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Mila, ❤️Gary ? https://fans.ly/r/PlayWithMil, y.o.
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Date: September 24, 2022
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No one owes their parents anything for choosing to shit us into existence. Sounds like OP has been incredibly patient because of the grief her mother has been dealing with, but it is now time to draw a line in the sand. Taking care of us before we can walk and talk is literally a basic care task that ALL parents must do, its not something we need to repay them for because having us was their choice, not ours.
I thought it was appropriate to agree and elaborating on your comment.
You know? But you’re with him so obviously you don’t.
You know? But you’re with him so obviously you don’t.
You know? But you’re with him so obviously you don’t.
I actually mentioned that she may have made up the other guy as well. It’s not that odd to think of. OP says they’re close friends for years and he (nor apparently any of his friends) have ever heard of him.
Like 5 other people saw them go to her apartment drunk together. If they did say something about it right then, they’re talking about it today.
That doesn't mean your marriage has to be the conduit for her to do this.
Tbh, I'm a bit of a domme so the way I would approach this isn't for everyone, but it does work:
“Hey. You are mine and I am yours, if you're going to be feeding *anyone** at dinner, in the kitchen, or in the bedroom.. it's me, not some nebulous woman throwing herself at you to make her husband jealous. I don't like to share and I don't think you'd want to share me with other men either. She felt comfortable enough to do that with you. Don't let her get that message again.”*
You can withdraw the ultimatum.
Let us look at other problems. Is he a cop, fireman, or E.R. nurse? If so, you could approach the head of the department and tell them what is going on. They can probably help or at least have a list of therapists for him to see.
From what I have read it sounds like you both need to get counseling. Both as a married couple and separately. Yes, you are needing some for yourself.
Tell him you will go with him. If he refuses all of the above, then you will have to ask yourself if you are better off with him or without him.
My wife and I have tracking on our stuff. But we're married, and it's tied into our smart home shit. We have absolutely nothing to hide from each other. On top of that, we can disable it whenever we want. Is it weird for us? No.
Is it strange for you in a long distance relationship? Yes.
It's not just an animal, and the fact that he is capable of saying that is proof that he has no business having a pet or being the partner of someone who has pets. Cats are not “just animals.” They're family members. On top of that, yours are likely a bonded pair at this point and it would be traumatic to them to split them up.
Also, only jackasses tell people that having emotions is just for little girls. Moving 3000 miles away was the right call. Don't fuck up by undoing that and inviting him closer.
Your fiancé is telling you he’s going to stand you up at your wedding. Is he offering to offset the cost of canceling the wedding or is he planning on leaving you holding the bag?
There’s no way he HAS to sign a contract that has him gone in 10 months. And even then there’s usually leave granted, he couldn’t work in a week off for his wedding and honeymoon into the contract?
It doesn’t sound like your fiancé is making much space for you in his life, he makes the decisions and expects you to do all the legwork to stay together. Listen to your gut, don’t give up your life for someone who isn’t making an effort to be in yours.
So…1.) I have no idea about your boyfriend’s status. But 2.) Whoever told you this, doesn’t understand the Cluster B spectrum. One cannot be a psychopath and a narcissist at the same time. My assumption is that the person perceived narc tendencies—since diagnosing people as narcs is all the hype right now—and threw psychopath in there for added effect…since they clearly don’t actually know what they are talking about. 3.) They could be correct about their presumptions of manipulation being at play within your relationship. Again, I don’t know the full context, so I just…don’t know.
Either way, the most important thing that I do know, here…is this. Try not to rely so much on others so as to formulate your own opinions. That does leave you open to being manipulated. So. Two birds, one stone. Best of luck to you.
i want you to think about this…….. his mate went to a brothel with no money not knowing your partner was going with him? didn’t know your partner was gonna lend him the money but still went? why when he hadn’t spoke about going so he wouldnt know that your partner was gonna lend him the money if it wasn’t spoke about before hand. not a fucking chance….. your partner has lied to you. he says he was asleep but managed to take pictures not text you. come on girl. he was out having fun. why was there 2 girls there his friend can’t perform? 2+2 actually does equal 4. a perfect equal number.
i’m not gonna tell ya to keep him kicked out because it pretty much sounds like you’ve made your mind up by defending him……. but this is what i will tell ya to do. keep an eye on his bank see if he pays that money back to his friend. keep eye on his messages to the so called friend. make him get checked and go yourself too. tell him you are not comfortable him going out with these friends any longer.
Oops
This is a boyfriend?! He has much more money to spare!? He can’t pay for you so you can attend HIS families Xmas? Do what others have recommended, tell him honestly that you can’t afford this.
He had keys to her apartment and you STILL believe she was only emotionally cheating on you.. Dude…. seriously…. come on… you aren't this naive are you?
I never had an issue with them seeking support or the hurtful things they said – because I understand completely where they were coming from.
I only have an issue with the fact that I texted my friend “fuck, I forgot to take the pill yesterday,” followed a minute later with “I took two today like it said on the package, fingers crossed it works”
and two hours after that she sent my bf “she just texted me she might be pregnant” and when my bf rightfully freaked out she just said “yeah you fucked up”
I talked to my bf about the whole thing and even he said that nitpicking what I sent her and rephrasing it in such matter was an ass move on her side.
And I know how hard it is – two years ago she had attempted and I moved in with her, to be there for her. I KNOW how naked it is and I'm not holding them texting about me against them, I just wanted to know WHY she would paint me in such light that literally was basically a lie.
