My husband went to a 2 yr trade school and he makes almost double what I make and I went to and graduated from a University (with a double major) AND it took me over ten years to pay off my student loans while he had none. So no to me it doesn’t matter as long as my partner is contributing financially
Or she's joking about something that he's not comfortable with. And yes everyone has a right to feel uncomfortable about anything and if you care about your partner you don't keep doing something you know is hurting them period. He's gotten upset when she's told jokes before about his sexual prowess or lack there of. Continuing to do so is rude at best cruel at worst. If he can't take the jokes you wanna tell don't keep hurting him leave or change your behavior.
You guys may need to spice things up whenever you meet up. Introduce toys, lingerie and other sage consensual ways of coloring your sex life. It also can help to reconsider how you look at distance. Meaning, adopting the mantra “distance makes the heart grows fonder”. That can also mean “distance makes sex sexier”. So for each time y’all meet, make the experience newer. Wear new lingerie each time, have a new hairstyle/haircut, explore different places for dates. In other words, during the time when y’all are away. Plan what y’all will do when u see each other to make it exciting.
Libido being off can be an issue for real. But that can be addressed partly by making the times you do have sex extremely fun so it’s satisfying. You say he says penetrative sex takes prep. I guess spontaneity can help with that? Surprise him. Make half the prep for him in the form of setting the mood and ambience.
LDR is very hot for real. So having some idea of how y’all will eventually be together helps. It doesn’t have to be abstract. Making concrete steps to bring together helps a lot
Do her a favour and stop wasting her time. She sees a future with you and after meeting her mum etc I think you know that. Yet you stated “I’ve been seeing” so not even “my gf” I hope she lands a fab role
People can have different motives sometimes. Men and women = different hormone composition at the least. Don't expect his answers to match yours. What matters is that you're compatible and you both have reasons why it worked for you. My 2 cents
He is not pushing it at the moment but he says I don’t discuss this topic with him at all and his career is not progressing here. He definitely wants to move out but I am not sure when he actually wants this.
You have never been interested in him. He is no longer interested in you. This was never a relationship and even thinking about continuing it is absurd.
I edited my post and provided some additional details. Especially quoting “It's not like I have better things to do, so might as well see where this goes. The only thing is that I don't want to mentally drain myself.”
Ok, I just found myself trying to justify to you why I should stick around in the relationship for a bit longer to see where this goes. I've made my decision. I'll give the relationship a month to develop and I'll see where it goes. Thanks for helping me understand.
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Those words are not endearments at all! They're the exact opposite. Leave him, block him, and do the things you love. Someone better than his trash will come your way.💯
I don't think she'll always cheat on me. Realize that yes everyone's is making fair points. But y'all only reading a small snippet of everything. A summary. So yeah I don't think she'll do it again but if she does I'm out the door. Now that it's in the open if it happens again that's not just a mistake. In my opinion she deserves a second chance. I cheated on my ex and haven't cheated since my ex gave me that second chance. She taught me what value lies in a relationship. Now I didn't sleep with anybody but still. I learned to love because of her. I want my gf to have that same opportunity. Only reason me and my ex aren't together is because she held onto that pain and our relationship became far too exaughsting and mentally taxing for me to keep chasing her.
Yeah true, I never had a party stage of my life. My life between 17-24 was very intense. Kinda had to grow up really fast. So, I never understood the party stage in life
He has had 9 years with you. 1 more year will change nothing.
And children only get harder to raise the older you get. And it gets harder to get pregnant the older you get. Age has nothing but negative effects on getting pregnant, giving birth, and parenting.
So if he truly, honestly, wants a child, this is it. Sure, you can get an abortion and try again later, but like I said, it will be easier now, then it will be in the future.
She cheated and brought home an STd. I won’t ask. Keep getting yourself tested. There may be more and if the infection is recent you need to keep getting tested because there is a possibility that there is a long incubation period. So wait and don’t breath easy yet.
