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Date: September 23, 2022
I think in principle it shouldn’t matter, but in practice, many positive qualities are correlated with attending and finishing school, such as organization, responsibility, financial stability, and perseverance. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s certainly a green flag.
Eh, the worst that can happen is there's no connection and one of you moves out. Sounds like she already has feelings, so what's one dinner date going to hurt? If it's too weird for you then thats that, but sounds like you've considered dating her, so why not give it a chance?
I guess they are never going to change. I am done begging for love.
Every single thing she said and did already was completely out of line. Wonder how your mother would feel about that.
If you're smart you'll stop, turn around, and walk away next time this lady is around.
Exactly. Who is buying all of this booze for 17 year olds?
Yes, stop trying to shut down a point yiou disagree with using rhetorical tools that add very little to the discourse at this point.
Dump his ass … NOW Block his number on your phone. Don’t answer calls from unknown numbers… only those in your Contacts. Goddess, don’t dip below the water line – Cherish yourself
Please stick with this mindset, even when you feel lonely. If he's already choking you 8 months into a weekend relationship (without even seeing you all the time/living with you) I can't imagine how he would treat you if you kept a pregnancy he didn't want.
You need to wait the week out and respect her wishes. Sounds like you communicate well and your rules are not those they signal the end of things . She just needs some time out . Trust her and give her some room to breath .
i’m so sorry. hugs
Wow! If I was the friend I kind of would cool off the friendship unless something is going on
Cheaper by the dozen?
This is not guaranteed but yeah very likely
Doubt she's gonna do that. I mean, the bf didnt spend his life around his younger brother and obv dosen't realize any patterns he might add around girls he likes…. /s Maybe OP likes the brother's attention, that's also a possibility but this is already conjecture so idk
yes I just had exactly this happen. I had chlamydia back in 2019, was treated for it. somehow tested positive for it this year and my partner tested negative. I never had any symptoms so it was strange
Ok I'm a father and have 2 kids so i feel completely justified in saying your husband is an immature, insensitive, asshole. I'm not saying that as an insult to him just an observation of his personality. You just pushed a human out of your body after carrying it for the better part of a year and his main concern with your recovery is when you can “bone” him again? Are you fucking kidding me?
To be pestering you over sex right now is literally the last thing that should be on his mind. I had to recheck the story to make sure this wasn't a teen pregnancy story because that's the only way I could justify that level of immaturity. You're going to have to stop with giving him the benifit of the doubt because some of his other things might be ignorance but this is not.
I keep picturing you taking care of all the baby duties and him sitting in a chair in front of a TV with a remote or console controller in his hand complaining that the baby is crying or that he's hungry. Sorry your post just made me angry and I'm directing it at him. You need to call him out on this and if it keeps up call him out infront of other people, preferably the dr. I would say “how often do you get immature questions like this?” Or “is it common for the father to only be concerned with the mothers recovery because he's just horney?”
He needs some shame in his life because it doesn't seem to come natural to him. I would suggest you get some counseling together and I imagine him taking some parenting classes wouldn't hurt either. If it were me I wouldn't have sex with him again until 3 weeks after they say it's ok….if at all and please use protection, because this isn't the kind of guy you're going to want to have more than one toddler running around with. Good luck OP and stop letting his stupidity go, call it out. He should be rubbing your feet and doing as much as possible to allow you to sit and recover.
Second this. My gf and I are the same and by all measures and views we have as happy and as beautiful a relationship as possible. We are both tremendously lucky to have each other. Sometimes having opposing view points forces you to examine yourself and what you believe. A relationship without growth is as toxic as non-moving water. Bacteria and scum form on that. But running water stays clean and feeds life.
Politics is a very derisive and diving game. Politicians only benefit when you are angry. How many people vote because they love a candidate vs HATE the other side. That’s bad vibes to on-line life with that anger.
You're lucky you have a kid together. Otherwise, he probably wouldn't think twice about divorcing you.
He might even be thinking about doing so anyway. And rightfully so. Most men don't relish living with someone who does deranged things such as this, child or no. And this action could also be used to show that the child would possibly be in danger if left with you, so he could get custody.
You REALLY didn't think out your actions, did you?!?!?
Big guys are often scared of repercussions, not the actual fight. Maybe they don’t want to use their size and accidentally really hurt someone, or maybe don’t want the law to look at them as aggressive. But also being big does not give one a fighting spirit, or any fighting ability.
I’m six foot tall and athletic, but pretty thin. My athleticism isn’t really muscular strength. But the few times I’ve seen men bullying women, I’m there before I’ve really thought about what I can actually do if it turns into a fight. I’m not a fighter and would probably lose to someone even smaller than me. But I’d take that over someone more vulnerable losing to them. It just wouldn’t seem right.
