don't feel comfortable doing this for her. I suggested that she give me consent the night before or pick a day to have a nap that I can wake her from but she insisted that it wouldn't be the same unless I caught her off guard. We discussed opening the relationship but she said that it wouldn't work unless she stayed with another person for an extended period of time, which is not something that I feel comfortable with. We went back and forth with a few more suggestions over the next week that were quickly shut down.

    Yesterday I suggested that she sign a contract/statement saying that she gives me consent to do this for her. Neither of us know how she will be feeling on the morning I choose or whether or not she will actually be into it when she tries it for the first time. This will provide me with some security if she comes to regret her decision. When I suggested that she snapped, she said that I was being dramatic and that I must think poorly of her to assume she'd ask me to do this for her and then accuse me of assault. Although being accused of assault is obviously a concern, my main concern is that if she doesn't enjoy the experience she will resent me and hold it against me. I love Emma with all of my heart and I don't want to do anything that could risk our relationship. I feel like this is our best option and I really can't see any other way around this. Emma is aware of the post so feel free to ask any questions that you have for her and I will put them to her 🙂 We would greatly appreciate advice on how to move forward from this situation in a way that will appease us both if possible.

    TLDR my girlfriend wants me to wake her up by going down on her and we cant agree on the best way to go about doing it where were both comfortable.

    Edit: Some additional information in response to a few things I'm seeing repeated in the comments. First of all we are both women. Second of all, my view on consent is that if it is not given immediately or shortly before a sexual encounter then it doesn't count. In my opinion, Emma telling me she wants me to do this for her this week doesn't mean that it's okay for me to do it in two weeks time or whatever length of time passes before it happens. My goal with having her sign a contract is to have it explicitly stated that she has given me consent to do this whenever I choose without her immediate consent. Although I have her verbal consent on this matter there's nothing stopping her from denying ever giving me her consent if she chooses to do so. So in some aspects the contract is a selfish thing to save my ass if she turns on me, which i don't believe she would do but no one can 100% say won't happen. Another thing I'd like to add is that she has made an effort to fulfil some of my fantasies and I would really like to return the favour which is why i'm so set on finding a compromise rather than just saying no.

  72. This is a great idea! If you’re comfortable with it. I once said to my ex that he can have sex with me when I slept, but honestly it’s a lot more disturbing when in practice, and I hated it. It’s not his fault at all but it’s created serious tension in the relationship. Having a contract makes it pretty clear cut that it’s fully consenting, and maybe specify it was HER idea. Put a date on it, have her sign it and maybe double check her signature and all that.

  73. A penpal from tinder…..yeah….right….simple answer break up and then she can be as much of a penoal as she wants to be without screwing you over, as for you move on focus on you and someone good will come along

  74. If the lies start “small” like this, imagine if something bigger happens?…You have to sit down and have a very serious talk with her buddy, especially if you are considering her for marriage…

    Don't let the horse bolt and then try to reign it back in when it's too late…

  75. This was definitely me original thought. How can I possibly control my reaction to that when it was for a split second? I do love that you said not to be afraid of my reactions. I’ve been so scared of how my reactions are perceived by others (not just SO) for so long and I think I need to break that cycle.

  76. As a fellow survivor of CSA, FUCK THIS TWATHEAD!! You didn't ask for it. His inability to see past his own nose is infuriating, at the least. You deserve a man who can have basic compassion for what you've been thru. Hugs sis. You deserve better.

  77. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not wrong for choosing yourself. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. You did the right thing. I would have done the same thing. Yes he kept choosing her over you.

  78. I think it’s pretty straightforward. She got tested because she cheated recently. She cheated man. Not sure if you’ve seen any signs of suspicious behavior, but it’s pretty obvious she did. From her getting defensive as well and not trying to get to the bottom of why she has it.

  79. When dormant, the infection is still spread. If she hasn't cheated and had it for years, he would have tested positive.

  80. You need to buy it in your name. These are your parents expectations and they are the ones paying for it. It's clearly a gift just for you. If you really want her name on it now or even down the road then you should be paying for it and not accepting the money from your parents.

  81. My parents had a 17 year age difference and a good 45 year marriage – for whatever that’s worth. I read the headline and did not bother to go through OP comment history. Married when mom was 33 NOT a teen.

  82. No. You need to give up on getting back together. Life may lead you there, but it shouldn't be because you hope for it. Respect yourself, move forward. Trash the photo album. It will not win her back. It will make you out to be a doormat.

  83. A two-month relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself and requires counselling is a relationship that should end. Full stop.

  84. First off recognize that because you're still growing and changing as a person it's usually a pretty bad idea to stick a permanent label on yourself while still in childhood. You're not a gay man who “became bisexual”. You're a still developing young person whose tastes are changing and will change on and off until well into your adult years. This is just how human development functions. So talk to this girl and tell her how in your search for your true self you've discovered that you can be attracted to opposite gender people. Don't worry about calling yourself bi or affixing any other title to it. These rigid delineations don't account for the organic shifting of attraction that almost all people experience. There are plenty of full grown adults who'll date one gender exclusively until they meet that one opposite sex person who they can't resist. You don't have to apologize for simply being human. Good luck.

  85. I’d consider this emotional cheating – he’s doing things for her (asking if she’s taking care of herself) and hiding it from you. If there’s nothing going on then he wouldn’t feel the need to get defensive.

    I’d talk to him, but I’d also tell him their talking needs to become appropriate or stop altogether. When you talk to him, be sure to bring up how he doesn’t do this for you and see his reaction

  86. You know what, you’re right. I mean I really only have two options right? Tell others to Punx sand aka “be defensive” or take it in that you are right.

    I’ll go downstairs and tell her that despite us loving each other and thinking we are happy, that the relationship subreddit has declared us “unviable” and I suppose we should move on.

    It’s just so weird coming from this sub, I mean, I know every post is met with “break up”, “red flag”, “that’s a boundary (when discussing someone else’s behavior)”. I mean it’s like it’s a bunch of bitter people rooting for everyone else to feel as shitty as them.

