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  1. I want to join most other people in telling you to dump this guy, but pausing for one moment, I’m wondering how he is day to day? It sounds like your love language is different to his and while you enjoy lavishing expensive gifts on him maybe he shows his love with small and frequent acts of kindness? I don’t know, maybe he is lazy and selfish but I don’t feel I know enough to outright condemn him.

  2. I think you're getting your abortion info from pro-life propaganda. You've stated multiple falsehoods. You're more terrified of abortion than having a lifelong attachment to a violent man and that is shameful that any woman would be made to feel that way.

  3. My husband is a healthy, in shape 44 year old who works 50 hours a week. He CAN do it twice a day (and we usually do when we travel!) but day to day with work, kids, etc….we usually just don't. We've had to be apart a lot over the years (work) and instead of the multiple times a day, I kept a mental check list of the 'types' of sex we would have …not to get TMI but examples would be quickie, just oral, intercourse, specific position, etc. The variety is good since we just logistically can't do it twice a day.

  4. Unfortunately the only option here is too break up. You're young, these things happen.

    You can't wait for years hoping she might change her mind. If you're already looking at settling down for your future, it needs to be with someone who shares your values and goals for the future.

  5. You don’t have to be alone permanently. Just recognize your choices. Have consequences to other people and if you’d like one person follow it through audition for the other people but don’t do them both at once because somebody will get hurt.

  6. You don’t have to be alone permanently. Just recognize your choices. Have consequences to other people and if you’d like one person follow it through audition for the other people but don’t do them both at once because somebody will get hurt.

  7. You should have a conversation with your sister. Tell her that she is being a bit cruel. Tell her you don't have the money to buy gifts, which is why you don't. Tell her that she might not always be comfortably financially, and you would never point it out if she doesn't give gifts.

  8. Hello /u/lovergirlxotwod,

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  9. I agree with just backing away and stop engaging. If pressed, thank her for her friendship but tell her you can't continue forward with the relationship at this time.

  10. Maybe he doesn’t want to break up but to save the relationship and his sanity he needs to move out of those conditions with the hoarder. I lived with my mom until my mid twenties and it was horrible. She had no sense of understanding that you need to keep your place clean. She didn’t want to throw anything away. I had to do that. I no longer wanted to online with her and fyi she had a narcissistic personality. I left and never looked back.

    Can anyone blame him. The girlfriend is telling the story from her perspective. She is leaving stuff out. He can probably see aspects of the girlfriend’s personality which aren’t good either.

  11. Agreed. It’s okay to not litigate every dispute in the moment. You can say, “That’s interesting I was not aware of that.” And leaving it alone. You could always come back later after doing your due diligence and discuss it politely again.

    Personally I am always looking to learn so any time I have a chance to be wrong I relish it, because it means I will learn something new.

  12. But she apparently viewed sex casually with 7 people and you were ok with that. Where is the tipping point, 8? 9? 13? Anyway, glad she's not going to waste any more of her life with you.

  13. Right? So she was with let’s say 15+ guys in her past. So what?? It doesn’t change ANYTHING. Clearly she regrets it. Yeah, she shouldn’t have lied, but this ^ is the exact reason she did

  14. thanks! yes i think this is also true- i was going to suggest we watch something together as i don’t spend enough time with her which is obviously crucial for a good relationship. i will definitely take on board what you said

  15. You must either accept her decision and enjoy a life with no biological children of your own, or you have to end the relationship in the hope of finding someone else who wants the same things that you want. There are no other viable options.

  16. Understand that you cant really understand until you have gone though it. When you feel hurt by a boundary she sets focus on that it has nothing to do with you and ask her what she needs. Talk to her about how you feel or get a therapist yourself to talk your feelings out with.

  17. If you're going to drift apart and break up, I think it will be more because of him working 60+ hours a week than you joining this sorority.

    Why does he think it's fine for him to leave you alone a lot because he works so much, but it's bad for you to spend a little time with your friends and leave him home alone a little? That doesn't seem right to me. If he's concerned that you're not going to have enough time together, he should work less instead of wanting you to stay home alone for long hours so that you're always there during the few hours that he is.

  18. Yeah Definitely want to. trying to get back to grad school, but financing it is very hot. Also it kind of turned out I’m very much one of those excellent at school, but not so good at the real world type of people. Perfect grades and adored by teachers, but shit at networking and handling work stress type of people. In some ways I think that makes it worse because when we were in college together i had friends tell me they expected me to do such great things but … well… here we are. Kinda wish I was one of those people who no one expected anything of, less pressure (but probably comes with its own bad feelings)

  19. He’s not a pet. You can’t make someone give you something that’s not in him to give.

    Past behaviour determines future events. I don’t see him changing and you’re not enforcing consequences for bad behaviour

  20. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear in my message and responses but I'm doing what is best for me. This has nothing to do with her or her choices that people seem to think she's entitled to.

    I was simply asking about telling her the truth or not. It's clear the answer is telling her the truth.

  21. Seriously a lot of teenagers do not move out at 18 anymore. It is so expensive to on-line right now especially going to college.

  22. While you haven’t done anything wrong you have absolutely sent the message to your girlfriend that your new house won’t be her future home. She obviously saw a different future with you then you are seeing with her.

    She’s upset because she thought you guys were building a future together and you are building one without her.

  23. I mean we had been together for two years so it felt right at the time. Plus my roommate moved out and he needed a pls e so it seemed natural

  24. She lies. She cheats. Yes, OP, sexting is cheating. I'm not surprised that you will never trust her again. A relationship without trust is doomed.