I never even texted her that I MIGHT be pregnant, just about the pill, she didn't even know that me and my bf had stopped being intimate a week prior.
I used to date a guy who would yell at me for not going to the gym or running 5 miles everyday. 🙂 I would hear exactly the same comments you’ve mentioned above from him. I spent three years of my life obsessing over my appearance, starving myself, feeling ugly etc… I met the love of my life one day, and I realized all that garbage “advice” he gave me was ,in fact, actually garbage. I remember being young and bowled over because he was a struggling Hollywood “actor/model”. I thought if someone knew things about maintaining my appearance it was most certainly him- I mean he was a model right!???
Fast forward a decade. I married the love of my life, who actually preferred me at a bigger weight; I was made to feel gorgeous every day of my life with him…I finally realized I was actually beautiful. The guy- wish him well- but he is definitely a certified loser. That “career” of his never took off, he never ended up doing much. All of his friend group is married now; he’s still alone and miserable. I realized all the “advice” that he gave me were just insecure projections because he had set those impossible standards for himself.
Leave the guy. It’ll be the best thing you ever do!
Don’t get married until you figured out your communication. That stuff that bugs you now, it lingers and becomes resentment. Counseling could save you both a lot of trouble
She sounds like….a lot. Y’all need counseling.
Take the other person. You invited girl one expecting to have her company all night which she agreed to.
Now something more exciting has come along she’s ditching you.
This is rude. Ask the other girl.
“Hey Person, so I think you are [your words here]. I was thinking we could get a coffee or something? BUT if you are involved with [Other Person] then obviously that would not be cool. I don't want to step on toes. So what do you think?”
Just be straightforward.
Welcome to the single life boo
Take yourself out of the situation until he get over his attitude. I know you want to spend the day together but it being alone that will give the most impact. It’s not forever. Just a day or a few hours
My guy loves to pee outside in bushes etc when no one is there but that's about it. I feel it's a guy thing. The more outdoorsy a man gets, they don't end up being shy to pee out in the nature ??♀️
Well, if he is visiting, why jot gift him a ticket for some tourist attraction / show in your country?
I’d ick my way right out the door sister
Maybe I'm just old, but relationships seem so much more transactional anymore. I'm all for protecting yourself, but I wouldn't live! with someone where I didn't see a future.
Just sit down and have an adult conversation with her. Tell her you are ready and able to buy a home and how she sees herself contributing if you decide to live together. It really isn't nude, and will tell you if you are both on the same page or if you still have things to work on before both of you take that step. If you still have things to work on, you can take the step by yourself and change as your relationship progresses.
If you’re in a committed relationship with someone, yeah. If you’re just hooking up, then you should be using condoms. When you decide not to use condoms anymore, you should trust someone enough about their viral status yeah.
Why are you even dating her if you don’t see her being involved in your child’s life at least in caring capacity?
At least she is trying to make sure your son has a bright future, while you and your ex are setting the poor kid up for failure.
Step up and be a parent. Because from where I am standing, you are a horrible one. He is 13, his tantrums should have ended when he was 5 and at the latest 8. You and your ex hindered his development growth.
If your boyfriend can't appreciate you for all the work you put into this dog, then that's a concern on a fundamental level that will express itself in new and unfortunate ways throughout your relationship.
You're not wrong and I can only imagine the stress and internal conflict. Sadly, most of us have all seen what happens when lies and deception seep into a relationship, even if the results are not immediate.
He has to be ready to say: “Mom, did you really call me to complain that my girlfriend moved her hand while she talked? Get out of here with that; don’t be silly. What’s this really about? Are you doing ok?”
He has to be dismissive of silly things his mom says. If not, you guys will be miserable.
I'd like to refer your bf to the why women live! longer sub.
Her responding that way is a red flag.
It's been three months. Kids are for life. Parents of kids are for life.
You are not ready to date someone with a child.
thats what I was thinking. I know she still has love for me and that relationship is so new so I want to show her how much love she has for me compared to this new guy, even though thats just beginning and who knows where its going to go
She did nothing wrong. She didn't ask for the picture. I bet he sent it to cause problems between OP and her bf. He shouldn't be upset with her. She said he saw their texts several minutes before her ex sent the picture, so he knows there was nothing going on.
Next she tries to get you drunk.
He can move on a fast as he pleases. Moving on quickly Is. Not. Cheating.
I don't know how to get that through to you.
Start hiding some money away (divorce)
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I pay my own commute to work.
Ugh. What a mess. I'm not sure what advice to give you there.
I think just share your thoughts, and ask him why he hangs out with him. Is it because of his friend group or what? Is it really just because they have to get on in classes?
2023 can be a great year for you.
Honestly, the first time I saw him hard on that bike I would have started packing.
Hands around the neck= HUGE RED FLAG!!!!
Does it burn or hurt when he pees?
The vegan thing really made me ick cause there’s a type of particular people who mostly say that. But even if that wasn’t the case…
That fyi, if you actually cared about any of the issues you listed, you wouldn’t be a doormat. You would not settle for someone who even votes for a class that constantly goes against the better interest of people. But that’s expected since democrats and republicans aren’t always that different from each other.
Date who you wanna date but just keep that in mind as many commenters have said more or less the same thing as I have.
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If it feels wrong, don't do it. I just hope you're not trying, in a backhanded way, to set some standard for what your girlfriend can do with her friends.
We all agree it wasn’t intentional, but it is not more ok because it wasn’t. You need to get your anger under control, period. Punching, throwing, and knocking over inanimate objects in a fit of rage is abuse.
