IF this is real – big IF – get some mental health therapy because you have to be able to function if something were to happen to your husband. Also, permanently cut your subpar human sister out of your life. That is one of the most sick and disgusting “pranks” I’ve heard, and if your family thinks you caused a scene then cut them out too. This is so dysfunctional. I feel super sorry for your husband
I say this as an autistic person who is also a parent. Your girlfriend is a problem and if left to continue in this vein is going to cause your child issues.
I would have a very long talk with your girlfriend about how inappropriate her behavior was and that if this is how she is going to be around your daughter then perhaps you two are not compatible.
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This is domestic abuse. She physically abuses and threatens you and tries to intimidate you. I realise it’s much harder for men to accept they are victims of domestic abuse and to feel they will be believed. But it’s not about size or experience or training. But control. She turns to violence when she loses control or to try and retrieve control. If it was the other way round you’d very quickly accept it for this. And domestic violence escalates unchecked. I’m not saying abuses can’t change, but not if nothing changes. You need to leave, find a safe place to go. She then needs to seek help. Anger management. Therapy. I’m not actually sure what fixes it. But it won’t be you staying and screaming your side out the door, or trying to record it.
He was a predator who wanted an innocent little girl to mild into his bangmaid. Now that you're a Mommy he's not that into it anymore. Not to be mean but this is what you get for dating a man almost double your age. It won't get better. Divorce unless you want your daughter to see you being a predators bangmaid and think that's normal.
Op, you seem smart. Do you really need reddit to tell you what's going here? I feel really awful for you, though. I hope you are one day able to get past this. Your husband is a borderline predator and he doesn't respect you or women, in general. Done and done.
She can try to guide him after she tells his wife. She needs to leave as soon as she can; he's got STDs that he's going to pass on to her (if he hasn't already), and he's not fit for fatherhood or marriage if he thinks sleeping around is okay or just “fun” in a relationship. He won't be a father to his children and he's just going to be extra dead weight for his partner.
It's definitely you. You're not a psychopath, you're just a garden variety insecure teenager with shitty communication skills.
You being passive aggressive and insecure won't improve your relationship. You need to work on both your sense of self worth (1 hour isn't ghosting, she's allowed to dress up to go out with her friends) and your communication skills (if something's bothering you, discuss it like an adult instead of making some pissy backhanded comments about it like you're a moping middle schooler. Grow up and work on actually believing that she's both an independent person and trustworthy instead of just giving those concepts lip service.
you’re right. i’m abt to do the ending. because this is the text i got after saying when asked that i don’t feel well and that i’ve just been taking some space from being on my phone and what not while i fought off panic attacks and fluctuating emotions:
“Babe I completely get that this won’t be fixed overnight we both know that but I swear to you with every once of life in my body that I’m going to show you what real LOVE looks like and yes I’m sure you’ve heard that and some of the other things I’ve said before by those pieces of shit in the past so I can see why you’re hesitant on opening up and that’s ok to be protective of your thoughts,feelings, etc I’m not expecting you to tell me everything all in one night whatsoever or in the span of a few months but what I’ll continue to do is give you my all and strive for nothing but to help improve your life in any aspect”
i don’t need to be improved :/ i just feel like shit. simply put. this is just how life is for me. i back off from people, space my texts out because i end up getting very agitated which is not necessarily something that i can always have a firm grip on. i don’t get why he wants me to open up as if i’m a clam and bare my deep dark past. when all i need is “i’m so sorry! but you handled it amazingly” or “take your time, you’re doing a great job” instead i got “i’ll fix you! let me! tell me everything!” and “let me prove i’m better than your shitty exes! show me the wound!” like wtf :///
Being a homebody and being an asshole are two very different things.
I love to go out, either alone or meeting up with my friends, my husband loves to stay at home and relax.
We both accept who the other one is, and we make sure that we are both ok with whatever one of us have planned. I have been staying home more since we had our child (now 6 years old), but my husband accepts that I sometimes need to leave and be on my own.