    She’s gonna be heartbroken, but clearly you know best! I’ll have her reach out to you for next steps and to get your foot size and address so we can send you your clown shoes.

  87. Going to a gay bar itself means NOTHING. It's not “sitting and watching” – most gay bars aren't sex play clubs, they're for dancing and socializing. (And yes, possibly meeting someone, but NOT always by a long shot.) But going into a bathroom holding someone's hand is highly suggestive of something.

  88. Walk away now. I’m sorry but he’s likely already cheated on you with her, more of it’s going to happen on their birthday trip. You don’t just become platonic friends with someone you were fwbs with, especially not when one of them is taken. Save yourself from more pain down the road

  89. If you enter a relationship you enter on certain conditions. You fall in love with a person because of who they seem to be. My ex-wife seemed to be straight. At least she pretended to be for over 20 years. Even if she “only” would have come out as bi, I'm not sure I would have been able to continue the relationship. Your partner's sexual orientation is one of the fundamental building blocks of that relationship. If you are bi and you tell me in the beginning I have a choice. If you lie to me about it, of course you should be worried about how I react and what consequences that lie might have

  90. Maybe what you're doing doesnt feel good to her? Have you asked her if she likes it or what she likes in bed specifically? Have her show you the yes and no of what she likes. Rather than stopping altogether, perhaps it's a you arent pleasing her or shes not being all that open.

  91. what’s the context of the cheating? like did you just kiss someone or sleep with them? was it once or a long term thing?

  92. It's okay. Again, not everyone can do it. But sex is still great regardless…yea You may need to play DJ while having sex but ?‍♀️

  93. Turn your phone off at night.

    When he drunk-dials you, tell him you love him and goodnight. Then hang up AND TURN OFF YOUR PHONE.

    You don’t have any obligation to pander to a drunk dude.

    Just stop.

  94. Unless your girlfriend is actually insane something has got to be wrong outside of the incident. Alternatively, you’re just both young (idk how old y’all are). Sometimes we don’t know how to express what we’re feeling and we’re just sort of sit in it when talking it out would 100% solve it, so maybe give her some space to cool off then try talking again, and make sure you don’t just focus on how bad you feel but talk about how she’s feeling primarily, make it all about her and not about feeling guilty.

  95. You've described a one sidedly best situation for you .. Not her. If she leaves… She shouldn't have to “keep paying” Is she on the lease? Ask her if she wants to get signed off the lease. If she says no then you're stuck for a couple months. Big deal… Replace her after. If she's not on the lease, then start head hunting.

    Step 1. Start looking for a replacement that fits your desires, COMMUNICATE that this is something you are doing.

    Step 2. Keep her posted on how far you are in the process of replacing her. (This gives her ample time to figure out her new living situation… Where she goes and what new best friend she finds is none of your business)

  96. I've seen a similar age gap work out in that it resulted in a beautiful relationship and family, but it's really not ideal being at such different life stages and one partner getting old and dying while the other is still in the prime of life and when the kids are only in their mid twenties – as happened with the family I know. With dating apps you have the ability to filter out such incompatibilities before falling in love so why not make use of that?

  97. Yeah, I think this is a good point. I'm a pretty confident person, not the jealous type at all. I fully trust my partner. And I'm a firm believer in “if there isn't that trust, the relationship does more harm than good. But if I were to come across something like this, it would honestly fuck me up on the inside.

    Like it would definitely be a gut punch… even though he really didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't be mad at him or anything, because I've obviously slept with my exes too. But it would still hurt to see that. It's a tough spot. For both sides really, especially since OP seems genuine.

  98. If he was 100% convinced you were cheating, then nothing you could have said would have made a difference.

  99. Breaking up to work on a relationship but actively seeking out other people to hook up, she only deserves to see your back leaving, not a considerate gift you lovingly made just for her with your now no more future plans in mind. I really feel sorry for you, because you're still hoping for something that's never ever going to happen and you're too blind to see the mess you are headed for. PS.: A loving gift like the album you made would actually be counter productive no matter what you hope for. You can still give it to her at a later point in time should you then still deem her deserving to receive it.

  100. I am in a different country and I don't think we'll ever see each other again lol. is that considered a position of safety?

  101. Cheaters gonna cheat, and liars gonna lie. That's true regardless of whether they are straight, gay, or bi. Apparently your ex was a whole lot more than bi-curious, and being in a committed relationship didn't slow him down at all. Consider him a dodged bullet, and move on.

  102. I was young at that point as well and the company that was recruiting me would have sent me to Canada (I live! in the USA) for 2 or 3 months training and I would have come back as a restaurant manager making a very nice income for that age. Had I taken that opportunity it would have had a HUGE impact on the rest of my life and earning ability. I have done pretty well for myself anyway, but it would have certainly shortened the learning curve.

  103. I am dealing with something similar myself (25f) with my boyfriend (25m) who is the same way. He’s not confrontational at all which is partly what I love about him but in this situation it’s actually a mutual friend that has started being rude to me and so I stopped being friends with her but he still talks to her regularly. It bothers me too and I feel like we can continuously stand up for ourselves but if we value them protecting us more than them being peaceful then we have to pick our battles

  104. Yes it's a red flag but it doesn't mean it's a deal breaker for everyone.

    My best friend is my ex that I dated in highschool. They were my first love and we remained best friends after that. I'm still super close to their family and we even lived together for a long time, they had a room in my family home. We became like family. After we were completely over each other we both started dating other people and the guys I dated didn't mind at all.

    Even knowing that my best friend is my ex, I'd still be cautious if a guy was close friends with an ex or girl he used to hook up with. I'd want to know if he's still attracted to her, I'd want to see how they interact or if they flirt. If they were still cuddling or physically intimate in any way, it would be a no from me. Also as horrible as it is… If she was really pretty, I probably wouldn't be able to get over it tbh. I'd be too insecure.

    When dating just be clear about your relationship with that girl and really ask yourself if it's entirely platonic. If it's not entirely platonic, don't subject another girl to that heartache. But if she really is just your good friend, just be up front with anyone you date and I'm sure there are people who won't mind.