She’s not still caught in it. They don’t talk anymore. I said that because it bothers me that he can be incredibly disrespectful and abusive to her and she will still want to be his friend but I’m being treated like this over an unanswered text.
If she has an issue, it’s her job to respectfully bring up the issue and talk about it. Not send me a passive aggressive message and then shun me afterward. IMO the way she is handling this is way more disrespectful to me than me not answering her text was to her
That's a crazy reaction to someone telling you to suck their dick in an argument.
Guess he won't be putting his dick in crazy anymore.
Family first? Sure… but everything else is hard garbage.
There's a difference in making an ultimatum… and expecting simple respect, support and partnership.
i guess not
Exactly. She's literally telling you that you're not important to her. That's not a partner. that's not a healthy relationship. that's not a lifelong commitment to supporting you in better or worse.
That's literally her saying “My friends know our dirty secrets and because of that you aren't invited and I'm prioritizing literally everyone else over you”.
Screw that. I don't care who you are. You deserve better than that.
Pay child support but terminate all rights with a judge so that you are legally off the hook.
There is an old reddit post on bestoflegaladvice where a male poster pressured his ex just like you were and he got the kid while she terminated her rights and paid childsupport. He was whining trying to get her to see the kid but reddit completely shot him how so I don’t know why they’re attacking you now
Some of what you're saying is true but let's remember that part of this is on OP, too.
Marriage is about managing expectations. Not getting what you want exactly how you want it and learning how to respond in healthy ways. That is arguably the most important key to marriage. OP is getting dangerously close to idolizing herself and her expectations more than she's excited about being with her partner.
But her partner could have afforded to look for ways to be more considerate.
I'm not condemning OP but there is a balance in there somewhere that OP is not handling at all.
Most of the comments are saying the same thing and I agree that your gf does not deserve an apology from you.
However, BOTH of you need to work on your communication. I won't reiterate what your gf needs to work on, but you actively chose to ignore her. I'm sure she realized you were playing dumb, and felt hurt. If you don't want this to continue, SPEAK to her about why her actions are immature and frustrating.
Have a conversation before coming to the internet to feel self righteous.
I imagine you know how he will react. I personally think anything you have going on in your head you should be able to communicate to your partner.
I see people here all the time say “if my partner even mentions an open relationship I’m out that very second”. I don’t feel like that’s a real human reaction, but FYI, that’s what you are going to hear from this sub.
You can tip around it, watch movies with FF relationships or swingers and ask what he thinks about it or however you broach the subject, but at some point you are going to have to directly tell him what you’ve been thinking.
You may also want to think about how far you want to take it before you approach him. If you just want to kiss a girl at the local bar, you may get a different reaction from him than if you want to have a separate sexual relationship or romantic one.
If you are down with it, you can offer to include him in the exploration, for some people that gives a sense of reassurance because you aren’t leaving them to be with someone else. You also may want to think about, if you have the desire to sleep with other people and explore, are you ok if he does the same
Looks are NOT the end all be all. I am far from an attractive guy, but I have had atleast one successful relationship. Self reflection really is the biggest thing, man.
There is ALWAYS hope.
Based on everything I’ve read, it doesn’t sound like your wife wants to see whether her work crush can work out. It sounds like she did everything to NOT explore the work crush to make sure YOUR marriage will work out.
Are you sure the separation is not for YOU? During the separation are you going to be waiting for your wife to figure it out like your post implies? Or are you going to also explore what it would be like to get close to the other women in audit during busy season?
Thanks. I don't want to read emotional stuff from her. I have trouble understanding what she is saying. I need to hear it in person. I told her she can read it to me in person because I can't process what she said via text. I guess I shouldn't have deleted the message. I was being petty yes. But why even bother talking to her about it? I know it is petty and I should just solve the problem on my own. I guess I could let her know I'm upset with her but that there's nothing she can do about it?
The reason why I think she is gas lighting is because she is literally telling me that my reality is distorted. I don't believe that it is. The minimizing my feelings and turning it around and diverting etc is one thing but then literally saying my reality is distorted is a red flag. I have a counselor and during our last fight I sent my counselor snapshots of our messages and my counselor told me she was gas lighting too. She said watch out for it. But then am I just screen shotting only the messages where it looks like she's gas lighting? This situation is a mind *&*#. Anyway thank you for your response.
… wut.
What you need… is a new boyfriend. 0_o
I would not take her back. There was a reason she was unhappy in the relationship the first time and that is likely to comeback into the picture if you got back together. When you throw in the fact that she slept with someone else when you were talking like that again it’s best to just move on now. Do you want to be with someone who makes you feel the way you are feeling now? You deserve better. You will really be regretting it if you take her back then break up anyways a few years from now when you have a clear opportunity to move on now.
Honestly the guy is literally almost purple, like he’s literally the dictionary definition of juiced to the gills ?
She sounds gross and like she doesn’t respect you
Grow a spine and have her get out and pay for her own damn food. Jesus.
He's struggling because suddenly the mother who always made him feel unloved (because she actually doesn't love him) is showing a glimmer of something. Not quite care, not really affection, but this tiny thing he wants so desperately to grab onto.
It is very hard when you've been abused by a narcissist to not suddenly be sucked in when they tempt you with a morsel of what you always hoped they'd give you.
She is not doing this because she loves him and he needs to realise that. You being pregnant didn't make her suddenly care about him. She simply knows this is a way to hurt you and control him.
The “reluctant” need to change the office into a nursery is not the way a loving person thinks. She's using it as a way to make him feel like she's sacrificing for him. She's not.
She's manipulating him because she sees a new way to do it.