    It's up to you on what to do. If you want to reconcile, at a bare minimum, she has to change jobs and block the AP. Then work from there. If she is not willing to do at least that, there is no chance of reconciliation.

    Good luck

  25. Here's a thing:

    “Being there for her” by letting her vent isn't actually going to help her. A thing that a lot of depressed people do is make their bad mental health their identity, and using that as an excuse to avoid making changes because it's easier to just sit in your misery.

    You're not a bad friend. You just have limitations, and you're probably realizing that your friend isn't getting better, and isn't actually trying to get better, which is really frustrating. Being there, listening, and supporting a friend in need is rewarding if it feels like it's helping them get out of their slump, but if they don't move it starts feeling like hospice care.

    If you want to be a phenomenal friend, get her out of the house. Take her on hikes, concerts, or little vacations, or help her get into therapy. But if that's too much, that doesn't make you a bad friend. It just makes you a person with limitations. Either way, just being her foil as she wallows in self pity doesn't make you a better friend. It just makes you a person with poor boundaries, and your mental health collateral damage of her depression.

    You never owe another person to suffer for them.

  26. The suicide threats are a form of manipulation. She wants you to stay and give her money for her alcoholism and spending addiction. Please leaver her, this isn't healthy for you. I know it's tough, 0but it'll be better for you.

  27. I wish I could be more helpful but I got saved long after I wasn't a Virgin. Unfortunately, I think the stigma around any pleasure is really forced on kids on certain households and it sets them up for failure later.

    There are some good books like “Intended for Pleasure” that is a Christian sex-positive book that is good for encouraging sexual health in marriage but I don't have a good way to unlearn dogma like this, especially in a man.

    I think that it is extra tough because catholics say oral sex is sin even though that is completely unbiblical (like all of catholicism, absolute travesty) and thus not applicable to Christians who are Bible believing ESPECIALLY not new testament believers.

    Song of Solomon is really the only “reference ” to most of the topics of sex but it absolutely encourages oral sex within the context of marriage

    Song of Solomon 2:3As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

    Song of Solomon 4:16Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits.

    I mean the whole book is like this honestly but some people ignore the fun bits of the Bible but it is in there.

    Again this is intended to be in the confines of marriage but at least you have some talking points now maybe?

  28. I'd have to ask him, but not to my knowledge.

    He admitted that she was texting him a bunch starting almost immediately after we broke up, pretty much every day for a month straight. He said now that he's been called out he noticed she started snapping him way more often after we broke up. She way clearly flirting with him. Eventually she asked him to come over and after a bit she admitted that she liked him but he didn't want to date her or something? I'm not sure the semantics. But after that, well.. they started sleeping together a few times.

    Apparently now after they've been caught he's blocked her on pretty much everything and has said sorry… But besides that he hasn't really made any effort to make amends.

  29. For the love of god man get a divorce. She gaslit you and isn’t even remorseful for cheating. She’s going to do it again

  30. Thank you, I appreciate it. Also now part of me is paranoid that he may have been “recording me” during the entire time with one of his phones since he did seem robotic in a way but maybe that’s just me overthinking and being paranoid. Some instances in the past however, have led to this conclusion so it’s not just fully fueled paranoia. Anyway I’ll try to do better and move on.

  31. One option is pretending not to be bothered by her dress. You keeping a stiff upper lip and having no reaction to her antics will make you look dignified while she looks like a pathetic attention seeker trying to upstage the bride on her wedding day.

    You could also have your fiancé talk to his mother and tell her firmly that she can’t wear white. Everyone is well aware of that piece of wedding etiquette, she can’t claim that she had no idea. There is enough time to find something else to wear.

  32. Are you sure that having an established career is really that important for her? She might just want someone to love her. I think you should go for it.

  33. We've been having sex for months now. And now all of a sudden, he thinks I'm an easy lay? I sent him the sex toy because I know he likes anal play. People buy their friends sex toys. Does that mean those people are an easy lay too?

    Again, I've treated him poorly more than once. I mean I'm not even sure I'd want to have sex with someone who treated me the way I treated him.

  34. That is what we call “grooming” and it is very creepy. Likely, you are not the first person it has happened to. I’d advise reporting him to authorities is you are aware he has younger students. Also, drop contact for your own safety.

  35. I would say regardless of your romantic relationship with their father, it's important to keep your promises to children. If their father doesn't have an issue with it, and you're on good terms, don't let the kids down.

    Have you had a conversation with your ex about staying friends and staying in the children's lives? I know a lot of couples who didn't work out, but they remain close to the step children. It's a beautiful thing when that is able to happen.

  36. not having a family that you have a relationship leaves a void that can't really be explained but is obviously extremely painful and ongoing.

    I'm sorry if that was your experience, and I hope you can build the family you deserve in time.

    I gave up my abusive & enabling family and it brought SO much light and freedom into my life. I was finally able to just let go of all the repression and silence that had to be constantly present to allowed the abusers to exist normally in the family. To not get attacked by the fiercest enablers whenever they detected the slightest acknowledgment or accountability of the abusers actions. To finally be able to actually heal, and not just crust over.

    So I totally disagree with you about it leaving a void or being extremely painful or ongoing… it was the best decision I ever made in my life and I only wish I'd made it as soon as I hit 18 instead of trying to cling to this myth of “family” being irreplaceable. Because now I have people I call family who I chose, they are good people through & through who truly love me as I am.

  37. Honestly, I have a friend in the UK I lost touch with, but if I found myself over there I would 100% reach out, even if I went with my partner. (I’m in the US so it would be a big deal) I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it! And on the topic of reaching out to the ex, I guess it depends on the comfort they have with each other to talk casually.

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