  105. Also I just want to suggest this too.

    This can also be a sign he’s experiencing a depression of some sort, or something else might be bothering him. So when you do talk to him, be open to listening to him if he’s going through something.

  106. There’s nothing to “do” here. He went out to a holiday party (you were invited to that you chose not to attend), got embarrassingly drunk as non-big drinker might do while getting caught up in the moment, and got back home.

    While home, his drunken comments were about wanting you around and being embarrassed he was so drunk. There’s no problem here.

    Yeah, he’s going to be hungover and your errands might not happen. Are we going to make big deal out of this?

  107. Some don’t really hear you until you take some action.

    For example, if you are telling him that he needs to shape up or you are shipping out… he is thinking, “yeah yeah if it were really that much of a problem she would do something about it”. He doesn’t take you seriously.

    Then when you are fed up and you drop him like a hard potato, he starts thinking that maybe you were serious and he should pay attention. He convinces himself that if you said xyz is the problem, then all he has to do is perform xyz and problem solved – you will be happy and get back together with him!

    Meanwhile you are furious that not only did he not do xyz but he also did not listen to you etc. Also you are so mad about xyz that every single fuken annoying thing that he ever did becomes SO MUCH more annoying because you are already mad about xyz.

    So now you are mad about more than xyz. You can’t stand him. You are at the point of no return. You can’t stand him! But actually you still love him and he is doing xyz now. So maybe you should give him a second chance. But he is SUCH and AH because of all of those other things that are pissing you off.

    Meanwhile he is still hoping to sleep with you. And he is running around town telling all of his friends that he has no idea why you two broke up. How he never saw it coming. How you should have said something if you were so unhappy.

    Or maybe that’s just me and my relationships. Maybe I am projecting.

  108. It could be as simple as he doesn't want to be responsible for an unstable person if she harms herself. If she ODs or whatever at his house that's gonna fuck up his relationship with her family forever, even if he did everything he could.

  109. So just a question. You caught him flirting with another girl, and then you moved away. So he's been on his own all this time and now he's finally ready to be with you? Why? Who dumped him? Girl, keep the cats, hell get a dog too, and dump this guy. He is not a nice person anyways, so why would you want to stay with him. He wants to get rid of one cat to just gwt another? Why not offer to help you trian them properly if he's so bothered? Screw this guy, he sucks!

  110. I think that you have to make your boyfriend understand that it's not about your religion, but about your CULTURE.

    Because in the end, this is what it's about. You need to tell him that being jewish brings heritage. Ask him, would he refuse to raise his son among your family if you were black, arabian or or asian?

    Also, is his family catholic or generally religious too? What's his take on HIS own family?

  111. Pets are for life, man. You don't get rid of them just to make space for a new one. ?? Your partner sounds like he's talking about replacing the microwave or something. He's wack. Choose the cat.

  112. People don't contact people they don't know to say stuff like this for fun.

    I expect there are some sick people who would do that, but the chances of them telling the truth are much higher.

  113. Yeah I have my first in-perspn counseling appointment next week because I don't want to end up in a similar situation. I made a lot of excuses for him and his behavior and the stuff I went through could've been prevented if I had left the first month after he did disrespectful things but I was his “first relationship” and he “didn't know how to act”. I don't take any offense to what you said because you are right that I was accepting inexcusable behavior

  114. It's not a big deal for him to go sleep at home either and it would respect his relationship with his gf by not having an unnecessary sleepover at his ex's.

    Also, to say there's no reason to not stay there is naive as hell. Leaving at 8 pm and showing up at 5 am is very different than playing house together all evening with your ex wife. It will likely feel like before they were divorced, may involve alcohol, and has the cozy special energy of Christmas time. I think it's a prime environment to fall back into his ex's arms.

  115. Maybe he doesn't actually care for you if he needs to put on show for his friends.

    Also for the ignoring messages part, it's not that hard to text someone and if he's busy or not.

    He didn't fell for you but is going to use you. Break up with him

  116. You sure your husband doesn’t want to get into her pants (trying to say it in a nice way) hence why he’s trying to help her and agreeing with her.

  117. I really love her, and she really loves me… but when I'm not with her and she goes to this “bestfriend” home, that make me thinking of what is stopping her to cheat on me if she already cheated on her boyfriend…

  118. Don’t be stupid. Get every dime you are entitled to and try to get more. You are screwing over your kids if you don’t.

  119. Bro you are already mind fucked about this

    Make moves to put this in your past

    The only person who is going to get hurt here is you

  120. That level of jealousy is disturbing and scary. Obviously BF has some major trust issue's. Have you ever done anything to earn any mistrust? Please, for your safety and well-being, consider leaving him. Partners who act like that over something innocent with no reason for mistrust often get worse, not better. Ignoring red flags like that has landed a lot of people in some very dangerous abusive situations.

  121. Weird that you're able to break HIPAA by talking to his psychiatrist. :') Stop coping. Acknowledge that you're culpable in him cheating on his girlfriend emotionally with you.

  122. Keep in mind that for many guys it is difficult to get even a first date. If he also is more of a date-one-person-at-a-time kinda guy, then I could definitely see him having a great first date and thinking “fuck dating around I only want to date OP, if it doesn’t work out then I’ll get back on Tinder but I don’t want or need the distraction of other people right now”.

    If this is the case, then it’s a huge green flag. Of course, he could also be hiding this from a girlfriend, which would be a red flag.

    Honestly we don’t know and likely neither do you or your friends. I’d ask him about it and clarify his dating preferences, but ultimately it’s up to you to figure out whats going on.

    Best of luck OP!

  123. If he doesn't get professional help for his mental health, he will only get worse, and he will drag you down with him.

    Maybe read him something similar to this post, lay it all out with honesty. He has to know how it's effecting your mental health now too, and any good partner would want to do whatever they can to not effect the person they love's mental health.

  124. Everything about him is wrong. He kissed you just to get a reaction from you and play with your feelings. He hooked up with her just to get a reaction from you and play with your feelings. If their hookup was a secret then you wouldn't know about it. Have you talked to her about it? This might just be him putting words in her mouth. She might not have consented to that photo being sent around either.