There is almost no circumstance where a child who isn't old enough to call you should be that far away, let alone with an abusive person.
She will either abuse the baby the same way she abused him, or she will turn the baby into a golden child. The latter will destroy your relationship with each other and your relationship with your child.
This is bait
?GIRL WHAT!!!!
That’s basically what I’ve started doing. I just fear the place will literally become inhospitable. I basically hide away from the worse one of the two wherever possible because for certain she’ll ask me to do something more for her, to which I’ll say no.
There’s a line I didn’t think I’d read today
So, if you're BF is falling asleep in public, there's NO WAY he's getting a good night's rest. You're either lying or he's lying to you about how much sleep he's getting because you're putting so much pressure on him to go out
Buddy.
Your wife is a lesbian, knows she is a lesbian and has been using you
No, no, sorry. I tried to give an abbreviated version of the story. What happened was much simpler than that, unfortunately. We were talking fine, no arguments, no anger, nothing. I said I love you and he didn't read the message for almost 40 mins. When he came back, he said “I love you, I'm sorry” to which I replied “it's okay ig”. He sent “.-.”, and I responded to that face with “just would've liked an explanation. You were gone a while” his reply was “well you could've asked for it, I was playing apex”. Here I told him he was starting to be rude, and he fired back saying I was manipulating him.
Almost doesn't count!
friendzone her…. problem solved
In what way?
So I was in your gf's place back in 2021 when I saw my marriage falling apart. We had also been together almost 3yr. I remember getting ready for a date with my husband and sitting down before leaving and feeling miserable. I felt like I was having to put up a strong front and act like everything was fine and our relationship was in a great place. When he came in to check on me and asked if I was okay and still wanted to go out I broke down in tears saying almost exactly what your gf was saying. “Why're we doing this? What are we even doing?” I felt like we were just married roommates at that point. At the time my husband was stressed from the pandemic, his work and my chronic health issues so I was getting pretty shafted (and not in the fun way).
You mentioned things being rocky at work for her but are you sure it's not your relationship that's rocky that's stressing her out and therefore making things rocky at work? If my SO did what you did when things were bad I would have probably reacted the same way as your gf because it would feel like you were only putting effort in for that one day (that seemed more for you than her). If he did it now though I would be very excited and happy to leave work early for a spa day.
I think you really need to have a sit down with your girlfriend because she may honestly be considering ending the relationship.
Yeah I can see why you wouldn't want to disclose that. Makes the whole female discrimination/feminist parts read like a bad joke. People on Reddit hate age gaps, too, which is probably why you got downvoted.
But yeah, if it IS true, best of luck. Unfortunately, I can't be too much help. I have no experience with that dynamic, though I am curious. Hope it all works out for you.
No one should comment. If you were eating a gallon of ice cream or an entire 9 inch birthday cake on your own, I could see someone commenting. If you are not bingeing it should not be mentioned. I would consider this controlling behavior. It isn't helping you, and before I let him “finish” it, I would finish it or save it for later. If someone did have a problem with portion control this behavior could drive them into sneaking food. It isn't healthy.
approach it from two ways: the fact that it hurts your feelings, and the fact that there's a good chance she has some kind of medical problem making her sleep too much. low iron, depression, narcolepsy, etc. for the good of herself and your relationship she should get it checked out.
I've been the “safe” partner in two relationships and they ended bad.
My ex had an ex that cheated on him and her previous husband before him. My ex felt that strong chemistry and it was like a drug.
In the end, I couldn't compare to the ghost of her memory. He was and is still infatuated with her even though she's moved on. He won't be happy until they're together again.
This ^
Ohhh, read up on BPD maybe, how does that fit?
Dude just can’t figure himself that’s why his actions is conflicting.
You could do 1 of 2 things to gently let her down and not be an ass.
1) Tell her you're involved with someone. 2) Tell her that you don't date anyone you work with due to past experiences of getting burned.
Granted #2 could lead to more issues of her telling you it wouldn't be that way with her, etc., which is why I still think the suggestions of telling her you're involved with someone is the way to go.
I would do this before even going to HR. You've not been there that long and going at this point wouldn't maybe look great, and would look better if you tell her you're involved and she still persists.
If people there gossip like you say then she would tell everyone about you going to HR regardless, but if you tell her you're involved first then you will still come out the good guy if you have to take it to them.
My brother and I are musicians. I hate it when people drum all the time when we’re not at official practice. Some people get annoyed by little sounds that others might not be as annoyed by. Sounds like he might be one of those people.
Sober here. If she’s an alcoholic and she is drinking then your problems are a lot bigger than you fearing she’ll get drunk and cheat. We destroy everything in our paths when drinking because all that matters is that next drink. You do not want an active alcoholic in your life. You are signing up for misery.
I’ve never thought of it this way. You have a good point.
Yeah kind of
There has to be more to this
Just want to say, I'm impressed to see someone other than me using the terms gynosexual/gynoromantic. I really wish we could use gynosexual/androsexual more often.
You have a good head on your shoulders. Bringing a baby into the house with this dog would 1000% be a bad idea.
Take that dog to a new vet and get a second opinion. Those “bumps” are called cysts and they're either caused by an environmental allergy or a skin infection.
Next time you talk about having kids, mention the dog. Your wife will say “I told you rehoming her isn't an option”. What you respond with is “I'm not asking you to. I'm suggesting that we don't add any more stress to this dog's life by introducing a baby into the picture.” You're both young, you have time to wait until that dog's time is done before you try to become parents. Babies are stressful on everyone in the house, humans and non-humans. That boxer is on her last few years of life. Y'all can wait two or three more years to have a kid, for the dog's sake.
