I have been dating her for almost 3 1/2 years now, but it feels like for the past almost 2 years, our relationship isn't really progressing. She has yet to move in despite us talking about it for a couple years now, I don't really see her but for maybe a couple days / nights a week, and our sex life is at an all time low, in part due to our wonderful governor Greg Abott and the Texas Legislature's forward-thinking policies on sex health /s, but for other reasons as well.
I had been living with my mother for the first year and a half of our relationship while I saved for a house to avoid having to pay a rediculous amount of money on rent each month on my own. It's what allowed me to afford my own place at 26, and she was excited that I finally had my own place and talked about moving in, but only after “a few months” of living on my own so I could “discover who I was”.
Well that was two years ago. Shortly before I moved out, her lease was up. She had been living with a college roomate she had known for years. Because he was agoraphobic and anti-social, she never introduced me to him in our first year and a half of dating because she didn't want to cause him stress (still haven't met the guy, who is one of her best friends). In fact, she only ever let me into her apartment twice, once just to pass through from the garage to the front door after a date, and the only other time was because he was out of the apartment so we spent all of a day together at her place. So most of our time together eaely on was either out, or at our parents' places (she would go to her mothers sometimes over the weekend).
I thought that whole situation was very awkward, that my GF was living with a guy she wouldn't let me meet. And I did tell her that and she was understanding, explained he was gay, I didn't have to worry. And I genuinely think that's true. (I did a bit of snooping to find his social media and he does just seem to be a very anti social, quite person, but I really have nothing to go on but faith there).
Anyway, getting side tracked. Her lease was up right around the same time I was getting the house, figured it was a perfect time for her to move in and we could try living together. Well, she instead moves in with her mother, partly to take care of her, partly to save money. And as previously mentioned, “to give me time to find myself”.
Alright well fair enough. I haven't lived on my own before and could use a little me time.
A few months come and go. She still isn't quite ready to fully move in. She had at this point moved in half her clothes, setup a desk to work remotely, and was spending maybe half her time here, them going back to her mother's. At that time she was saying she felt bad because she couldn't afford to help contribute to the bills yet, despite me offering to let her stay here without having to cover any bills.
All this while, we still really enjoy each other's company, going on dates when she is over having a great time. I figured now that I am not at my mothers place, we would probably be physically intimate more often. But coincidentally, after I moved out and got my own place, Texas reversed it's support of abortion protections so she is understandably worried about having an oopsie, and coupled with the fact that she stopped taking birth control while she was on certain medications, and doesn't like the feel of condoms, and I don't want to have to have a procedure done, we aren't really having sex but maybe once a month.
And that's not really a big deal for either of us, and we still have other ways of being intimate, but it has just felt like a step backwards.
Fast forward to today, it's been two years since I moved out. She actually got a job working at the same company as me six months ago, we were talking about being excited to carpool together and she was saying this would finally push her to move in full time, and she could afford to contribute to the bills… but it hasn't happened. I still only see her maybe a couple times a week.
We've had a couple talks about it. Her reasonings are that she feels guilty for not being with her mother, ever since her dad passed away 4 years ago. She feels obligated to take care of her. She also up and leaves the house and drives there, an hour out of her way, if we are having even the most minor of arguements. I think she has an unhealthy level of anxiety and is used to being able to just run off to her room to be alone. It leaves me feeling hurt though that she doesn't feel she is comfortable staying here to work out our differences.
And she has ramped up the amount of time she is at the gym(s). She does gymnastics at some fairly high end venues, and spends so much on the equipment, various gym fees, etc, and on a relatively expensive car payment, that she can't even break even at the end of the month yet she makes six figures and isn't carrying a mortgage and a ton of bills, so I am learning she is bad with money.
But she had up until recently been paying what I joking called child support to her ex roomate for her cat that she left there. Which I almost would take offense to since she hasn't offered help around my place, if it weren't again for the fact that she is only here a couple days a week. It does leave me feeling almost like I have been taken a bit advantage of.
She says one day she would like us to marry, but we both agree that we need to online together first and I am left wondering when that is going to happen. Especially since she has cited that she always preferred the “European” style of dating where marriage wasn't even a thought for ten years (not sure how accurate that is).
I worry that really she may just be affraid of committment. It certainely can't be fear of losing her assets in a divorce since she has been almost obnoxiously up front about having me sign a prenup when the day comes, and with how bad she seems to be with money it's not looking like she is gaining much financial wealth any time soon. But I would sign it in a heartbeat regardless if the time were right because I care for her deeply but worry that this could drag on for a while.
And we have talked about all of this, and she is understanding of how I feel and has said that things will change. I just don't know when.
Nah, he didn’t. I wanted to make sure my sister was down for it first (she was), then I talked to my boyfriend.
He told me he wasn’t cool with it and tried to call my coworker the next day. He didn’t answer, and neither of us has spoken to him since.