DON’T HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE. including your girlfriend. You may be asymptomatic but still can transmit the disease.
Dont make this about him. This is about you and your insecurities. Yes the comment was garbage and you should tell him that but other than that, dont hold him accountable for your own complex.
Of course it’s very hot, trusting him is straight up illogical at this point because all evidence does (and always has) pointed to the opposite. I get it, I used to let relationships crash and burn too but trust me, you save yourself a lot of pain if you leave at the first instance.
shes not tethered, she actually admits we see each other very few time. By establishing that either one of us is busy and not leave the other out of the loop we both have peace of mind. She knows everything i do takes her into account but not vice versa and it shows alot. I go to the gym and have my own social life but even i need attention from her throughout my day.
I believe you’re saying as much, but this isn’t an issue of having opposing viewpoints and being upset that that’s the case. You’re upset here because when you propose an opposing viewpoint he’s patronizing, an asshole, and passive aggressive about it. On that, you’re absolutely not wrong.
Opposing political views are often very challenging to navigate in a relationship. Anecdotally, that’s the situation with my wife and I but we respect each other’s opinion and treat each other maturely. That’s the only possible that this could work.
Many people can’t do that and that’s fair enough. Some people are incredibly passionate about certain things and will not be able to be with someone who disagrees. Whether we could argue it’s maybe ridiculous or not doesn’t matter. It’s their life and they’re certainly entitled to make life decisions that work for them.
Your case is sort of worse, because it’s not about getting upset that a partner disagrees with you. Seems you’re largely fine there. The issue is that the discussions are disrespectful and include one talking down to the other. You can’t do that to someone you love, which is why we’re here.
The thing is, you only say you can’t be in an apartment with someone who treats you like that. Alright, but what about the relationship in general?
You've already decided that you need to separate. It's just a lot more complicated when you share a child with someone. So get your legal stuff done first, meaning file the paperwork for sole or shared custody (whichever you prefer) and child support. Since his name isn't on your rental lease he needs to be the one to leave. So tell him to pack his things and if he refuses you call the police. The one saving grace here is that is name isn't on the lease. Get him out but leave an opening for him to still coparent your daughter if he wants to and if you feel he's competent enough to do so. If you think he's a danger to your kid you need to gather that evidence and try to sever his parental rights.
You already left. Your part in this is over. If he abuses his power as police officer, then drop the hammer on him. But you ended it like a decent person after finding out. Clean break for you. His life outside of this is not your business anymore. Let sleeping dogs lay.
Hi hun, maybe some people have extremely high libidos but having sex daily is unnecessary in a relationship, because intimacy doesn’t always mean sex.
From how you describe your boyfriend, he is inconsiderate and doesn’t care about your pleasure. Even if you had sex 200 times a day every day, it doesn’t cause your vagina to “get loose.” Vaginas were made to birth babies! They’re extremely resilient.
Anal in comparison is much tighter, but that’s because unlike a vagina, it doesn’t naturally loosen up when you’re aroused. He is ignoring your pleasure and inflicting pain, doing something that affects your health physically and mentally, without disregard for you, all while verbally abusing you and calling your vagina a hallway.
He’s not a good guy. No one who cares about you willingly puts you through pain. Get out before you turn 30 and feel like the cost-benefit trade off is too great to walk away. You have time to find a partner who actually makes you feel good and cares to do so.
Not really. They're married and it seems like she might be relying on his income and health insurance in order to finish school. He has put her in a tough spot
It will take a lot of work but you can save your marriage. It will take honest communication, understanding and patience. You will have to forgive each other. I say each other assuming the affair was because you weren’t providing a need for her at the time. I recommend a dialogue journal for communication without arguing.
I agree with the first part. The second is eh, but hell, internet people advice right? It wouldn't irk if it started with her perception to me, but now I am nitpicky. Still agree with this.
You're a good dude OP. Understood how you couldn't talk about this with friends for obviously reasons. Upvoted all y'all.
