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Date: September 18, 2022
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Even if she did already tell them, she should pass it off to one of the bridesmaids. And tell them that. Match their energy as someone said above.
Yes, God yes. Leave him. The fact that a 31/32 yo pursued a 20 yo is a huge red flag. Get out. You have your whole life ahead of you.
It doesn’t matter who you asked, you asked a question and i answered it like a normal human being idk why you are so mad now
My husband went to a 2 yr trade school and he makes almost double what I make and I went to and graduated from a University (with a double major) AND it took me over ten years to pay off my student loans while he had none. So no to me it doesn’t matter as long as my partner is contributing financially
Or she's joking about something that he's not comfortable with. And yes everyone has a right to feel uncomfortable about anything and if you care about your partner you don't keep doing something you know is hurting them period. He's gotten upset when she's told jokes before about his sexual prowess or lack there of. Continuing to do so is rude at best cruel at worst. If he can't take the jokes you wanna tell don't keep hurting him leave or change your behavior.
You guys may need to spice things up whenever you meet up. Introduce toys, lingerie and other sage consensual ways of coloring your sex life. It also can help to reconsider how you look at distance. Meaning, adopting the mantra “distance makes the heart grows fonder”. That can also mean “distance makes sex sexier”. So for each time y’all meet, make the experience newer. Wear new lingerie each time, have a new hairstyle/haircut, explore different places for dates. In other words, during the time when y’all are away. Plan what y’all will do when u see each other to make it exciting.
Libido being off can be an issue for real. But that can be addressed partly by making the times you do have sex extremely fun so it’s satisfying. You say he says penetrative sex takes prep. I guess spontaneity can help with that? Surprise him. Make half the prep for him in the form of setting the mood and ambience.
LDR is very hot for real. So having some idea of how y’all will eventually be together helps. It doesn’t have to be abstract. Making concrete steps to bring together helps a lot
Is the a real thing or a troll account?
Maybe the fact that you're posting dick pics and hooking up with randos while in a relationship?
BOT ACCOUNT!!
Downvote & report
Tagging u/R_Amods
I think that was intentional so she would get the validation she’s so desperate for. What’s the word for that – unhinged? ?
Hey doc, I have this mole on my shoulder. Can you look at it? Don’t mind the penis.
Because it’s still his child who needs to eat and live.
It’s not fair to not pay for your children.
Thanks!
Do her a favour and stop wasting her time. She sees a future with you and after meeting her mum etc I think you know that. Yet you stated “I’ve been seeing” so not even “my gf” I hope she lands a fab role
People can have different motives sometimes. Men and women = different hormone composition at the least. Don't expect his answers to match yours. What matters is that you're compatible and you both have reasons why it worked for you. My 2 cents
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Once a hoe……
He is not pushing it at the moment but he says I don’t discuss this topic with him at all and his career is not progressing here. He definitely wants to move out but I am not sure when he actually wants this.
What?
You have never been interested in him. He is no longer interested in you. This was never a relationship and even thinking about continuing it is absurd.
I edited my post and provided some additional details. Especially quoting “It's not like I have better things to do, so might as well see where this goes. The only thing is that I don't want to mentally drain myself.”
Ok, I just found myself trying to justify to you why I should stick around in the relationship for a bit longer to see where this goes. I've made my decision. I'll give the relationship a month to develop and I'll see where it goes. Thanks for helping me understand.
Are you by any chance autistic?
So, he doesn't manipulate you… But pretty much forced you into have an abortion?
Oh honey…
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Those words are not endearments at all! They're the exact opposite. Leave him, block him, and do the things you love. Someone better than his trash will come your way.?
I don't think she'll always cheat on me. Realize that yes everyone's is making fair points. But y'all only reading a small snippet of everything. A summary. So yeah I don't think she'll do it again but if she does I'm out the door. Now that it's in the open if it happens again that's not just a mistake. In my opinion she deserves a second chance. I cheated on my ex and haven't cheated since my ex gave me that second chance. She taught me what value lies in a relationship. Now I didn't sleep with anybody but still. I learned to love because of her. I want my gf to have that same opportunity. Only reason me and my ex aren't together is because she held onto that pain and our relationship became far too exaughsting and mentally taxing for me to keep chasing her.
other than the age gap what in his post makes you think that? If he wanted to control her he's doing a shit job at it lmao
Yeah true, I never had a party stage of my life. My life between 17-24 was very intense. Kinda had to grow up really fast. So, I never understood the party stage in life
He has had 9 years with you. 1 more year will change nothing.
