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penelope-harry Public Chat Channel
Date: September 27, 2022
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She was wrong for going through your phone, but it's really shitty that you literally planned on cheating on her and only didn't because it didn't go as planned AND you don't feel bad about it. Do her a favor and leave her alone.
That SOB should have gotten a few kicks to the face after the punch.
Totally agree!
Just Instagram, I just don’t know what to do I would feel bad and wrong to ask him to look through his phone again even though he offered
Finally, you should give up. this is not a healthy relationship.
the same day?
I'm going to blow your mind with this so prepare yourself. U ready? Ok. Go to therapy. You state all ur problems then mention how u need to go to therapy then completely forget it in the next thought. The reason he turns away all ur issues when ur venting is bcuz from his pov ur a broken record holding glue. You say im broken over and over but won't use the glue in ur hand to fix urself so what is he supposed to do? You cant help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Its ok to have doubts that it will help but to end a relationship without even trying means u shouldn't have been with them in the first place. Stay on break and go to therapy and once you feel better then resume. There's no reason to get back together and then go to therapy since it takes time to start seeing progress and hopping back into a relationship “half fixed” is not healthy.
STOP TALKING TO HER.
Unless you feel like being the maid for this man I’ll forever, dig up some respect for yourself and leave.
Maybe because you don’t have a soul?
Fake
Stop getting into relationships if you just want to stick and move.
It's a good thing he turned you down. He is far too old for you. You might need some time away from him to get over him.
12 people ain’t a lot. Especially for a woman. What difference does it make as long as she treats you with respect.
The ex should be in legal trouble for revenge porn. You should work on your weird insecurity. It is fine that you were a late bloomer but you’re gonna have a hot time finding someone who is saving themselves just for you.
You can’t because it is both irrational and inappropriate.
Certain prior actions do matter in a relationship. Those are always best discussed. Have you cheated? Were you cruel to others? Did you abuse animals? Are you still infatuated with someone else?
How much money you spent on a prior GF isn’t on that last. More so, the documents can neither prove nor disprove whatever her thesis is.
Dump her and move on.
Love when a solution comes about organically with a little chat and some common goals (getting laid ?)
He’s raping you to force a pregnancy. That’s the bottom line here.
I think it's gross you only change your bed sheets once every two weeks like really really gross actually
The relationship is over. He's moved on and wants kids. You can't. Sorry.
The relationship is over. He's moved on and wants kids. You can't. Sorry.
I do this, too, and this is a really good way of explaining it.
OP, one idea for a compromise that might make you find this less annoying would be to work with her in advance (not in the middle of her asking the “probing questions” about some particular thing) to come up with some kind of shared personal shorthand for sussing out strength of preference. That way, the communication would be more direct and not feel threatening or dishonest to you, and she would still get the information she is looking for. It would also be a lot more efficient.
Using your example to illustrate, she might say something to you like “how important is the thyme to you on a scale of 1-10.” She could then compare your answer to the strength of her preference for sage and act accordingly.
Since your wife pushed back on your request for her to stop doing this, it must be pretty important to her, since by your description the whole issue is that normally she's too eager to identify your preferences and modify her behavior if your opinion on the matter is stronger than hers. But my guess is she'd be willing to tweak her strategy here if you give her a viable alternative that would be less irritating to you.
The relationship is over. He's moved on and wants kids. You can't. Sorry.
Some women can be vile creatures man. 50/50 of that neither woman (your ex or the fiancé’s ex) feel guilty, they probably just got caught in their lie. Terrible. Sorry you missed the seven years bro.
I already commented on your husband's behavior but just wanted to come back and say, start working on you!
You say you can't look in the mirror? Take some of your husband's successful business profits and go to the spa, salon, boutique and gym.
Despite all the stress put on you this past year by your husband and friend, you have three very small children. Leave them with hubbie a few nights a week and give yourself a break. Lord knows, he owes you way more than a few nights a week off.
they have a kid together he cant
34 is too old for that kind of gameplay and carry on.
Nah, at some point men will have to start taking some responsibility for their own reproductive choices. Don't want kids, having sex and not using your own contraception, that all on you.