    Talk to her and ask about it. R already said too much, she deserves to know what he's saying about her. Tell her everything R said to you, including showing her the picture he sent. Did they even hookup? There are two sides to every story and his sounds fake as hell. At least get her story and start sorting out your feelings then, don't trust this bs behind her back.

  125. Just start working. You are handing him control because you are telling him you will only work if he gives “permission” for you to work. How did things end up this way where he is acting like your parent and telling you what you can and can’t do.

    You are an adult and your opinion on what to do to solve financial problems is just as valid as his. And only you have control over whether you work or not. Put your adult panties on and start working.

  126. I think you should talk to people who know more about addiction than I do. One thing you need to understand, though, is that the only person who can fix an addiction is … the addict. And you can't do shit unless and until they see and admit that there's a problem. You have to ask yourself what you will do if he doesn't want to, or can't, address it. And how long you're willing to wait before he can actually be a present and engaged partner to you.

  127. She sounds toxic. Quits her job and says she’ll sleep with her ex when you argue about bills that she isn’t paying? Please don’t have sex with her because she might ‘accidentally’ fall pregnant by ‘forgetting’ to take the pill or having her implant removed etc. Nothing will get better so it’s time to split. It’s very embarrassing that a nearly 30 year old woman acts like a teenager.

  128. So dude what's your decision Inhavent read every single comment, but from what I have read it sounds like yoire making excuses to keep doing what you're doing and some of these people have really good advice and same here leave her the fuck alone. TAKE THAT KID AND RUN LIKE SOMEONE SAID!!! Dont even worry about her mom leave her stranded becasue shes not helping either of you and joining the military is a bit too extreme when you have better options. KEEP US POSTED!!!

  129. It sounds like you want to get your ex a special and thoughtful gift for your upcoming breakfast date. A good approach might be to consider something that is personal and unique to your relationship. For example, if your ex loves to sing and play the guitar, you could get them a new set of guitar strings or a music book with their favorite songs. If they enjoy spending time with family, a photo album or picture frame with memories from your relationship could be a nice gift. Alternatively, if they are into clothes, a new shirt or jacket in their favorite color or style could be a great option. Overall, the most important thing is to choose a gift that is sincere and shows that you have been thinking about their interests and preferences

  130. So dude what's your decision Inhavent read every single comment, but from what I have read it sounds like yoire making excuses to keep doing what you're doing and some of these people have really good advice and same here leave her the fuck alone. TAKE THAT KID AND RUN LIKE SOMEONE SAID!!! Dont even worry about her mom leave her stranded becasue shes not helping either of you and joining the military is a bit too extreme when you have better options. KEEP US POSTED!!!

  131. Well I definitely don’t recommend doing it again just yet. You’re feeling insecure about that moment and thats okay. I personally don’t think its super deep, especially if this is the only time during the encounter that you felt like he gave more attention to her in a way that made you feel sad.

    That being said though, you should really voice this to him. I can guess all day why he may have done that, or assume maybe he didnt think anything of it in the moment but you’ll never know til you talk to HIM about it. Say hey, I really enjoyed what we did and would love to do it again some time. But I do want to talk about something and I understand this is jealousy rearing its head a bit but there was only one thing I felt uncomfortable with.

    Explain your feelings a little more to him about the end there. Its also okay to ask for compromises if thats what you want too. Say in the future when it comes to that moment that you’d like for him to share it with you first since you two have a far more intimate bond. This could be with eye contact, a touch, all sorts of ways.

  132. you need to tell us how long you've been dating and how old you both are, otherwise the advice will be very different. If you're 20 that's different than him saying this at 35.

  133. How long has she been trying to get into therapy? Has she called any counselors or therapists lately? Most can do video calls now. I feel like that ship probably sailed about 2 years ago for you. It doesn’t seem like it has been a priority for her based on your post.

  134. He seems to think it’s a bad thing. It’s an accusation if it’s false and the other person is treating it like something to be ashamed of.

    Imagine if it was something less charged, like getting up for a snack. Imagine if anytime you got up to pee, or even rolled over and woke your partner up they said “did you just go get a snack??? What are you doing up?” There isn’t anything wrong with it if you did, but being constantly policed for it, especially when it’s untrue, would feel pretty bad.

    And it also speaks to weird underlying issues, since he clearly thinks it’s bad and assumes she must be doing it a lot.

  135. Exploring your orientation is one thing, and is a lot on its own; exploring polyamory vs monogamy is another, and also a big thing. Maybe it's the second that's bothering you? Discuss boundaries with your BF before going further.

  136. This sounds like a huge red flag. You’re stressed about work, talk to somebody. The itchy legs is a thing, mine are all scratched up for the exact same reason. Find a moisturizer. As for him, do you really have a good life with him? Sounds like he’s a bully or bit of a jerk.

  137. Her: “Take my sister.”

    You: “No thank you, I’m going with xyz friend instead.”

    Is genuinely all you need to say. She should accept it here and let it go.

    Her: “but I want you to get to know her.”

    You: “I’m not looking to do that with her in this setting.”

    She really should let it go now.

    Her: Why?!

    “This is my event that I paid for and I’m going to choose the person to go with.”

    Orange flag.

    Her: “But whyyy isn’t that my sister.”

    You: “I don’t appreciate being pushed to give an in-depth breakdown behind my decision. Please stop.”

    Red flag that you’ve had to repeat your decision so many times and she’s not taking no for an answer.

    Her: “Do you not like my sister or something? What did she ever do to you?”

    You: “I don’t appreciate how you’re handling this. I don’t know your sister and therefore I’m not taking her. You’re being disrespectful, I’m putting a stop to this conversation.”

    If things reach this point, she’s just being distrespectful and causing unnecessary drama in an attempt to wear you down and get her way.

    If you reach the red flag zone, take it as a warning that this chick has un self aware, doesn’t listen well, and doesn’t really respect others (your) choices/opinions.

  138. Can you contact the local public school where your sister lives and talk to them about how they monitor home schooled children. Some places have annual testing, others do nothing.

  139. Have a check in with him and talk. How does he feel now that it’s been a year? What are somethings he feel you can work on (together)? Ask him if he would like to call you dad and that ya you overheard and would like it very much if he call you dad.