And children only get harder to raise the older you get. And it gets harder to get pregnant the older you get. Age has nothing but negative effects on getting pregnant, giving birth, and parenting.
So if he truly, honestly, wants a child, this is it. Sure, you can get an abortion and try again later, but like I said, it will be easier now, then it will be in the future.
Swim away.
She cheated and brought home an STd. I won’t ask. Keep getting yourself tested. There may be more and if the infection is recent you need to keep getting tested because there is a possibility that there is a long incubation period. So wait and don’t breath easy yet.
DON’T HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE. including your girlfriend. You may be asymptomatic but still can transmit the disease.
Maybe he is overcompensating for something
?????
Dont make this about him. This is about you and your insecurities. Yes the comment was garbage and you should tell him that but other than that, dont hold him accountable for your own complex.
Talk about it and open up but dont blame.
Of course it’s very hot, trusting him is straight up illogical at this point because all evidence does (and always has) pointed to the opposite. I get it, I used to let relationships crash and burn too but trust me, you save yourself a lot of pain if you leave at the first instance.
Move on.
And stop lying.
He’s done this over and over and over and he’s not trying to hide it. He’s also lying to you about things that can easily be proven.
The only thing he has learned over the last 10 years is how to tell you what you want to hear. Stop giving him chances. He’s not ever going to change.
It’s time for him to go. He can deal with this on his own. There comes a time when enough is enough.
Let her get it. I the awful and painful throes of labor, she might actually want that epidural.
How well off are you? Are you well off enough to pay rent on an apartment for Lily and to help set up resources for her?
He picked her up like a rag doll. Confronting him alone in the middle of the night is liable to get her killed.
Up your game. Communicate while sober. Ask her what you can improve.
shes not tethered, she actually admits we see each other very few time. By establishing that either one of us is busy and not leave the other out of the loop we both have peace of mind. She knows everything i do takes her into account but not vice versa and it shows alot. I go to the gym and have my own social life but even i need attention from her throughout my day.
I believe you’re saying as much, but this isn’t an issue of having opposing viewpoints and being upset that that’s the case. You’re upset here because when you propose an opposing viewpoint he’s patronizing, an asshole, and passive aggressive about it. On that, you’re absolutely not wrong.
Opposing political views are often very challenging to navigate in a relationship. Anecdotally, that’s the situation with my wife and I but we respect each other’s opinion and treat each other maturely. That’s the only possible that this could work.
Many people can’t do that and that’s fair enough. Some people are incredibly passionate about certain things and will not be able to be with someone who disagrees. Whether we could argue it’s maybe ridiculous or not doesn’t matter. It’s their life and they’re certainly entitled to make life decisions that work for them.
Your case is sort of worse, because it’s not about getting upset that a partner disagrees with you. Seems you’re largely fine there. The issue is that the discussions are disrespectful and include one talking down to the other. You can’t do that to someone you love, which is why we’re here.
The thing is, you only say you can’t be in an apartment with someone who treats you like that. Alright, but what about the relationship in general?
Why are you acting so desperate to keep this loser ?? OMG you are better than this
You've already decided that you need to separate. It's just a lot more complicated when you share a child with someone. So get your legal stuff done first, meaning file the paperwork for sole or shared custody (whichever you prefer) and child support. Since his name isn't on your rental lease he needs to be the one to leave. So tell him to pack his things and if he refuses you call the police. The one saving grace here is that is name isn't on the lease. Get him out but leave an opening for him to still coparent your daughter if he wants to and if you feel he's competent enough to do so. If you think he's a danger to your kid you need to gather that evidence and try to sever his parental rights.
You already left. Your part in this is over. If he abuses his power as police officer, then drop the hammer on him. But you ended it like a decent person after finding out. Clean break for you. His life outside of this is not your business anymore. Let sleeping dogs lay.
Hi hun, maybe some people have extremely high libidos but having sex daily is unnecessary in a relationship, because intimacy doesn’t always mean sex.
From how you describe your boyfriend, he is inconsiderate and doesn’t care about your pleasure. Even if you had sex 200 times a day every day, it doesn’t cause your vagina to “get loose.” Vaginas were made to birth babies! They’re extremely resilient.
