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Date: October 25, 2022
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variegatedness
Is this even a word?
But there’s this storm cloud overhead that’s super conflicting… I’ve bounced around career choices since college, thought I wanted to be a teacher then didn’t so I nannied and now I’m back in a school working as a teachers aide making pennies on the dollar basically but it is something I love. I know I can’t afford to keep doing this for long tho. My bf wants me to get certified so I can make over double pay. There’s def some psychological trauma with that process- over 2 separate times I have tried and sunk in hours, blood sweat and tears, and thousands of dollars into trying my damn hardest to get certified but I’m not a good test taker and it’s an extremely discouraging battle for me. He has officially come out with it and said he won’t propose to me unless I get my certification to teach done first! Sometimes i think I’m ready to try a 3rd time but hearing him say that hurts like hell- likes it’s a conditional love and idk if I want to be stubborn or suck it up and do it.
Ok so first of all: There is no such thing as unconditional love, unless it’s your child. You expecting him to do that is unrealistic. You will need to let go of that, because it’s perfectly reasonable for him to want you to have your career sorted out at age 30, and to be able to financially contribute to your partnership.
Read this sub for long enough, and you’ll see scores of stories about people, both men and women, who lock down their partners then take that as a license to laze around and do nothing while their partners take up the slack. That’s not ok, and it is perfectly ok for him to want someone who has their life figured out before getting married.
Now that we got that out of the way,
? It turns into a fight every time it gets brought up and I’m over it!
You need to stop fighting about this. His boundary is reasonable, but you don’t only have one option. You can:
Work with a medical doctor and therapist to figure out what your mental block is related to test taking. Get an assessment for depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc. to determine what therapies/medications are appropriate. Then suck it up and take the test.
I know you said you love teaching. But if that’s not in the cards for you, then what else can you do that will allow you to financially contribute and that you will enjoy enough to stick with it ? Can you tutor, go back to nannying, do volunteer work as a teacher while you pursue another career path ? Something to think about.
His boundary is reasonable. At age 30, you do need to get your shit together, and if it’s a medical/psychological reason, then you have options to help. If you can’t pass the teaching cert, then you have to look at other career options. You are not stuck !! Stop getting defensive and start working on overcoming this mental block, or finding something else fulfilling that you can do.
Tomorrow, make an appointment with a doctor, and ask to be evaluated for the conditions listed above and others. If the doctor recommends medication, take it. You may need to experiment with a few different meds/combinations but don’t give up. And then, make an appointment with a good therapist who specializes in CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Thearpy), because I think there is some self-fulfilling negative self-talk that’s holding you back.
You have work to do, so go do it – and stop fighting. Stop defending. Go on the offensive with the doctor/therapist and work with your fiancé on this. He deserves that and so do you !
If he won't change, this relationship isn't sustainable.
The only way he is going to change is if he can understand that lack of hygiene is a problem.
If you can't help him understand this, then you may need to seek the help of a professional, if he's open to it.