Last week I took a vacation by my self for 8 days, at my husband’s recommendation, because he’d seen how exhausted I was.
Your boyfriend unfortunately seem like the type of person to guilt trip you out of doing something necessary for your mental health.
He is either extremely insecure in himself and taking it out on you or, like u/Winter-Travel5749 says, trying to isolate you from everyone so they can abuse you. Either way, I think you should leave the relationship. Since you said that you make time to stay home with him, does that mean that you are living together? If so did you notice this about him before you moved in together?
At this point she is too far gone into a delusion… She convinced herself that always taking her picture when she asks is 100% supportive, it's work, and the person that is asked should be wanting and willing, no one should be forced.
Also, for her it is work, she makes money from it, so every time is the right time.
Unless she respects and understands your boundaries and not force you, you two will never get along about this.
I know that for me this would be a turn off, I'm ready to support my SO's hobby, project, gig, job, Carter by being a fan, cheerleader, just not a full time assistant anytime, anywhere at the snap of her finger.
Relationships that work are based on a balance of give and take, not 100% one's way.
Okay. In the movies and on tv, you're going to see people breaking up because the writers make them. There doesn't seem to be any reason they need to break up, though, to be sure, there also doesn't seem to have been any reason for them to be together in the first place. It's kind of a big mess. And when this happens, you know that the ex can always come back later, if that's what the writers think will improve the ratings.
In contrast, I want to tell you about a major break-up I had. I was not much older than you are now, and I was pretty serious with a girl. She was pretty serious with me. Consequently, we started discussing marriage… And once we did, we discovered it would be a terrible idea. She's an incredibly devout Christian — like, “Waiting until marriage” was one of her more liberal ideas — and required that her spouse be the same. That's not me or who I want to be. Additionally, while I was willing to accept a lack of premarital sex, I then learned that she had very little interest in marital sex either. (At the time, my ex claimed asexuality; today, my ex uses he/him pronouns on Facebook; either reason would explain why my ex had no interest in contributing a vagina to sexual intercourse.) We realized that we could not have a happy marriage together: any marriage which made one of us happy would make the other miserable. The only possible option was to not get married. So we didn't, and we've remained friends ever since. In fact, we wrote a piece of music together several years ago. (Though it never did get performed. I was supposed to submit it for publication. I should get back to that!…)
This is what breakups are actually like. They don't happen for nebulous bullshit reasons intended to get audiences excited for next week's episode: they happen for concrete, empirical, verifiable reasons. When you break up with someone, you know why… And you know it's because neither of you wants to change and neither of you should have to change. You know, for a fact, that the two of you cannot be happy together, which is why you have chosen to be happy apart.
Your girlfriend cannot be happy with her ex and has chosen to be happy apart from him. She would never go back to him because she's tried that and it doesn't work. If you're scared that, because she has dated him, he is a threat, you're not only wrong but backwards: because he dated her, he is one of the few people on the planet who is not a threat.
Dude man, if I was hitting on a woman and she said “I am in a relationship”, but kept accepting my advances and is considering going on a vacation with me alone… I 100% am expecting she is ok with cheating and doesn't respect you.
Look, you are being naive if you don't think there is anything currently happening between the 2 of them.
The only believable part of this whole manuscript of literary masturbation is that no one wants to fuck you, even the uggos, as they have standards. I doubt she takes you seriously on the getting custody thing, because you have to actually fight to get custody, and let's face it, you don't really want it, and your texts to her would squash that pretty fast. She can't smack down what can't get up in the first place. No wonder she left you.
It would be interesting to see her reaction if you asked for an introduction. Would she be able to maintain eye contact? Stutter? Make nonsensical excuses?
Good one to support your partner, but it's risky. I think there is a subreddit about open relationships you should them. They would have a better understanding of what you want to do.
It sucks man I'm sorry. But it's over so it's time to move on. That will take time, but cutting off contact completely and working on bettering yourself as a person will speed it up.