    Just talk. Be vulnerable and open. It’ll be good for him to learn to do this at an early age. Lead by example

  140. I feel like she totally missed the point of why you might be upset over that…… honestly dude send this chick back to the streets where she belongs.

    The fact that she totally disrespected you and that she flagrantly just blew off your totally valid concerns shows she has zero regard for you or your feelings.

    The best she could come ups with was “well I didn't do it see” when she should have been more concerned that there was potential for it to happen in the first place shows you this is absolutely NOT a person to invest your time a future in. Kick her to the curb you are worth and deserve better.

  141. It’s different at a party bruh

    Idk if u ever been drunk before but it’s easy at a party to get pulled into another room if your 7-10 deep

    Just be supportive

  142. I think even if you don’t think its a bit weird that is definitely not what the implication is. Even outside the context of this best friend groping and kissing her beforehand. Any two people of the opposite sex during a party where people are drunk heading to a bedroom together has that implication that something is gonna happen.

  143. Healthy people would not directly type out that it is “weird” to NOT find inappropriate messages on their husband’s phone. You need therapy. Immediately.

    That's what I was thinking but the the other comments threw me off like I was reading it wrong. To me it just sounds like he's her sponsor.

  144. She is randomly staring at me, and when I look at her, she immediately turns her head in the opposite direction and when we leave from school, she is the first to say goodbye, and she says goodbye in a really high-pitched voice

  145. Sometimes friends don’t work out and grow apart. It sucks, but it happens. I’d sit them down and have an honest conversation with them and explain that while you care about them, you simply don’t have as much time for games as you did when you were younger. Reiterate that you’d like to compromise and if they value your friendship, they will make an effort to do something social with you, and you will make an effort to schedule some time in for gaming. If it doesn’t work out, you may not be compatible friends anymore and might need to accept that.

  146. Then my brother guilt trips me into thinking that I am ruining the relationship by not going as I was going before when I was single.

  147. Nah therapy is just a ridiculous practice and it's honestly more of a scam then people realize.

    I asked a question to get an answer. I've yet to find any reason why I should be vulnerable and admit my mental health issues.

  148. We've never discussed parameters ourselves, and I think we kind of took the “don't ask, don't tell” approach.

    I know she's used it historically, even talked about our site preferences. Besides that, neither of us seemed to care about it enough to establish a boundary.

    Overall our reletionship and sex life is phenomenal. There was no issues to correct, which is why I think we don't pay attention to it. I think it would be a hard experience to enjoy it together, but w/e, that's a fantasy.

    To add another layer, we respect the others privacy and want the other to exist freely. Never gone through phones, never laid boundaries out, I trust her whole heartily because she has always demonstrated good behavior. We also have never talked about body count, sexual history etc. We're both really easy going people and love the others company.

    I could understand how some couples would consider porn a deal breaker.

    It depends on the couple and how secure you feel tbh. If no porn creates a more secure feeling for you, so be it. That's your tool to achieve it.

  149. Sure, husband is a cheater and liar. He is not worth keeping around. Her BF neglected to tell her the truth. He knew that this would make her upset and instead of just getting this out in the open where she could make some personal decisions, he kept it from her for years. Not what I'd want in a BF. Elinor is married to BF and claims to have been unaware that cheater husband was indeed married. Don't know if that's the truth but it doesn't matter. She was the other woman and will serve no good purpose being in OP's life.

  150. Your university most probably has a career guidance counsellor or a student mentor of some kind.

    It would be a good idea to talk to someone like that and see if you can get a sense of what you want to study and what you want to do with your life.

  151. Buy him some tools for Christmas and tell him about the elaborate home improvement projects you expect him to do.

  152. At 8 months? You should be suspicious. When my ex and I started dating, we fucked like rabbits for the first year. Then it started to decline until it stopped around 19 months(she no longer wanted to fuck me). Aside from a quickie 7 months before she left me, we never fucked again. We were together for 7 years.

    A dead bedroom is often a symptom of something else in the relationship. In my ex's case, she didn't feel close to me the way you do a longterm partner. And in the end we weren't compatible anymore. But instead of cutting me loose like most people would, she strung me along for years until she found someone else because she's afraid of being alone.

    I loved my ex more than anything. But looking back, I regret not dumping her 4 or 5 years before she dumped me. Despite how well we got along. Don't stick around if your needs aren't being met. You'll regret not ending things sooner when it eventually does end.

  153. Yeah, relationship over. It was only 3 months no big deal here.

    Here's an issue with you though

    is it likely that that rating will never change and ill always be a 6 to him

    Don't care about what he thinks and don't change. I don't know what you're actually like but from this it's clear you need the acceptance of others. Don't. He's just a dick.

    He was the sweetest and would always do nice things for me

    I wanna know what this is, what'd he do that was so nice? Why were you with him?

  154. Goto your landlord explain your situation and see if they’ll let you off. Most normal people despise cheaters. Next if they will terrific move on. If they won’t and they have a portfolio of properties ask them if they would consider some other deal for another place (in your price range) all under the condition your name is off the lease. I’d like to see her afford this place without you there. Also tell her her and her ex deserve each other and he’ll cheat again. Lastly and most importantly get yourself tested please, I’m sorry this happened to you there are better people in the world I promise

  155. Yea but no. Mom got all the money I do pay from my bank account but mom is having the entire money in her purse so basically I don't have money on me.

  156. So he has a pimp kink and you’re asking if it’s ok that you do this for him?

    Ask him how much he wants you to charge and what percentage he will take. Do it properly.

  157. So when she’s feeling the absolute best she’s thinking of him? Subconsciously or not that’s wrong af. I would leave after the 2nd time tbh.

  158. She still doesn’t want to be in a relationship, told you she does see a future though, just not now, but is dating other people?

    If I were in that situation, I would tell her goodbye. To me it would feel like mind games or being tested. I would not prefer to keep meeting. It's best to have no contact at all to get over someone. IMO it's better to be rid of someone that doesn't have the same feelings and desires than to be left hanging with idle hope.