Poor dog needs more exercise. All of her behavior problems stem from a lack of exercise. Boxers need a minimum of two hours of exercise every day. That's at least two 30-45 minute walks per day plus hard running off leash in a yard somewhere. No amount of training will fix her behavior if she's going nuts because she's bored out of her mind. Give her exercise! Wear her out and she won't be as high strung!
No don't change for him. You'll lose all respect for yourself if you do that cuz you can't lose who you are in a relationship. I guess at first he was attracted to you due to that but now for some reason he's getting brainwashed he wants a Stepford wife. Or else he's been watching too many old shows when all the woman did was take care of the house and take care of her husband.
In a healthy relationship, you would have just told her you ejaculated by accident and moved on. Perhaps had a fun laugh, perhaps consoled you. Then have sex a bit later.
Pre-mature ejaculation is a thing that happens and, while it’s okay to be embarassetment, it’s not something to be embarrassed about.
I think your anxiety is understandable, but it’s just unhealthy. Not fun to be in.
After that, everything is pretty nuts — the product of the unhealthy relationship you guys share. Both of y’all. Not working well
Look at her actions not her words. You’re justifying disrespect. You should end it and give yourself some peace because this is early in a relationship to be cold to someone.
What kind of partner is able to enjoy a trip when their partner is IN A HOSPITAL?
I’d be too worried and would rather make sure they’re okay.
You will find out that there’s more to life than the 4 years at uni.
And if that is your “best time”, it’s because there’s so much opportunity to meet new people, experience new things, etc. The absolute last thing you want to do is tie yourself down to another person ahead of that.
its clearly a problem because youre looking for an emotionally mature response from someone of a young age.. actively demonstrating they cant do that..
She won't cut him off, you cut her off. If there are no kids involved kick her out.
It's been 4.5 zebras since your last edit. I need another update!
What has been her reasoning for not being comfortable with the friendship?
You stated there are periods where you and your friend talk all the time. That kind of emotional intimacy depending on the level can be problematic to a relationship.
How does she feel about you having female friendship in general?
If I were you I’d work really hard to figure out what the root issue is and trying to find a compromise. You lied about something huge. This is the mother of your child, I understand principle but I do find it weird how willing you are to throw a deep relationship w/ a kid for a friendship.
I don't want to believe that such an amazing emotional connection could be severed by something like possible sexual incompatibility.
This is a common misconception that if you continue to believe, will end your relationship. Every relationship is different, but from what you've said it is evident that your GF places value in a sexual relationship that is reciprocal.
You don't have to answer this if it's too personal, but when you engage in sex do you provide any sexual stimulation and endeavour to make her orgasm? Do you simply receive and then want sex to be over?
I don't believe that aligns with submission-type sexual preferences, you need to reframe your idea of your sexuality to being a selfish lover. It has direct correlation to a hetero dynamic of a man expecting his partner to give head while refuses to return the favour, or only focusing on his orgasm and not his partners pleasure.
If you dislike topping her, you should talk with her about focusing on other sexual acts that leave you both fulfilled. You should never force yourself into doing anything that you dislike but your GF has clearly expressed her wants/preferences and you lied to her to avoid a difficult conversation, leading her to believe that you do match her sexual compatibility.
There are multiple sexual acts/positions that are entirely the submissive person providing pleasure to the dominant, have you explored any of those?
Ultimately you need to be honest with yourself and your partner.
Oh man. That stings.
You have to be mindful of your own self detrimental talk. At the same time he is surely realizing his own body is also aging and this may have just been a very awkward attempt to commiserate.
RUN. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Run for yourself, run for your future daughters, and run for all the women who couldn't run for themselves. DO NOT stay in a relationship with this man.
You leave dude. That’s how you deal with it.
You’ve made your position clear… and she’s made clear that she doesn’t give a shit. Leave and find someone who has respect for your relationship.
If they are no longer willing to be part of the dynamic and you do not want to go to a monogamous relationship with just that one person then you have your answer. Ending things with that person would be best for both of you.
Tell her to come take back the stuff she paid for if she wants it. Otherwise it's a gift.
I found a link.
It won't be out of spite. You were going to do that anyway.
I agree that OP needs to stand up for himself… but maybe be a little easier on him. It’s much easier said then done, I can relate 100%. I am completely non confrontational and will avoid arguments at all costs, even if it means people walk all over me. It sucks, but it can be due to lots of things, like childhood trauma.
But, yes, OP. I agree you should stand up for yourself. Just give yourself time to get to that point where you can. In the meantime, I like a suggestion someone else said. Keep your phone on record around her. Try not to act scared of her if you can, bullies feed off fear. What I would do is act completely unbothered by her comments until you can get to the point you say something back… give yourself time to think of what you want to say and let that bitch have it! You’ll feel so much better when you do. Hugs.
I didn’t but ok…
It only takes 3 years. So there's 3 levels to it once you graduate and it's a four year process in college. Entry level is 3 years, intermediate is 6 years and master engineer is 19 years. Once you hit 10 years your LITERALLY having your cake and eating it too. Every single master engineer that I know makes $50hr working 63hrs a week. So that's 23hrs over overtime which is time and a half by weekly. Calculate that into a month and then by a year. It's FUCKING ridiculous
Put your big girl panties on, buy the test yourself because no matter how shitty he is for attempting to get your pregnant on purpose, this my darling, is your fault too. After you buy the test, take it. With or without his presence because YOU need to know. YOU will be the person carrying or aborting a child. This is YOUR body.