It's not really sustainable to only see your SO every 4 months! That's probably part of why this happened. You took an L. But L is the first letter in Lesson. Learn from this and move on. You're young, you'll be ok!
It might not seem like it now but you've had a lucky escape. It starts with something small like social media and before you know it you're only allowed to see who he allows you to and dress the way he wants you to. He's insecure, controlling and immature. None of these are desirable traits long term
She contacted the ex-boyfriend she can’t bear to see and told him she’s not coming to the wedding?
He'd really really nice with her … he hasn't been close to that nice to me in a long time
Like he'd regardless of him being jobless would just keep even spending money on her
I'm just not sure what to do
Omg removed again lol ????
Tell me you're in sixth grade without telling me you're in sixth grade.
I should
Try waiting to see if she actually cheats before getting upset. So far she hasn't done anything wrong.
Don't send anything else. That message is a disaster.
Believe it or not, there is a sizable contingent of people, yes men, who don’t masturbate.
Some of them may not be interested in sex, but many of them still are. They have their reasons, and their reasons are varied.
I would just take what he says at face value. If your needs are being met, why are his decisions a problem?
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IF this is real – big IF – get some mental health therapy because you have to be able to function if something were to happen to your husband. Also, permanently cut your subpar human sister out of your life. That is one of the most sick and disgusting “pranks” I’ve heard, and if your family thinks you caused a scene then cut them out too. This is so dysfunctional. I feel super sorry for your husband
Oh, if she’s too nervous to talk to him, then he’s still the one she really wants.
Case closed. Time to move on.
I say this as an autistic person who is also a parent. Your girlfriend is a problem and if left to continue in this vein is going to cause your child issues.
I would have a very long talk with your girlfriend about how inappropriate her behavior was and that if this is how she is going to be around your daughter then perhaps you two are not compatible.
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Got it, thanks for your input.
Thank you. Not someone I want to be with. I just hope I didn't contract it…
This is domestic abuse. She physically abuses and threatens you and tries to intimidate you. I realise it’s much harder for men to accept they are victims of domestic abuse and to feel they will be believed. But it’s not about size or experience or training. But control. She turns to violence when she loses control or to try and retrieve control. If it was the other way round you’d very quickly accept it for this. And domestic violence escalates unchecked. I’m not saying abuses can’t change, but not if nothing changes. You need to leave, find a safe place to go. She then needs to seek help. Anger management. Therapy. I’m not actually sure what fixes it. But it won’t be you staying and screaming your side out the door, or trying to record it.
It’s depressing and frustrating. It’s nothing but old creeps and young fools
He already apologized yet you still want to make a show about it so you can hold something over him.
YTA
He was a predator who wanted an innocent little girl to mild into his bangmaid. Now that you're a Mommy he's not that into it anymore. Not to be mean but this is what you get for dating a man almost double your age. It won't get better. Divorce unless you want your daughter to see you being a predators bangmaid and think that's normal.
I think younger men are a turn off. Always have.
Op, you seem smart. Do you really need reddit to tell you what's going here? I feel really awful for you, though. I hope you are one day able to get past this. Your husband is a borderline predator and he doesn't respect you or women, in general. Done and done.
She can try to guide him after she tells his wife. She needs to leave as soon as she can; he's got STDs that he's going to pass on to her (if he hasn't already), and he's not fit for fatherhood or marriage if he thinks sleeping around is okay or just “fun” in a relationship. He won't be a father to his children and he's just going to be extra dead weight for his partner.
Moving to anywhere in Idaho outside of Boise is even worse lol
“If you love and respect me you’ll stop having lunch with women at work”
“If you love and respect me you’ll stop hanging out with the boys”
“If you love and respect me you’ll stop speaking to your family”
“If you love and respect me you’ll quit your job”
Certain boundaries are ridiculous and should not be agreed to, however much you love and respect the person.
Have a conversation, find out why she feels that way, and work to resolve it. Limiting who you can be friends with out of jealousy is not cool.