More often than not there is strength in numbers, so making sure you add your voice in opposition to him, and defense of her means others might see and join. But your friend is right that you may find yourself in jeopardy if you do this much more. You just have to think if it’s worth it.
For me it is
So because you’re both being being stubborn you aren’t spending time together that you wanted to with him off doing his own thing and you posting on Reddit about it?
I’m rolling my eyes so far back I can see my brain.
What if you chose two things and gave him the choice of one of them? That way you’re both choosing. If he doesn’t go for that, tell him you’re choosing to make out on the couch.
That's because she wants her ex and he only wants the sex
Just stay broken up , she doesn't want to be with you , its time to accept reality
Maybe ask her details about their sex life and then everytime she rebounds back into your life you can relive that.
Dude. Grow a spine! She's most likely fucking someone else/multiple others.
Stand up for yourself! She does NOT love you! Don't be a fucking doormat.
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For some context, my boyfriend(28M) and I(27F) met when we where in college. My family is very conservative and, while they've never been rude to him, they've made comments that make it clear they don't love him. He's always had a lot of tattoos, piercings, long hair and I love that about him because we are opposites. Anyway, right after college we moved in together and got jobs, he became a freelancer and I started working for a big company, which made me the breadwinner. This is a role that neither he or I mind but my family and friends have always criticized.
Recently I had a serious conversation with my bf and asked him wether he had any plans of proposing after we've been living together for 6+ years. He said he honestly didn't, that he doesn't feel the need to get married since we aren't religious and don't want to have kids. I told him that after growing up with my cousins and sisters' weddings, I've always had the illusion of getting married one day. He then told me that he would only marry me with one condition: I have to pay for the whole wedding (except his tux and his family's dinners), it can be however I want and I get the final say for everything, but it goes all out of my pocket.
I told him it was fine and that I understood, I was very happy after hearing that because my bf never wanted to settle and this seemed like huge progress for me, so I decided to share the news with one of my sisters. When I told her she got mad and started making a lot of comments about how I've basically “mantained” him these years and that the least he can do is pay for half of the wedding. I tried to explain that that's not the way things are but we got angry and hung up.
Days later I met my family only to be received with some sort of intervention of them telling me that we couldn't get married like that, that he needs to “man up” and start providing for us and that I'm just being used. Honestly I didn't care about their conservative arguments until my mother (the most liberal person in my family) told me that marriages are based on collaboration and if he doesn't want to get married or support with the wedding that I should consider things thorougly. While that kind of hit me I asked her if she would say the same if our genders where reversed and she stayed silent. Any advice?
TLDR: My bf will only marry me if I pay for the whole wedding and while I don't mind my family doesn't approve.
Edit: I've been informed that the phrase “settle down” has a different meaning to the one I originally intended. I apologize, english is not my first language and I thought it as a synonym to making it “official” by getting married.
UpdateMe!
And that's how you know you're being used.
I only pay rent if he is unable to pay the whole amount, which has happened quite a few times since living together
I only pay rent if he is unable to pay the whole amount, which has happened quite a few times since living together
She is in therapy, yes
Sounds like you're an extrovert and your bf is more introverted and has a lower social battery than you.
Literally the definition of rape
There is no chance than any legitimate therapist would tell OP she should jump from a bad marriage immediately into a relationship with a guy she just met.
I think what hurts is that I understand his side too, I just don't want to face it.
I really needed this message. I didn't think to look at it from a timing perspective. We've been having cases of poor timing since we were 11 years old and it's like we can never get it right!
But thank you. You're right; He has reassured me that he has thought ahead and that he still wants me to be apart of this chapter of his life even if it's not ideal. He says he doesn't want it to be like this but it's just the way things have turned out and there is a way around it if ever the time comes where we are strong enough to be living together. I will do what I can to be adaptive, I guess I just hate change!
If only the tables were turned.
Tell her how you feel and maybe she feels the same way and talk to a doctor about her having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. Please communicate with one another.
She wasn't looking for a ride home.
She was looking for a hookup. And found one.
And then a few weeks later, went out again looking for another one.
You hear people say there are women ok with their husbands spending hundreds of dollars on hot women while their wives are at home with newborns, but I've remarkably never met a single one…let him explain it to his divorce lawyer.
How long you been together?
Thank you for taking the time to help me. I’ll try my best to document everything
Thank you for taking the time to help me. I’ll try my best to document everything
I mean, if it's men's day, fair game, no?
I mean, I'd say definitely see a therapist.
She was honest with you and it sucked to hear, no one likes to hear that stuff, but if you're gonna grow to resent her over it you should probably take a breath and get some help processing your thoughts and emotions.
