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1. As a woman on antidepressants for several years now, I can see a lot of red flags in your post here on what might be making her cold towards you, and it’s not just the drugs fault.

   I went on my medication after having a panic attack in the middle of my shift at a coffee kiosk when I was running it alone. It wasn’t your run of the mill panic attack, I thought I was having an asthma attack and they call and ambulance, and I had been suffering in silence for a long time not telling my partner what was going on. I’d go home and cry until it exhausted me enough to sleep, and then I’d sleep till he got home and then I’d be the version of me he knew, because seeing my partner made me feel better and safe and the anxiety and depression would back off a bit.

   The only fight I ever had with my partner was when I started the medication, which he was really worried about me taking. When he said to me “I don’t want you to get stuck taking these meds because your stronger than that”, he meant that he didn’t want me to feel like I didn’t have power and strength over myself, but what I heard in the height of my darkest moment was “Why can’t you just be stronger and fix yourself?”

   If you tried to tell your wife not to take these meds, that just doing therapy should be enough to resolve what’s she’s feeling and medication is taking the way out, she’s probably feeling very distant from you right now. When you find a medication that works, that takes you out of the darkest place you’ve ever been in your own head and your partner isn’t even happy for you, that is an enormously heartbreaking thing to experience. I know that just like my partner you were only coming from a place of love, but she can’t hear that passed the mental disorders that have put her into crisis enough to seek medical help.

   Antidepressants do not make you a zombie, they do not take away your ability to have positive emotions. If she was experiencing highs of emotions that bordered on a manic high, they might bring that down a bit, but they won’t stop you from having the best days of your life. I know because my medication is the only reason I have had so many beautiful, peaceful days since.

   You need to give her time. It can take three months for medication to finally balance with brain chemistry, and right now her brain is trying to figure out what to do with all the vacant space the darkness of anxiety used to take up. If you want to receive affection again you need to start showing support for her and for what she’s trying to do right now, and stop focusing on what she isn’t giving you. She needs you to be there to support her, and you need to meet her where she’s at. If she likes getting outside, ask if the two of you can take walks together each week so you have time to talk and get to know each other again. Love will come with the trust that you are behind her, and that you care more about her no longer being consumed by the anxiety and depression than being this extremely polarized woman with lots of emotions for you. She wasn’t healthy before, don’t tell her she needs to go back to being that person for you. It isn’t right.

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