Just stop talking to him. Stop seeing him.
Yeah, I think it’s pretty entitled behavior on your part to be resource guarding HIS money. But whatever.
Just stop.
Thank you for your advice. It’s naked when you grow up with someone and they don’t…
Lmao Fake Post 100%. Cant believe people fall for this
It's definitely you. You're not a psychopath, you're just a garden variety insecure teenager with shitty communication skills.
You being passive aggressive and insecure won't improve your relationship. You need to work on both your sense of self worth (1 hour isn't ghosting, she's allowed to dress up to go out with her friends) and your communication skills (if something's bothering you, discuss it like an adult instead of making some pissy backhanded comments about it like you're a moping middle schooler. Grow up and work on actually believing that she's both an independent person and trustworthy instead of just giving those concepts lip service.
$200 … bought him a couple sprites lol
Loose loose buddy. Speaks of her ex unnecessarily, that’s already a red flag.
What the hell kind of question is that?
Let him leave.
That's straight up animal abuse.
Wisdom
Tell her she can't fix it and you lost all the trust you used to have for her.
Divorce this woman and continue your life.
Wife deserves to know the type of man she married and even closure if he is gaslighting, lying, manipulating her to keep his secret hidden.
you’re right. i’m abt to do the ending. because this is the text i got after saying when asked that i don’t feel well and that i’ve just been taking some space from being on my phone and what not while i fought off panic attacks and fluctuating emotions:
“Babe I completely get that this won’t be fixed overnight we both know that but I swear to you with every once of life in my body that I’m going to show you what real LOVE looks like and yes I’m sure you’ve heard that and some of the other things I’ve said before by those pieces of shit in the past so I can see why you’re hesitant on opening up and that’s ok to be protective of your thoughts,feelings, etc I’m not expecting you to tell me everything all in one night whatsoever or in the span of a few months but what I’ll continue to do is give you my all and strive for nothing but to help improve your life in any aspect”
i don’t need to be improved :/ i just feel like shit. simply put. this is just how life is for me. i back off from people, space my texts out because i end up getting very agitated which is not necessarily something that i can always have a firm grip on. i don’t get why he wants me to open up as if i’m a clam and bare my deep dark past. when all i need is “i’m so sorry! but you handled it amazingly” or “take your time, you’re doing a great job” instead i got “i’ll fix you! let me! tell me everything!” and “let me prove i’m better than your shitty exes! show me the wound!” like wtf :///
Being a homebody and being an asshole are two very different things.
I love to go out, either alone or meeting up with my friends, my husband loves to stay at home and relax.
We both accept who the other one is, and we make sure that we are both ok with whatever one of us have planned. I have been staying home more since we had our child (now 6 years old), but my husband accepts that I sometimes need to leave and be on my own.
Last week I took a vacation by my self for 8 days, at my husband’s recommendation, because he’d seen how exhausted I was.
Your boyfriend unfortunately seem like the type of person to guilt trip you out of doing something necessary for your mental health.
He is either extremely insecure in himself and taking it out on you or, like u/Winter-Travel5749 says, trying to isolate you from everyone so they can abuse you. Either way, I think you should leave the relationship. Since you said that you make time to stay home with him, does that mean that you are living together? If so did you notice this about him before you moved in together?
You said he gave the dog to you as a gift. That means it's your dog and not his.
So what exactly would be a deal breaker for you? I mean insults, lack of intimacy, no acknowledgement of your efforts.
What do you think would put you over the line to let this guy go be by himself?
So did you end up meeting? what happened next?
He doesn't know how to rap if he can't avoid calling you out your name.
At this point she is too far gone into a delusion… She convinced herself that always taking her picture when she asks is 100% supportive, it's work, and the person that is asked should be wanting and willing, no one should be forced.
Also, for her it is work, she makes money from it, so every time is the right time.
Unless she respects and understands your boundaries and not force you, you two will never get along about this.