If you have unprotected sex you will get pregnant. That is not a question. It is a fact.
OP, this is a guy who spent years lusting for you despite the fact that you were dating his friend then he pounced on you as soon as you were single. Point being, he's not big on decorum, propriety or caring about other people's feelings. Try to just stay far, far away from him. He's a selfish child.
You are right.
It's always i dont see him the same anymore
He enjoyed it more than me
I feel gross after doing it because it wasn't how i was expecting it to go.
From both men and woman. So OP is living in a whole fantasy bubble on pornhub.
No he got a job. He should be thanking you with a dinner not expecting a portion of your referral fee. I’m assuming you have to pay taxes on the referral fee so why would you share the fee when you have to pay taxes on the full amount.
All I'm asking for, is literally advice on dealing with what i admitted is MY PROBLEM. Hence the ask for ways to deal with MY fears while i give him the space i recognize he needs.
No is fine. Trust your instincts. IANAL or financial manager, but having worked in hospice I have seen a thing or two. I would suppose that if neither of your names are on the account, then it is up for distribution upon his passing, unless he has some special distribution in mind, such as 50/50 for each of you. However, if you are an account holder, it isn't his to give away and remains in your control, and is not divided among survivors named in his will.
That is merely a guess. If it is just his, it is an asset they can fight over with you when he dies. Even if you have to give them $500k to walk away, that is still much more than zero. If your name is on it, they have no claim at all and get nothing.
I think he was in love with OP, but the sister kept throwing it out there and probably got preg on purpose to trap him.
That’s what I thought too, either way the relationship is fucked I feel bad for that kid they’re about to have
She just seems like she has a hard time saying no, you’re being unnecessarily cruel. She still never added him back, what exactly are you mad at. If you have a problem, why don’t you tell him to stop hitting on her yourself
There is no way they went from zero sex chat to “nibble your nipples” in one day. He broke up with you for the purpose of shooting his shot with her. For whatever reason that didn't work out and now he's trying to scramble back to safety. All that time you were crying he had his arm around her, he wasn't thinking about you AT ALL.
I'm sorry for the violence you must have suffered that has left you feeling that way.
Please ask your family and friends for help. You are likely isolated. I promise you that there are people in your life that want to help you get out. All they’re doing is waiting for you to ask for help. Since you live! with multiple people, it’s possible that they don’t want him there either. Check in with them privately you might be surprised as to their answer.
I know it’s naked because I just did it. You can do it. You don’t need to stay with him just because you don’t know what it’s like not to be with him.
u/ebbie45 has some really useful resources available for victims and survivors of partner violence.
The one thing I would advise though is to let go of the idea that anything you do will change him. People only change when they want to change. He doesn’t want to change, so he doesn’t. The only person you can change in this situation or any situation is your self. You can ask him to change. You could explain to him why changing is good. But the only person who you have control over is you. Stop worrying about him. Start worrying about you.
Came to make the same comment!
Your GF is an animal abuser and you're complicit if you don't put your foot down.
Yup, definitely this. He’s sleeping around and being irresponsible about it, now he’s gaslighting so she thinks that somehow she magically got it from nowhere.
I was going to come down here and suggest things like travelling solo for a bit while she finishes university, carving out date time amongst your busy schedule (quality vs quantity of together time) and sitting down to discuss the values behind each of your timelines and how you can honour those while finding compromise (ie maybe she wants to marry sooner to feel secure in the relationship but is ok putting off buying a house for a few years).
However, it seems like you’re done with the relationship and want confirmation that it’s ok to make the decision you want to make. If you want to leave, or if you don’t want to leave but feel you’ll be better off for it, it’s ok to leave.
everybody to the psy, now !
the whole thing is a sexual trauma. divorce won't resolve it, only change the situation.
My bet, based on his other comments : there is no degree. He's overselling himself in every aspect of their life together and asks how he can make HER step up.
Spoken like someone who doesn’t have 24 million in the bank
I think you are spot on. Well done on breaking up with her. Make sure you block her on everything.
If your concern is HPV, you're going to have a real problem finding a partner.
Your girlfriend is an asshole! Time to move on.
Yeah, the “honeymoon” moments make you feel loved.
Everybody is inexperienced in our first relationship. We make mistakes, and we learn from them. Then we’re smarter in our second relationship.
I don’t expect you’ll be with this guy long-term. Not if you’re already learning to see his disrespect and disregard for you. But you’re learning important lessons from him that will serve you well in your future relationships.
look at that age gap!!!! he's been grooming her (after the donkey of course) to the point that she doesn't even realise she was sexually assaulted.
I am an American, partnership does not mean married to me. Marriage has lots of legal obligations that a partnership doesn't have.
Anyway if they are on a visa definitely talk to a lawyer to figure out options and outcomes for the situation
It sounds like he has a virgin fetish. I'm willing to bet that after having sex for the first time, he would probably lose interest anyway.
Rip the band-aid off now and tell him you're not a virgin and it's weird that he assumed you were. This relationship is doomed either way.
You're both weird and gross and terrible for one another. He's more gross, but you've let a lie build up for a year and that's just bizarre.
Remindme! 1 week
You are young, I didn't meet my husband until my mid twenties and we became friends first, then best friends and then more. It's the best because I'm married to my best friend.
After reading this it looks like you guys aren't compatible, and although you care about it, you'll meet someone in the future that will absolutely share your interests. Personally I'd move on, make friends and see what comes from it!