Leave him. He’s a child.
You don't get to police what he watches. You do get to decide to break up if this is a dealbreaker for you.
If you cannot trust him, it doesn't matter if it's now all in your head. If you cannot say with 100% certainty he's being faithful, it's not a good relationship to remain in. Sometimes once trust is broken this severely, you can't get it back.
Maybe not. But that's a contact the mother doesn't trust, so off she goes and that's all.
It’s still not his place to tell you how to dress. Soon he’ll tell you who you can be friends with, where you’re “allowed” to go, which family members you can’t speak to anymore, etc. This is the beginning of a controlling and abusive relationship and you need to get out before you lose even more of yourself.
So one thing g better. Still yta
Why do you need him to admit it? You have proof, pack up and leave
He IS the father. Yeah… there is a Battered Women’s shelter. I battle with the question of what is best for the most important person. It’s not me. I would die for my child. I would absolutely go through hell for her. I can’t find the balance as it applies to my situation. Nothing is black and white. There’s a preferred situation but we don’t always get to choose. I know that from much life suffering. I will suffer for her. Forever. I’m just naturally convulsing from the smother. I try not to let it show that I can’t breathe.
Don’t date someone that insecure.
Still doesn't explain what she does that justifies her earning 500$ a month.
And if she is earning about 500$ a month less taxes (about 400$ maybe even less) calculate about 100 for the phone, 130 for electricity, another 100 for personals and hygiene products… yeah no shit she's in overdraft and can't afford a card.
But like i said, if she has a legit reason for earning that little, like being a student or medical reasons, then you signed on for this and you suck it up. if she has no valid reason and should be earning more (even a part time job at 16$ an hour earns you 20 800$ a year!) then she needs to get in gear.
Talk to a specialist and next time don't trickle truth the true situation, it's misleading.
She sounds hella racist tbh.
Trust me next to time we see each other irl that’s the plan, it’s the fact that this has been going on for a month(s) now and sex is important to me and if they can’t see that then I’m stumped.
By that logic, then he also didn't feel the need to make a paragraph about guy 3, who's the worst of the lot apparently?
Were gonna have to agree to disagree. But because he specifically says “he”, then I really don't think you can be saying OP meant something other than what he wrote, as opposed to just saying that you think he means something else.
The reason the age gap is being brought up is not because others assume your comfort level with it, it’s because normally when we see men using manipulative speech to get their gf to behave like a flesh light and service them, while making wild claims about all those past women enthusiastically jumping at every chance they can get to do them, it’s typically found with this kind of age gap.
Exactly this. No one deserves to be cheated on… especially if they were loyal in the relationship. He disrespected you (OP) and it's time for you to show respect for yourself. Be a good example for your 3 kids and get out of this.
I can't believe people cheat like this. It's just about the worst thing anyone can do outside of actually harming another person.
So basically you haven’t changed at all and will likely cheat again a Mr your wife is right that she shouldn’t trust you. You obviously don’t love your wife. You don’t just stop caring about the feelings of the person you love. I hope she leaves you soon
Well, you see, his depression will be cured if she acts like a housekeeper-barbie-robot-fuck-maid for 28 days.
Holy fuck the bar is so fucking low and idk if we will ever recover Jesus Christ fuck
Quite possibly, I see not here the problem but in the fact that she chose to lie and that is a conscious decision. She lost his trust when she showed that she was capable of lying to him if that was in her best interest. If she was honest and assumed things from the beginning there was no problem now.
Quite possibly, I see not here the problem but in the fact that she chose to lie and that is a conscious decision. She lost his trust when she showed that she was capable of lying to him if that was in her best interest. If she was honest and assumed things from the beginning there was no problem now.
Thank you!
You're young, you're dating – not married – and you're unhappy. It's time to leave this relationship. You aren't her parent, her keeper, her therapist, or anything else. This relationship sounds almost entirely one-sided. Ask yourself what you're getting out of this, and be brutally honest with yourself. I suspect the answer will be “not much of anything, actually”.
It sucks that she's dealing with Some Shit, but you're not obligated to make yourself miserable trying to support her, especially since this seems to be an ongoing issue rather than a temporary situation.
OMG!! Yes, I think my relationship with husband would be over after that too. I'm so glad you were able to find Benji and you have a safe place to be with the support of your family.
Made me chuckle.
I mean we haven’t been intimate in a few months so…. I might be on the clear.
I broke up with my last 2 bfs because of this exact thing. I’m not sure what’s up with this mentality in guys, but if he consistently picks his friends over you, that’s not going to change. Especially if he’s not willing to talk to you about it/change his mindset. I get friends are important and having time with them is important but he’s definitely taking it too far, saying that he only loves you for superficial reasons but loves his friends on a deeper level. As Beyoncé said, “Since I’m not your everything, how about I be nothing” – time to cut your losses and find someone that treats you how you deserve to be treated.