I know that for me this would be a turn off, I'm ready to support my SO's hobby, project, gig, job, Carter by being a fan, cheerleader, just not a full time assistant anytime, anywhere at the snap of her finger.
Relationships that work are based on a balance of give and take, not 100% one's way.
i don't wanna come off as possessive or insecure
Little too late for that. 😉
Okay. In the movies and on tv, you're going to see people breaking up because the writers make them. There doesn't seem to be any reason they need to break up, though, to be sure, there also doesn't seem to have been any reason for them to be together in the first place. It's kind of a big mess. And when this happens, you know that the ex can always come back later, if that's what the writers think will improve the ratings.
In contrast, I want to tell you about a major break-up I had. I was not much older than you are now, and I was pretty serious with a girl. She was pretty serious with me. Consequently, we started discussing marriage… And once we did, we discovered it would be a terrible idea. She's an incredibly devout Christian — like, “Waiting until marriage” was one of her more liberal ideas — and required that her spouse be the same. That's not me or who I want to be. Additionally, while I was willing to accept a lack of premarital sex, I then learned that she had very little interest in marital sex either. (At the time, my ex claimed asexuality; today, my ex uses he/him pronouns on Facebook; either reason would explain why my ex had no interest in contributing a vagina to sexual intercourse.) We realized that we could not have a happy marriage together: any marriage which made one of us happy would make the other miserable. The only possible option was to not get married. So we didn't, and we've remained friends ever since. In fact, we wrote a piece of music together several years ago. (Though it never did get performed. I was supposed to submit it for publication. I should get back to that!…)
This is what breakups are actually like. They don't happen for nebulous bullshit reasons intended to get audiences excited for next week's episode: they happen for concrete, empirical, verifiable reasons. When you break up with someone, you know why… And you know it's because neither of you wants to change and neither of you should have to change. You know, for a fact, that the two of you cannot be happy together, which is why you have chosen to be happy apart.
Your girlfriend cannot be happy with her ex and has chosen to be happy apart from him. She would never go back to him because she's tried that and it doesn't work. If you're scared that, because she has dated him, he is a threat, you're not only wrong but backwards: because he dated her, he is one of the few people on the planet who is not a threat.
Ummm where
Dude man, if I was hitting on a woman and she said “I am in a relationship”, but kept accepting my advances and is considering going on a vacation with me alone… I 100% am expecting she is ok with cheating and doesn't respect you.
Look, you are being naive if you don't think there is anything currently happening between the 2 of them.
She's delusional…maybe jealous of her fleeting youth. She's dating someone 10 years younger, and calling YOU the pedo?
The only believable part of this whole manuscript of literary masturbation is that no one wants to fuck you, even the uggos, as they have standards. I doubt she takes you seriously on the getting custody thing, because you have to actually fight to get custody, and let's face it, you don't really want it, and your texts to her would squash that pretty fast. She can't smack down what can't get up in the first place. No wonder she left you.
You’re definitely a man, aren’t you?
It would be interesting to see her reaction if you asked for an introduction. Would she be able to maintain eye contact? Stutter? Make nonsensical excuses?
Have you looked at her phone?
well putting it that way, it makes much more sense, thanks.
This is an abusive relationship. Just because she's not hitting you anymore doesn't mean it's not still abuse.
Good one to support your partner, but it's risky. I think there is a subreddit about open relationships you should them. They would have a better understanding of what you want to do.
This is the kind of guy he is. If you’re okay with being cheated on, stay with him. If not, leave.
!remindme 3 days
It sucks man I'm sorry. But it's over so it's time to move on. That will take time, but cutting off contact completely and working on bettering yourself as a person will speed it up.
It's not really sustainable to only see your SO every 4 months! That's probably part of why this happened. You took an L. But L is the first letter in Lesson. Learn from this and move on. You're young, you'll be ok!
It might not seem like it now but you've had a lucky escape. It starts with something small like social media and before you know it you're only allowed to see who he allows you to and dress the way he wants you to. He's insecure, controlling and immature. None of these are desirable traits long term