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Onlyfans/emma_55, 99 y.o.
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Date: September 24, 2022
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You're right. Your boyfriend only cares about sex.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 years now and he is horrified that your boyfriend did this. The people who are saying “well you said yes, you can't hold it against him, ARE PREDATORS themselves. Your BF knew you were upset and proceeds to pressure you while you're at your weakest. He knew what he was doing and he knew you were upset. He wasn't thinking of you nor does he care.
I really hope you can get some therapy and have a serious talk with your boyfriend about this extremely serious issue. He COERCED you into sex, he knew you were upset but a simple hug was enough for him to be like “aight she's good time to fuck”.
Probably not. let it go and realize you did what you could. When one goes it leaves space for another. A friend should want to be w you and share w you. We can't hold people and keep them. I like to think of the branches on a tree when it comes to people in life. There's a clip w Madea I'll find for ya.
You don't. You get a restraining order against him, and you have as little contact as possible with him because of his stalker-level behaviour.
It's been 4 years. His closure was you cutting contact. You don't owe him anything.
I mean you can hardly be mad, he's a sociopath. Also: run.
yeah ofc from one person with social anxiety to another (even around my own fam) I always go with a shot beforehand?
“Hey sexy, I’d really appreciate if you’d compliment me more.”
he shouldn’t even be saying that to you. he should never make u feel that way abt urself ever.
Not everyone feels comfortable with it. No is no. She doesn't want to hear the “you should look for another partner” but that's where her right to choose lies. Not in making him do it
Bro. She’s not gonna figure it out tomorrow, she’s not going to figure it out next year, and it’s not gonna be figured out anytime soon.
If you push for what you want over her wants, she is going to spite you. But if you let her have it, she wants over your wants, you’re gonna be spiteful. You’re 18 and she’s 19. Trust me on this one but people will change their minds a lot.
In My personal experience here, once a relationship needs a break in your circumstances, it’s done.
But hey, you’re young, you think you got it all figured out so you wouldn’t listen to me and I see you don’t have to. You just have to learn things the nude way to realize whether I’m wrong or right.
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He is not your boyfriend, you are a place holder for him
You deserve more than that. Move on and find someone who loves you
he is an adult man and a father. he needs to grow up and you need to stop making excuses for his, genuinely, disgusting behavior. he knows. and he also has access to this amazing thing called the internet where he can just look stuff up. the fact that he's more worried about getting his dick wet than his the safety and well being of his wife who just went through one of the most physically and mentally traumatic medical procedures, is insane. he should be focusing on helping you recover and taking care of your infant.
You're BF cheated on you, why would you stay?
Just adding to the other reply. She may just think she is friends with them, but it’s still toxic. Sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine before they can realize they are wrong.
I'm “nøt” a middle schooler
You're right, the thing is that 5'10″/225 lb isn't even that “fat,” especially when most of the “extra” weight is excess skin at this point. My mom is (now) very athletic and I if I saw her on the street, I would probably think she was “thick” but not fat. She is a US size 12-14 which isn't even considered “plus size.”
However, my wife is very slim at 5'5″ and 120 pounds so next to her my mom appears very large.
Ah yes the “conservative”. If other people are bad then I also get to bad. Except you are worse then her, because she was having sex without cheating on her partner. I don't care how many women you are plannin to sleep with do it while you are single.
You are dedicating youself to your partner, not some random dude you might meet in the future. Especially since this dude might end up being someone like you.
You are immature. You might grow up to be emotionally adult by the time you hit 30, well hopefully.
I'm not bashing the fact that she wasn't ready to be a mom, I'm just saying that I don't know her and I don't know many options to start getting to know her because we don't live! close to each other. Yeah, there's texts and phone calls but if I'm letting someone in my daughter's life, I just want to make sure you're really okay to be around.
I'm just a bit cautious because this would be a big change in my daughter's life. At the end of the day, this is about her. This could either be a really good thing or a really bad thing and I just want to make sure she isn't hurt in the process.
