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1. I have trouble eating regularly and more than just 2 bites. I don't know if one could say that I have an eating disorder at this point but I am currently only eating half a meal a day and that's it. I can't eat more, I've completely lost my apppetite and am seldom hungry. This has been going on for about 2 months at this point.

   This sounds like it could be the start of an unhealthy food pattern for sure. Usually eating disorders have a connection to control, which can result in binging, starving or just plain undereating.

   Sounds like you're suffering with the last part of that sentence, which I personally have dealt with. One of my closest friends is a recovering anorexic, starvation type, and that manifests differently.

   The fact that you had such an emotional reaction to the dish not being here would be a warning sign to me that it might be good to seek help from a doctor. Maybe it's medical, in which case you can hopefully find out a solution with your doctor. If it is an ED or something similar I would urge you to also get help to develop healthier habits and to guide you in your recovery. Because sadly this can be a road that passes by faster then you might realise.

   Also, ED and being underweight are linked, but not mutually exclusive. So me having an ED when I was over 200 pounds is something that people struggle a lot to understand. The fact that you have thought about it being a reason is valid enough to check it out.

   Its very important to have people helping and supporting you in this process, expecially someone who lives with you and who you share food with (consensually ofcourse 😉 ). It might be a good thing to open up to your boyfriend about your recent struggles with food and explain that that was a reason why you felt so strongly about him finishing the dish you were looking foward to.

   Food has to be on your terms, as you described, so this way he also knows to communicate more about what is in the fridge and things that you might keep for yourself.

   The advice I would give you is not connected to your question but still, I would encourage you to reconnect your love to food and body. Maybe you and a friend or bf can go to a cooking class, or cook together at home more often. Put some music on and grab a glass of wine for good vibes and make it a party to prepare and eat so that way it's less about the food and more about the experience of eating again.

   I hope you can use some of this advice, and you're welcome to private message me if you want to talk more. I'm a social worker, europe based, so I might be able to help you with any questions you have on getting the help. ♥️

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