Men are just as responsible for using their own contraception as women are, let's stop normalizing that this shit is always her responsibility to take for him
I read to many cheating stories on this sub so I just have a 0 tolerance for cheating it just a shitty thing to do so I was just confused with your hell bent on calling Nathan superior I should have realize and looked up the name
?
Could it be psychological?
The heart wants what the heart wants. I get its sucky for you but its not directed at you. She gets to date who she wants without it being an ” act of betrayal ” to you. You were not a consideration
Sometimes poop happens and friends groups change. Its understandable you don't want to hang out with them, but there is no evil intent here
This reproductive coercion and is a form of abuse.
You can't control whether or not she'll keep the baby, but you should absolutely end it with her and make it clear that you won't be involved involved beyond the bare legal minimum.
Wow you are 30?
Ugh. I can see how my situation can sound that way without all the little in between details. I mean i am aware of what I am walking into, but he knows I have some non negotiables and if all I'm doing it helping him get ahead, it's the least I could do. Truthfully his upfront honesty about all of this said a lot to me. He could have led me on for many more.months, moved me in and then told me ??♀️
Can I date you? 37M Straight. Lol
Given how he treats you it shouldn't be hot to find a better best friend. The bar is low.
Dude she is testing you! It's a test to see how you handle shit.
This sounds incredibly fake. Brand new account, the old ‘butch lesbian suddenly wants a man and dresses pretty for him’ trope. Plus the over the top cluelessness ‘she removed lesbian from her bio, what could that mean??’ C’mon, no one is that clueless.
Also, that’s not how masc women or lesbians work.
Stop going over there early. Duh.
Dodged a bullet. However, if you stand your ground, she will come back to you. Don’t give in. A lot of red flags already.
I think you should be grateful for this experience and keep looking for a better match.
Shes smart. She should not give them your surname, unless you guys are married, and she chooses to take your surname along with the children. I wish I had not made this mistake with my ex, and I can understand how upsetting and frustrating on your part this may be. But she should not do this. Your reason is about YOU, her reason is about the CHILDREN. And the potential that she may very well end up raising them as a single mother.
Shes smart. She should not give them your surname, unless you guys are married, and she chooses to take your surname along with the children. I wish I had not made this mistake with my ex, and I can understand how upsetting and frustrating on your part this may be. But she should not do this. Your reason is about YOU, her reason is about the CHILDREN. And the potential that she may very well end up raising them as a single mother.
You sound like you’re a lot of work. You’ve made this whole post about her reaction to your good intentions but also mentioned:
You sulked during her one and only break during the day because of a water bottle. You insulted her for wanting to save money.
I know these are only two examples but in both of them you’re having a negative reaction to something she’s said that you then expect her to fix.
Maybe the issue isn’t her? Maybe it’s time to look at other reactions and wonder do you always make them hot work? Do you always have to disagree or make some comment?
Anyone who felt the need to speak cruelly of someone important to me is not my friend any more. I can't imagine any scenario where that behaviour is anything better than wildly inappropriate.
First of all, you need to understand that you can’t just give a disclaimer regarding the advice you want or don’t want. The context of the post will decide what we feel the appropriate advice is, so just because you don’t want to hear something that might very well be correct, doesn’t mean we’re just not going to give it. I digress.
The good news is that I haven’t even remotely considered a breakup based on the context provided. What I see is an issue of communication.
Right now, you have a dynamic of he works and earns income and you’re essentially the homemaker. As a guy with kids I wouldn’t suggest that’s crazy considering how much we pay for daycare, but I digress. At the end of the day, what works for you two is what works for you.
He doesn’t do nothing around the house which you’ve acknowledged and will do things if asked. Your issue is his lack of initiative. Fair enough.
You get upset that you have to ask him to do something (which he does). But unless the two of you have established a division of labor outside of him working outside of the home and you inside, you two need to sit down and have that conversation. It needs to be not in the heat of the moment, and you can even point out how much you appreciate about what he does but that you’re literally exhausted. That it’s not a knock on him at all.
You could even formally define expectations so that “forgetting” isn’t an option. I will, however, say that you should be flexible and be a team in the sense that you’re not keeping score and that you don’t let things go undone when they can get some just because it’s been defined that it’s on them.