I'd break up with you but not because of the snooping, just because you used the word “bare” incorrectly. You meant “bear”. Yes, it is an animal but it's also is a verb. “I bear this burden”. Bear, when not referring to the animal, means to carry something. Bare means very hot.
Sit down with him and tell him kindly but sternly that the relationship is over and don't give in to the “I'll do better”. It's probably going to be rough for both of you but since you said you haven't been happy for a while then it's probably for the best.
It's best to cut all contact with them and don't reply if they manage to reach out because that will just delay the inevitable. Continuing talking and seeing each other will give him hope that the relationship can be rekindled and potentially convince you to go back to something that didn't make you happy.
![](/cs/camsoda2500.jpg")
Even if she did already tell them, she should pass it off to one of the bridesmaids. And tell them that. Match their energy as someone said above.
Yes, God yes. Leave him. The fact that a 31/32 yo pursued a 20 yo is a huge red flag. Get out. You have your whole life ahead of you.
It doesn’t matter who you asked, you asked a question and i answered it like a normal human being idk why you are so mad now
My husband went to a 2 yr trade school and he makes almost double what I make and I went to and graduated from a University (with a double major) AND it took me over ten years to pay off my student loans while he had none. So no to me it doesn’t matter as long as my partner is contributing financially
Or she's joking about something that he's not comfortable with. And yes everyone has a right to feel uncomfortable about anything and if you care about your partner you don't keep doing something you know is hurting them period. He's gotten upset when she's told jokes before about his sexual prowess or lack there of. Continuing to do so is rude at best cruel at worst. If he can't take the jokes you wanna tell don't keep hurting him leave or change your behavior.
You guys may need to spice things up whenever you meet up. Introduce toys, lingerie and other sage consensual ways of coloring your sex life. It also can help to reconsider how you look at distance. Meaning, adopting the mantra “distance makes the heart grows fonder”. That can also mean “distance makes sex sexier”. So for each time y’all meet, make the experience newer. Wear new lingerie each time, have a new hairstyle/haircut, explore different places for dates. In other words, during the time when y’all are away. Plan what y’all will do when u see each other to make it exciting.
Libido being off can be an issue for real. But that can be addressed partly by making the times you do have sex extremely fun so it’s satisfying. You say he says penetrative sex takes prep. I guess spontaneity can help with that? Surprise him. Make half the prep for him in the form of setting the mood and ambience.
LDR is very hot for real. So having some idea of how y’all will eventually be together helps. It doesn’t have to be abstract. Making concrete steps to bring together helps a lot
Is the a real thing or a troll account?
Maybe the fact that you're posting dick pics and hooking up with randos while in a relationship?
BOT ACCOUNT!!
Downvote & report
Tagging u/R_Amods
I think that was intentional so she would get the validation she’s so desperate for. What’s the word for that – unhinged? 🤣
Hey doc, I have this mole on my shoulder. Can you look at it? Don’t mind the penis.
Because it’s still his child who needs to eat and live.
It’s not fair to not pay for your children.
Thanks!
Do her a favour and stop wasting her time. She sees a future with you and after meeting her mum etc I think you know that. Yet you stated “I’ve been seeing” so not even “my gf” I hope she lands a fab role
People can have different motives sometimes. Men and women = different hormone composition at the least. Don't expect his answers to match yours. What matters is that you're compatible and you both have reasons why it worked for you. My 2 cents
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Once a hoe……
He is not pushing it at the moment but he says I don’t discuss this topic with him at all and his career is not progressing here. He definitely wants to move out but I am not sure when he actually wants this.
What?
You have never been interested in him. He is no longer interested in you. This was never a relationship and even thinking about continuing it is absurd.
I edited my post and provided some additional details. Especially quoting “It's not like I have better things to do, so might as well see where this goes. The only thing is that I don't want to mentally drain myself.”
Ok, I just found myself trying to justify to you why I should stick around in the relationship for a bit longer to see where this goes. I've made my decision. I'll give the relationship a month to develop and I'll see where it goes. Thanks for helping me understand.