And don't get together with someone who's having a competition with his friends on getting laid, that's very disrespectful to you, and frankly, immature as hell.
Wish you the best!
Spite or not, washing a pen is a good way to ruin everything else in the laundry.
It does seem a bit like walking away mid conversation- imagine doing that in ‘real’ life.
I know I'm the bad guy in this story. But have you ever met a truly bad guy in your life?
One of me best friends in HS met one while she was walking home alone after a party. She was SA by an old man and no one was there to help her. It took her YEARS to trust men again and start dating, not to mention how awful she'd been throughout this whole period. There are some pretty dangerous men out there, the true “bad guys”. I don't know how I could live! if my gf was SA by one and I did nothing trying to prevent that.
No. You shouldn’t. You should definitely not still be her friend, though. She broke up with you, with no warning. If she wants you back, let her reach out to you. This is often a manipulation tactic. So don’t step into it!
yup! I will too!
i’m sorry, but there is a level of accountability you actually have to take besides just saying that you feel guilty.
he is not forcing you to give into what he wants, he is not abusing you for it- you are recognizing that it makes him more attracted to you and puts more of his focus onto you so you are complying, but the reality is his focus isn’t even on you in those moments either- it’s on your friends and the idea of a hypothetical threesome where he is being worshipped. YOU deserve to be wanted, prioritized, and treated like a human being rather than a glorified AI sex robot whose primary purpose is to please him. you deserve to have sex with somebody who actually wants to be having sex with you..
you are a fully developed adult who is capable of making your own choices, having morals and using your OWN judgement apart from just submitting to whatever he asks of you. if you actually felt so horrible about violating your own friends, it would not be a regular part of your routine to use pictures of them and describe things they’d absolutely never do to him in the first place. ? it’s honestly disgusting, and if you do actually care about their autonomy, you would put a hard stop at that regardless of anything else. if you want to continue blowing someone who is more interested in their phone, that is ultimately your decision, and it only hurts you in the long run- but you are involving people who have no say and who you can already infer would not consent to it, and that hurts way more people than just yourself. don’t sacrifice the kind of person you are at your core for a man who truly has no consideration for you in the first place.
Ah okay, goodness ?♀️ I’ve already said that to him just to seem like I’m chilled and cool with everything…I’m an idiot
Thats who I’m trying to get a response from… someone who has familiarity with someone who’s dated an Egyptian man or someone from Egyptian culture themselves.
So what.. he's gonna be all stressed out and grumpy unless he gets head every day? Ugh – you are not responsible for his good mood. This is not a loving sexual relationship – this is using you as a human fleshlight.
Ok
It’s not just me then
I though I read the exact same thing and am wondering why every comment isn’t questioning this
Don't feel punched. His higher libido now might have to do with many factors, not you. Sometimes there's a hormonal reason. Sometimes there's a stress-related reason (work and/or financial issues can have that effect). He might have had some deep-buried trauma. Or a combination of those, dunno. As for why, if that's the case, he didn't talk about it with you, well, it's not always easy. Together with the society-imposed role of men having to be strong and that stuff, there's also women considering men who open up as weak and not worthy (also because of some society-imposed shit), and he might have feared that.
Perhaps after some time he got some treatment, be it hormonal, therapy, or whatever.
That's on him, not on you. You have a happy life now, a husband you love, and kids. Why do you harm yourself with these self-confidence hurting issues that need to get lost in your past? Just be happy for your present and, if you don't hate your ex, be happy for him too.
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.
I agree, I’ve been trying to tell myself that a lot of my concerns are dumb / not that big of a deal.
It’s mostly that when it comes to societal norms, we seem to butt heads a lot / have different expectations. My post was mostly around getting advice from folks that have made it work (and how) or from folks that decided they couldn’t bridge the gap (and why).
If only there was some indication that this man was not a good partner….
If this is a naked no for you then YOU need to enact boundaries. The reason he wants it is irrelevant. He is not respecting your “no” and that’s all that matters here. By bringing it up constantly he is trying to wear you down to give him his way. Which is NOT consent.
The next time he brings it up, if you are in the middle of sex, sex stops completely. And if you are not in the middle of sex, get up and leave the room. Or the house if you dont live! together. (Or make him go home if it’s your house)
If it still happens just break up. He doesn’t respect you.
On the contrary, I can’t believe how many naive fools there are on this sub.
3sums involve 3 people. You slept with the third separately, which isn't a threesum or what she agreed to. It's just straight up cheating. Just bc it was OK to sleep w her with your gf does NOT mean it's OK to sleep with her separately from your gf.
You were in the wrong for pulling your daughter from nursing. She now can't see her friends and I'm not sure you'll even get out of paying nursing fees as you'll need to keep her place for when you get back to work. This doesn't appear to have been thought through at all.
However, your wife needs therapy. This isn't normal insecurity and going from 0 to 100 violence with no restraint needs immediate attention.
Get you kid back to nursery, talk to your wife about her fixing her insecurity and anger problems as she's becoming dangerous to be around. If we swap the sexes here Redditors would be advising that you get out the house when your partner's at work. It doesn't feel that bad yet, but if it escalates even a little, it will be.
Finally, why aren't you sorting out your CV and mailing/texting/messaging/video calling all the hours from when your wife leaves until she gets back? That's how you'll help your wife, not inventing ways to waste your time.
Time to get pregnant, that will make up his mind fast. Don't waste any more time waiting for him to decide what happens next 😉 Get proactive.
Oh he’s not :/ She didn’t exactly raise him, and she was not nice in his younger years to put it mildly.
Call the cops and tell them everything.
