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Date: September 27, 2022
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I’m not seeing the correlation between the live guy she ‘cheated’ with and her male best friend.
If she cheated with someone other than her best friend, then I don’t think you had any right to tell her to stop seeing her best friend. I don’t get how that would make you trust her again.
I think she could have tried to earn your trust back in other ways. Based on your post, you’re coming off as controlling. Even if you don’t think so. It’s more subtle than you realize.
I think you also staying in your post that you had discomfort when seeing him around proves that you were insecure about yourself and the relationship to begin with. You didn’t trust her enough from the beginning with having a male best friend.
I’m not surprised she picked him over you.
If you truly want her back, you would need to commit fully without any stipulations and just trust her enough not to mess up again. And this is if she wants to take you back. And if she takes you back and then cheats again, well, now you truly know you both are not compatible.
Ur logical approach is accept if he WANTED to he WOULD have… Unpack that and don't give him any thing if he asks
“well you've shown me that my effort isn't appreciated”
Tell him we need to have a serious talk.
Mention that you've noticed glaring changes in his behaviour lately & due to both of your histories you find yourself fearing the worst, they he might be retuning to drugs.
Tell him that you're 100% there for him but he needs to let you in for that to work.
Tell him that you both have so much more to lose now that you have kids involved.
If he still refuses to come clean with you then I'd just keep a very close eye on him.
I didn’t really read the whole whole thing but what I’m getting at is you love KR because they were your first love and JW because they were kinda like a new beginning. Have you ever thought about bringing up Polyamorous or seeing if you or them were into that?
No, you need to leave him. No talking to him, screw the stuff he has bought you. This us beyond weird and you deserve so much better. You can always make friends, it’s not too late. Please leave him, his behavior alone is disgusting
Ew. You're a total fucking creep for preying on a 20 year old girl! No doubt you can't impress women your own age so you think a 20 year old is easy to impress. Gross. Glad she wants to sleep with others- maybe she'll get away from you!
I’ve told her we should just be friends and she hasn’t really gone by that. I know there’s the very obviously perspective of if she doesn’t respect your wishes then that’s your decision…but people are more complex than that. Do you think there’s a way for us to just be friends while she heals or does it seem more like she needs that time away before she opens up romantically at all?
Her demand was far from unreasonable
I can perfectly understand why blackfishing bothers people but I see nothing to suggest that this is a case of blackfishing. Lana is an Asian woman that tans and has decided to cosplay as a character with dark skin. The character in question is not even black. The whole argument is frankly ridiculous and clearly rooted in Kates own insecurities and biases. It honestly sounds to me like Kate is jealous of Lana for some reason and is making shit up to get at her.
Especially as OP seems allergic to her husband now.
This sub has a major problem with infantilzing grown women. Ellie had sex with a married man and everyone here immediately breaks out the blankets and cocoa for her. This whole attitude is low key misogynistic. They're basically saying that women are so innocent and naive that even when they do harmful things it's not really their fault. This attitude is harmful for women and not helpful at all
Why would you even want to marry into this? Postponing the wedding until the end of times seems like a better idea- you know, since your fiancé wants to marry his brother, not you.
Basically an indirect apology, but still suggesting there’s a problem. But have been invited round to talk about it so that’s a decision I’ll have to make. Probably not at the moment as I’m terrified
At this point you're going to have to be more cautious on your end, because he could totally be trying to get you pregnant.
Maybe the first time was accidental and a scare but now that he knows how he thinks about it and how his parents think about it, he might try to get back to that condition
Hold on. So you caught him cheating—he didn’t even confess to you—and instead of taking ownership, he basically said that he was, what, disassociating? And obviously that would require talking to a psychologist, and instead of taking ownership there, you are the one trying to find the right therapist for him?
I don’t see how you can recover from this if he isn’t even taking responsibility and taking action on his own to make it right.
Yep, and when there is absolutely no one feeding or housing you, it's easier to push yourself to get up and do things. It sucks a lot but as long as he has OP to be his mom he's not going to try to get better.
You are actually a groomer. He was a KID! For shame and I hope your son never speaks to you again.
Newlyweds uve only been married for 3 months and he's already being manipulative? That's fast.
ur husband that you had a long distance relationship with and didn't live with for long yet hasnt ever exhibited bullying behavior before knowing u hate that kind of behavior and who u think is perfect except for this..
Is constantly negging you.
putting you down
3.and then ontop of that gaslighting you into thinking ur being ridiculous for reacting negatively to set negging
4.and then ALSO dismissing you when you say how u feel and want to have a conversation.. which should be normal in a marriage about how you feel..
Doesn't want to talk to u about ur boundaries because it's ridiculous for u to expect his respect but u aren't allowed to use a certain tone with him?
What exactly is making him such a great man? I love how he waited until u had a ring on ur finger and trapped u until he showed u who he really was and ur just taking it.
Tell him to stfu next time! When he “jokes” tell him he should stick to his dayjob he isn't a comedian. Walk away when he does it! Don't entertain him at all.
I would say u should really rethink this marriage but i doubt ud even consider that so i won't waste my time.
because ur gonna be miserable in this marriage and ur kids are gonna be picking up this behavior too.
Either end up being bullies themselves goodluck with that.. End up like u in an emotionally abusive marriage with low self esteem with a man that treats u like shit and tells u to basically get over it!
Edit: this is also not Mulan! And no one is singing “I'll make a man out of u yet”
Why the hell do u need to be tough with ur husband?
Marriage counseling for him not to act like an adolescent.
??♂️
I'm confused by quite a lot of this post but the main thing I can't find in it is any conceivable reason why you wanted to marry him in the first place, let alone actually did it.
Like that book we read preschool children, everyone poops. What everyone shouldn't do is make a big deal put of it. Your boyfriend (I hope ex) is a jerk and so are his stupid friends.
Exactly this. There's a difference between “I don't like this party's fiscal policy” and arguing for essentially team nazi. I don't give a shit if someone judges me hasty for cutting off communication with destructive hate-mongers. I've cut off people for less. ??♀️
If your politics are “jail people for being different”, I don't care if you gave me a kidney, we're done here.
It's simply not nice to the guys to deliberately waste their time and attention. You're not in the wrong. It has nothing to do with trust, it's just rude.
Noise cancelling headphones, that's what I want to add to the existing advice.
I have sensory issues (autism) and noise canceling headphones are a lifesaver. Even just headphones or earbuds help since there's a little bit of passive noise canceling, but active noise canceling is life changing. At this point you can get active noise canceling headphones or earbuds for under $50 off Amazon or at many stores and it's amazing the quality for the price. I recommend headphones for maximum noise canceling and buds if he wants something more subtle.
There's also earplugs, I know there are some that are supposed to take the edge off things while still letting you hear conversations like Loop but I don't have much personal experience with them.
Fans or white noise machines are useful at home.
Found the insane redditor who is also entitled.
Archive it if you wanna keep the peace. Do not delete it. When I started dating my husband, over 20 years ago (fuck, I’m old!), we used to be young and stupid. We also used to be extremely jealous and we destroyed all pictures of each other’s exes. I deeply regret that now. I would like to have pictures of my exes just to reminisce. We’ve reached a point in which we can talk freely about exes and memories. You will get to this age too. Instagram is to your generation what photo albums used to be to mine. Do what YOU want with it. Do not listen to her.
I think that ship has been sailing
Ain’t nothing Christian about this affair. She’s smart & knows what’s she’s doing…
What high school teen drama is this. Just talk to your husband.