    Good luck whatever you decide to do

  159. I was raised by narcissists. I was also thinking this woman sounds like either narcissistic or emotionally underdeveloped. OP needs to know it’s not her fault.

  160. I dont think the gaps an issue, but I do think you have no reason to be with someone who lives with their parents, doesn't have a liscense, and does have kids however

  161. Sounds like my ex minus the other boyfriend. Move on dude and find someone who is loyal and wants all of you. She sounds like an emotional vampire.

  162. I think if it makes you feel guilty, then you might not actually love the idea of him doing it. Sit on and think about that for a minute. If that is how you feel, you may want to talk to him about re drawing boundaries

  163. Given you see your b/f in the best light it sounds like he is a bit of an arsehole. Arrogant and challenging (is that disagreeing strongly with) your parents? I don't know that I'd like him either.

    Sounds like you're trapped between a rock and a hard place. There is not simple solution. How about you minimise the amount of exposure your family has to him and work towards moving out? You say they have you finacially cornered? You're 23yo, don't you have a job?

  164. This is actually very simple. A loving and trustworthy partner does not hide things and lie. Your GF has lied to you by omission about what she did. They were not something she forgot to tell you, she lied about the actions she took. She was trying to hide and cover up something she knew you wouldn’t like.

    There was no innocent reason to lie about what she was doing.

    Just know, She's not yours, it was just your turn with her and unless you're into sharing your girl, it's time to go.

  165. Good for you. I e been married for 27 years and I married my best friend… I'm his best friend too… Some people think we are weird others think we are awesome… Don't care, I love him with my everything. If you want to be happy and never fear shit in your relationship… Marry your best friend.

  166. Yeah you absolutely have to support your partner on this one. You can celebrate christmas without your bfs family. If having a lot of people involved is important to you then

    ask around your friends, there is probably someone holding a Strays And Orphans christmas

    ask your local charities and volunteer for the day at a soup kitchen christmas meal or similar

    Going forward into 2023 I think you need to shelve your expectations his family will help and just get on with your lives as best you can.

    Trying to change a Golden Child dynamic in adulthood is almost impossible and takes a lot of time and energy that would be better spent on living.

  167. Leave, apply for joint custody and get a dna test. Don’t stay with someone just because you have a baby, it will destroy you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Imagine the times she hasn’t admitted to, or in the future when she does it again

  168. It's their decision to do with themselves as they like. Doesn't matter if I'm okay with it or not. I'm not that full of myself that I think I have a say.

    Plus, having the nose made smaller isn't altering her whole look & isn't a big deal. It will be subtle, so it's not a great comparison.

    But to humor you, sure I would. It's their body to do what they want with.

  169. If you need to change a job for your partner to value you more, you have a crappy partner. Why would anyone put up with this? It's actually not normal.

  170. Interesting, but that raises the question… In this case at least the sexual attraction shouldn't go away, right

  171. I see a couple other people mentioning therapy and that might not be the worst idea. While you can probably work some of it out on your own, he could also probably benefit from therapy if he’s been feeling depressed recently. It can be a way to escape from everyone at the home and have some time you himself. You can always make therapy a “date” and go on a date after the session so it’s time with just the two of you. Personally I have a lower sex drive and my husband has had to talk to me before about never wanting to have sex. I feel it’s more of a chore for me and I do it to satisfy him. But when we actually have sex it is great and I have never said “that was a waste of time”, it’s the act of getting started that’s the most difficult for me. In regards to chores, my husband is also the same way about not wanting to do chores and any he does he isn’t the happiest about it. So we split the chores up. We have talked about what works for us and figured out a “divide and conquer” technique with them. Spending more time away from the tv and video games could definitely help too. It could be too hard to tear away from the screen, especially if his sex drive is lower to begin with. Also big thing is maybe take a “love languages” test to figure those out and avoid disappointment or miscommunication. His love language might be words of affirmation (hence all the notes) while yours may be acts of service (wanting the flowers). If so he thinks he is showing you how much he loves you because that’s how he feels loved. Once my husband and I took that test it made a world of a difference. Sorry I know this is a lot but I hope there is some use information in here for you

  172. This is the sane female response (yes, I’m also female).

    I think her invitation & location selection and minding if you split the bill are weird. It’s like she’s just trying to get free brunch tbh.

  173. She didn't throw a fit or start insulting you, so it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. She might have just been a bit disappointed that you didn't offer to pay, since that is still seen as a nice gesture. I don't mind paying for myself, BUT I would be impressed by a guy who offers to pay. Just like you wanna judge her character by purposely not paying, she will judge your character as well.

  174. Kids are probably the biggest thing you need to be on the same page on. You may not regret never having them but he definitely will and may come to resent you or try to force you into it which will cause you to resent him. Sorry to say, but it will need to be you who decides whether you want kids or if this relationship is over.

  175. Don't delete the video. It has a time stamp on it and you can prove that it was before you and he got together. Explain to him if he wants the Metadata you will show it to him to prove you've been faithful, you just hadn't cleaned out your phone.

    I know it hurts to think about it see your current with someone else, even if it's from before you were together, but ultimately it is from before you were together. Right now, he's just struggling with the visual and feeling insecure. If he's a confident enough man he'll be able to get over this. If he is a coward who feels insecure next to your ex then he will not be able to get over it. Its that simple.

    The only other thing he might be feeling off about is the fact that you did video with someone else and he may have thought it was something special you two did based on a unique trust. The fact that you did this with an ex could be a sign that your relationship isn't as far along as he thought.

    Either way, I still think he should get over it. I know my wife's sexual history, but I also know I'm the best she ever had. So hearing about it doesn't actually bother me, she's mine and I'm hers. Seeing it might make me uncomfortable, but it wouldn't make me leave her.

  176. If these are your husband’s friends, it’s on your husband to know the dress code and tell you long enough before the event for you to prepare. He “just doesn’t care about or pay attention to those things” is just an excuse that allows him to play dumb and get off the hook.

  177. This. My ex met me covered in a lot of tattoos and piercings. Once we got more serious he suddenly asked me to not get any more tattoos and remove my piercings. Actually did remove some piercings during that time.