The old adage don’t put your dick in crazy still applies. She needs a therapist.
the only way i can enforce them is by telling him about the boundary… which i did… and he chose to cross it… how is that controlling? that’s like saying if someone isn’t into an open relationship and they told their partner that and their partner went out and hooked up with someone. they crossed that boundary and that’s not controlling their actions by being upset they crossed it. if i had control over his actions he wouldn’t have been able to do it. so essentially you’re saying i should enforce my boundary after already enforcing it but not by expressing my feelings on it no no no can’t do that i have to enforce it telepathically because apparently being upset and expressing that is controlling and not enforcing it. huh… interesting approach i’ll check that out. thanks!
Unless she has resolved to not drink so much, then she isn’t interested in changing her behavior or recognizing how she hurt you or in taking accountability and making change.
If she’s more afraid of you being upset with her than she is embarrassed and concerned with comforting you and taking steps to earn back your trust, then she needs therapy. Best case scenario, she has some kind of trauma with other people’s anger and is willing to change her behavior and grow past her issues. Worst case scenario, she thinks she can do no wrong and is crying to avoid accountability. Both cases take a lot of work and energy that should make you pause and consider if you’re up for that.
You want to take passing judgment out of the Internet??? Ok….
?
Fine, you’re right. My feelings about it aren’t cogent. But the OP doesn’t like it. So we’ll just concentrate on the validity of his having a boundary and her ignoring it. Which is creepy and gross just on its own. Ignoring a partner’s boundaries should be an absolute no-go, regardless of what the boundary is.
I kind of said he should maybe train a little less
WHAT ? You don't push someone down when you're feeling insecure, you do the work to bring yourself back up, including therapy!
If he says you're his one and only and isn't giving you any reason to doubt that then this feels like a you problem.
gotcha, mb I assumed that it was a “I have bpd and tend to take things to the extreme” kinda lack of self awareness. since it's not, yeah someone saying “I'm gonna talk about how sexy girls are and there's nothing you can do about it” is a shitty thing to say and if she wants to leave him over it then she should ??♀️
Trust is crucial. Whether it's about porn or something else, trust is the one thing that will make you feel safe or ruin your peace of mind. There needs to be serious work on his part if you choose to stay. I personally would have a nude time getting over that, knowing that there are men out there that would not hesitate to give you the respect and energy that you put into the relationship. Maybe if you wanted to let your problem with porn go, you could work on that (perfectly reasonable boundary, btw). But do not ever think for a second that you should let the lying go.
Right! Like I feel like it's either that, they've been a thing way longer than they're putting on, or they're just that couple that gets together and gets married right away. Which one idk, but nude dang it's a mess
You don't have a social media problem.
You have a cheating boyfriend problem
No, I'd never be caught dead with one of those
Saying she can't go to bars with or without him is the definition of controlling
Then it might be time for some couples' counseling.
Your husband has every right to want things to specifically go his way. The problem is that, as he's demonstrated he has no idea what “his way” is. He needs to determine that, and then communicate to you what it is; and if he can't or won't do that, well, that's on him. He has every right to create the marriage he wants, but he doesn't have the right to demand it have already been created.
So you bring in an objective third party — the couple's counselor — who will agree with you. Because they will. Because your husband's being ridiculous.
Honestly, this whole situation makes me really nervous. It's incredibly weird for him to complain that he isn't getting what he wants and then simultaneously insist that nothing needs to change. No matter how ignorant or self-centered a person is, you can generally count on them acting in a way that will help them get what they want. Instead of doing this, your husband is self-sabotaging. This implies that there's something he wants more than he wants sex with you. In my opinion, you should try to get an idea of what it is.
“We” as both of you or you personally?
Nowhere I said you should go abstinent.
And, yes, I would've absolutely decreased amount of sex if my partner said he feels like I'm using him for sex.
That's not even a question. His mental comfort at that particular moment would've been more important than my itch.