It’s not his body or boundary to cross major red flags ? Tell him “my body my choice if you don’t like ot then leave”
Find someone your own age. This is gross.
If you love her then tell her. She doesn't deserve deciept as if you didn't do what she basically prophesied into fruition by her constant worry and questions.
Tell her or break up. Simple as that.
I also wonder if ex is using OPs family to try to get her back.
3 years?! Ouf… I wouldn’t be able to get over cheating but 3 years?!?! And the only reason it ended and you found out, if it ended, is because the OBS found out… good luck.
Thanks, I've got a new job in a new career lined up – I was made redundant two weeks before she left and applied for my new job the morning she was planning to leave me. I have a mortgage and a kid so I didn't have the choice to wallow in pity ?
Thanks, I've got a new job in a new career lined up – I was made redundant two weeks before she left and applied for my new job the morning she was planning to leave me. I have a mortgage and a kid so I didn't have the choice to wallow in pity ?
Honestly, you have a lot more money than I did when I had twins. $25k in the bank Is awesome! I had a great job but tons of school loans. My husband and I owed around 25kish at the time. As a couple, you two sound like you could absolutely handle having a kid financially.
However, your BF won’t be on board for this baby, but worse, he doesn’t sound like he ever wants kids. And that seems like a total 180 from what he originally wanted.
I think this sounds like a deal breaker. Personally, I’d keep the baby because if you terminate, you’ll just resent your BF for it.
If he thinks having a kid is expensive, wait until you file for custody and child support. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
You're right but I'm not trying to turn the kids against her and if we get divorced the truth will come out. For right now I'm not ? sure what to do. As stated we are going to counseling but I have also already retained a lawyer.
The sooner you get divorced, the sooner you can be free to find someone else who WILL be your forever person, Someone who won't lie to you, has the same boundaries/compatability etc, which right now, is the opposite of your wife. Don't hang on to the past to so long that you're prevented from happiness in the future.
There's no magical words you can say to her that'll make her realise how wrong it was for her to lie to you. If she doesn't understand that by now, she never will. Think about if there's a specific requirement in your mind, that'd make you know 100% that you want to stay with her. Like if she makes a true heartfelt apology, explains what she did wrong, and how she's going to fix it/not do it again, for example of what one of those requirements could be. Then think about how likely it is that she'd ever fulfil that requirement. If you truly know that she'll never do something like that, then you know for sure that she'll never be the person you want her to be
You absolutely should share the costs of your living arrangement. Doesnt have to be 50:50, but talk to him and try to come up with a number you both are comfortable with.
That’s a good point I think you’re right, thank you
Your husband will absolutely cheat on you with this woman. He will blow up the marriage for her. He’s a POS in my opinion but he really did show you his true colors once before, you really should have paid attention. The only way is out.
honestly, at this point i just don’t know what to do. he said he’d let me know and we wouldn’t be going through this again but i’m just anxious about the situation as a whole. any recommendations? i’ve been understanding, i’ve been level headed but also i’ve set my boundaries.
u hookup with the vegas guy and in spite of that he still give you the best sex of your life.
if im in his shoes and im thinking about a relationship with you, then you sleep with someone else, im out.
i dunno about both of you but if he already has feelings for you and that's what happened, you should consider a relationship with him. not many guys are that accepting.
ask him to answer truthfully if he likes you as a person or he's just looking for sex.
differences in hobbies are not big deal. what's the most important is basic live! values. you gotta be in the same page.
I dont often go out but when i do my husband always offers to be my designated driver and he always picks me up and asks me if i had fun and then usually gets me something to eat. (Happily together for almost 10years) my ex was opposite very controlling and guess what? He was a cheater.
I agree; they’re both doing stupid things.
One thing though- the girl he followed was not some rando but was an old friend of ours. Her scrolling through his followers to see what girls he follows and then demand him to unfollow pretty ones was…something
And he wasn’t saying who she could be friends with, just said that he didn’t understand why she was friends with that girl when even she would say all sorts of bad things about this girl, her friend, as he thought she didn’t like her anymore, but it’s sort of comical how first she demands who he can follow on social media a few months ago but then now flies off the handle when she thinks he’s telling her who she can be friends with haha hypocritical
But yeah it really does seem like he’s using her for sex, and I really don’t like that at all. But this is young love that hopefully will fizzle out soon
If you can get a hold of him, do it. Send him proof.
but when he says to her let’s hookup tonight and hung out with her without me knowing .. yea ofc i’d feel that way . i trust him until he cheated the first time
Thank you. Will definitely be implementing this. I just feel bad which I know is unfair to me and illogical.
Thank you!! 🙂 going to do the personalized one for graduation I think
Some people just do NOT understand doing things like that alone. Maybe try to reassure her that many people enjoy traveling and doing activities alone and that it isn't about her. If she still insists, for me, that's a relationship ender. You should be free to do things you want to do.
“Dear Ex, I've worked with a therapist and have now recovered completely from my breakup. If you're willing I'd like to talk and catch up. I suffer no delusions that you'll take me back. I'd just like to repair the damage I did between us and see if we can't be in contact again in whatever way you feel comfortable with.”
But don't do if everything in that paragraph isn't true. If you lead her on she may hate you now and until you've processed everything (with a professional) you'd just do the same thing to her again. So feel the proper amount of humility here. When we treat people badly they tend not to forget it. This woman owes you nothing.
That’s a LOT of toddlers.
If you wanted to change, you’d figure out a way to do the work. Your gf is right to stay far far away from you. Either find a therapist or end the relationship and don’t start another.