    Luckily my sanity returned, I dumped him (for controlling and other reasons) and got all piercings back and a big ass tattoo with another one planned.

    Never deny who you are to yourself for anyone.

  178. I had a similar thing happen. It made me realize I was viewed as a “doer” and organizer more than I was viewed as a friend. It hurt like a real stab wound to the heart. All you can do is learn from this and accept the truth — these are not the friends you thought they were. I know it hurts. But distance yourself and look for new friends.

  179. If he wants you to invest $30k into the house you shouldn’t cause 1, your name isn’t on the house you shouldn’t do it unless y’all are married but that’s just me ??‍♀️

  180. Just gonna echo what everyone else is saying here and it makes a difference. Had a very similar situation with my oftener having a parasomnia event. She needs a therapist, counselor or whatever mental health professional she can work with. One of her own. Then separately you two should consider couple’s therapy. They can’t be the same therapist. She needs her safe space to deal what what she needs to, but, you guys also need to work together with what you can. This isn’t impossible but it will be an uphill fight. It’s worth it if it’s worth it.

  181. What do you expect of this sub ?

    It looks like you shit in your shoes. There is no way your feets won't smell .

  182. Referencing someone being taken advantage of as an example of them not learning their “lesson” is also weird.

  183. He told me don’t come at all and to just stay home because of that.

    Welp, now you know. He doesn't give a shit about your need to feel emotionally close and connected to him to have sex and he doesn't feel the need to spend time with you unless the end result is, as you say, that he gets his nut off. He hasn't seen you in 3 weeks and he flat-out told you “And I don't want to see you unless we're gonna fuck”. Do with that info what you will. (i'd personally ditch him. You can do way better than a guy who only cares about your vagina)

  184. See. That's exactly what the only child would say, your need to comments is a demonstration of the only child syndrome lmfao hahaha na .I'm total kidding .

    My comments just a generalized and made is lighthearted joking matter. Of course, I'm not saying every child that doesn't have siblings has only child syndrome because I do know many, children that are the only child and perfectly perfect but that doesn't mean it's not real. I know quite a few people who deal with it. (My mother and a couple of friends- not all of them).it's definitely something to concidered.

    But Good for you for, I guess I should start writing a disclaimer on my post so folks aren't offended ??

    Best of luck to ya.

  185. You should make a tinder/bumble and say you need a date for x event !!!! Might be fun and you may end up hitting it off anyways

  186. IMO “Don’t date a friends exe/s” is a good rule in general.

    Don’t date acquaintances exes isn’t so much they’re an acquaintance for a reason and especially true if you know they will never be a friend

    Learn to differentiate between a true friend and an acquaintance and go from there, it sound like your limiting your options quite a lot.

  187. That also presents another problem.. alcohol doesn't make you cheat, it only removes your inhibitions. Unless the intent to kiss the other guy was already there, the gf in question wouldn't have permitted it.

  188. BPD doesn't make you cheat, nor is it an excuse to cheat. It doesn't justify anything related to cheating… Yes, it's a horrible illness but it doesn't drive you to cheating, that's just how the person is.

    -someone with BPD

  189. Would be instantly over for me. What if in 4 months she goes out with her coworkers again? Are you controlling for not wanting her to do it? Is he in the wrong for wanting to hang out with her friends?

    It's just awful.

  190. Why are you calling him gross when you were intimate with him ? Ease up.

    You can’t get him to stop, you just cut contact with him/stay far. If you feel unsafe or threatened contact authorities. I wouldn’t suggest being rude to him though, keep it polite and short.

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  192. Your fiancé needs to practice boundaries for sure, but you can ask him if he’s ok with you speaking to her on his behalf. Something should be said about her behavior. I know I’d be pissed.

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  194. They can't put their MINOR children's DNA on a DNA bank. It's reckless and we don't even know what those banks are going to be used for in 40-60 years from now.

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  197. when I do something wrong I have no problem with saying I'm sorry and understanding her. I take my punishment with humility and don't demand instant forgiveness. It is obvious to me.

    Problems start when argument is about a thing that I don't understand at all like not posting photo with her on her birthday. I don't understand and I am still suppose to apologize and wait for forgiveness even If I think I did nothing wrong? Its kinda weird for me not to be consistent with myself.

  198. I'm not the one who waited outside of my own Airbnb in the freezing cold when you could have easily gone inside. That's a special kind of retarded. Have a good day buttercup, go read a book. ?

  199. No idea why you’re getting down voted. This is 100% correct. If someone is making you this miserable and angry, break up: don’t sink to their level.

  200. I don't think experimenting in the bedroom extends to free passes to cheat. Talking about threesomes isn't the same as going away and having fun without each other. He didn't give you an enthusiastic yes. Obviously he wasn't on board and no longer trusted you not to cheat on this trip regardless if he agreed or not. He decided this was no longer the relationship for him and ended it.

  201. I don't think experimenting in the bedroom extends to free passes to cheat. Talking about threesomes isn't the same as going away and having fun without each other. He didn't give you an enthusiastic yes. Obviously he wasn't on board and no longer trusted you not to cheat on this trip regardless if he agreed or not. He decided this was no longer the relationship for him and ended it.

  202. I don't think experimenting in the bedroom extends to free passes to cheat. Talking about threesomes isn't the same as going away and having fun without each other. He didn't give you an enthusiastic yes. Obviously he wasn't on board and no longer trusted you not to cheat on this trip regardless if he agreed or not. He decided this was no longer the relationship for him and ended it.

  203. Why is it that, almost every time I read stories on Reddit about male partners trying to control their female partner's bodies and gaslight them, there's an age gap of at least several years??

    That aside, you need to leave him OP. There are too many red flags in each sentence.

  204. Totally true. It's a cesspool of so many different personalities. Your advice is perfect especially when you mentioned about know who I'm dealing with and reapon accordingly. I will be keeping that in the vault upstairs. Thank you so much.

  205. This wedding would at minimum be canceled. He wouldn’t be living with me either. You need to be reconsidering the entire relationship

  206. I am so sorry you’ve gone through all of this. So many people can’t or won’t believe men can be abused, and they absolutely can be and are abused.

