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Date: September 22, 2022
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Kind of seems like your BFs mistrust of you in this relationship was more than justified based on the way you behave and your general track record. Lots of excuses for some very boundary crossing acts by you. But to be fair instead of staying in this toxic environment and having to worry about you cheating constantly he should just break up with you, and the same goes for you, this relationship is broken, get out of it, you’re both miserable whether you want to admit it or not
You are are dating exclusively but aren't bf and gf? Sounds like you are to me.
Do you really think that or have you been trained to think that? Why should you have the mature party here? Sometimes years worth of being subdued does cause a blow up, and while you are responsible for your reaction, that is the only aspect for you to “fix.”