Wrong post. Holy shit man wrong fucking post!!!!
Absolutely. Just heart broken for you, OP. What an AH he is, you and your precious daughter deserve more than that.
Long Story:
I have been dating her for almost 3 1/2 years now, but it feels like for the past almost 2 years, our relationship isn't really progressing. She has yet to move in despite us talking about it for a couple years now, I don't really see her but for maybe a couple days / nights a week, and our sex life is at an all time low, in part due to our wonderful governor Greg Abott and the Texas Legislature's forward-thinking policies on sex health /s, but for other reasons as well.
I had been living with my mother for the first year and a half of our relationship while I saved for a house to avoid having to pay a rediculous amount of money on rent each month on my own. It's what allowed me to afford my own place at 26, and she was excited that I finally had my own place and talked about moving in, but only after “a few months” of living on my own so I could “discover who I was”.
Well that was two years ago. Shortly before I moved out, her lease was up. She had been living with a college roomate she had known for years. Because he was agoraphobic and anti-social, she never introduced me to him in our first year and a half of dating because she didn't want to cause him stress (still haven't met the guy, who is one of her best friends). In fact, she only ever let me into her apartment twice, once just to pass through from the garage to the front door after a date, and the only other time was because he was out of the apartment so we spent all of a day together at her place. So most of our time together eaely on was either out, or at our parents' places (she would go to her mothers sometimes over the weekend).
I thought that whole situation was very awkward, that my GF was living with a guy she wouldn't let me meet. And I did tell her that and she was understanding, explained he was gay, I didn't have to worry. And I genuinely think that's true. (I did a bit of snooping to find his social media and he does just seem to be a very anti social, quite person, but I really have nothing to go on but faith there).
Anyway, getting side tracked. Her lease was up right around the same time I was getting the house, figured it was a perfect time for her to move in and we could try living together. Well, she instead moves in with her mother, partly to take care of her, partly to save money. And as previously mentioned, “to give me time to find myself”.
Alright well fair enough. I haven't lived on my own before and could use a little me time.
A few months come and go. She still isn't quite ready to fully move in. She had at this point moved in half her clothes, setup a desk to work remotely, and was spending maybe half her time here, them going back to her mother's. At that time she was saying she felt bad because she couldn't afford to help contribute to the bills yet, despite me offering to let her stay here without having to cover any bills.
All this while, we still really enjoy each other's company, going on dates when she is over having a great time. I figured now that I am not at my mothers place, we would probably be physically intimate more often. But coincidentally, after I moved out and got my own place, Texas reversed it's support of abortion protections so she is understandably worried about having an oopsie, and coupled with the fact that she stopped taking birth control while she was on certain medications, and doesn't like the feel of condoms, and I don't want to have to have a procedure done, we aren't really having sex but maybe once a month.
And that's not really a big deal for either of us, and we still have other ways of being intimate, but it has just felt like a step backwards.
Fast forward to today, it's been two years since I moved out. She actually got a job working at the same company as me six months ago, we were talking about being excited to carpool together and she was saying this would finally push her to move in full time, and she could afford to contribute to the bills… but it hasn't happened. I still only see her maybe a couple times a week.
We've had a couple talks about it. Her reasonings are that she feels guilty for not being with her mother, ever since her dad passed away 4 years ago. She feels obligated to take care of her. She also up and leaves the house and drives there, an hour out of her way, if we are having even the most minor of arguements. I think she has an unhealthy level of anxiety and is used to being able to just run off to her room to be alone. It leaves me feeling hurt though that she doesn't feel she is comfortable staying here to work out our differences.
And she has ramped up the amount of time she is at the gym(s). She does gymnastics at some fairly high end venues, and spends so much on the equipment, various gym fees, etc, and on a relatively expensive car payment, that she can't even break even at the end of the month yet she makes six figures and isn't carrying a mortgage and a ton of bills, so I am learning she is bad with money.
But she had up until recently been paying what I joking called child support to her ex roomate for her cat that she left there. Which I almost would take offense to since she hasn't offered help around my place, if it weren't again for the fact that she is only here a couple days a week. It does leave me feeling almost like I have been taken a bit advantage of.
She says one day she would like us to marry, but we both agree that we need to online together first and I am left wondering when that is going to happen. Especially since she has cited that she always preferred the “European” style of dating where marriage wasn't even a thought for ten years (not sure how accurate that is).
I worry that really she may just be affraid of committment. It certainely can't be fear of losing her assets in a divorce since she has been almost obnoxiously up front about having me sign a prenup when the day comes, and with how bad she seems to be with money it's not looking like she is gaining much financial wealth any time soon. But I would sign it in a heartbeat regardless if the time were right because I care for her deeply but worry that this could drag on for a while.
And we have talked about all of this, and she is understanding of how I feel and has said that things will change. I just don't know when.
Pretty sure you're what's wrong with the world. You, the ex, the mum.