    If I may offer up some advice? Please try to only communicate through writing with her; written words can’t be as easily twisted as spoken words. If you must interact with her in person, make sure you’re recording the interaction, even if you’re not in a single party consent state. Try to get custody of your children. Your ex doesn’t sound very healthy, especially if she’s yelling about your genitalia to them.

  207. Her cousin did OP a favor. What do you mean? He's just looking out for her. If all my cousin's bf did was talk shit about family to me when we hung out, it'd make me incredibly uncomfortable, and I'd report him to her too.

  208. You can absolutely black out from LSD and alcohol mixing. You can black out from just LSD. You can also black out from just alcohol, it is possible that he was legitimately blacked out and her sister took advantage of her husband. Imagine if it was the other way around and it was his brother taking advantage of her when she was drunk and on hallucinogens it's still sexual assault IF he was completely unaware this is a big IF.

  209. It wasn’t the addiction itself that she was more upset about it was that I hid it and hid it well

  210. My husband and I were also long distance (3.5hours apart) when we met and we stayed that way for a year before moving in together. Obviously once we moved in we got to know each other much more intimately but I certainly knew his flaws and he knew mine before we got to that point and we were fully in love before then too. This is clearly different for everyone but saying it’s unlikely for someone to truly be in love before living together or closing the distance just doesn’t ring true in my personal experience.

  211. And it has been 4 years since and he has not abused me in anyway before or since then, you making him out to be who does it for joy or his tendencies is wrong and makes me mad.

  212. Um… are you okay? Cuz that was a lot of big emotions there. And if karma does exist, you wishing negative things on a bunch of people wouldn't work out in your favor. Hope your day gets better.

  213. Um… are you okay? Cuz that was a lot of big emotions there. And if karma does exist, you wishing negative things on a bunch of people wouldn't work out in your favor. Hope your day gets better.

  214. Why not just discuss it and set expectations before assuming it will be an issue?

    Correct me if I'm interpreting this wrong, but It sounds like you haven't started working full time and splitting all the chores yet.

  215. Okay pepper spray shouldn't be a problem, that's a great idea. Definitely was thinking I was gonna do it in a public place to be safe and probably tell a friend where I'm at and what's going down just in case. Thank you so much for the suggestions.

  216. There aren't any because any pregnant woman and doctor that admistered it will go to prison and will pay a fine. Also there is a lot of shame to it because there is many extreme christians here.

  217. Find your dignity and ditch him? Jesus OP, why would you even consider staying with a man who wants another woman? There are enough people in the world not to commit yourself to being in a stupid harem.

  218. You forgot – take over all the mental load – don't expect a partner, consider him a project you want to excel at -work for it, work hard, consider everything you do and how you do it, but don't ask for any consideration on his side – when you feel something is missing, think about it might be, and if you want him to do it tell him excactly what he needs to do (see point one)


    Sorry but this is a men who didn't fill his part in the partnership, and you tell him the wife should just do more.

  219. It would be a kindness to wait another few weeks or so since her parents death was less than a month ago. Yes it will definitely take a while for her to be able to normally function and grief will always be there, but a few weeks is so fresh. Since you're long distance again all you need to offer right now is a listening ear for a bit.

  220. It would be a kindness to wait another few weeks or so since her parents death was less than a month ago. Yes it will definitely take a while for her to be able to normally function and grief will always be there, but a few weeks is so fresh. Since you're long distance again all you need to offer right now is a listening ear for a bit.

  221. That is HIS body you don't have any right to decide for him. You have the right to break up if you find it annoying

  222. And she also doesn’t have a boyfriend? She was seeing a guy for less than three weeks and then broke it off with them. They weren’t even exclusive lol. If she feels the need to tell him, that’s on her.

  223. What you just did right now is something you needed to do when it first became an issue. The second best time was before marriage, and the third best time was now.

    Stop apologizing. She chose to marry you. You're right. Her feelings are far long gone and invalid.

    When you get cooler heads, ask her straight up if it's worth risking your marriage over, and if she says no, which she hopefully does ask her what she's going to do about it.

    Ask her what changed since marriage that this is worth her building resentment. You can't change it. You never could.

  224. I don't know what it is, I pick girl's who have Alot of trauma. And their trauma gets me feeling upset. But I didn't do anything

  225. I can understand him being confused since it’s out of their routine but he has to see how ridiculous he’s being. Sure it was worth a conversation but judging by how he acted when he found this out, seems to me like OP probably has a hot time having conversations with this child. This guy has some serious anger issues.

  226. Extremely bad idea, due to SO many factors you don't want to deal with, including not being able to evict her after a certain amount of time and/or angry violent boyfriends taking it all out on YOU….it's better to assist her emotionally and listen when she talks. Maybe suggest public assistance organizations for her to rely on. It almost never works out the way you see it in your head in these situations.

  227. No, his values didn’t change overnight. He can change, but he has to put in some work. He should be single while he does it and you shouldn’t sit around watching.

    My daughter was in an emotionally abusive relationship when she was 18. He was very controlling about what she wore and how her hair looked among other things. I don’t think he laid a hand on her, but he did put holes in the wall. I have no doubt that if she had stayed, he would’ve started hitting her.

    If you take him back, he’ll probably try to baby trap you. If you take him back, he’ll see that all he has to do is throw a tantrum, and then shower you with apologies and gifts to win you back. I promise that not all men are like this. As I’m double your age now, and did all the marriage and having babies way early, my advice is to learn to enjoy singlehood and enjoy some more of your 20s. Build some solid friendships and find yourself before you get too worried about finding “the one”.

  228. My parents don’t care what I do, and the cockroaches are not fun at all. I know I’m trying to justify them but there’s only 1-2 a week that he sees

  229. Thank you for clearing up the post.

    It sounds like you two have a lot to work on. If you already communicate your needs and she can't meet you halfway, then it is time to move on. Life is short. Don't sit around and be unhappy. But also, don't be a douche, and actually, try different communication alternatives. They way you communicate and how you communicate is very important as well.

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