As an example, let’s say I cooked today and I’d generally expect that my wife would clean up. However, I’m in a good mood, up in the kitchen, and know my wife has a rough day. Maybe I’ll just clean up and life goes on. I won’t hold it over her because there will be times where she does something similar. That’s being a team. Now if it gets completely unbalanced, then you’re back here and should call it out.
You’ll have to tell us, but I feel like there’s bigger issues here that you’re leaving out for you to even be mentioning a divorce.
Still, why was he at a party without his girlfriend?
Because you don't have to do everything in life while conjoined at the hips?
Getting black out drunk?
He probably thought he was around trustworthy people.
OP, what wonderful news! This is so encouraging. I remember your earlier post, actually. Good luck to both of you and congratulations!
Yeah that happened to me too. I started in the 80s and didn’t stop till I was 33. I never understood somebody that had a glass of wine. If the glass was good, a bottle was much better better and two was even better than that.
And then I had to stop forever so I don’t drink at all anymore and I haven’t for decades. I go to AA and Frankly may be your friend is going to end up there too.
Yeah it sounds alot like you're being set up. Also its Europe lol. I wouldnt hate on you. I wouldn't make it an ultimatum. I'd just politely bow out of this one lol. Lots of people say theyll never cheat. Just kinda seems like a way to set himself up for failure lol.
Yeah this is a mess. You do what you want to do; but this relationship seemed like it was crumbling down way before she made out with someone else.
That might be the cherry on top, but the rest was already done, love.
She needs to get a life. I had no idea about this & I think Ive gotten them like 4 times in my life & 2 were from my ex husband.
Based on your edit it is for the attention.
So confront her.
Tell her that her actions are abusive and manipulative.
Tell her that she gets therapy now, and medical treatment if required.
Tell her that any further episodes like that will be treated the same – you will go into another room and she will need to apologise before the conversation continues.
Hey, this is hot, I get it. But this is really unhealthy – your BF doesn't get to tell you what to wear. He's saying “it's the dress or me” which makes it sound like it's your choice – but he's the one who chose the dress over you. And he knows since you're relying on him you won't have much choice. This is manipulative, and not something you do to someone you love.
Whatever you do, reach out to people who will help. I'm sure you can find a way to survive without him if you have to.
Leave her alone. You ignored a clear boundary and this was her break point on top of all the other boundaries you've trampled on
Every interest she has is stereotypically white. She listens to punk and does mountain biking and skiing.
Is that a thing to define race now? ?
There is no fully right or wrong answer. But the point is that you are not married, and the life you would be signing up for with her would be potentially fraught with issues, so you are well within your rights to say that you aren't cut out for this.
I would say this though. It's not something to get into lightly. And you are also right that if the relationship is at the expense of your own mental health, that is not a good trade off.
It is not scummy of you to have these thoughts. This is the reality of the situation. You have to go in with eyes wide open and be prepared to face it, if that is what you decide in the end.
He isn’t worthy of your friendship. I’m sorry he treated you so badly. Try to put this behind you and move forwards. He isn’t worth you tears.
Advice? Leave.
He is hurting you and then pouting when you point it out. This isn’t a red flag, it is a banner.
Good for them. I hope it’s a true romance and they live happily ever after I mean it makes sense that they compatible and you’re compatible.
I saw that. Are u coming up with details besides we'd make it work, bc thats pretty generic. Do either of u have genetic issues of concern?
Well I don't think 8 years is a big difference my parents have a 12 year difference and are being together for a very long time and basically her parents exactly the same. I don't think that age is a good measure of someone being mature or developed I think that experiences and how your parents raised you are much more. Thanks about the cancer thing but saying I would end up in prison is a little over the top in my opinion but sure it is your opinion and we don't know each other personally. I accept your comment but I don't really agree with it
Have you been tested for narcissism? Because this sounds a lot like it, being focused only on yourself and being jealous of what you can’t have. Not to mention the inner hatred bit. A lot of the time the word ‘narcissist’ is used to describe someone who acts very selfishly and is very self-involved, however if you want to get better about this kind of stuff finding a professional who specializes in this.
I addressed this in my original point and I agree.
Have you ever met your fiancée in person? As far as I understand, you live in different countries.