Are you by any chance autistic?
So, he doesn't manipulate you… But pretty much forced you into have an abortion?
Oh honey…
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Those words are not endearments at all! They're the exact opposite. Leave him, block him, and do the things you love. Someone better than his trash will come your way.💯
I don't think she'll always cheat on me. Realize that yes everyone's is making fair points. But y'all only reading a small snippet of everything. A summary. So yeah I don't think she'll do it again but if she does I'm out the door. Now that it's in the open if it happens again that's not just a mistake. In my opinion she deserves a second chance. I cheated on my ex and haven't cheated since my ex gave me that second chance. She taught me what value lies in a relationship. Now I didn't sleep with anybody but still. I learned to love because of her. I want my gf to have that same opportunity. Only reason me and my ex aren't together is because she held onto that pain and our relationship became far too exaughsting and mentally taxing for me to keep chasing her.
other than the age gap what in his post makes you think that? If he wanted to control her he's doing a shit job at it lmao
Yeah true, I never had a party stage of my life. My life between 17-24 was very intense. Kinda had to grow up really fast. So, I never understood the party stage in life
He has had 9 years with you. 1 more year will change nothing.
And children only get harder to raise the older you get. And it gets harder to get pregnant the older you get. Age has nothing but negative effects on getting pregnant, giving birth, and parenting.
So if he truly, honestly, wants a child, this is it. Sure, you can get an abortion and try again later, but like I said, it will be easier now, then it will be in the future.
Swim away.
She cheated and brought home an STd. I won’t ask. Keep getting yourself tested. There may be more and if the infection is recent you need to keep getting tested because there is a possibility that there is a long incubation period. So wait and don’t breath easy yet.
DON’T HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE. including your girlfriend. You may be asymptomatic but still can transmit the disease.
Maybe he is overcompensating for something
😂😂😂😂😂
Dont make this about him. This is about you and your insecurities. Yes the comment was garbage and you should tell him that but other than that, dont hold him accountable for your own complex.
Talk about it and open up but dont blame.
Of course it’s very hot, trusting him is straight up illogical at this point because all evidence does (and always has) pointed to the opposite. I get it, I used to let relationships crash and burn too but trust me, you save yourself a lot of pain if you leave at the first instance.
Move on.
And stop lying.
He’s done this over and over and over and he’s not trying to hide it. He’s also lying to you about things that can easily be proven.
The only thing he has learned over the last 10 years is how to tell you what you want to hear. Stop giving him chances. He’s not ever going to change.
It’s time for him to go. He can deal with this on his own. There comes a time when enough is enough.
Let her get it. I the awful and painful throes of labor, she might actually want that epidural.
How well off are you? Are you well off enough to pay rent on an apartment for Lily and to help set up resources for her?
He picked her up like a rag doll. Confronting him alone in the middle of the night is liable to get her killed.
Up your game. Communicate while sober. Ask her what you can improve.
shes not tethered, she actually admits we see each other very few time. By establishing that either one of us is busy and not leave the other out of the loop we both have peace of mind. She knows everything i do takes her into account but not vice versa and it shows alot. I go to the gym and have my own social life but even i need attention from her throughout my day.
I believe you’re saying as much, but this isn’t an issue of having opposing viewpoints and being upset that that’s the case. You’re upset here because when you propose an opposing viewpoint he’s patronizing, an asshole, and passive aggressive about it. On that, you’re absolutely not wrong.
Opposing political views are often very challenging to navigate in a relationship. Anecdotally, that’s the situation with my wife and I but we respect each other’s opinion and treat each other maturely. That’s the only possible that this could work.
Many people can’t do that and that’s fair enough. Some people are incredibly passionate about certain things and will not be able to be with someone who disagrees. Whether we could argue it’s maybe ridiculous or not doesn’t matter. It’s their life and they’re certainly entitled to make life decisions that work for them.