After 3 years of this… something… it's not a relationship, it's a barely there fwb situationship.
Are we actually talking about long distance?
It's been three years and you are less then roommates, come on.
But the problem seems that neither of you is actually interested in this parody on relationship.
She's just not interested in general, you are not interested if it doesn't involve sex.
Why stay?
She’s not bad with money even thought she’s admittedly not very financially literate.
She never made it an issue with me. We’re very equal in terms of spending on each other. She’s extremely thoughtful if anything.
Agreed.
There's a rule in my circles not to mix alcohol and acid, not because they potentiate each other, but because you won't feel the alcohol and can easily give yourself alcohol poisoning without any indication.
Looks like she is ghosting you, I'm sorry.
He isn't asking her to change her name. He wants their children to have his name, or both their names.
Why should he change his name, when he isn't asking the same of her? It's about his children too, not just hers. He is also their parent, and apparently very involved to the point that he's supporting her mother.
Right. I’ve been on both sides of the situation and the “when could you start” is a question asked very early, it’s just one of the pieces of info companies need when making decisions. We usually have that in their file from HR even before the first official interview.
yeah i think you are right.
tbh i only went back with her because she did not had anyone at the time, even before i have been insisting that she need a new boyfriend, not trying to excuse myself, just claryfying
No one is entitled to intimate details about your past sexual history providing their sexual health is not at risk
I stand by this. People are also entitled to privacy and not spewing verbal barf by sharing every gd thought that goes through their mind. You can take out a billboard if you want.
Your gfs drinking sounds very similar to how mine was before I admitted to myself I’m an alcoholic and stopped drinking. If she is anything like me, she is incapable of casual drinking and the only option for her is to quit. You can voice your concerns, but at the end of the day you can’t convince anyone to quit their drug of choice – they have to come to that conclusion themselves.
I think part of my problem is he denies any help offered, I have a history of severe depression and am taking medication and treating it. He refuses to even talk about meds, or see a professional.
You have a 2 bedroom apartment. You could make it work.
Break up and stand up for yourself. Tell him your relationship is over and he has until XX date to move out. He has completely taken advantage of you
yeah. you’re right. it’s just so sad we were so close at having an amazing and loving thing, or at least it seemed that way for me
Thanks, out of curiosity, would that insecurity be caused by the fear that you won't be enough for them or is it something else?
Wow. He acts like you nothing but a body, which he owns,and you are trying to find a way to save his feelings. Just… Wow.
Yeah that's dumb on both of your parts. She was testing you to see how much you liked her, and hoped you'd “show her” how much you liked her. Instead, that backfired and you added way more time. Just text her and quit playing games. Both of you need to use your words and not hide behind games. Good luck
Tell him he wants it back take you to court for it. He'll lose in front of a judge hands down bc the only gift he gave that he has legal right to take back is the ring.
However, do this smartly. Speak with an attorney and local dv resources to formulate a plan to keep yourself safe. Otherwise, just give him the shit and count it a loss bc your life is more imperative than objects.
Not sure but she may be contributing to this by being very overwhelming. One side of the story is here, what’s the other side of the story?
You can leave this loser without having someone as a backup, you know that right? Ofc you be in love again with someone else (hopefully someone better) but if you keep staying you will waste your life being abused. Do you want to live! your like this?
As a therapist, when I'm not working, I'm not working. 🙂
And my friends won't report me because I gave them some shitty advice because they're my friends. Not that I'm giving my friends shitty advice on purpose, but while I'm working I'm just not giving out my opinion or advice. That is not my job.
She’s my second cousin
your getting this all wrong, first of all it was totally mutual. it wasnt her nor mine decision, I was open to trying LDR and I clearly stated that, it was an idea and i told her that, and she said to me she DIDNT want an LDR.
she then changed her mind, and yes our communication wasn't clear about all the logistics I am not sure myself, she is not sure herself either.
But to open an app so soon after things were still murky and not cleared is very questionable.