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  1. Sounds like she has abandonment issues due to her father being out of the picture. Tell her the only way you can continue being in the relationship is if she seeks therapy to work on these issues.

  2. It’s still uncalled for. you can overthink all you want but that doesn’t excuse poor behavior. Your anxiety is yours to deal with and no one needs to tiptoe around that.

    My dad used his anxiety to justify a bunch of shit behavior because “he was worried” but his reaction to situations was his responsibility having an explosive reaction because you over think isn’t the correct path. Addressing and communicating your concerns is. If he was insecure he could have talked to her rather than parkour his way to conclusions but it doesn’t seem like he would have trusted her response either way. He decided the only reason for her behavior was infidelity and never even thought to check.

  3. u/Terrible-Bar6392, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  4. Whatever you ask her she will just tell you what you want to hear. You gotta look at the facts you know and decide for yourself if you really want to stay in this relationship.

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  6. Give it time. Tomorrow when you meet, just say: “I know we've exchanged unpleasant words and I'm sorry if I made you feel your experiences are not as bad as they were. I'd like to calmly sit down and talk through this.” Depending on her reaction can set the tone for what the future holds

  7. Sorry, one more thing, would it be wrong to ask her how she responded to the question of “can we be closer friends”? I feel like she hasn't actually given me the answer for that yet. I know she was also looking up “he's treating me like his girlfriend” scenarios on Google, so not sure how to piece those 2 scenarios together in my head.

  8. Good lord. He lied to her to get sex. You should be concerned that he lies so easily to get what he wants. What story did he tell you to get you back? Truly you have no self respect or standards.

  9. Yeah and with how this relationship has barely even begun She's showing so many red flags of what a horrible partner looks like. Just learn from this relationship, see all the things that she did or said that you are not okay with and take that with you for your next relationship, so if that person starts showing signs of acting like her, you know to just dip out as it's not worth your time and effort. Cuz even if you try to stay and work with someone like, If you're not happy at the beginning of the relationship then You're almost 100% guaranteed to not be happy through the entire relationship.

  10. Your future ex compartimentalizes very well. So with you and for you she is this, the conservative wife with extreme limits. She trusts you, she's just bullshitting that she will ever get more comfortable.

    It's also why when her partners come over she changes. Because she's someone else for them and you being there and your rules is irrelevant. And she found the perfect excuses – jealousy.

    Honestly, she is not ok if she can't get herselves together into one functioning human. She plays each part as needed/wanted. And she will not accept her as a wild/open person in her her as a wife life.

  11. NTA

    This won't be up long, but it's not rape. She consented — no one is entitled to know your entire or even recent history. Consent doesn't mean failing to provide a complete background check on yourself or justify your behaviors or actions.

    She said yes. She was sober and competent and she said yes. That should be the end of the story.

  12. Huuuum. How do you start the healing process… Step 1: Fix your crown Step 2: Dump his ass. Step 3: Realize that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship. Why are you willingly putting yourself through?

    YOU CAUGHT HIM!!! He didn’t admit to doing all of this, you fucking caught him! You guys don’t have inside jokes…. Because they’re the same he has with her. This MF was recycling his jokes and you were the recipient of these recycled jokes. Their relationship spanned YEAAARS! You had to remind him several times to cut any communications with her.

    Girl, dump him. It wouldn’t be giving up. It would be about self-respect because he doesn’t respect you.

  13. Yeah…it’s not going to get better from here on. She’s gonna be in his life & he made it know he’ll prioritize her. You can set boundaries but then to him you’ll probably come off as jealous. Instead of see this “friendship” as the problems for his failed relationship her blames his exs.

  14. That’s a tough choice! I’d probably do the wedding because I have a personal rule not to skip weddings. People really hold a grudge for that. Also my graduations don’t stick out as fun or memorable, but I’m no MD. Too bad you can’t do both.

  15. She would probably do the same thing and realize she misses me and come back a week later like nothing happened lol. Maybe I should just let it keep going on like that. She's an adult and if there's an issue she should tell me right?