Your case is sort of worse, because it’s not about getting upset that a partner disagrees with you. Seems you’re largely fine there. The issue is that the discussions are disrespectful and include one talking down to the other. You can’t do that to someone you love, which is why we’re here.
The thing is, you only say you can’t be in an apartment with someone who treats you like that. Alright, but what about the relationship in general?
Why are you acting so desperate to keep this loser ?? OMG you are better than this
You've already decided that you need to separate. It's just a lot more complicated when you share a child with someone. So get your legal stuff done first, meaning file the paperwork for sole or shared custody (whichever you prefer) and child support. Since his name isn't on your rental lease he needs to be the one to leave. So tell him to pack his things and if he refuses you call the police. The one saving grace here is that is name isn't on the lease. Get him out but leave an opening for him to still coparent your daughter if he wants to and if you feel he's competent enough to do so. If you think he's a danger to your kid you need to gather that evidence and try to sever his parental rights.
You already left. Your part in this is over. If he abuses his power as police officer, then drop the hammer on him. But you ended it like a decent person after finding out. Clean break for you. His life outside of this is not your business anymore. Let sleeping dogs lay.
Hi hun, maybe some people have extremely high libidos but having sex daily is unnecessary in a relationship, because intimacy doesn’t always mean sex.
From how you describe your boyfriend, he is inconsiderate and doesn’t care about your pleasure. Even if you had sex 200 times a day every day, it doesn’t cause your vagina to “get loose.” Vaginas were made to birth babies! They’re extremely resilient.
Anal in comparison is much tighter, but that’s because unlike a vagina, it doesn’t naturally loosen up when you’re aroused. He is ignoring your pleasure and inflicting pain, doing something that affects your health physically and mentally, without disregard for you, all while verbally abusing you and calling your vagina a hallway.
He’s not a good guy. No one who cares about you willingly puts you through pain. Get out before you turn 30 and feel like the cost-benefit trade off is too great to walk away. You have time to find a partner who actually makes you feel good and cares to do so.
Not really. They're married and it seems like she might be relying on his income and health insurance in order to finish school. He has put her in a tough spot
It will take a lot of work but you can save your marriage. It will take honest communication, understanding and patience. You will have to forgive each other. I say each other assuming the affair was because you weren’t providing a need for her at the time. I recommend a dialogue journal for communication without arguing.
Stop lying to ppl at your age to get them to sleep with you. It’s gross af.
Ear plugs. Use another bathroom if you have one to get ready. If she can’t cope with this, kids should not be considered.
Join the club.
You are right. I have tunnel vision. Clearly. Thank you.
I agree with the first part. The second is eh, but hell, internet people advice right? It wouldn't irk if it started with her perception to me, but now I am nitpicky. Still agree with this.
You're a good dude OP. Understood how you couldn't talk about this with friends for obviously reasons. Upvoted all y'all.
Are you going to compensate her retirement if she stays home? How about her general income for day to day spending?
Have you even asked what happens when a doctor just drops their career for multiple years?
But you are getting laid more, so I guess it doesn't matter.
Just co parent as friends.
Alright, I’ll try and talk her into it.
I'd break up with you but not because of the snooping, just because you used the word “bare” incorrectly. You meant “bear”. Yes, it is an animal but it's also is a verb. “I bear this burden”. Bear, when not referring to the animal, means to carry something. Bare means very hot.
Sit down with him and tell him kindly but sternly that the relationship is over and don't give in to the “I'll do better”. It's probably going to be rough for both of you but since you said you haven't been happy for a while then it's probably for the best.
It's best to cut all contact with them and don't reply if they manage to reach out because that will just delay the inevitable. Continuing talking and seeing each other will give him hope that the relationship can be rekindled and potentially convince you to go back to something that didn't make you happy.
It's not the clothes. It's control. Its NEVER, you hear me, N E V E R just about the clothes.
You're 19. LEAVE.
leave the man alone