Anal in comparison is much tighter, but that’s because unlike a vagina, it doesn’t naturally loosen up when you’re aroused. He is ignoring your pleasure and inflicting pain, doing something that affects your health physically and mentally, without disregard for you, all while verbally abusing you and calling your vagina a hallway.
He’s not a good guy. No one who cares about you willingly puts you through pain. Get out before you turn 30 and feel like the cost-benefit trade off is too great to walk away. You have time to find a partner who actually makes you feel good and cares to do so.
Not really. They're married and it seems like she might be relying on his income and health insurance in order to finish school. He has put her in a tough spot
It will take a lot of work but you can save your marriage. It will take honest communication, understanding and patience. You will have to forgive each other. I say each other assuming the affair was because you weren’t providing a need for her at the time. I recommend a dialogue journal for communication without arguing.
Stop lying to ppl at your age to get them to sleep with you. It’s gross af.
Ear plugs. Use another bathroom if you have one to get ready. If she can’t cope with this, kids should not be considered.
Join the club.
You are right. I have tunnel vision. Clearly. Thank you.
I agree with the first part. The second is eh, but hell, internet people advice right? It wouldn't irk if it started with her perception to me, but now I am nitpicky. Still agree with this.
You're a good dude OP. Understood how you couldn't talk about this with friends for obviously reasons. Upvoted all y'all.
Are you going to compensate her retirement if she stays home? How about her general income for day to day spending?
Have you even asked what happens when a doctor just drops their career for multiple years?
But you are getting laid more, so I guess it doesn't matter.
Just co parent as friends.
Alright, I’ll try and talk her into it.
I'd break up with you but not because of the snooping, just because you used the word “bare” incorrectly. You meant “bear”. Yes, it is an animal but it's also is a verb. “I bear this burden”. Bear, when not referring to the animal, means to carry something. Bare means very hot.
Sit down with him and tell him kindly but sternly that the relationship is over and don't give in to the “I'll do better”. It's probably going to be rough for both of you but since you said you haven't been happy for a while then it's probably for the best.
It's best to cut all contact with them and don't reply if they manage to reach out because that will just delay the inevitable. Continuing talking and seeing each other will give him hope that the relationship can be rekindled and potentially convince you to go back to something that didn't make you happy.
It's not the clothes. It's control. Its NEVER, you hear me, N E V E R just about the clothes.
You're 19. LEAVE.
leave the man alone
Highly cosidering this.
Tell your GF what happened. You misinterpreted a situation and just have to be honest about that. Tell her like you did in this post, show her that you haven’t responded and then proceed how you’re both comfortable. You could talk to her and find she’s just interested in friendship (I doubt it) or you could just block her and move on.
The more you put off telling your GF the more suspicious it becomes.
You did the right thing. There have been far more instances where families have been ruined just because someone drunk drove.
Dude, she's not only abusive but also gives the pedo vibe off
She's a grown woman who most likely has already graduated from uni and has a career while you're probably still in high school and her attraction to you started before you got 'legal' (bruh that sounds so gross). Grooming doesn't refer only to young girls
for most people, drug use is still a big thing and youre forgetting my age. And imo, you're allowed to have those kinds of limits. I'm not even limiting drugs, I just explicitly limited certain drugs that i have icky feelings towards.
Maybe it's your compulsion to overthink things, honestly you need to move on from him and enjoy your current marriage or risk ruining it.
I acknowledged from the start that lunch meetings are a thing, and I don't think it's not normal. However, I am offering a perspective so OP might better understand his wife, as he himself said he “doesn't follow this logic”. What his wife is feeling isn't logical; jealousy is often an irrational overreaction. She needs help to come to terms with her feelings and lack of trust. But just because it's not OP's fault, it doesn't mean that he shouldn't be a supportive partner anyway. This isn't a situation about being right or wrong; OP asked for advice on what he can do to assuage his wife's fears, which is great because his wife is evidently struggling to get out of this negative spiral on her own.
A lot of great advice in the comments. Idk if it's been mentioned but, you could also make it a point to have lunch with your wife every once in a while. If your schedules align and allow for it, ofc. Maybe she can come meet you at your office and you can go to lunch together. That would show her that even during the work day she is on your mind, while also showing her that you aren't hiding her from your assistant. Like you aren't trying to downplay the strength or devotion to your wife. Even if this is only a once a week or every few weeks day date, it could be a strong sign of commitment/reassurance for your wife.