I dated somebody like this. She had horrible self esteem, was violent, abusive and had some of the worst jealousy I’ve ever seen. I was in the same scenario as you. She wanted all of my passwords, asked to read everything etc. I have nothing to hide so I let her. I don’t erase all of my old messages or DMs because I’m lazy some times, so I even warned her there may be stuff several years back I forgot about when I was dating others she’d might see. She never went that deep, just read the recent stuff. Then things started to get worse, like really worse. I was open about my sexual history if she asked and she knew some people I spent time with. She would start fights over a person I slept with years ago. People who I don’t even talk to or see any more. Then if she saw a message from a coworker who she thought was attractive, she’d start a fight. She started doing it in public too. Like we’d go to a store or restaurant and if she saw a woman she thought was attractive she’d start a fight assuming they wanted to fuck me. It got to where I didn’t want her to see my messages since she’d get mad no matter what. Wouldn’t matter if it was a man or woman, she’d jump between me fucking dudes to women. Right before we broke up I blocked her and even broke my phone so she wouldn’t try to snag it and possibly message some fucked up shit to my friends. I her eyes she used it for justification I was hiding something, but instead it was me having a grown ass woman looking over my shoulder and commenting on every thing I said.
Tread carefully, set your boundaries and if something is uncomfortable then they need to respect that. Like you said she’d be pissed if you did the same thing to her. That’s controlling toxic behavior and if it continues or gets worse then get out. I totally understand your feeling on trying to help her, but we can’t fix others, they can only do that on their own. Look out for yourself dude. Three years is a long time, but that’s when things can start to get weird. Toxic people can flip the script and you get to see who they really are. It will get worse if you let it slide or give in to the controlling behavior.
UpdateMe!
Its not about emotional intelligence.
The man isn't a dumbass, he knows those words will hurt her, he said those words specifically to hurt her.
You don't get to the ripe old age of 51 by not knowing what hurts people and what doesn't, that's just a horrifyingly bad excuse.
He's under the impression that it's acceptable to hurt his blood daughter for no reason.
How much are you contributing to the mortgage and other bills OP?
If he does all the work of them, she may easily give them up. I was surprised at my ex, I was ready to dig in about the dogs, and one was technically community property, the other premarital and mine. But he was so afraid I’d take the cats that were premarital and his, that it was the first thing we agreed to. I loved his cats and they loved me, but I could definitely let them go and find a better life for myself.
I was in the same position, although I had made every mortgage payment and he wasn’t on the title, he was entitled to enough equity that a refi would be necessary at least.
Thank goodness we were only married 6 years. If we got to 10, apparently he would have had a stake in my retirement and then how could I take care of my family now that I’m the sole breadwinner in my new life?
Fortunately he gave up the house pretty readily, too.
You will never get a man to stop watching porn. Men watch porn. Being disgusted/annoyed/insecure about it will just make him watch porn in the bathroom and pretend he’s pooping.
Seriously though, don’t marry this guy. You’ll have a lifetime of porn/poop gaslighting and an unfulfilling sex life.
Ive asked. She is a stah mom for 15 years now. Kids are older 9 through 16. I think i always thought as she got unpregnant and hormones balanced and kids got older it would get better but that change has never come. I mean im the one that initiates cuddling with her, or asks if she wants to go to dinner. Ive never missed a event with my kids or her. Im sure im not perfect but im present in the relationship. Ive tried talking to her but she just acts like she doesn't know. I literally last week said go ahead and hurt my feelings so we can heal and go forward stronger….nothing. she just says like maybe i need to plan sex more so its on my mind…while i didnt say anything i feel like i dont want my wife to have to schedule sex with me. I dont think there is changing this situation honestly.
!UpdateMe
Your gf assumes that your apparently Canadian mother knows of and must abide by her cultural expectations?
I'm sorry dude but she sounds awful and superficial. She should be with you because she loves you just as you are right now. I'm sure this is taking an even harder hit to your self-esteem.
I shared that experience because I thought we could get over it too, but by the end of it I was in therapy because of him hating me but wanting to still be with me.
If you need to ride your relationship to the end then so be it, but honestly once you hurt someone badly they will rarely ever completely forgive you, and will always harbour some resentment towards you. I worry that this will happen in your relationship, but sometimes you need to ride it out to see what happens. Just be careful with your own mental health, and if he starts taking his anger out on you… understand he won’t forgive you, and love and leave him. Good luck OP, I hope it works out for you