  16. You stuck to your guns and shot down her dream scenario of mooching off you, I say good shot and keep moving on till you find the right one. I don’t think there is any coming back from that and I’d be wary of being baby trapped or manipulated because she’s already shown her true intentions and acted out when she didn’t get her way

  17. I had this issue in the beginning of my relationship. I told my partner that I didn’t like him posting those types of pictures. “Thirst traps” as the kids call them.

    The ball was in his court. He stopped posting them. If he hadn’t, I was willing to end the relationship over it. I couldn’t MAKE him do anything. But I could certainly decline to continue dating him because of it.

    That’s the only thing you can do. You can’t make her stop posting them. You can only express your discomfort and then decide what YOU will do moving forward. Which ultimately is going to consist of either dealing with it or dumping her.

    So now it’s time for you to decide how to proceed

  18. Hey OP i would go ahead and tell him yourself. That way you can tell him what happened and not have to worry about any third party who may tell it wrong. It will be way better if he hears it from you then your old sugar daddy. You at least have the ability to answer and be truthful. Someone else may have nefarious intentions.

  19. Also, its not just something that happened 10 years ago. Yes, those examples happened back then, but they are still disrespectful towards you NOW.

    You tried to talk about it recently, he showed no remorse, did not listen to you, was disrespectful and tried to make you cover and scare you. All because you felt hurt by something he did and wanted to talk about it.

    I'd take a wild guess and say that this is also a common occurence if you have different views on things.

    I think you should think about how he behaves towards you in the present, not just what he did in the past. Ultimately, its your choice to cut them off or not.

  20. So it strikes me that even if you are clingy now that it is clearly the result of being abandoned. And let's be real, becoming clingy when you've been hurt like that makes sense.

    Now, be careful here, I am not saying it is okay to be clingy. Being clingy can indeed drain a partner and end relationships. You should consider therapy, really assess yourself and the state you are in to see what damage he has done. Clearly your whole life suffered as a result of him.

    But none of that justifies ghosting. None of that makes what he does okay. It was always a bad thing he did that and it is really sad that your friends chose to victim blame you.

  21. Good for her. I hope she finds someone worth her while.

    4 months is nothing bud and you don't get to have those types of conversations that early. There are kids literally working summer jobs as a lifeguard that have their summer jobs longer than your relationship was. Four months is a decent amount of time to start a relationship but it's nothing at all that gives you any sort of right to mention you're not comfortable with her job. What it does give you is the right to break things off because you're not comfortable with her job.

  22. I haven't been able to find anything. She's not actually labeled as disabled so we don't get any of the benefits that come with that.

  23. You can’t make him stay faithful. Marriage counseling is needed. If he refuses counseling maybe divorce is needed

  24. I feel like I'd become a control-freak if I insist that she remove them.

    But you can say you're uncomfortable with that. That's not controlling or insecure, you have a right to your feelings. And her reaction to your feelings is going you tell you a lot. If she dismisses them, then consider if this is someone you want to be with. Likewise in this situation, tell her you're uncomfortable with you two (or just her) hanging out with the guy. And see her reaction and that will tell you everything including if she's a keeper. If she would hang out because she's afraid to say no to people or ruffle feathers, do you want to be with someone who can't stand up for you?

  25. My husband travels a lot for work. I used to make do meal wise whilst he was away because it seemed to make sense. Then I thought about it & came to the conclusion that he's getting lots of lovely restaurant food whilst he's away, I should treat myself too. So I do. It's a good time to have friends over for a bottle of wine too.

  26. You have no proof of anything and she’s engaged. You think she’s going to believe you over him?

    If you have photos or other actual evidence and want to send it, sure. But honestly, I’d just stay out of it.

  27. In the modern era of Google, there's no reason to continue to hold to beliefs based on stereotypes. If that were truly his fear, he could fact-check it in 10 seconds. Additionally, reconsidering the entire relationship because she's been with a guy who is bigger than him, if that's what the problem is, is frankly stupid.

  28. I thought that redditor who said you shouldn’t be near women was being extra and then you respond with this shit

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