I'd just end it. But I always made sure when I started dating someone that they weren't dating someone else, and my expectations were that neither of us would date others while together. If they weren't on the same page, I just moved on.
Op, this guy doesn't give a shit about you.
It's sucks, because you have no healthy romantic comparison experience, so it might be very hot to take: He doesn't even LIKE you, let alone love you.
It might feel like this is love, but it's not.
Don't sign up for struggle love!! It's a trap that only will bury you alive and disappoint you forever.
please realise your time, and life and body and energy and love is ACTUALLY VALUBLE!!!
And many people will actually respect it and you.
In time, you will find a new person who doesn't treat you like absolute crap – and you will realise your past calibrator for “good love” and “made for each other!” was beyond tragic.
Only up from here !!!:)) Please leave this man who actively hurts you and uses you and proactively hates you.
You deserve gold, and can be loved by gold.
Don't settle for bilge water love that only drowns you and smothers you in shame. You're worth so so so much better! ?
I wouldn’t discuss this any further. He feels like he’s in a position of power. Partly because of his age difference and because you have children together and are less likely to rock the boat. The best way to change HIS behavior is to change yours.
Being less interested in what he’s doing. Start with – if he doesn’t pick up a call do not call again. In fact you don’t need to call him at all. If he misses you and the kids he will call.
Do start some kind of activity outside of him and the kids. You could take art classes, join a tennis league – there are beginners, a book club SOMETHING. Info: did he move you to another city and detached toy from family and friends?
Since you are paying many of the bills, are you paying from a separate account? Are you working? If yes remote ? Or going to an office?
Does he ever stay home with the kids and give you space/time to be child free and take care of your personal needs or just to go have some free time?
The more you act like you don’t need him the dynamic changes in your favor. This is just a start. There are therapists who can help you.
I am sorry you’re going through this. It reminds me of a couple of relationships I had to exit. It’s very hot to let go, and yet the other side is much better.
You can do it.
You know the longer you are together, he will keep doing this or worse right?
He is going to keep doing it, it is addictive to do it. He was alone and jumped right back on that train.
If you want to keep him around, insist he has a restriction set on his phone that prevents the social media and dating apps. And you have the pass code for the restrictions.
You’ll feel miserable about it, but you just have to ask. Would you go on a date with me? (I was getting dating vibes, rather than hookup ones).
Relationships requires a foundation built on trust and communication.
She chose to lie to you, on something very serious, in an attempt for you to panic, when you two are basically friends with benefits.
You leave people who do that on you. People who do that will leave you guessing yourself. She is crying because she was caught lying, not because she feels sorry. She thought she could baby-trap you, and later claim a miscarriage in an attempt to keep you. That's not a sign of love, but abuse and manipulation.
Block her, and leave her. And make this a lesson to remember to put a condom on before sex. You don't want to be a father this early in life.
Why would you need to ask this? WIFE, evidently!
At 32 you have crushes on fantasy figures – actors and pop stars. It’s a harmless way of sorting through emotions and feelings, of understanding boundaries in a relationship and coming to terms with difficulties. You have a crush on Selena Gomez, Anne Hathaway, someone intangible you’ll never meet.
Having a crush on a real person is far more concerning; it speaks to serious relationship issues.
Cyber-stalking someone, trying to spend time with them and attempting to buy gifts because you know what they like skips straight from crush to stalking. Doing this to someone whose age you don’t even know, but is clearly young, skips straight from stalking to outright predatory behaviour.
It’s possible your wife sees something of herself in this girl and has confused maternal feelings with something else, but that’s extremely unlikely. It’s possible your wife doesn’t understand these feelings herself.
Either way, if you want this marriage to work you should really consider therapy/counselling of some kind. If your leg felt bad, you’d go see a doctor. Your marriage is ill; go see a therapist.
I mean if he knows your concerns and isn’t addressing them properly and he’s also not planning to move to you then unfortunately I’d have to say it sounds like you should break up with him. It would take so little effort for him to tell you this kinda thing and he won’t even do it. Bad sign
He can literally go home to his family
You should have asked him what's more important, his friend's marriage or his marriage, because one of them is going to implode and it's his choice.
That will tell you all you need to know!